# Another Dilemma on My Hands



## DepthOfFocus (Jul 20, 2014)

Hi Guys! Me again ...

In January 2014 , I was a approached by a (distant) friend wondering if I'd be available to do her sister's wedding photos. I hold her that I am available that date, but before I gave a quote, I asked her for more details about the wedding.

My friend (again, not the bride) finally got back to me in May 2014 with the details (timing/location) of the wedding. I gave her a quote with everything that's included. She responded with 2 words,  "Okay, perfect" but never followed up with anything else. To me, I interpreted that as ... "Okay, thanks for the info, I'll review it with her, and get back to you if/when we're interested".

In the meantime, I've chosen not to take on any more weddings for 2014. Mainly due to personal reasons (having a huge love/hate relationship with wedding photography) but more importantly, I play in a band on the side and need to keep my weekends open for the many gigs that come our way.

Because of this, I didn't bother following up with anyone that I left a quote with.

Anyways, she messaged me last week (July 13) asking if there's a contract to sign, or a deposit to leave. I politely let her know that I wasn't clear if this was a confirmed booking or not, and a lot has changed over the past few months, and that I'm no longer taking on any weddings this year. I was extremely apologetic if there was any misunderstanding.

(Just to be clear, all communication was with my friend, I have never corresponded with the bride).

Apparently my friend (not the bride) is fuming over this ... !!!!!!!!!!!! 

Was I in the wrong at all ? Or should she have been more clear in May 2014 about their intentions to hire me?

Regardless this is a learning experience: (A) Always Always follow up with clients and (B) anything that involves friends, LEAVE them out and refer them to someone else).


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## KmH (Jul 20, 2014)

IMO, yes, you were wrong to not contact her and follow up, and wrong again by not telling her as soon as you had decided to back away from doing wedding photography.
When she said "Okay, perfect" in May you should then have made arrangements to get a deposit and a contract signed.

In short your business practices fell well short of being professional.

She has every right to be pissed off.


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## vintagesnaps (Jul 21, 2014)

When is this wedding?? I'm just wondering if this would leave them without a photographer, how much time there would be to find someone else. 

The follow up seems like it should have happened when you got a response to your quote in May - the friend's response seemed vague (although I'd take it to mean they were interested in you doing the wedding on the terms you provided) but wouldn't arrangements need to have been made with the bride anyway at that point?? not just thru the friend. 

Anyway, I don't know, this seems like it's leaving them hanging, that you made an indefinite commitment. Is there a way you can help them find another photographer? or maybe you're going to have to follow thru on doing this one before you will be able to be completely done doing weddings. 

I think I'd plan on doing this one unless you can find someone else that they find acceptable as a replacement - and do the one other wedding you still have coming up - and you may have to let the rest of the band know you have two commitments to do weddings _then_ you'll be finished with them - for good! (as long as you didn't leave any other irons in fires out there!).


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## gsgary (Jul 21, 2014)

This is not your fault no contract signed no confirmation in writing, they left for months before contacting you they are at fault they were probably looking round for someone cheaper and they would have dropped you at the last minute


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## Designer (Jul 21, 2014)

DepthOfFocus said:


> Because of this, I didn't bother following up with anyone that I left a quote with.



It's all yours.  You're a flake.  I think we can all be glad you're not in the wedding photography "business" anymore.


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## sscarmack (Jul 21, 2014)

Yeah, I'd be pissed too. I always always always reach out to my clients, even if I haven't heard from them in months. I booked three extra weddings just because the couples were so wrapped up into everything else and they were juggling between 3-4 different photographers, and I was the only one who stayed on top of them.

So yeah, in my opinion you were wrong and you were right to stop doing weddings.


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## Braineack (Jul 21, 2014)

Designer said:


> DepthOfFocus said:
> 
> 
> > Because of this, I didn't bother following up with anyone that I left a quote with.
> ...



oh bs.  she didn't sign a contract, he can choose not to shoot a wedding if he doesn't want to.  he could just as well be unavailable because he's shooting another one for a couple that did hire him, put down a deposit and sign a contract or has a gig for his band that not or because the sky is blue.


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## sscarmack (Jul 21, 2014)

Braineack said:


> Designer said:
> 
> 
> > DepthOfFocus said:
> ...



It was a FRIEND, OP gave a verbal agreement he would in fact shoot the wedding. The friend gave no sign that he wasn't going with him.

Could the friend of been more clear with his intentions, yeah sure. But so could the OP, he could of simply asked, "So I'm hired?"

OP was in the wrong.


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## Designer (Jul 21, 2014)

sscarmack said:


> Could the friend of been more clear with his intentions, yeah sure. But so could the OP, he could of simply asked, "So I'm hired?"
> 
> OP was in the wrong.



Yup, the OP was wrong.  

Not being "business-like" when ostensibly running a business.
Not communicating directly with the wedding couple.
Not offering a contract to anyone.
Not following up with anyone.
Deciding in the interim to drop out of the wedding business without telling the friend.
Getting busy with music and blowing off the friend and wedding gig.


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## Braineack (Jul 21, 2014)

sscarmack said:


> It was a FRIEND, OP gave a verbal agreement he would in fact shoot the wedding. The friend gave no sign that he wasn't going with him.
> 
> Could the friend of been more clear with his intentions, yeah sure. But so could the OP, he could of simply asked, "So I'm hired?"
> 
> OP was in the wrong.



*If *the OP said he'd shoot it, then okay sure.  But sounds like he only said the date was available to shoot and gave a quote of the cost.  And not even directly to the bride/groom, just a friend of them that happened to know he was an option as a photographer.  You're makign an assumption.

