# rub my shiny surface



## ferny (Jun 4, 2005)

I am a genie's lamp, give me a rub and I'll grant you three wishes.

I gave myself a good rub earlier. After five minutes not much had happened but it felt good so I carried on. I guess it doesn't work if you do it to yourself. If it had I would have wished for these.

1. A better memory. So when people talk to me I'd actually remember what they had said.

2. More musical skills (ie, some). I'd love to be able to play an instrument, or five. And I'd absolutely love to be able to sing!

3. More self tolerance. I wouldn't mind if I didn't beat myself up so often.


If I had a fourth wish I'd go for some cream right now. I think I rubbed myself too hard.


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

Ha ha ha! I'm sorry, I'm thouroughly confused... but I found that hilarious! 

After all that rubbing there, I would've thought you'd have plenty of cream.

Well if I had three wishes, I'd would wish for.
1. The ability to sing really well. (I sing like a drowning cat, which is why I stick to playing instruments)
2. Nice children and happy family
3. A nice place to live in a nice neighbourhood in Australia.

(wow I'm really corny.)


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## mentos_007 (Jun 4, 2005)

after a long rubbing I came up with those:

1. Ability to play and sing (yeah me too )
2. Live and work in a great place where people are kind and tolerant, and of course with great places to take pictures of...
3. a fidel husband or bf, who'll never leave me alone


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## Corry (Jun 4, 2005)

This thread is so dirty!


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

Meysha said:
			
		

> After all that rubbing there, I would've thought you'd have plenty of cream.




HOLY CRAP.

anyways, heres mine:

i rubbed and rubbed until i was chaffed and came up with this,

1) the ability to see through walls.

2) pancakes anytime of the day ready and waiting for me.

3) a foreign or exotic looking girlfriend who will never leave me alone(sorry mentos, i liked your line)

md


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## Artemis (Jun 4, 2005)

Hmm...for me 

1) Have a lightsaber, and have all force powers like Jedi

2) To become a photographer, with his own studio, with good income and a nice family

3) For my kids (if I have any) to have a really good life and to be intelligent, and not bullies.

Wow...that was a lot of rubbing, ill have to rub again some time...see what I can come out with...


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## kelox (Jun 4, 2005)

After just a little rubbing(doesn't take much for me) I came up with these;
The ability to speak several languages
The ability to run really fast
To be just a little smarter than I am now


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

ferny said:
			
		

> I am a genie's lamp, give me a rub and I'll grant you three wishes.



Umm... has anyone else realised that we're all rubbing ferny's lamp? :blushing: 

Is it polished yet.... or can I have another 3 wishes??


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

damn ferny, you get all the love.


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## mad_malteaser (Jun 4, 2005)

Meysha said:
			
		

> Umm... has anyone else realised that we're all rubbing ferny's lamp? :blushing:
> 
> Is it polished yet.... or can I have another 3 wishes??


 
Hehehehe, a very clever ploy - I salute you sir, it appears to have worked (discounting MD of course...)


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## ferny (Jun 4, 2005)

> After all that rubbing there, I would've thought you'd have plenty of cream.


 I wouldn't know. I passed out and when I came to my vision was all blury and I was on the floor.



> (wow I'm really corny.)


Not at all. You jsut said what I would (and did in one) say if I had more. My biggest dream is to settle down with a family somewhere quiet. One day... maybe... I'll get lucky.
Actually, I think if we read through these we'll see loads of "I wish I'd thought of that" wishes.



> This thread is so dirty!


It's only dity if you have a dirty mind! :crazy: :mrgreen:



> i rubbed and rubbed until i was chaffed and came up with this,


You came good. :thumbsup:

(sorry)



> Is it polished yet.... or can I have another 3 wishes??


If you'd think it'd be handy, sure, rub away. But can you sort out your nails first though? Last time there were a couple of jagged parts which damaged my surface.


