# First page from my novel "The Surface of the Sun"



## unpopular

... which I will likely never finish:

Chapter 1. There is a buzzing.


    Looking towered the afternoon sky, a flock of geese fly overhead. And I think to myself how these geese fly back and forth in some preordained fashion; how much simpler it must be. I com to realize that this ay not be the case at all, and rather these geese, and their romantic rendezvous, through exotic locations, over mountain passes from some northern lake in british columbia or alberta to vacation over winter in southern California or Louisiana are not migratory at all - rather these geese are stationary, receiving all that they need from the nearby townspeople, year-round without needing anything more - generation after generation subsiding winter long on stale bread crumbs provided by the hands of enthusiastic toddlers as their parents nervously take photographs. 

    These geese know nothing of a desert oasis or southern swamps with those odd trees: the ones which rise with roots which resemble a bundle of a hundred legs. They know nothing of Alberta or the Canadian Rockies or The Cascades of British Columbia. They only know of this lake, as naturally formed as the Wonderbread which they are fed, and the plastic bags left behind, to litter their environment, as if the bags themselves are somehow any less natural than the dam that created this habitat. A dam created when the trains needed water to feed into steam engines; today, the lake serves no practical purpose. No need for water. No need for geese. These things remain only decorative, and without function.

    At this time of year, late in the summer, the Kansas sky turns a brilliant orange as the sun sets. As is the case everywhere, but there is a certain quality to the Western Kansas sky that is no where else. I'd say that this sky makes living here almost bearable, if it weren't for the fact that it isn't true. Life in Western Kansas is fickle. A sense of something missing, a sense that there is an entire universe out there, but the horizon is so wide you wouldn't know it. Like there is something you're forever missing out on, but you have no idea what it might be. The world is a distant mystery, or a concept in our heads. You can feel the rest of it all around you, but no telescope or binoculars or any other instrument could ever be so powerful that you could see it, or even know if it's any better. If you try, all you would see is more wheat, more grass, more sagebrush, more of the same landscape before you, off into an existential infinite in every direction. The only way to know for sure that there is something else is to travel. It's a funny thing, travel, for those who are born and raised here travel is a temporary thing no matter how much your intentions are to make it permanent. People go out into the exciting world and always, without exception eventually come back. 

    I came here in the mid 1990's for no particular reason. The barren isolation which makes this place so unbearable provides exactly the contemplative, yet torturous self discovery I did not realize I was seeking. I'm not a new age psuedo-buddhist. I haven't given up my excessive lifestyle of eating animal products yet. I have no problem driving a Mercedes SUV. If I were, I wouldn't have come to the realization that I was seeking in the first place - I'd be too busy complaining about the narrow minded hicks that inhabit this place, longing for a decent sushi bar or a place to get a fat free chai latte. I'd be too busy seeing this place for what it's not than what it is, and paradoxically, the two are not mutually exclusive. The minds here are narrow. The people are typically judgmental, unfriendly and unwittingly under-cultured, each with a haircut unchanged since 1952. In truth, I will not make this realization for some time, long after I also, an outsider, pack my things and move on leaving this place untouched, as does everyone else who travels here. Unlike the locals, those who travel here never stay.

© 2012, Shawn Kearney


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## unpopular

Good LORD! It's even shorter here! That took forever to write.


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## AgentDrex

Keep going!!!!


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## ceeboy14

I would immediately suggest having this proofread before sending it to anyone. Too many typos to list, full of name droppers, cliches and overly redundant to get to the point which is a bit muddled by all the other grammatical errors. I wouldn't tell you to quit writing, but would suggest a good creative writing class, a handy grammar book and some lessons in sentence structure.


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## unpopular

^^ the redundancy was _very_ intentional. Cliche? Meh. Typos, I'm sure there are a few. 

Name dropping, through? Do you know what that means, or is it something you read in literary reviews?

I don't mind a critique, but a laundry list isn't helpful.


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## AgentDrex

I believe that is why he posted it here, to have it proofread.  It's a first page from an unfinished novel so it's bound to have mistakes.  Don't be too upset about critiques.  You must kill your darlings and not get yourself wrapped up in them too much.  Perhaps pointing out the typos and name-drops may help him flesh this out further.  I would like to know where this is going and want him to continue on.


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## unpopular

Oh I'm seldom upset about critiques. The problem is that isn't a critique. Like I said, it's a laundry list.