Granted none of us will ever know exactly how it went down, and there's always two sides of the story, but this seems silly to me.


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## sm4him (Jul 21, 2014)

Marketing your business isn't just about doing things *technically* right. It's about consumer perception. Technically, you didn't have a contract and therefore, no obligation to hold that date or shoot the wedding.
But right, wrong or indifferent, your friend understood her "Okay perfect" response to mean "We want you. You're in"--and since she NEVER heard from you, she assumed all along it was a done deal.

Was she too vague? Absolutely. 
But, imo, you really should have responded to that "okay, perfect" email with something like, "So, you're sure she wants me to do it? Should I draw up a contract? I'll need to meet with the bride and have her sign a contract before anything is really set in stone."
Because YOU knew that's how it works--your friend, clearly, did not.  I'd be pissed too, if my PERCEPTION was that my friend had just hung me out to dry.

At the very, very least, you should have sent an email out to everyone who had responded, even with tentative interest, to any quote you'd sent out already, to tell them that you'd made the decision to no longer shoot weddings--even better if you'd given them a chance to go ahead and book the date you'd already quoted, with a note that if they didn't respond within 14 days, the quote would no longer be valid and your services would not be available. EVEN better, if you'd also given them a couple of other photographers you could recommend for them to use instead.

As it is, you are now *perceived* by a MINIMUM of two people (your friend and the bride--because I can just about guarantee that, while the bride may not be AS pissed as the friend, she still sees this the same way your friend does--you ditched them), likely also the mother of the bride, several aunts and uncles and assorted other friends, as being unreliable and unprofessional. And that will get around.
That means, if you are still shooting anything professionally, even if it's not weddings, this could come back to bite you on the sit-upon.  Unless you no longer plan to be in the photography business at all, I'd see what I could do to make this right.


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## astroNikon (Jul 21, 2014)

Answers all over the place

just make sure your band is hired for the wedding 
and take your camera, just in case  :lmao:


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## gsgary (Jul 21, 2014)

Another reason I never work for friends


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## ruggedshutter (Jul 21, 2014)

I'm leaning towards Braineack.  I have been in a sales role and know that nothing is official until a purchase order is received (or contract is signed).  You can quote your heart out but nothing is official until both parties agree to it.  The OP's requirement for commitment is a contract and deposit.  IMO, both parties are technically wrong but more so the friend for assuming that her "Ok, perfect" response was enough for a commitment.  I wouldn't book a date until a contract is signed and a fee is received (or a timeline for the fee is agreed upon).  I do agree that the OP should have contacted the friend if all else to let them know that they were no longer in the business, just as a courtesy.


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## Designer (Jul 21, 2014)

The OP was dropping out of the business a little at a time, and can't understand why the friend didn't know that.


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## robbins.photo (Jul 21, 2014)

Braineack said:


> sscarmack said:
> 
> 
> > It was a FRIEND, OP gave a verbal agreement he would in fact shoot the wedding. The friend gave no sign that he wasn't going with him.
> ...


Don't disagree with you here, I guess my only thought is this, is it worth losing a friend over.

For my part I'd apologize for the miscommunication and offer to shoot the wedding.  If they booked someone else great, if not I'll be more than happy to do it.

Problem solved, no federal case required.


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## Designer (Jul 21, 2014)

robbins.photo said:


> I guess my only thought is this, is it worth losing a friend over.



She's already lost the friend.  And any chance of photographing the wedding.


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## robbins.photo (Jul 21, 2014)

Designer said:


> robbins.photo said:
> 
> 
> > I guess my only thought is this, is it worth losing a friend over.
> ...


Well nothing to be done then I suppose, just another cautionary tale about mixing business with friends and family.


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## tirediron (Jul 21, 2014)

KmH said:


> IMO, yes, you were wrong to not contact her and follow up, and wrong again by not telling her as soon as you had decided to back away from doing wedding photography.
> When she said "Okay, perfect" in May you should then have made arrangements to get a deposit and a contract signed.
> 
> In short your business practices fell well short of being professional.
> ...


I'm not sure I agree with Keith to quite that extent, but you did goof...  NEVER let a [potentially] live one get away! I always contact 'tire kickers' 2-4 weeks after their last 'mail/call 'just to see how things are going'.  People's communication skills these days seem to be on average, 'Horrible' and while you weren't going to do her wedding, you shouldn't take the chance on the damage this could cause your reputation.


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## IzzieK (Jul 21, 2014)

Different opinions and each side is correct. The problem was communications. With the internet and cell phone texting abundant all over nowadays, why o why wasn't there any communication between you and your friend either way? Perhaps you are not really interested in doing the wedding after all and should have told your friend...sometimes we feel something not right with us that we fail to really know...not just the circumstances involved, but other things. Maybe you are burned out with people shooting and just want to be involved with your band, with your music, who knows?


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## DepthOfFocus (Jul 21, 2014)

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this. Definitely lots of mixed reviews/opinions here.

Okay - I realize we were both at fault. Yes, I should have followed up or seeked clarification ... However my friend is equally, if not, more at fault ... If they did have FIRM interest in me, the Bride should/would have reached out to me for more details and/or set up an e-session which my quote included. The couple made zero attempt to reach out to me. No deposit was left, nor contract signed. You would figure a few months before the wedding, they'd already have taken the necessary steps to secure a vendor's services.

Nonetheless - I will offer to shoot the wedding and see what she says. I got this one.

(Oh, and just a clarification, the person I've been dealing with is more of an acquantaince than an actual friend - So it's not so much combining friendship and business)

Again, thanks everyone for your feedback. I've only been shooting for 2 years and this is the first situation that came up like this. This is all part of the learning curve and will walk away with valuable life lesson learned.


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