# relationships.



## rhall54 (Dec 7, 2008)

Does anyone else feel like no one can be trusted anymore? 

My intentions were always good. You fall in love. You want the best for the other person and you want to share your life with them. You care for them and want them to always be happy. And because you feel this way you assume the other person feels the same thing. Especially when they tell you they feel exactly the same. And after two years you'd think you would know a person and be able to have faith in them. 

But then one day it just all turns around. You find out everything was a lie. Not one day in the last two years was true. Everyday of the last two years was based on lies and you had no idea. How do you move on? How do you let someone get close to you again? How do you love again? 

Is anyone sincere anymore? Is anyone not completely selfish and only out for self gain? 

I'm completely lost.


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## Mitica100 (Dec 7, 2008)

While the old adage "Give and don't expect" is true in relationships, it doesn't always work. It's the ideal in any relationship but that's just the key word, "ideal" as in "idealistic".

I don't want to give advice here but it seems that you were totally out for him, while he 'played' you for two years. Men, or certain men to be correct, are like that. The second you appear to be so altruistic and so giving, they stop giving back and then they take you for granted. Some women are like that as well, as I have sadly learned in my past.

With that being said, there is light at the end of the tunnel (and that ain't the train, so to speak). Just wait, hang in there and learn again how to trust the right person. You'll know it...

:hug::


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## monkeykoder (Dec 7, 2008)

All I can say is don't be the one that never trusts again it will make your life cold and dark and boring (take it from me I've been there and am there).  Remember there was happiness where you were and there will be happiness in another way again.  If there wasn't pain and hurt there would be no happiness or joy.  Take solace in the fact that this pain will eventually lead to new happiness if you have the strength to keep searching.


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## PatrickHMS (Dec 7, 2008)

Sorry for whatever happened to you, especially this time of year.

Time heals all wounds, and time also wounds all heels...

Try your best to learn how to pick up the pieces and go on with your life. Is there a photo club around you, or something else that you like to do that can include friends?

I am sure that there is "somebody" out there for you, and so many times you hear of the best relationships beginning when people were not especially "looking for someone" else, but found them anyway.

Maybe those surprises are the best kind.

I know a (now older) couple, where the lady once met a man at a swap meet, and told him "you're coming home with me" and he did. That was 30 years, 3 kids and 6 grandkids ago.

If the photo in your icon is you, you are a real cutie, and userguys will be attracted to that and gravitate towards you. Try to be wary and careful without putting up "walls" that not only keep others out, but will keep you in.

Most guys are jerks (say the girls), but most girls are also jerks (say the guys). Here's hoping that the jerks will find each other most of the time and get what they give, and deserve.

The "right" guy for you will find you beautiful and special no matter what you look like.

I see you are in Georgia. If you ever get to Stone Mountain Park, you might see my wife (of 35 years) and myself, and a little Beagle, out shooting photos.

Stop us and say "hi", we'll buy you lunch or something.

Do you need to take the "I love Edward" out of your signature???


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## Yemme (Dec 7, 2008)

Oh honey  

...... You have to strong. Things like this will make you stronger.  It's a part of life.  You just have to hang on in there and wait for the right one.

And that's coming from a selfish person.


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## David A (Dec 7, 2008)

Time is a compassionate but fair healer. Just give it some time. Trust me. 

If you feel like chatting/venting, I'm on AIM a good amount. Screen name is David A Mmmk...promise I'm not a creeper.


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## monkeykoder (Dec 7, 2008)

I promise you'd find me creepy in real life (until you got to know me) but if you do need to chat PM does work.


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## ferny (Dec 8, 2008)

From my experience women look for someone to help them then when they're alright do their best to **** you over. 

But that may just be the ones I meet. And they tend to find bastards and then tell me how wonderful I am, how I'm the first guy they've trusted etc. When our relationship ends I'm left thinking "yeah, I can see why you were treated like that after treating me like you did". There's good and bad in both men and women and somehow the bad one seem drawn together.

