# I got invited to a wedding...because I have a camera.



## nerwin (Jul 12, 2016)

So a cousin of mine invited me to his wedding, I was planning on going just because it's my family. It's not a easy thing for me as I hate weddings but I was going to go anyways until I read the invitation where they wrote a whole thing telling me to bring "my big" camera and take pictures. 

Its a rare occasion for me to be invited to events so I was like cool, I actually exist to my family! and to find out that I only got invited because I have a camera, sorry..a "big camera"  it really bummed me out. 

Have you ever been invited to a wedding or a family event just because you have a camera?


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## Overread (Jul 12, 2016)

I made it very clear to family - yes I've got a camera - NO I'm not taking photos at your wedding - yes if you ask me I might bring it otherwise chances are I won't as it would just get in the way half the time. 

Simple and clean cut; if they want wedding photos they hire someone who knows what they are doing; how to do it and who formally has to be there to do it. Weddings are enough of a pain without trying to not only juggle family but also do photography.


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## waday (Jul 12, 2016)

nerwin said:


> So a cousin of mine invited me to his wedding, I was planning on going just because it's my family. It's not a easy thing for me as I hate weddings but I was going to go anyways until I read the invitation where they wrote a whole thing telling me to bring "my big" camera and take pictures.
> 
> Its a rare occasion for me to be invited to events so I was like cool, I actually exist to my family! and to find out that I only got invited because I have a camera, sorry..a "big camera"  it really bummed me out.
> 
> Have you ever been invited to a wedding or a family event just because you have a camera?


A recent exchange with my one brother-in-law after I started taking pictures on vacation: 

"Can you take a bunch of pictures of the kids and send them to me," he asks. "You don't know how much I charge, yet," I reply. He jokes, "Yeah, the check is in the mail". "So are the pictures," I rebut.​
Now, we're joking with each other; that's his typical joke response. I know that he appreciates my pictures, just as much as I appreciate his help with lots of things.

That said, I've stopped taking my "big" camera to family events because of this. 

Personally, I'd write on the RSVP that you will be coming as a guest and will not be bringing any cameras with you. If they want you as a photog, they will be paying you and signing a contract. Also, never do business with family.

So, go, enjoy the wedding, and don't take any pictures.


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## MRnats (Jul 12, 2016)

I'm not invited because of it, but I'm 'loosely' expected to have it and then post up all the pics so everyone can see within 20 mins of me leaving the event.


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## Overread (Jul 12, 2016)

I have to say I've sometimes taken some good photos when out with family but you can't be with them whilst taking photos. You are doing your thing away from them - even if its as simple as watching the same event next to them - you're typically far more involved in the camera and the event - you are not with them you're just there in the same place.

As a result you either end up taking photos and ignoring family or ignoring the camera and bieng with the family. It's times like that that a small point and shoot style camera or even your phone is nice - you get ot take quick snaps for memories but without breaking into camera-mode. 


Of course its always a balancing act and many times you can balance hte camera in - however in my experiences a lot of the time the big camera becomes a big paperweight.


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## nerwin (Jul 12, 2016)

If I do choose to go, I'd probably still bring my camera but leave it in the car until after the boring stuff is finished. Because the area where the wedding is so beautiful. I can get some superb landscape shots. haha.


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## Dave Colangelo (Jul 12, 2016)

I have not been invited to a wedding because of it yet but I have been the defacto photographer on 2 family trips so far which I guess was not that bad since I was bringing my camera but there was a lot of "take a pic of this, take a pic of that" which was less than fun in my ear for a week. I have been to a few weddings recently that were photographed by family members (non professionals) and the results have come out pretty nice. I don't know what the situations were and if they had offered to do it or not but it seemed to work out well. There has been some stuff written about guests bringing cameras and getting in the way of hired photographers and I tend to side with the hired guys. I would say do what you feel is right but I also understand how family can cause issues when it comes to pressuring people to do things, you can chose your friends but you cant chose your family... 

