# Thoughts on significant other modeling nude



## DSPhotography (Jul 21, 2015)

Before we met, my girlfriend had done all sorts of modeling in the past; glamour, fashion, nude, budoir, etc. Both paid shoots as well as trade. Once she got her software programming job a few years ago, she stopped doing paid shoots and just stuck with the occasional trade shoot in her spare time. The last shoot she did was a couple months before we met/started sating in May (and was a clothed shoot). Yesterday she contacted a photographer she's worked with in the past, inquiring about shooting with him soon. Now while it's not ALL he shoots, the majority of this guys work is nude/budoir (lingerie/semi-nude/nude in "suggestive" poses), so there's a good chance that's what he'll want to shoot and I'm honestly not comfortable with that (her doing nude shoots in general, not just specifically this photographer). I know she's done nudes in the past, but she was also single when she did them. 

Whenever I've done nude shoots I've always made sure that if the model had a significant other, that that person was _also_ comfortable with them modeling nude. I've also made it a point to not shoot nude models when _I_ am in a relationship so as to keep my sig. other from being uncomfortable. It's all out of respect for mine and/or others' relationships. 

So my question is, how would you feel about your significant other modeling nude? And if you're like me (uncomfortable with it) how would you approach it with them?

*Also, if this is in the wrong forum feel free to move it.


----------



## Peeb (Jul 21, 2015)

I would not like it. 

Both emotionally and intellectually I object to displaying someone as a piece of meat.


----------



## gr8five (Jul 21, 2015)

I wouldn't like it either with the information you've given, Etc: She called him, is it a paid shoot,  does she just like posing nude, are you ready for her to ignore your wishes, just thoughts  I might have.


----------



## runnah (Jul 21, 2015)

Depends on what is going to be done with the photos. Respectable fashion stuff, sure. Soft core porn, big no.

But at the end of the day she is free to make her own choices, you can voice your opinion, but you are not her keeper.


----------



## Derrel (Jul 21, 2015)

What does your Deed of Bodily Ownership to her say? Is she allowed to model nude, according to the terms of your ownership?


----------



## DSPhotography (Jul 21, 2015)

Not a paid shoot and I have since found out that he contacted her, not her him. I don't know exactly what type of photos he's wanting to take, just that from what I've seen, he likes the more suggestive posing type stuff.

And derrel, I appreciate you ignoring the part of my post wherein I said I also wouldn't do any type of photography that made my significant other uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with "ownership" and everything to do with mutually respecting each other. Would you still send dick pics to someone of your significant other didn't like it or would you say "**** your feelings, it's my body."? She can do whatever she wants just as I can do whatever I want, however, we take each others thoughts and feelings on things into consideration.


----------



## runnah (Jul 21, 2015)

Derrel said:


> What does your Deed of Bodily Ownership to her say? Is she allowed to model nude, according to the terms of your ownership?



I looked at mine but sadly I think I voided the warranty.


----------



## table1349 (Jul 21, 2015)

runnah said:


> Derrel said:
> 
> 
> > What does your Deed of Bodily Ownership to her say? Is she allowed to model nude, according to the terms of your ownership?
> ...


Well at least the warranty didn't void YOU!


----------



## Derrel (Jul 21, 2015)

Sorry, but as I see it, this has everything to do with your feelings of "ownership" of your significant other. You want to control what she does, so you do not feel threatened. Of course, you're so close to it you cannot see that. But hey, whatever...naked bodies freak some people out...and so do independent women who make choices about their own bodies...that freaks a lot of men out as well. The biblical-era ideal of a woman who will do whatever it takes to make sure her man is never "uncomfortable" with anything she does is an old concept. Feel free to reply, but I'm done discussing your hang-ups, fears, and insecurities. I understand that by posting this topic that you are looking  for others to help you achieve some sense validation of your feelings. Maybe you'll find some people here who'll help you with your feelings and who will agree with your POV about what she can and cannot do so you do not feel threatened or hurt or whatever it is you are feeling. I just am not willing to do that.


----------



## table1349 (Jul 21, 2015)

No qualms at all, sorry.   From day one the wife and I have had a relationship built on mutual trust.


----------



## TreeofLifeStairs (Jul 21, 2015)

First off let me say that I agree that there should be a mutual respect in a relationship. If something bothers you and you voice it she then has the choice to do something that she knows will bother you or lay aside her freedoms to be kind and respectful of you. I don't see it being a matter of control though. The flip side of this is two fold. One, you guys aren't married so there is a level of commitment to each other that isn't there yet. I don't mean any offense, you just can't expect a girlfriend/boyfriend to be as committed the way a spouse is (that's the idea at least). Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, is that she did this before you guys started dating. For the most part you've got to expect that things people do before you date gets carried into the relationship. It's a package deal kind of thing. 
My last thought is if there is any chance that she could be doing this shoot for you? My wife did a boudoir shoot as a gift for me for our last anniversary.