Drex - i've added exactly one sentence LOL. I'm at a huge standstill, the first part of a novel is always the hardest. I want it to be about the search for being content, and never being able to achieve it. It's also a bit experimental, I hope to never introduce any external dialog, which is much MUCH harder than you'd think it should be.

There are problems with sentence structure, but at the same time I want to convey a sense of internal thought. So it's kind of difficult to maintain proper grammar while projecting this sense of daydream. I don't mean to be making excuses, there are no excuses for poor grammar, just providing some background to what challenges I'm facing. However, the weird future tense/present tense juxtaposition is intentional and is important later on.


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## AgentDrex

I hear ya...writing is not easy but so worth it.  You'll do fine.  Just don't give up.


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## ceeboy14

unpopular said:


> Oh I'm seldom upset about critiques. The problem is that isn't a critique. Like I said, it's a laundry list.
> 
> Drex - i've added exactly one sentence LOL. I'm at a huge standstill, the first part of a novel is always the hardest. I want it to be about the search for being content, and never being able to achieve it. It's also a bit experimental, I hope to never introduce any external dialog, which is much MUCH harder than you'd think it should be.
> 
> There are problems with sentence structure, but at the same time I want to convey a sense of internal thought. So it's kind of difficult to maintain proper grammar while projecting this sense of daydream. I don't mean to be making excuses, there are no excuses for poor grammar, just providing some background to what challenges I'm facing. However, the weird future tense/present tense juxtaposition is intentional and is important later on.



I deleted a previous post and sent you a PM listing my laundry list as it applies to your writing. What you are trying to accomplish is not for the feint of heart. That is a type of mastery I've rarely seen accomplished by a novist writer and my immediate feeling is you should start with smaller steps.


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## ceeboy14

As per permission from Unpopular I am posting my response to his story via jpeg image.

View attachment 28067


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## pixmedic

ceeboy14 said:


> I would immediately suggest having this proofread before sending it to anyone. Too many typos to list, full of name droppers, cliches and overly redundant to get to the point which is a bit muddled by all the other grammatical errors. I wouldn't tell you to quit writing, but would suggest a good creative writing class, a handy grammar book and some lessons in sentence structure.



damn...if Unpopulars novel bugged you..Theodor Geisel would probably make your head explode!


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## unpopular

ceeboy14 said:


> my immediate feeling is you should start with smaller steps.



I'm not going to take this advice 

Now. as for your corrections, there's a lot there I can work with:







For the most part, I agree with your corrections. Obviously all the typos, I am not even sure I copied the right version!

There are some points which I'll discuss, but everything else is sound advice.

The Wonderbread name dropping is intentional. I used Wonderbread as an archetype for something plain, bland and lacking substance. Perhaps this archetype doesn't translate outside my own lexicon.

There are locations where geese have become dependent on human interaction, and are no longer migratory. In fact, the lake I am describing is a real place in Ellis, KS. But I didn't want to make this about Ellis, because it's not. It's about Western Kansas as a conceptual idea, not a specific location. While it may or may not be plausible that the Geese subside exclusively on breadcrumbs, the fact that they are not migratory has everything to do with breadcrumbs. This is the larger point here.

You've made a couple appeals to authority which I won't mind any attention to at all. I am pretty sure that Steinbeck also had teachers telling him his sentences are too long, and I doubt he said to himself one day "now that I am a famous author, I'm going to start writing paragraph-long sentences". That said, I do agree that I have a bad habit of writing long sentences that do not flow as they would need to in order to be successful. This, though, has nothing to do with my lack of recognition as an author. As for the three short incomplete sentences, if the only problem is that I do not have a creative license as ordained to me by a publisher, I think i'll keep them.

For the cliches in the lines about Sushi Bars, Lattes and Mercedes _cliche is exactly the sense I was looking to achieve_. The fact that this is the complaint actually really interests me. What kind of worries me is that you didn't see it.

One thing I hate about many writers is overly describing things in a soup of adjectives. I don't think I need to describe 1950's haircuts, because we all have an idea of what that is. What my impressions of what a 1950s haircut is specifically is completely irrelevant, the point is not about haircuts but rather that they are unwilling to accept change. It is of course impossible that everyone has a haircut unchanged since 1952, as this would mean that everyone is at least 60 years old.