Personally I would avoid it if I were in the scenario as its a lot of responsibility/risk. What if the photos don't come out as they expected, what if the memory card get corrupted, what if you simply don't take enough photos or take to many, or edit them in a way they did not intend. I try and make it clear that when I take photos they are first and foremost done in a way that I like, if you like them too I am generally happy to share what I have but if you don't like them that wont stop me from hanging them on my wall if Im fond of one.


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## robbins.photo (Jul 12, 2016)

nerwin said:


> Have you ever been invited to a wedding or a family event just because you have a camera?



I can't imagine why anyone in my family would invite me to a wedding for any other reason.  Lol


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## smoke665 (Jul 12, 2016)

Many years ago I owned a publishing company with a small chain of weekly and biweekly newspapers. The invitations to all events family and social got to the point where they always included "by the way can you bring your camera". A larger company decided they wanted my company more than I did. After selling out I was so turned off by anything to do with photography that I put up my camera and only recently started back seriously. You wouldn't invite someone to an event that just happened to be a doctor and say "oh by the way can you bring your bag and give checkups" or an auto mechanic and say "could you bring your tools and tuneup my car". Yet people have no qualms in doing it to photographers. Now when someone invites me to something with the "can you bring your camera" I ask if I'm still invited if I don't , and watch them squirm.


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## table1349 (Jul 12, 2016)

Dear Cousin Dimwit,

I am very excited to hear about your upcoming wedding and wish you the best of luck.  Unfortunately I have a previous engagement on the day of your wedding.  It is the day I cut my grass.  As I have a "Big Pair of Scissors" I like to trim each blade individual so as to maximize the look of my lawn.  This unfortunately will take me all day.  I am sure you understand as I have the biggest pair of scissors in the neighborhood. 

Please find enclosed my wedding gift to you and your lovely bride.  A $25.00 gift card to the Walmart Photography section where you can get a wonderful 8X10 color glossy photo of the lovely day.

Sincerely,
Not Your Patsie Cousin.


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## The_Traveler (Jul 12, 2016)

I wouldn't be hostile about it.
Just tell them you're already engaged with a lucrative paying gig that weekend and ask them to save you a piece of cake.


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## smoke665 (Jul 12, 2016)

The_Traveler said:


> I wouldn't be hostile about it.
> Just tell them you're already engaged with a lucrative paying gig that weekend and ask them to save you a piece of cake.



I don't consider speaking up to someone who's grossly callous being hostile. Weddings can bring together family members you might not see on a regular basis, so why should I not be able to share in that family time. Did they put similar demands on other members?


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## SquarePeg (Jul 12, 2016)

The_Traveler said:


> I wouldn't be hostile about it.
> Just tell them you're already engaged with a lucrative paying gig that weekend and ask them to save you a piece of cake.



I agree.  No need to be rude just because they are ignorant.  Some people just don't know any better.  Decline the invite or go and have a good time - take pics if you want to or leave the dslr behind - suit yourself.  If they ask about pictures just smile and say you're only there for the free food!


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## robbins.photo (Jul 12, 2016)

SquarePeg said:


> I agree.  No need to be rude just because they are ignorant.  Some people just don't know any better.  Decline the invite or go and have a good time - take pics if you want to or leave the dslr behind - suit yourself.  If they ask about pictures just smile and say you're only there for the free food!



Or you could go to the wedding, take pics there, photoshop in some warts for the bride and maybe copy and paste the grooms eyebrows so they become a single eyebrow - then post them to facebook.

You know come to think of it I haven't been invited to take pictures at a family wedding in a long, long time.. lol


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## The_Traveler (Jul 12, 2016)

nerwin said:


> It's not a easy thing for me as I hate weddings





smoke665 said:


> The_Traveler said:
> 
> 
> > I wouldn't be hostile about it.
> ...



Speaking up means elevating Nerwin's issues above the wedding and giving unthinking people something to complain about.  Backing out while casually making the point that he is not to be taken for granted or for nothing is better.


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## smoke665 (Jul 12, 2016)

robbins.photo said:


> SquarePeg said:
> 
> 
> > I agree.  No need to be rude just because they are ignorant.  Some people just don't know any better.  Decline the invite or go and have a good time - take pics if you want to or leave the dslr behind - suit yourself.  If they ask about pictures just smile and say you're only there for the free food!
> ...