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

haha..no it worked...i rubbed it before i knew what it was.


now im rubbing my own. wait no..not because...DANG NEVERMIND. 


md


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## terri (Jun 4, 2005)

I'm not rubbing that thing.   :shock:   There appears to be film of dried, cracked cream all over it.


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## mentos_007 (Jun 4, 2005)

Meysha said:
			
		

> Umm... has anyone else realised that we're all rubbing ferny's lamp? :blushing:
> 
> Is it polished yet.... or can I have another 3 wishes??



Meysha I think we can have another 3 wishes... because I chanfed my mind... ok .. I didn't chage it but I made a few additions:

1. I'd like to be able to DANCE
2. I'd like to be a National Geographic photographer
3. I'd like to win Grand Press Photo competition
4. I'd like to meet you all someday and drink a beer with you guys
5. ... I have to think for a while to come up with other ones...

Ferny your shiny lamp is completely polished now


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## Artemis (Jun 4, 2005)

mentos_007 said:
			
		

> Ferny your shiny lamp is completely polished now



Ferny you lucky...youve got a shiny lamp now...lucky man!


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

mentos_007 said:
			
		

> Ferny your shiny lamp is completely polished now



Aww... no more wishes for me, Mentos used them all up. *sob*


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## mentos_007 (Jun 4, 2005)

oh come on Meysha!!! I'm sure you'll come up with the next ones!!! or do you want me to write a few more??


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

No.... I wanna go ... I wanna go! 
Or maybe if we both rubbed the lamp at once. I reckon that'd make the genie pop out and be so happy we'd get as many wishes as we wanted!

So I also wish for a never ending pack of Tim Tams (aussie chocolate biscuit), 
my own personal Cheesecake shop 
and a plane ticket to wherever in the world whenever I wanted.


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## ferny (Jun 4, 2005)

> Ferny your shiny lamp is completely polished now


Spit polish comment just aren't appropriate are they?

And you lot are digesting. You've turned this beautiful thought provoking thread into something seedy and cheap. 


Well done. :thumbsup: :mrgreen:




> 1. I'd like to be able to DANCE


Not bothered about being able to dance. Just to have the confidence to get up and make a fool of myself would be good enough.


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## mentos_007 (Jun 4, 2005)

oh you perverted guys...  Ferny did you notice that only Meysha and I are rubbing you... eeee your lamp?  huehuehue That means SOMETHING!!!


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

ferny said:
			
		

> And you lot are digesting. You've turned this beautiful thought provoking thread into something seedy and cheap.
> 
> 
> Well done. :thumbsup: :mrgreen:



Excuse me!!! WE???


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## mentos_007 (Jun 4, 2005)

well you rubbed it 3 minutes ago asking for Aussie chocolates... 
Eh yap... WE??? Meysha did  I'm and angel aren't I


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

HOLY CRAP TO THIS WHOLE THREAD


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## mentos_007 (Jun 4, 2005)

WHAT?! don't you like it??  it's better than the smoking section


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

Ha ha ha ha.

Nah I meant that Ferny was blaming us for turning this into a seedy thread when it was he who said "I gave myself a good rub earlier. After five minutes not much had happened but it felt good so I carried on. I guess it doesn't work if you do it to yourself."


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

MD's just jealous.


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

i do like it, and yes, i am jealous.

so there!


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## mentos_007 (Jun 4, 2005)

hahahaha you know, this is just Ferny... he keeps starting so provoking threads and then he is thought to be an angel and makes evils of others here  
:rug: :rug: rug: ... keeep rugging it... I wanna more... wishes


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

What is rugging it? Sounds interesting.

I'm sure MD would let you have some more wishes if you ask him nicely.


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

hahaha..not to take away from ferny, but my nickname is "where wishes come true"


or that might be disneyland...not sure


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## ferny (Jun 4, 2005)

> So I also wish for a never ending pack of Tim Tams (aussie chocolate biscuit),


Like our Penguins. Ever bit two opposing corners off, dipped one in tea and sucked until you start to feel it and then shoved it in your mouth? :thumbsup:



> Ferny did you notice that only Meysha and I are rubbing you... eeee your lamp?