I have no intention to write something that is targeted to a mass audience. I don't have any interested in lowering the bar to appeal to a wide audience, nor am I saying I have successfully risen the bar to some pretentious level, only that I'm not about to spell things out like a crappy Michael Crichton or, and worse, Ann Rice novel. Most of my inspiration comes from Annie Dillard, not paperback best sellers. (Huh, now that I think of that, maybe a title change is in order)

I don't mean to say your comments are not welcome, because they are. I hope I am not coming across as whiney and like "but but but! it's my MASTERPIECE", because I really don't feel that way at all. If I'm going to understand what I'm writing, I need to be able to defend the choices I've made - even if they aren't successful.


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## ceeboy14

My entire response went off into cyberspace but rather than repeat it all, I will merely wish you the best of luck. By the by, you never defend bad choices; you learn from bad choices or you die on with a dry pen.


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## unpopular

first though, I need to be sure it was a bad choice - or just your opinion.

Thanks again though, I REALLY do appreciate your input.


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## ceeboy14

I've edited over 800 short stories, novellas, screenplays for TV, instruction manuals and a novel or two. Most everything I ever passed on to the publishing editor went at least as far as committee. I will not say everything made it past that, but at least 40% did. One house was a bit more stringent in what it accepted while the other a little more lenient. When I read, I had three boxes on the floor next to me. The first box was the first culling and those I tossed in there went to an editorial distributor..mystery here, romance, there, etc. The second box went to the first set of "in-line" editors..not quite ready to be in the big time but good readers...the third box got the Dear John, form letter suggesting classes in creative writing, grammar, etc. Had your entry been sent to my current house, it would have immediately gone into box #3.

There is never any intent toward cruelty, it is merely a time and money issue and in the publishing business, it is all about timing, and all about getting the best of the best. However, if you are serious about wanting to become a published author...then by all means write, write, write.


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## unpopular

I write for the same reasons I photograph, for the sake of art and the understanding of the universe, life and everything. Certainly being recognized is important, but that's not my motivation. My wife has me on the starving artist plan. She intends to wrap me up in a scandalous gay love triangle which results in my murder, that way she can sell everything I create and die wealthy. I'm helping her plan this, btw. 

I can't even imagine the crap you must have encountered, though.


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## ceeboy14

The romance "novelists" were the most humorous...

Take it all in good spirit. My intent is always honorable.


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## unpopular

ceeboy14 said:


> My intent is always honorable.



I realize this. When you first posted, you came across as an arrogant, pretentious teenager with a list of vague problems offered as critique. This kind of thing drives me UP A FRIKKIN WALL. Frankly, you just touched on a peeve.


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## pixmedic

unpopular said:


> ceeboy14 said:
> 
> 
> 
> My intent is always honorable.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I realize this. When you first posted, you came across as an arrogant, pretentious teenager with a list of vague problems offered as critique. This kind of thing drives me UP A FRIKKIN WALL. Frankly, you just touched on a peeve.
Click to expand...


wow, i dodged a bullet there...i have NO desire to touch on your peeve  :lmao:


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## unpopular

lmao. not THAT peeve, you perv!


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## AgentDrex

This seems like a reasonable time for this quote from "Throw Momma From the Train":  "Remember, a writer writes, always."


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## ceeboy14

unpopular said:


> ceeboy14 said:
> 
> 
> 
> My intent is always honorable.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I realize this. When you first posted, you came across as an arrogant, pretentious teenager with a list of vague problems offered as critique. This kind of thing drives me UP A FRIKKIN WALL. Frankly, you just touched on a peeve.
Click to expand...


Well, you caught me in a kind mode...it is a rare moment and lady luck was on your side...no, really just kidding. I've never seen a student, friend or anyone for that matter grow as an artist by kicking them in the teeth with "superiority." What's the point? I was a very quiet, unassuming teenager. It wasn't until I'd had enough of arrogance and pretentiousness that I assumed a similar role.  Then the fun really began.

One of my favorite times was when I ran a forum to assist teachers in aquiring their National Board Certification. I guess it never dawned on me there were teachers who couldn't write their way out of a paper bag. Assumption, as someone else here recently stated, is highly overrated. Serendipitous fate as it were led me to write an article in a local NBTS publication on the art of showing and not telling which led a publisher to contact me and invite me to do some work for them...and the rest is history...well, it is an ongoing history.