You're devious -I like it!!! Probably a good thing Photoshop and social media wasn't around back when, or I would have been the black sheep for sure.


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## smoke665 (Jul 12, 2016)

As you get well into the senior years you learn that you really don't care if others are talking about you, because we have more pressing things to worry about, like waking up in the morning. The other thing seniors have going is that we are usually expected to be blunt, no one would dare say anything for fear they would get an earful.  I had a close friend that passed away last year who had developed bluntness to an art form. His theory being that he'd put up with other people's crap for years, he'd served his time. Man would give you the shirt off his back, but act stupid and he'd let you know, didn't matter who you were.


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## robbins.photo (Jul 12, 2016)

smoke665 said:


> You're devious -I like it!!! Probably a good thing Photoshop and social media wasn't around back when, or I would have been the black sheep for sure.



Lol.. I like to think of myself as a "trendsetter".  It just sounds so much nicer than "instigator".


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## The_Traveler (Jul 12, 2016)

smoke665 said:


> As you get well into the senior years you learn that you really don't care if others are talking about you, because we have more pressing things to worry about, like waking up in the morning. The other thing seniors have going is that we are usually expected to be blunt, no one would dare say anything for fear they would get an earful.



Well, since Smoke665 set the ground rules that older people can be blunt, I'll be blunt.

Anyone suggesting that nerwin should be rude is not only rude and self centered but clearly doesn't have a clue about the way life works.

Alternative one: nerwin says he's busy with a paying gig. The result is that they realize that he earns money for this and that they should have thought of this earlier. When asked why they don't have pictures, they have only themselves to blame.

Alternative two: nerwin does tell them off and feels good for two minutes and they don't get pictures. So, instead of realizing that nerwin is a competent guy and they were wrong to take him for granted and not to ask him earlier, he beomes their scapegoat from them on.
Any time anyone asks why they don't have pictures, it's not their fault, it's because their stuck up cousin was too big an @$$hole to do it, even when he knew they didn't have $ and would otherwise get no pictures. So everyone in the family will hear about this forever.

People don't get disliked because they are blunt, they get disliked because they are stupidly blunt and make enemies instead of points.


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## table1349 (Jul 12, 2016)

Well if you don't want to be asked to do this for family everytime something comes up, take the camera shot lots of photos.  Cut off heads, arms, legs etc.  Take photos of the most uninteresting things like the floor tiles, bricks, some old lady sleeping in the corner.  Use the Dutch Tilt in every photo with no less than 45 degrees of tilt.  Catch the most unflattering of moments of the bride, groom, crowd etc. 
Once you are all done and have shown the lucky couple the results, tell them that you have already made a web page of their happy day and posted all the photos to it.


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## smoke665 (Jul 12, 2016)

The_Traveler said:


> People don't get disliked because they are blunt, they get disliked because they are stupidly blunt and make enemies instead of points.



Go back and reread my first sentence. "I don't care". That doesn't mean that I go out of my way to hurt someone's feelings, nor do I say things not true. It also doesn't mean that I haven't ever helped a relative, friend or neighbor who truly needed my help. I have learned that those who would make callous or rude requests very seldom learn anything until they meet a blunt wall. And if they don't, then I refer them back to the first sentence again.


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## waday (Jul 12, 2016)

The_Traveler said:


> Anyone suggesting that nerwin should be rude is not only rude and self centered but clearly doesn't have a clue about the way life works.


I completely agree that nerwin shouldn't be rude.. It's family, and there's no need to burn bridges.

But, isn't there a third option where nerwin politely declines and still goes as a guest to support the bride and groom? Declining to go to a family's wedding because he's getting paid to do something else may also be taken as rude, as well, no? If anything, the first alternative should be to just decline due to previously scheduled commitments. 

I mean, as long as nerwin actually wants to go, haha.


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## jaomul (Jul 12, 2016)

I look at these things a bit differently. It is possible that OP may have been asked to the wedding for his big camera.