I'll send you a PM later (if I remember) which will make you chuckle. Bottom line is, whatever happened if it's devastated you then it'll never leave you. The trick is to let things happen naturally and slowly you'll get used to them and the hole that person left will be filled by other things and you'll move on living your life.

I'm personally left wondering if anything ever lasts or if anything is ever real. Is there any point if you know it's going to go badly. But from what I'm told when you find the right person those thoughts go away. To some extent I know this is true.


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## ferny (Dec 8, 2008)

Oh, and don't do anything stupid like I did. I ended up buying a new car to have something to occupy my mind when I couldn't stop thinking of someone and almost did the same thing this weekend. Am I going to be the male equivalent of the mad cat lady? When I'm older I'll have a car for every girl I've fallen for? :mrgreen:


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## rhall54 (Dec 8, 2008)

Mitica100 said:


> The second you appear to be so altruistic and so giving, they stop giving back and then they take you for granted.
> 
> :hug::


 

yea.. I did a lot for him. He wasn't getting along with his mom and I let him move in with me. She kicked him off her insurance so I put him on mine. I cosigned on a car for him. Anytime he needed anything I was there for him. I really cared for him and just always wanted him to be comfortable and happy.


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## Dmitri (Dec 8, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> yea.. I did a lot for him. He wasn't getting along with his mom and I let him move in with me. She kicked him off her insurance so I put him on mine. I cosigned on a car for him. Anytime he needed anything I was there for him. I really cared for him and just always wanted him to be comfortable and happy.



Have you never seen Judge Judy??


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## rhall54 (Dec 8, 2008)

PatrickHMS said:


> I see you are in Georgia. If you ever get to Stone Mountain Park, you might see my wife (of 35 years) and myself, and a little Beagle, out shooting photos.
> 
> Stop us and say "hi", we'll buy you lunch or something.
> 
> Do you need to take the "I love Edward" out of your signature???


 

I live in Kennesaw. But some friends of mine have been talking about going there to take pictures 

and Edward is a character in a series of books I was reading. haha. I'm a nerd.


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## rhall54 (Dec 8, 2008)

I'm just so exhausted by the whole situation I don't even care about the car. That car is his whole world any way. He'd never miss a payment. That car is what makes him "cool". 

And by exhausted, I mean this is the 7th time in the last year he has broken up with me. Usually it ends with name calling and then he comes back after a week with empty promises. It's been two weeks and I just would rather not hear from him again. He scares me. I never know what he's going to say to me.


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## monkeykoder (Dec 8, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> ... I'm a nerd.



Don't be trying to be sexy BE SEXY post a picture PROVING you're that sexy(nerdy) a bag of dice and some D&D books would be sufficient (but you might have to include a scan of a character sheet)  Possibly pictures of you at a renaissance fair or with a book on quantum physics or math.  Just don't put on your glasses (if you have any) we don't need porn on here.


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## ferny (Dec 8, 2008)

Without know you or what happened etc. He sounds like a bit of a ****.


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## David A (Dec 8, 2008)

monkeykoder said:


> Don't be trying to be sexy BE SEXY post a picture PROVING you're that sexy(nerdy) a bag of dice and some D&D books would be sufficient (but you might have to include a scan of a character sheet)  Possibly pictures of you at a renaissance fair or with a book on quantum physics or math.  Just don't put on your glasses (if you have any) we don't need porn on here.



What the hell? Dude, I don't need to meet you in real life to see you're creepy.


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## monkeykoder (Dec 8, 2008)

David A said:


> What the hell? Dude, I don't need to meet you in real life to see you're creepy.



What is so creepy bout that?


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## Joves (Dec 9, 2008)

See you have proven to me that I have been right in never marrying. He kind of sounds like a worthless leech to me. What you need to take a good six months and, just go out and, have fun. Otherwise dont get in to another relationship till then.


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## Dmitri (Dec 9, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> And by exhausted, I mean this is the 7th time in the last year he has broken up with me. Usually it ends with name calling and then he comes back after a week with empty promises. It's been two weeks and I just would rather not hear from him again. He scares me. I never know what he's going to say to me.