Writing is a craft. Writing is as much a craft as faces the painter, sculptor or photographer. Very little art is spontaneously achieved (okay, that's a lie - Keith Leaman and old friend, could draw anything from the first day he picked up a pencil - weird, but true). There are the idiot savants who can do most anyting but cannot figure out how to dress themselves each morning. It takes work. When I was a fledgling art student in college, I had a drawing teacher who would make us write (in grand, bold style), "Art is Work" a hundred times before starting the day's exercises...yes, it loosened up the arms, wrists and hands, but it also served as a reminder of what it would take to make a living as an artist. I went into teaching...ha-ha-ha. I liked eating.

Teaching, of course was way harder than being an artist. What did I know? :lmao:


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## 2WheelPhoto

unpopular said:


> ... which I will likely never finish:
> 
> Chapter 1. There is a buzzing.
> 
> 
> Looking towered the afternoon sky, a flock of geese fly overhead. And I think to myself how these geese fly back and forth in some preordained fashion; how much simpler it must be. I com to realize that this ay not be the case at all, and rather these geese, and their romantic rendezvous, through exotic locations, over mountain passes from some northern lake in british columbia or alberta to vacation over winter in southern California or Louisiana are not migratory at all - rather these geese are stationary, receiving all that they need from the nearby townspeople, year-round without needing anything more - generation after generation subsiding winter long on stale bread crumbs provided by the hands of enthusiastic toddlers as their parents nervously take photographs.
> 
> These geese know nothing of a desert oasis or southern swamps with those odd trees: the ones which rise with roots which resemble a bundle of a hundred legs. They know nothing of Alberta or the Canadian Rockies or The Cascades of British Columbia. They only know of this lake, as naturally formed as the Wonderbread which they are fed, and the plastic bags left behind, to litter their environment, as if the bags themselves are somehow any less natural than the dam that created this habitat. A dam created when the trains needed water to feed into steam engines; today, the lake serves no practical purpose. No need for water. No need for geese. These things remain only decorative, and without function.
> 
> At this time of year, late in the summer, the Kansas sky turns a brilliant orange as the sun sets. As is the case everywhere, but there is a certain quality to the Western Kansas sky that is no where else. I'd say that this sky makes living here almost bearable, if it weren't for the fact that it isn't true. Life in Western Kansas is fickle. A sense of something missing, a sense that there is an entire universe out there, but the horizon is so wide you wouldn't know it. Like there is something you're forever missing out on, but you have no idea what it might be. The world is a distant mystery, or a concept in our heads. You can feel the rest of it all around you, but no telescope or binoculars or any other instrument could ever be so powerful that you could see it, or even know if it's any better. If you try, all you would see is more wheat, more grass, more sagebrush, more of the same landscape before you, off into an existential infinite in every direction. The only way to know for sure that there is something else is to travel. It's a funny thing, travel, for those who are born and raised here travel is a temporary thing no matter how much your intentions are to make it permanent. People go out into the exciting world and always, without exception eventually come back.
> 
> I came here in the mid 1990's for no particular reason. The barren isolation which makes this place so unbearable provides exactly the contemplative, yet torturous self discovery I did not realize I was seeking. I'm not a new age psuedo-buddhist. I haven't given up my excessive lifestyle of eating animal products yet. I have no problem driving a Mercedes SUV. If I were, I wouldn't have come to the realization that I was seeking in the first place - I'd be too busy complaining about the narrow minded hicks that inhabit this place, longing for a decent sushi bar or a place to get a fat free chai latte. I'd be too busy seeing this place for what it's not than what it is, and paradoxically, the two are not mutually exclusive. The minds here are narrow. The people are typically judgmental, unfriendly and unwittingly under-cultured, each with a haircut unchanged since 1952. In truth, I will not make this realization for some time, long after I also, an outsider, pack my things and move on leaving this place untouched, as does everyone else who travels here. Unlike the locals, those who travel here never stay.
> 
> © 2012, Shawn Kearney




I like, thanks for sharing


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## unpopular

ceeboy14 said:


> Serendipitous fate



look who's pulling out the cliches now  but that's ok, kitsch is the new hip, after all.

I agree that writing is a craft, but only to an extent. At some point the technical limits art, and makes it academically exclusive. I see this a bit in your critique, especially when your advise I limit my ambitions, reserving it to the "pros". This and what you wrote above reminds me of the fallacious argument "well... Picaso knew how to paint realistically". This is historically misinterpreted as well as irrelevant, events in art history which lead to cubism freed us from classical art, not bound us to it. The problem is that people often use modernism (and they would postmodernism if they knew it wasn't an oxymoron) to try and disguise their lack of artistic abilities, "I paint abstract because I can't paint realism" not "I paint because I am an abstract artist". While I am not the best writer in the world, hiding behind artsyfartsy composition isn't my intention. I know what an incomplete sentence is, even if run ons are my bad habit!