It may also be possible he'd have been asked anyway, but said relation saw and liked his photos so mentioned to bring it because there was a good chance he'd take some nice photos to add. Most NON PROS I know who have an interest in photography might even be flattered that someone may want photos from them. It's not like they want you to work all day, just grab a photo with an eye someone else may not have.


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## robbins.photo (Jul 12, 2016)

Ok, so in all seriousness here there are a lot of ways to handle this without ruffling a ton of feathers.  I guess the first question for Nerwin would be, how hurt are you in all reality?  I mean is this something that's really worth making a huge hairy deal over or is it just more of a, well that seemed a bit rude I'll post a quick rant and then I'm over it kind of deal?

If it's the later, and I suspect that it probably is, then maybe contact the cousin and just ask, are you hiring a pro for the event?  Explain that the reason your asking is that you don't want to interfere with another photographer and run the risk of perhaps spoiling there big day.

If they say no, they are not, tell them you'd be more than happy to get some shots of the wedding, just emphasis that your not a pro but you'll do the best you can.  I would not consider asking for payment and if they want to pay I would just tell them of course not, your family and I'd be more than happy to do this for you.  Mixing business with family usually doesn't turn out well.

If they say they are hiring a pro just explain that most pros prefer that they don't have family members stepping on their toes, so tell them you'll be happy to come out and support them but you'll leave the camera at home.

Regardless keep in mind their goal here may not have been some sort of indentured servitude with you performing as a photographer for their wedding.  Most of my own relatives know I'm a big photography buff and they'll often ask me to bring my camera not so much because they want pictures, they just want to let me know that my camera is welcome there  and that they don't mind if I take photos of the event.

Lew does make a very valid point, in that there really is no point in going to war over something that isn't worth going to war over, so unless this is a big deal to you for some reason, not really worth it.


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## PropilotBW (Jul 12, 2016)

Your cousin complimented you on your photography, so congrats!  
Why bail out of the wedding all together?? 
There is free food, dessert, and most importantly, beer!!   You'd be silly to pass up on free beer.

Just don't make yourself to be a photographer.   Go, enjoy your family, take your smartphone and snap a photo if you want to preserve a memory.


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## cherylynne1 (Jul 12, 2016)

I've been in this position a few times and always say the same thing: 

"Weddings are a very specialized branch of photography, and I have neither the equipment nor the experience to do it properly. I would be more than happy to help you find a qualified photographer in your budget."


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## DarkShadow (Jul 12, 2016)

Sounds like my cousin that don't even bother to pick up a phone to call and she is the god mother one of my sons and don't even bother with him.One day she sees my wildlife photography on FB then sends a friends request which  I accept and a week latter wants me to take baby pictures. I said No thanks not my type of photography and its been quiet ever since.  Wedding invites are not free food or drinks because my family tradition and decency is the gift of money which could be up to a couple hundred dollars.


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## smoke665 (Jul 12, 2016)

waday said:


> The_Traveler said:
> 
> 
> > Anyone suggesting that nerwin should be rude is not only rude and self centered but clearly doesn't have a clue about the way life works.
> ...



Unfortunately there is not a one size fits all answer for people. If I had a relative, friend excertera that I knew was struggling I would gladly gift my services or contribute financial support without being asked, and would not be offended. Same holds true for charitable events. There are also those people who speak without thinking, for those I would probably decline using the excuse that I would much rather celebrate their special day/event without distraction and suggest an alternative. That said there are those people out there who are "users" they use others simply because they can. I have no qualms about being blunt with them because I can assure you not offending them will do nothing toward changing their ways, nor keep them from talking about you. In their case I use the response "Is my invitation contingent on that".


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## Netskimmer (Jul 12, 2016)

I used to live in a rural area where religion is a pretty big thing. I'm not much for it myself but I (and my "big" camera) would always get invited to Gospel sings and community events. I would usually go because I liked to support the community and I got to photograph people and things that I usually didn't get to. I usually got to eat for free as well. So I would spend the day in a friendly atmosphere taking pics I wouldn't normally have the opportunity to take, and lots of home-cooked free food. Was a win-win.