----------



## DSPhotography (Jul 21, 2015)

Derrel said:


> Sorry, but as I see it, this has everything to do with your feelings of "ownership" of your significant other. You want to control what she does, so you do not feel threatened. Of course, you're so close to it you cannot see that. But hey, whatever...naked bodies freak some people out...and so do independent women who make choices about their own bodies...that freaks a lot of men out as well. The biblical-era ideal of a woman who will do whatever it takes to make sure her man is never "uncomfortable" with anything she does is an old concept. Feel free to reply, but I'm done discussing your hang-ups, fears, and insecurities. I understand that by posting this topic that you are looking  for others to help you achieve some sense validation of your feelings. Maybe you'll find some people here who'll help you with your feelings and who will agree with your POV about what she can and cannot do so you do not feel threatened or hurt or whatever it is you are feeling. I just am not willing to do that.



Yeah we'll just agree to disagree. You've gotten the wrong impression about me, my views towards women and my reasons for posting. I'm not looking for validation, I was honestly just curious how other people would approach the situation if they felt the same. I elected people to have different opinions, to each their own. It's not that you disagree, it's that I didn't care for the way you immediately assumed I must be some bible-thumping "traditional marriage, woman obeys the man", controlling person. Communication is key, and if something I might do would make my significant other uncomfortable for any reason, I'd want them to bring it up. I used to be in a fire performance troupe and have been considering getting back into it. One of the things I did was breathing fire, and I asked my girlfriend how she felt about me breathing again. She told me it made her a little uneasy and because of that, I won't do that if/when I rejoin the group. I don't feel like she "owns" me or my body, but I respect her opinion as a person who's a major part of my life. Reply, don't reply, it's whatevs. You've your opinion and I mine.


----------



## dennybeall (Jul 21, 2015)

Sure, she's free to do what she wants and there is buckets of mutual respect and all but that has nothing to do with me not liking it one dang bit.
My approach would be simple, "Here's a bus ticket. Watch out the door doesn't hit you in the butt on your way out."


----------



## PropilotBW (Jul 21, 2015)

It appears you've figured out that your answer isn't here on The Photo Forum.


----------



## DSPhotography (Jul 21, 2015)

TreeofLifeStairs said:


> First off let me say that I agree that there should be a mutual respect in a relationship. If something bothers you and you voice it she then has the choice to do something that she knows will bother you or lay aside her freedoms to be kind and respectful of you. I don't see it being a matter of control though. The flip side of this is two fold. One, you guys aren't married so there is a level of commitment to each other that isn't there yet. I don't mean any offense, you just can't expect a girlfriend/boyfriend to be as committed the way a spouse is (that's the idea at least). Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, is that she did this before you guys started dating. For the most part you've got to expect that things people do before you date gets carried into the relationship. It's a package deal kind of thing.
> My last thought is if there is any chance that she could be doing this shoot for you? My wife did a boudoir shoot as a gift for me for our last anniversary.



Considering she told me about it and invited me to come with, I doubt that. Plus, I dont know that that's the type of photos he wants to shoot. Basically, when this came up it triggered me realising that I'm not really crazy about her doing nude shoots. I have no idea of she even has any intentions of doing nude shoots now that she is with someone, but I'd rather broach the subject now instead of waiting until it's already "set up". Also, while we're not married yet, it's been discussed a good bit to the point that we consider ourselves "married without the paperwork" lol. 

My whole purpose for posting this was really just for opinions on bringing it up since at the time I originally posted it, I was bouncing around different thoughts and thought maybe some outside ideas might help. I've since bounced my thoughts off of a few female friends of mine and got some good input.


----------



## DSPhotography (Jul 21, 2015)

PropilotBW said:


> It appears you've figured out that your answer isn't here on The Photo Forum.



Seems that way, lol. I guess I should've expected that from the interwebs though. Mods can close if they want. I'm good.


----------



## vintagesnaps (Jul 22, 2015)

Didn't you say you've just been seeing each other since May? That doesn't seem long for a relationship but maybe I misunderstood.

I'm wondering if at least some of the concern relates to her working another job and not really doing modeling much anymore, but then she hears from a photographer she knows who often shoots nudes and she wants to do the shoot. I have to wonder why she'd need to do trade anymore if she isn't modeling and wouldn't seem to have a need for photos for a portfolio (or is this a paid shoot?).

So I guess you'll need to talk to her about it and find out where she is with continuing to model and/or do nude shoots. If that's something she intends to continue to do then it seems like you'll need to talk about how you feel and figure out if you can live with that.


----------



## waday (Jul 22, 2015)

DSPhotography said:


> Considering she told me about it and invited me to come with, I doubt that. Plus, I dont know that that's the type of photos he wants to shoot.


She was open and honest and asked for you to come along? What's the problem? Go along? Maybe she's doing it for a gift for you? Who knows until you talk to her.

Be open and honest with her, since she was to you. If she's worked with him in the past, you should know the type of work, right?

You should trust her-- that she would have more self respect than to do anything she wouldn't want to do or that would be disrespectful to you or your relationship, especially if you've talked about marriage. Has she ever given you a reason not to trust her?