I didn't actually.  I was laying back with my eyes closed and thinking of lepricorns. If you two want to give it another go, then yay. Give me a couple of minutes though, I'm a little wished out right now.


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## mentos_007 (Jun 4, 2005)

oh no... so it's time for me to end for a while  I'm going sleep, leaving you Meysha alone with Ferny and Matt, sorry   that'd be interesting  It's the middle of the night and my mind is weird now... over-dirtied   
have a nice day/evening/night or whatever it is where you are right now


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

ferny said:
			
		

> sucked until you start to feel it and then shoved it in your mouth? :thumbsup:




so wrong on so many levels....but i liked it!

md


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## ferny (Jun 4, 2005)

Ooops, missed apge two.



> What is rugging it? Sounds interesting.


It is, but it burns your knees.

Flying down the stairs on carpets is dangerous.



> Nah I meant that Ferny was blaming us for turning this into a seedy thread when it was he who said "I gave myself a good rub earlier. After five minutes not much had happened but it felt good so I carried on. I guess it doesn't work if you do it to yourself."





> hahahaha you know, this is just Ferny... he keeps starting so provoking threads and then he is thought to be an angel and makes evils of others here


Haey, I just make the threads. You guys read and reply. 

*whistles*



> hahaha..not to take away from ferny, but my nickname is "where wishes come true"


I thought it was "Sloppy Joe"? :scratch:
:mrgreen:



> I'm not rubbing that thing.  There appears to be film of dried, cracked cream all over it.


That's left over from the last buffing I gave it. I didn't rub the wax into it for long enough I guess. Give it a good shake, perhaps a bang on the table. That'll remove it.


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

ferny said:
			
		

> dipped one in tea and sucked until you start to feel it and then shoved it in your mouth? :thumbsup:



OMG This thread is just going from bad to worse!

Tim Tam Explosion I call them. But I use coffee. That is truly the best!! 

But sometimes you can get a bit of a shock if you suck too hard and the coffee squirts right in the back of your throat and burns a little.


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

HOLY CRAP


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

What??? *innocent* It's true!


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## Artemis (Jun 4, 2005)

Meysha said:
			
		

> But sometimes you can get a bit of a shock if you suck too hard and the coffee squirts right in the back of your throat and burns a little.



:shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock::shock:


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## terri (Jun 4, 2005)

> That's left over from the last buffing I gave it. I didn't rub the wax into it for long enough I guess. Give it a good shake, perhaps a bang on the table. That'll remove it.


Thank you for clarifying that for me, my sweet.   But you all are doing an _amazing_ job with this thread....so please, carry on!   I'll just....watch.


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## PlasticSpanner (Jun 4, 2005)

I aint rubbing that lamp 3 wishes or not!

Does anybody more suitable have a lamp I can rub instead?


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

im just still disgusted with myself that i rubbed ferny's lamp.


and i still havent gotten my wishes, talk about a tease...


md


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

MD rubbed ferny's lamp!!! ha h ahahaha! *points and laughs!* They must've been pretty important wishes for that!

*runs away and hides*


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

hahahahaha....


BANNED!

MD


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## Meysha (Jun 4, 2005)

Ohhh I love it when you're nasty, MD. hehehehe ;-)


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## MDowdey (Jun 4, 2005)

finally i get some teasin!!!! thanks meysha


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## Artemis (Jun 4, 2005)

MDowdey said:
			
		

> hahahahaha....
> 
> 
> BANNED!
> ...



 MD = NASTY!


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## meotter (Jun 4, 2005)

whoa... this is how i know i'm not part of the "in crowd", when i don't even want to contribute to this sort of debauchery


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## Chase (Jun 4, 2005)

Run....run to where its safe.

Hmmm....I'm not even sure where that would BE anymore!


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## ferny (Jun 5, 2005)

> But sometimes you can get a bit of a shock if you suck too hard and the coffee squirts right in the back of your throat and burns a little.