While perhaps I don't want to be a "word smith", a phrase which conjures up well composed mediocrity of limited consequence, certainly there is a degree of craftsmanship which must be maintained. But the good little postmodernist in me says that the craft should only extend as far as necessary. Technique should only be used to convey a concept, not support the work on it's own. I'm not interested in visual are to "wow" my audience through technique, to me this is narcissistic, I don't want to be remembered as a great painter, photographer or writer, I want to be remembered as a great *artist*.


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## ceeboy14

Kitsch is the new hip and has been since I was in college...40 years ago.  I love cliche's, just not in manuscripts. As I noted to Agent Drex in another thread, I am not a writer. I am a reader. I don't give two flips and a somersault about post modernism, well composed mediocrity or Pablo Picasso; I only care about well crafted stories. I care about good grammar, good punctuation, good sentence structure, great plot, setting and sense of place. Either I get that or the manuscript goes into box #3. Me, I'm content to read. 

Keep in mind, I am but one of thousands (I suspect) reader/editors. There are houses out there who will print anything for a buck; the good houses don't. Or, one can always self-publish, which to me is egotistical masturbation, but that is but yet one more opinion.


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## unpopular

Sense of setting I find distracting, along with "strong characters". I strongly dislike yarns that are all about tangible matters.

My feeling is that 99% of fiction isn't worth the paper it's written on. I'd be better off watching TV, it takes less effort and is about as mind numbing. But that 1% is what makes up for the genre.


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## rexbobcat

unpopular said:
			
		

> Sense of setting I find distracting, along with "strong characters". I strongly dislike yarns that are all about tangible matters.
> 
> My feeling is that 99% of fiction isn't worth the paper it's written on. I'd be better off watching TV, it takes less effort and is about as mind numbing. But that 1% is what makes up for the genre.



Then you should probably decide who to are writing for lol. Most readers I would think like to know where they are and who the characters are.

 I find completely abstract literary concepts to be frustrating and boring because I don't have the mental context of the writer.

I also don't like metaphors that overpower the object that represents them. The tangible aspects do matter in my opinion.

Maybe you'd be more at home in poetry?

The Thing is that technical issues may seem limiting, but I can't think of anyone who got great before being really technically competent....except maybe Postmodernists...But that's a whole different argument.

Not all muddy puddles are deep.


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## ceeboy14

I do need to clarify what my position is with these houses. I am the first stumbling block for novice writers. Novice writers or those jumping from the short story to the full novel are the only writers I ever see. Everything else goes to the second tier - upstairs, so to speak. I cull according to how well the writer can put five or more words together in 21-25 sentences (though I most often read an entire middle chapter just to be sure).  The real crap never gets past 21 sentences, so-so may get me two pages in, okay, perhaps another page and hmmmm, possibilities here a bit more. I read the first chapter (If I get that far), a middle chapter and the last chapter.  I may get 10 manuscripts for a day's reading. I don't have time to make pretty, be nice or give someone a chance...just because.

Sorry to all you aspiring writers but while there are great authors out there who flaunt at every writing rule; they can because they have already been published and generally more than once. You newbies aren't going to get away with it unless you are damnably lucky, luckier than surviving two hits by lightning while standing in the same spot. Writing, as I said before is a craft. Being published is the reward for learning how to craft. Wordsmithing is how you craft, it is not mediocrity of limited consequence, it is quite the opposite and guys like me are going to weed those who think this way out abruptly and without apology. Wordsmithing to a writer is what a fine plane is to a furniture maker. That's a cliche you have to fully embrace. Of course, if you just want to write to please yourself, no publishing in mind, then it's all good.

I don't read for content, alliteration, philospohical ideologies, or really even to genre. I just read sentences and how the words are placed in a manner which allows me to see setting, place and character. Plot, set point, counterpoint, etc are up to the middle level editors, then to the third floor, final editors. Given that analogy, I am in the basement but you have to get by me to get to the first floor.

Now, I am coming across as an arrogant, petulant child...but that's my job and they pay me well to be an A**h*** So it goes.