So it took you 8 times to get it (this year!), and even then it was his choice and not yours. I'm trying very hard not to be rude here, but sometimes people make their own misery.

Make better choices in the future, you'll have better outcomes.


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## iflynething (Dec 9, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> and Edward is a character in a series of books I was reading. haha. I'm a nerd.


 

I bet it's Twilight 

My sister read that book and me and my mom and sister watched that movie. It was fantastic 

~Michael~


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## rhall54 (Dec 10, 2008)

Dmitri said:


> So it took you 8 times to get it (this year!), and even then it was his choice and not yours. I'm trying very hard not to be rude here, but sometimes people make their own misery.
> 
> Make better choices in the future, you'll have better outcomes.


 

Unfortunately, yes. He was very manipulative. I loved him very much. So when he came back to me saying how much he loved me and explaining why he had left( making it seem reasonable), I wanted to believe him. And I wanted it to work, so I trusted him. He even bought a promise ring once, and being a stupid girl, i thought that meant something. Apparently not, because 3 weeks later he took it back and said it was a lie. 

It's just all very confusing to me because I could never lie to someone like that. I could never tell someone that I love them if I didn't mean it. He watched me go through so much pain, I just don't get how I was so blinded or how a person could be okay hurting another person like that.


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## rhall54 (Dec 10, 2008)

iflynething said:


> I bet it's Twilight
> 
> My sister read that book and me and my mom and sister watched that movie. It was fantastic
> 
> ~Michael~


 

Yes it is Twilight! :heart:


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## monkeykoder (Dec 10, 2008)

Sadly in the end only you know what is truly going on.  Try to make yourself happy (without hurting anyone).


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## Diddy2theJJ (Dec 10, 2008)

Hey rhall54, I know I'm coming into this a little late, but I understand where you are at as well.  Relationships are so complex and can often seem overwhelming.  The only bit of advice I can give you is to just give it time and let the universe figure things out for you.  

The way I get through tough situations is to find something to be thankful for.....and the more things you find the better!  I'm sure you have grown so much more than you even realize in this relationship.  Try and be thankful for that and take that with you and leave all the rest behind and move on.  Also being thankful for anything helps.....even if it's little things like a green light in the morning on the way to work.....or your favorite pen 

And, even though it's hard and it takes time, forgiving always helps too.  I'm also glad to talk if you need someone else to talk to....I've helped alot of friends through relationship problems!  

I have a piece of art that I created after an end to one of my relationships that I'll try and find and post on here too......

You are young and beautiful and have lots of time for relationships.  Try and enjoy the time on your own or with friends for now and let the relationship side of things take care of itself.  Good luck!


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## Diddy2theJJ (Dec 10, 2008)

I'm not sure if this helps at all.......but it makes me feel better every time I read it 







MSN Messenger:  averagejoel@live.com


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## rhall54 (Dec 10, 2008)

Diddy- Thank you.

Yes there are a lot of things I am thankful for. And I'm not really sad, I guess, since he kind of gradually did this. I'm more just losing hope in people. All around me I see friends who lie to their boyfriends/girlfriends and spouses. It's just so scary to think that people can be so cruel. And even more scary to know that it was happening to me and I had all the faith in the world that this guy was being honest. I know better now, but it just makes me wonder how many good people there really are out there...


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## Diddy2theJJ (Dec 10, 2008)

I sometimes feel like that too.....like when did people stop caring about other people.  Sometimes it feels like everyone is just out for themselves and don't care about telling the truth anymore or think about the consequences of their actions or how it really affects the lives of others.

The sad part is, is that when it happens to people like us who try our hardest to be that perfect partner or at least be the best that we can be, and it doesn't work out it seems to put a damper on that part of us.  It almost feels like it makes me not want to try as hard since nobody else is trying......even though that doesn't help anything!

It's kind of a mystery to me.....some people will do anything for love and once they find it (or think they have) they don't want it anymore and let it go to waste.

I tend to find myself looking all over for that right person in my life. Sometimes looking so hard that I'm missing so many fun moments that are right in front of me.