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## Dave442 (Jul 12, 2016)

I've ended up doing these things a few times. I have shot two weddings in B&W (first was on film) and that is what I gave them. 

It is an open door to be creative, go have fun.


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## tirediron (Jul 12, 2016)

Shoot the wedding; call it their present and hand them a disc of images with "PROOF" watermarked across them at the end of it, along with your price list for prints.


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## vintagesnaps (Jul 12, 2016)

It sounds like there are some issues with your family so probably you'd need to decide what's best, to either decline; just put in an appearance and don't stay long; or go and enjoy yourself.

It probably feels disappointing to think they asked because you have a 'big' camera as much as anything, and I don't know what they intended or if they just weren't necessarily thinking about how that might come across. I'm sure plenty of us get asked to take pictures and it depends on what the occasion is and who's doing the asking! It's up to you if you don't take a camera at all, or take along a p&s, or take your DSLR.

But if you do, I'd think about making it clear you are NOT a wedding photographer, that it takes specialized skills that you don't have, etc. Help them understand why good wedding photographers aren't exactly cheap, to make it less likely they don't have expectations you can't meet.

If you decide to take your camera, at most maybe offer that if you get a few good pictures, you'll give them a few good pictures. And that's it. But think before you give them pictures, which ones you're giving them, because once you do it's out of your hands what they do with them.


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## Vtec44 (Jul 12, 2016)

Yes, all the time.  No, I don't take any photos using anything else other than my cell phone.  I'm pretty darn straight forward about this because I want to enjoy myself at parties


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## TheLibrarian (Jul 13, 2016)

Reminds me of the dating world. You got money and a boat and whatever else to impress the women then women started using you for your money. Sucks but mission accomplished. Gotta have something i guess. Be nice if people cared about your charming personality but lacking one of those at least you got a camera. Uncle Bob who is always having parties and stuff all he's got is beer, that and he goes out of his way to invite people over. Rich uncle Jessie, all those psychophants want his money but isn't that why he got/ wanted money. Be glad you have a camera, they might not want to spend any time with you otherwise and who's fault is that?


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## dennybeall (Jul 13, 2016)

Never had the problem getting called for family affairs - my Dad was a Pulitzer prize winner for spot news, in the White House Press Corp as well and a bunch of other things so he took care of the family stuff.


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## Bebulamar (Jul 13, 2016)

People who know me, know me so that they wouldn't do that. They know if they asked me to bring the camera and take pictures I will but they also know that they are not going to have any pictures.


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## table1349 (Jul 13, 2016)

Yep, sounds like this wedding has all the makings of a fine Griswold Family get together.  Load up in the truckster, grab Elaine, Eddie, Catherine and Aunt Edna and go have a real good time.


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## zombiesniper (Jul 13, 2016)

I just tell my family "I photograph wildlife and really like birds in flight, but if you're willing to catapult the (bride/graduate/event type) I'm willing to photograph it"

But then my family would expect that type of rebuttal.


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## snowbear (Jul 13, 2016)

zombiesniper said:


> I just tell my family "I photograph wildlife and really like birds in flight, but if you're willing to catapult the (bride/graduate/event type) I'm willing to photograph it"
> 
> But then my family would expect that type of rebuttal.



Some of mine would grab 2x4s and bungie cords and start making a catapult.


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## snowbear (Jul 13, 2016)

nerwin said:


> Have you ever been invited to a wedding or a family event just because you have a camera?


Invited? No.  Asked to photograph? Yes.
I advised our dear niece that "My skill and equipment are not up to the level that you deserve for your wedding."  I did, however, make her cake toppers and a few other little ditties.


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## thereyougo! (Jul 16, 2016)

I am often asked to bring my camera with me  to weddings as people know my love of photography.  I tell them that I'm no wedding photographer as that takes a special kind of skill, but that I'll try and take some candids as and when possible without getting in the way of a proper pro wedding photographer.  I've then given the photos that I think are good enough to the bride and groom as a supplement to what they have from a pro.  If I felt that they were relying on me of the actual wedding photos I would be politely clear that I don't want the responsibility of being the 'official' photographer, and that while I am a competent landscape photographer, event photography isn't what I'd describe as my forte.  If they persisted, I would say that I had forgotten my camera when I arrived.