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## ceeboy14

rexbobcat said:


> unpopular said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sense of setting I find distracting, along with "strong characters". I strongly dislike yarns that are all about tangible matters.
> 
> My feeling is that 99% of fiction isn't worth the paper it's written on. I'd be better off watching TV, it takes less effort and is about as mind numbing. But that 1% is what makes up for the genre.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then you should probably decide who to are writing for lol. Most readers I would think like to know where they are and who the characters are.
> 
> I find completely abstract literary concepts to be frustrating and boring because I don't have the mental context of the writer.
> 
> I also don't like metaphors that overpower the object that represents them. The tangible aspects do matter in my opinion.
> 
> Maybe you'd be more at home in poetry?
> 
> The Thing is that technical issues may seem limiting, but I can't think of anyone who got great before being really technically competent....except maybe Postmodernists...But that's a whole different argument.
> 
> Not all muddy puddles are deep.
Click to expand...


Very astute reply!


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## unpopular

I'm not about to pandor to an audience.


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## rexbobcat

unpopular said:
			
		

> I'm not about to pandor to an audience.



Isn't that a little narcissistic lol

I meant: are you writing because you like writing or are you writing for others to read?

And if you aren't writing for an audience then why care what anyone says about your writing?

I'll be the first to admit that I don't create things solely for myself. I'm not that humble. Hell no. I photograph for attention and self-reassurance.

I really understand what you're saying. If I was really good, I wouldn't want to feel like I'm selling out...but...Not pandering to an audience doesn't mean that your writing will be...considered good by any audience.

And if that's the case then you won't be considered a great artist any time soon.

And the internet changed everything. I'm not sure that there will be any more "hated in life,loved in death" pieces of art.


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## unpopular

Some audiences might think what I do is good, some audiences might think what I am doing is bad. Yeah, I hope that some people will appreciate what I'm doing, but ultimately what I do is my way of understanding, not for the placation of people's sensibilities. If I can reach out and say something meaningful to someone else, that's great, and I appreciate that as much as the next guy - if not moreso because it so rarely happens.

If I am going to be admired, I hope it's for something of substance - otherwise, I really don't care if I am admired or not.

(before it goes down this route, I don't mean to say "write all the typos you want, garble all the sentences blow out the hilights, clip those shadows" so long as it's art and has a higher purpose. there is no excuse for just blatantly poor grammar and bad photography)


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## ceeboy14

rexbobcat said:


> unpopular said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not about to pandor to an audience.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Isn't that a little narcissistic lol
> 
> I meant: are you writing because you like writing or are you writing for others to read?
> 
> And if you aren't writing for an audience then why care what anyone says about your writing?
> 
> I'll be the first to admit that I don't create things solely for myself. I'm not that humble. Hell no. I photograph for attention and self-reassurance.
> 
> I really understand what you're saying. If I was really good, I wouldn't want to feel like I'm selling out...but...Not pandering to an audience doesn't mean that your writing will be...considered good by any audience.
> 
> And if that's the case then you won't be considered a great artist any time soon.
> 
> And the internet changed everything. I'm not sure that there will be any more "hated in life,loved in death" pieces of art.
Click to expand...


I do so love indentured students...except grad students looking for a degree in creative writing...ugh! I was a lab assistant in the pottery and photo labs. I mixed clay by day, chemicals by night. It was easy work, decent pay and kept me out of trouble.


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## terri

_Writing is easy: all you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until the drops of blood form on your forehead.
- Gene Fowler_



Sounds like you're going at this in a free writing style, and there's nothing wrong with that.  Gets a lot of words on paper and then you go back and read it to see where your brain has taken you.  Frankly, I think you're brave to have put it out there in this fashion.   A lot of writers won't put anything out there until it's been edited and re-edited and they're on their tenth revision or so....  

That said, you've not given up much as to where you're heading with this.  Some sort of hook, even a tiny one leading to a larger one, would be good to see.


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## unpopular

I know! I'm totally stuck! 

I know what I want, I just have no idea how to get there. I'm really wanting to keep going, and once I do I think it'll not be so hard. But man, getting past this point is hard. Periodically I go back to it, but to no avail.


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## terri

Just keep doing what you're doing.   You might even want to keep a pad of paper and a pen on the nightstand - you could wake up in the middle of the night with some phrases jangling in your head that make things crystal clear, and you won't want to lose them.      Your peripheral brain is working on this for you, on the sly.


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