So lately I have been trying really hard to just enjoy where I'm at in life and I figure when the time is right for that special someone it will just happen


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## iflynething (Dec 10, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> Yes it is Twilight! :heart:


 


~Michael~


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## craig (Dec 13, 2008)

Completely natural response to a broken heart. Key is too never give up on love. It is the force that moves the universe and believe it or not your inner being.

Love & Bass


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## bradster76 (Dec 13, 2008)

Well, Rhall seems a lot of us are fukup magnets. My current GF is wonderful, we spend time doing everything together, connect spiritually, and physically, and love each other.

But in the midst of all that, the universe is chaotic and neutral. We go by rules, structure and ediquite but nothing else but man does. We expect things to go by these standards and play along/follow suit but it never happens. 

I am one the "nice guys", but hell; we are all nice guys...right? I am until somone threatens me...then there's trouble. That's besides the point. ...sorry, rambling again...:lmao:


In a relationship, we look for trust, love, companionship, intimantcy, blah, blah, blah. I think the problem you had here is the fact you GAVE too much of yourself. You won't get anywhere with someone if you give a lot. I've learned that the hard way, myself. I (and my GF) am not a people person, and also have a VERY low tolerance for society and large groups near me for more than 15-20 mins. But, when I met Michelle, I discovered she is the only one that can be around me, sleep beside me at night, do things for each other, etc. We can practically read each other's minds. BUT the reason I feel we found each other is due to the fact it was all natural. I was not looking for any woman to date again. Ever. She wasn't looking for a man. 

We crossed paths, talked, and let it take it's own course from there. Yah we give each other stuff, do the little things that matter...but nothing big. None of that big stuff matters. It's how you feel and give emotionally to the other person. And as far as trust goes, I typically laugh at the idea. But I found myself trusting her. Why? Because we don't TRY to keep eachother happy, it just happens. I am happy when we are together, when I think of her. We both have our issues like anyone else, but they work out. 

Believe me, I never thought I'd ever find anyone again, and neither did she. But good things happen when you least expect them. As humans, we naturally prepare ourselves for disaster. That's why we try too hard sometimes. As humans, we are very strong adaptivly in both physical and mental senses. We just don't know our individual strengths and limitations. If we didn't expect or prepare for disasters or problems, we would never adapt as well. 

Give it time and don't go looking for another mate. Let it happen. Somethings we can control and most we can't. People like your ex are the kinds that prey on the weak willed, and the kind. They take advantage of that due to them being weaker. Be strong, and learn from the petty tyrants in our lives. For they teach us.


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## iflynething (Dec 13, 2008)

bradster76 said:


> Well, Rhall seems a lot of us are fukup magnets. My current GF is wonderful, we spend time doing everything together, connect spiritually, and physically, and love each other.
> 
> But in the midst of all that, the universe is chaotic and neutral. We go by rules, structure and ediquite but nothing else but man does. We expect things to go by these standards and play along/follow suit but it never happens.
> 
> ...


 

Very nicely put, Brad

~Michael~


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## ATXshots (Dec 13, 2008)

You are beautiful! Do not let that loser bring you down! You shouldn't have given him the 3rd, 4th, or 7th chance to break your heart! You will find an amazing guy, but you need to be over the last one first. You need to be happy with yourself first; know what your worth and what you deserve....then, mr. right will come along


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## monkeykoder (Dec 13, 2008)

Just be glad you all aren't stuck thinking like this:






XKCD for the win.


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## PatrickHMS (Dec 13, 2008)

ATXshots said:


> ...then, mr. right will come along


 
Maybe when you aren't even looking for him, and when you least expect it.


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## bradster76 (Dec 13, 2008)

iflynething said:


> Very nicely put, Brad
> 
> ~Michael~



TY, Mike. I just typed and it all just kinda came out. Love and all that isn't as hard as a lot of people make it out to be, I guess.