Having made it clear to them that they should hire a proper photographer as it is the one and only thing that survives physically from the day, I wouldn't feel guilty about them not having an official photographer because they ignored my advice. To ignore my reluctance to be the 'official' photographer would be rude on their part.

Would I care about them speaking ill of me as a result?  Not really.  Having been polite about it throughout, all I'd care about was that I was reasonable, polite and right.


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## nerwin (Jul 16, 2016)

Thanks everyone for all the awesome responses, it definitely gave me some food for thought. 

But I pretty much made up my mind that I'm not going to go. I love my cousin and his soon to be wife, but I only see them once a year (maybe) and they are just not part of life. Even though I got an invite, the way they worded it sounded like I only got invited because I take pictures and that just made me feel uninvited. I'm sure that wasn't their intention, but I never know with my family. As I mentioned before, I don't like weddings. I went to my brothers wedding a couple years ago and I hated it, it was one of the hardest things for me...but I did it anyways because it was my brother. 

Its not until the end of the year so I got plenty time to think about it and who knows...I could end up changing my mind! On the other hand...the food menu looks good. Haha.


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## BananaRepublic (Jul 16, 2016)

nerwin said:


> So a cousin of mine invited me to his wedding, I was planning on going just because it's my family. It's not a easy thing for me as I hate weddings but I was going to go anyways until I read the invitation where they wrote a whole thing telling me to bring "my big" camera and take pictures.
> 
> Its a rare occasion for me to be invited to events so I was like cool, I actually exist to my family! and to find out that I only got invited because I have a camera, sorry..a "big camera"  it really bummed me out.
> 
> Have you ever been invited to a wedding or a family event just because you have a camera?



Spend ages gathering and positioning people and at the last second turn the camera around and start taking a load of selfies.


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## wyogirl (Jul 16, 2016)

smoke665 said:


> Many years ago I owned a publishing company with a small chain of weekly and biweekly newspapers. The invitations to all events family and social got to the point where they always included "by the way can you bring your camera". A larger company decided they wanted my company more than I did. After selling out I was so turned off by anything to do with photography that I put up my camera and only recently started back seriously. You wouldn't invite someone to an event that just happened to be a doctor and say "oh by the way can you bring your bag and give checkups" or an auto mechanic and say "could you bring your tools and tuneup my car". Yet people have no qualms in doing it to photographers. Now when someone invites me to something with the "can you bring your camera" I ask if I'm still invited if I don't , and watch them squirm.


Yeah doctors don't get that-- but it's not exclusive to photogs. I get the "can you bring your hair cutting scissors?" All the time


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## Bebulamar (Jul 16, 2016)

nerwin said:


> Thanks everyone for all the awesome responses, it definitely gave me some food for thought.
> 
> But I pretty much made up my mind that I'm not going to go. I love my cousin and his soon to be wife, but I only see them once a year (maybe) and they are just not part of life. Even though I got an invite, the way they worded it sounded like I only got invited because I take pictures and that just made me feel uninvited. I'm sure that wasn't their intention, but I never know with my family. As I mentioned before, I don't like weddings. I went to my brothers wedding a couple years ago and I hated it, it was one of the hardest things for me...but I did it anyways because it was my brother.
> 
> Its not until the end of the year so I got plenty time to think about it and who knows...I could end up changing my mind! On the other hand...the food menu looks good. Haha.



If the food menu looks good then you got screwd because the if you taking pictures you don't have time to eat.


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## nerwin (Jul 16, 2016)

Bebulamar said:


> nerwin said:
> 
> 
> > Thanks everyone for all the awesome responses, it definitely gave me some food for thought.
> ...



I would eat. I'm not the photographer.


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## TheLibrarian (Jul 20, 2016)

I would certainly offer my unskilled services if they were broke, having it in the backyard or worse someone elses backyard, asked me nicely and i guess preferably upfront about it. Ive been to a few byob weddings.


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