Some people take pictures for a living and some do it because they like it. Some people model for a living and others do it because they like it. Maybe she just likes to model? What's the harm in that?

In any event, let us know how the conversation goes!


----------



## Bryston3bsst (Jul 22, 2015)

vintagesnaps said:


> Didn't you say you've just been seeing each other since May? That doesn't seem long for a relationship but maybe I misunderstood.
> 
> I'm wondering if at least some of the concern relates to her working another job and not really doing modeling much anymore,* but then she hears from a photographer she knows who often shoots nudes and she wants to do the shoot. I have to wonder why she'd need to do trade anymore if she isn't modeling and wouldn't seem to have a need for photos for a portfolio *(or is this a paid shoot?).



This is the question.


----------



## Solarflare (Jul 22, 2015)

I really dont see the point of complaining that your gf gets nude shots if there are already nude shots of her around anyway, long before she became your girlfriend. Even more from a person who himself has made nude shots of women he wasnt in a relationship with.

Either way my opinion or the opinion of everyone else here IMHO doesnt really matter. Thats something the OP has to talk with his girlfriend about, not with other people.


----------



## Gary A. (Jul 22, 2015)

For me, it is a matter of mutual respect. Generally, if you respect the other person, you wouldn't want do anything which causes them any negative feelings. If you're uncomfortable with it ... then she should be respectful and put your feelings over hers. Then again on the flip side, you would want her to feel free to partake in what makes her happy. So it sort boils down to talking through this situation and both of you measuring your feelings of not wanting her to partake ... against her feelings of wanting to partake ...

Personally, I have my chat ... and in the end tell her that while I am uncomfortable with you being photographed in the nude or semi-nude ... If that's what's you real want to do, then I respect your wishes ... go have a good time.

I think she will appreciate that response of respecting her choices as well you your willingness to discuss it in an open and adult manner.

(PS- Please post the photos,  )


----------



## JacaRanda (Jul 22, 2015)

?#1  I would feel great.  It would mean that she is bold and confident in her body, looks etc.
?#2 I would say "Honey, I am uncomfortable", if I was.

Piece of cake.


----------



## table1349 (Jul 22, 2015)

JacaRanda said:


> ?#1  I would feel great.  It would mean that she is bold and confident in her body, looks etc.
> ?#2 I would say "Honey, I am uncomfortable", if I was.
> 
> Piece of cake.


Is it a BACON cake??????


----------



## ronlane (Jul 22, 2015)

I guess I can see your point but if you knew that she was a model when you first met and had done this before, did you have realistic expectations that she would just quit it being with you?

If you are that worried about it, go with her and watch. Heck since you are a photog too, maybe the guy could use your help. Or maybe ask about taking your camera too and get some shots of her for yourself.


----------



## rexbobcat (Jul 22, 2015)

Why should I care? I'm not so insecure in my trust of them that I think "something" might happen. If my sig. other wanted to do a nude shoot, I'd probably be like hell yeah, confidence is sexy, and if you think it would make you happy then do it. And if anyone tries to make them feel bad about it, I'll stand by them.

The U.S. has such a weird relationship with nudity. Not EVERY situation in which nudity is involved has to have a sexual undertone to it.


----------



## limr (Jul 22, 2015)

rexbobcat said:


> *Not EVERY situation in which nudity is involved has to have a sexual undertone to it.*



Exactly! It seems the assumption is that posing nude is tantamount to cheating. If someone is inclined to cheat, that's going to happen regardless of how much skin is showing. On the flip side, if someone is committed to a relationship, that person is not going to cheat just because he or she is taking nude photos or modeling nude. And if there is real trust in that commitment and honest communication, then what is the issue?


----------



## pjaye (Jul 22, 2015)

Have you talked to her? Seems to me that's the person you should be talking to, not a bunch of strangers on the internet. We all have different comfort levels with regards to significant others. 

Talk to her.


----------



## table1349 (Jul 22, 2015)

limr said:


> rexbobcat said:
> 
> 
> > *Not EVERY situation in which nudity is involved has to have a sexual undertone to it.*
> ...


ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!

I have never shared the"Art Photos" Leonore had me take of her and I  NEVER WILL!!!





I don't know which is worse, Leonore's wrath or Terri's.  Me thinks I am about to find out.     

Seriously Lenore and Rex are dead on.   It is a bit of an American phenomon that equates nudity and sex automatically.


----------



## Overread (Jul 22, 2015)

Thread shut since it seems we've covered enough ground for the OP in this personal issue - if users want to debate the subject of nudity and photography you're free to do so in a separate thread.



For what it is worth OP my view is similar to others in that this is really something you and your other half should sit down and calmly talk about. In the end in your relationship what matters is between you two and the lines and boundaries you establish; we can say what we'd do and like but that isn't going to be much use for you and her. All I can say is be open to hearing her side of the story and let her have her say and go from there - and remember its not about "winning" but coming to a middleground where you are both happy.


----------