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## Ejazzle (Dec 13, 2008)

im sorry that this happened to you. 

but one word of advice. DONT TAKE HIM BACK! 

you said this has happened 7 times which gives me reason to believe you might. So dont do it! move on, you will be a much happier person. Dont let one idiot ruin your trust / hope in people. It will ruin every relationship you have from here on out... There are plenty of guys out there who will love you and treat you the way you should be treated. give it time. the right guy will cross your path soon.

Ive had a girlfriend for about three years now and couldnt be more happy. The way i was before i met her was the opposite of what i am now. So maybe the guy you least expect will be the one for you. 
i'm still young but i have learned soooo much about girls and relationships. 

Just keep a smile on your face and keep your head up! 


love life...


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## rhall54 (Dec 15, 2008)

thank you all so much for the advice!! 

Bradster- This is what I want in a relationship so bad. It was just natural for me to like being around him. He's truly a fun person to be around. He has a great sense of humor and i loved his company. But for some reason he didn't feel the same about me. ya know during one of the break-ups he said he was jealous of me and it made him not like me. And I it's hard for me to understand this bc I don't feel he has any reason to be jealous of me or anyone. I am the kind of person who can be thrown into a room of strangers and start and carry on a conversation for hours. I love people. I like to care for people. It's just who I am. He on the other hand, always finds the bad things in people, reasons to not give them a chance and avoid them. He was very negative. Apparently, he would get mad that I was so positive about life. Isn't that a little backwards? I mean I've been through a lot growing up just like any other person has, but you have one life and its meant to be a good one. you are supposed to be happy and when you are feeling down you look for positivity, you look for hope. I'm sorry I'm rambling. Basically, he started to hate me bc he wanted to be more like me, but is too hateful. I just don't understand. It's easy for me to care for people, and it's easy for him to judge and hate. He was not always like this. I miss who he used to be. It was great. We used to just be happy and spend time together. anyway.. i could go on... 

but thank you everyone for all of your advice.


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## monkeykoder (Dec 15, 2008)

Sometimes two people just don't work together and while they may enjoy each others company something just isn't right and they know it.  It just kinda builds into something bad.


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## Clancyz (Dec 15, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> Yes it is Twilight! :heart:




Gah... I feel so ashamed for admitting to reading these but the GF made me do it. Well she made me read the first one, and as an avid reader I couldnt leave the series unfinished.


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## rhall54 (Dec 15, 2008)

monkeykoder said:


> Sometimes two people just don't work together and while they may enjoy each others company something just isn't right and they know it. It just kinda builds into something bad.


 

yea, it just sucks to accept it.


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## rhall54 (Dec 15, 2008)

Clancyz said:


> Gah... I feel so ashamed for admitting to reading these but the GF made me do it. Well she made me read the first one, and as an avid reader I couldnt leave the series unfinished.


 

oh man lol. don't be ashamed! These books are great!


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## Clancyz (Dec 15, 2008)

Meh, they're ok.. Anyways bunch of the kids I go to school with are from Kennesaw, think they went to Kennesaw Mountain and Mount Perrin?


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## rhall54 (Dec 15, 2008)

Clancyz said:


> Meh, they're ok.. Anyways bunch of the kids I go to school with are from Kennesaw, think they went to Kennesaw Mountain and Mount Perrin?


 
hmmm.. I've heard of the schools, but I didn't go to highschool here. So i'm not sure where those are... But I live right by KSU. 

Where in GA are you ?


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## Clancyz (Dec 15, 2008)

From Augusta but go to school at Georgia College and State University in Milledgeville. A few friends from home went to KSU, but all I hear are bad things about the average age for a student being like 27 lol.


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## monkeykoder (Dec 15, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> yea, it just sucks to accept it.



I'm sure you'll do better at it than I would.


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## m33kr0b (Dec 17, 2008)

Never trust anyone! At some point everyone will **** you over, all it needs is the right push. **** Relationships and **** Love.


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## monkeykoder (Dec 17, 2008)

m33kr0b said:


> Never trust anyone! At some point everyone will **** you over, all it needs is the right push. **** Relationships and **** Love.



This however is a bad idea.  Just don't obsess over it and most likely things will turn out ok.


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## rhall54 (Dec 17, 2008)

monkeykoder said:


> This however is a bad idea. Just don't obsess over it and most likely things will turn out ok.


 

I will never give up on love. I will be more careful about who I trust though. 

Thanks again to everyone. All of this has really helped!


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## raechael (Dec 17, 2008)

well, thats the struggle of life and love, isn't it?
It takes time, and LOTs of pain to find a real love. but you never find love if your looking for it. And it's really hard to put so much faith in one person unless you can honestly trust them with your life. its not smart to try and believe someone is something other than what they are. If you can't accept that they will fail you, then whats the point of accepting them in a relationship?


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## monkeykoder (Dec 17, 2008)

To quote an excellent book "Waiting is"


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## raechael (Dec 17, 2008)

what book is that?


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## monkeykoder (Dec 17, 2008)

Do you really want to know (it's just standard Sci-fi).


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## bradster76 (Dec 18, 2008)

raechael said:


> well, thats the struggle of life and love, isn't it?
> It takes time, and LOTs of pain to find a real love. but you never find love if your looking for it. And it's really hard to put so much faith in one person unless you can honestly trust them with your life. its not smart to try and believe someone is something other than what they are. If you can't accept that they will fail you, then whats the point of accepting them in a relationship?



All that pretty much explains my frustrations, ATM. I am out of ideas anymore. At a total loss. The whole idea to me, of what a relationship should be sounds pretty simple, but everyone I date is a ball of complexes, issues and head game drama, high school crap. What happened to being open and honest??? I can't find a woman like that anywhere, anymore. Online dating is about as safe as handling venomous snakes bare handed. So, screw that. 

I am still (kinda) with her in hopes things get better (am I a fool to think that? Probably. yah. I am). I love her, but not the crap she can pull. I'd rather keep up my life as:

Go to work. Come home. Spend free time taking photos, play World of Warcraft (you know, go on a raid and kill some damn gnomes...)...good stress reliever, have a few beers and go to sleep. Repeat. 

And I can do without sex or romance. It's all over rated. Big. I have fun being behind a camera and in some old building or being a epic 70 orc warrior with a big ass mace, and crushing those damn Alliance. Paybacks for owning Crossroads!! FOR THE HORDE!! :lmao::lmao:


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## rhall54 (Dec 19, 2008)

bradster76 said:


> All that pretty much explains my frustrations, ATM. I am out of ideas anymore. At a total loss. The whole idea to me, of what a relationship should be sounds pretty simple, but everyone I date is a ball of complexes, issues and head game drama, high school crap. What happened to being open and honest??? I can't find a woman like that anywhere, anymore. Online dating is about as safe as handling venomous snakes bare handed. So, screw that.
> 
> I am still (kinda) with her in hopes things get better (am I a fool to think that? Probably. yah. I am). I love her, but not the crap she can pull. I'd rather keep up my life as:


 
oh man.. i feel ya. Things should be so simple. Be honest. Be caring. Don't play mind games. 

Unfortunately.. I am am talking to this boy again. WOW.. I'm an idiot.. I know. But it's just a constant game it feels like. He's insecure about a boy talking to me, so he feels he's got to make me jealous. Why not just let life happen? If someone of the male gender says hello to me, that does not translate to oh my god we want each other. seriously. If a female says hello to him I would surely expect him to acknowledge her as a person. It's just ridiculous things that all stem from insecurity. I have no idea what on earth this dude could be unsecure about.. OBVIOUSLY I don't ever want to be without him.. jeez. 

I care about him so much, but I wish he could view relationships the same way as I do. Instead he is constantly doing crazy things because he's insecure.


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## Diddy2theJJ (Dec 25, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> thank you all so much for the advice!!
> 
> Bradster- This is what I want in a relationship so bad. It was just natural for me to like being around him. He's truly a fun person to be around. He has a great sense of humor and i loved his company. But for some reason he didn't feel the same about me. ya know during one of the break-ups he said he was jealous of me and it made him not like me. And I it's hard for me to understand this bc I don't feel he has any reason to be jealous of me or anyone. I am the kind of person who can be thrown into a room of strangers and start and carry on a conversation for hours. I love people. I like to care for people. It's just who I am. He on the other hand, always finds the bad things in people, reasons to not give them a chance and avoid them. He was very negative. Apparently, he would get mad that I was so positive about life. Isn't that a little backwards? I mean I've been through a lot growing up just like any other person has, but you have one life and its meant to be a good one. you are supposed to be happy and when you are feeling down you look for positivity, you look for hope. I'm sorry I'm rambling. Basically, he started to hate me bc he wanted to be more like me, but is too hateful. I just don't understand. It's easy for me to care for people, and it's easy for him to judge and hate. He was not always like this. I miss who he used to be. It was great. We used to just be happy and spend time together. anyway.. i could go on...
> 
> but thank you everyone for all of your advice.



Rhall...you sound like my dream girl. It's too bad you don't live closer to me


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## monkeykoder (Dec 25, 2008)

Diddy2theJJ said:


> Rhall...you sound like my dream girl. It's too bad you don't live closer to me



Distance?  Why should that matter?


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## Battou (Dec 25, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> Does anyone else feel like no one can be trusted anymore?
> 
> My intentions were always good. You fall in love. You want the best for the other person and you want to share your life with them. You care for them and want them to always be happy. And because you feel this way you assume the other person feels the same thing. Especially when they tell you they feel exactly the same. And after two years you'd think you would know a person and be able to have faith in them.
> 
> But then one day it just all turns around. You find out everything was a lie. Not one day in the last two years was true. Everyday of the last two years was based on lies and you had no idea. How do you move on? How do you let someone get close to you again? How do you love again?


 


Well...I'm prolly not the right person to answer this one but...

I know the feeling, a little over two years as well. A relationship I had been in was a little more than joke. My GF at the time was seeing not one but two other guys. I was in jouvie at the time and still in highschool, I guess I had the blinders on to have been unable to see it. But anywho, I had a major falling out, learning of it drove me into seclution for well over a decade. I did not date at all. Other forces made me decicively paranoid about the world around me to boot and I basically just started making my self undesireable to put it bluntly. It was not untill several months ago that I finally started seeing someone again, she dragged me out of the hole I was so content in. Dunno how but, she did.



rhall54 said:


> Is anyone sincere anymore? Is anyone not completely selfish and only out for self gain?
> 
> I'm completely lost.



The answer is yes, as for how to find them....I could not begin to tell you.


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## monkeykoder (Dec 26, 2008)

Battou said:


> The answer is yes, as for how to find them....I could not begin to tell you.



The answer is simple we're the ones that you don't see, we're the ones that are invisible, we're the ones that get passed over because we're not @$$holes.  The real problem is we've quit looking so to find us you have to throw a slightly bigger than normal smile our way it doesn't take all that much just an acknowledgment that you might be interested.


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## Battou (Dec 26, 2008)

monkeykoder said:


> The answer is simple we're the ones that you don't see, we're the ones that are invisible, we're the ones that get passed over because we're not @$$holes.  The real problem is we've quit looking so to find us you have to throw a slightly bigger than normal smile our way it doesn't take all that much just an acknowledgment that you might be interested.



That is kind of how it happened with me....I mean hell, I walked away from Kate three times with no intention presuing a relationship with her, and this was after she come on to me. Prior to that I had never even "looked" at her in any capasity.

I do know what changed my mind, but that is a long story that I am not going into. Every time I do I never finish the post. 

Although, one thing I still do not understand, nor can get answered is what it was about me that she coveted in the first place.


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## monkeykoder (Dec 26, 2008)

There is one thing I've learned in my life and that is that you can never completely understand the mind of another person and if that other person is of the opposite sex you're bound to be even further off the path.


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## benhasajeep (Dec 26, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> oh man.. i feel ya. Things should be so simple. Be honest. Be caring. Don't play mind games.
> 
> Unfortunately.. I am am talking to this boy again. WOW.. I'm an idiot.. I know. But it's just a constant game it feels like.


 
Here is the deal. Straight up, no fluff. I have seen enough of this to gag (was in a large fraternity for 3 years).

It is a game to him! This is exactly what they call a PLAYER! Just by what you have written, he is playing you. He is fine when he has money or things to do. But when he needs help he crawls back. Flat out he is using you and your feelings you have obviously shown to him. He is using that to his advantage! If he has no respect for his mother. He will have no respect for you!!! And in my opinion has shown quite a bit of disrespect towards you. This is not a person you want to spend the rest of your life with. HE WILL NOT CHANGE!!! When people develope a habbit they stick to it. That is no secret. HE WILL NOT CHANGE no matter what you do or say. 

Please, for your sake. Get some of your girl friends together, dump the dude and make sure your friends keep you from talking to him. Seriously! If you just happen too get further along. Most likely you will end up in the divorce statistic! I have seen this exact situation with dozens of guys, and even a few girls. They are users. They use people to their advantage or enjoyment!

Sorry, if this is rude and I really don't know you at all. But I do know the situation. And it's not a good one!

You are young, and very attractive, don't waste your time on a jerk. Have an adventure and look for something better. Obviously you have emotional ties and maybe physical ties to him. But you need to cut your losses now. As I can guarantee there is better out there!!! Cut your losses and move on. You have lots of time to find a soul mate. This one is no where near that!!!   Don't just dump him, break off all contact.  He will use small chats to wedge himself back in.  He is a USER and a PLAYER!

Again you are very attractive.  Use that to YOUR advantage.  Become the Alpha!

Have a safe new years.

Ben


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## Dmitri (Dec 26, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> Unfortunately.. I am am talking to this boy again. WOW.. I'm an idiot.. I know. But it's just a constant game it feels like.




Then you deserve exactly what you get, and please don't come whining to the forums about it next time. :violin:


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## Diddy2theJJ (Dec 29, 2008)

Dmitri said:


> Then you deserve exactly what you get, and please don't come whining to the forums about it next time. :violin:



Wow...well that's a bit harsh.  Feel free to post as much as you want for discussion and advice.

Ultimately it has to be your decision.  I was in a similar situation.....not all the games being played, but it was just obvious to everyone around me that it wasn't going to work out, but I just never saw it that way.  I think what it came down to is that I just liked being in a relationship.  I liked having someone to always go with me and to hang out with other couples.  And of course the alone times were a plus too 

Everyone around me saw it so clearly, but I needed the time to see it for myself. And when I finally did see, it was clear as day to me that I had to be on my own again.

You need to be the one to see it for yourself so your doing it for yourself and not for anyone else.  

I know it's really hard to get used to being alone again after being with someone for so much time, but trust me.....it gets easier! And right now I'm so glad to be single, but it did take me some time to get to that happy place again. 

Just trust your gut and your emotions.  If something feels really right then do that!  If your not sure, then imagine the situation one way, and then the other, and see what way feels better to you.  You'll get there!

And remember....the best thing that you can do for yourself is just to be happy.  Do what it takes to be happy.  If your not happy, your not doing any good for yourself or anyone else.  Good luck! :thumbup:


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## rhall54 (Dec 29, 2008)

Dmitri said:


> Then you deserve exactly what you get, and please don't come whining to the forums about it next time. :violin:


 

Well, Dmitri.. I am in no way whining..

This post was not for sympathy, it's not like this is a terrible situation that no one goes through.. c'mon.. everyone goes through this in life. I know this. And that is the very reason I asked for insight and advice. I am very young and just wanted to know how other people who might have a little more experience with love and life felt about the situation.

that is all.


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## Joves (Dec 29, 2008)

rhall54 said:


> Well, Dmitri.. I am in no way whining..
> 
> This post was not for sympathy, it's not like this is a terrible situation that no one goes through.. c'mon.. everyone goes through this in life. I know this. And that is the very reason I asked for insight and advice. I am very young and just wanted to know how other people who might have a little more experience with love and life felt about the situation.
> 
> that is all.


 Well I have learned not to put up with such behavior. Life is too short to play such games.


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