Matt, it is true. It's the best way to eat them.
Never liked the taste of coffee. I'm a tea man myself. I'll go back and give it another taste now and then to see if it's grown on me but I never really go for it.



> Thank you for clarifying that for me, my sweet. But you all are doing an amazing job with this thread....so please, carry on! I'll just....watch.


Awww, terri. 
You've obviously got a gentle touch. It looks like that bromoil stuff is fiddly. I was hoping you'd give me a rub because with your experience you'd be gentle. Unlike the younger girls. Some of them are a bit heavy handed and leave bruises and dents. 



> and i still havent gotten my wishes, talk about a tease...


Sorry Matt. I was a little spent last night after all the rubbing. We can give it another go at some point if you wish. I'm sure I could fit you in somewhere.



> when i don't even want to contribute to this sort of debauchery


This thread was honestly started out with innocent intentions. I wanted to see what others would wish for. Ok, I threw in a bit of innuendoe, but that was just for fun.

I did try to bring it back on-topic but Vicky and mentos made it a bit hard last night.


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## mentos_007 (Jun 5, 2005)

> Some of them are a bit heavy handed and leave bruises and dents.



you evil  hahah so how's you shiny lamp today??  completely rubbed?  



> I did try to bring it back on-topic but Vicky and mentos made it a bit hard last night.



WE?!?!?! Vicky and I are angels and innocent ... we were talking about rubbing a lamp... I dunno what were you thinking about


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## ferny (Jun 5, 2005)

> you evil  hahah so how's you shiny lamp today??  completely rubbed?


I think it'll need a while to settle down. It took a beating last night.



> WE?!?!?! Vicky and I are angels and innocent ... we were talking about rubbing a lamp... I dunno what were you thinking about


You? Innoncent? I think you dashed that idea last night! 

I do feel a little left out now though. You all had so much fun rubbing I want to give ita go. I just need someone to offer something up.


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## Meysha (Jun 5, 2005)

> Unlike the younger girls. Some of them are a bit heavy handed and leave bruises and dents.


Hey! *offended*   :-(  I even cut my nails last night so I wouldn't have any problems.



> WE?!?!?! Vicky and I are angels and innocent ... we were talking about rubbing a lamp... I dunno what were you thinking about.


Here here! :bigangel: 



> I do feel a little left out now though. You all had so much fun rubbing I want to give ita go. I just need someone to offer something up.


Well I have a lamp too that could do with a bit of polishing - god knows it hasn't been polished for a long time! So I'm not even sure if the genie's still living in there. :-( 

I think it helps too if you use some sort of actual polish instead of just rubbing away at it. I've always found chocolate to be good, and cream too (though not the same type ferny wanted, I mean the sweet stuff). Also if you wash the rag in a bit of toothpaste before hand I find the lamp comes up nice and shiny. Or even if you make sure the rag is nice and cold then you can get a nice effect of parts of the lamp - although not for too long coz the genie might catch a cold.


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## ferny (Jun 5, 2005)

> Hey! *offended*  I even cut my nails last night so I wouldn't have any problems.


That was the problem. You didn't file down the rough and sharp edges.



> Well I have a lamp too that could do with a bit of polishing - god knows it hasn't been polished for a long time! So I'm not even sure if the genie's still living in there.


Nah, genie lamps are like African rivers. Over time they go dry and crack. But onces the rain starts it begins to flow. The banks swell, the surrounding land becomes moist and all kinds of wildlife come to nuzzle at it's edges.



> I think it helps too if you use some sort of actual polish instead of just rubbing away at it. I've always found chocolate to be good, and cream too (though not the same type ferny wanted, I mean the sweetstuff).


Chocolate is ok, but it can get into places and go bad if it isn't washed off completely. 



> Also if you wash the rag in a bit of toothpaste before hand I find the lamp comes up nice and shiny.


Don't you have to be careful not to have any toothpaste on the lamp though? I mean, it's pretty strong stuff and can damage the surface if you're not careful, can't it?



> Or even if you make sure the rag is nice and cold then you can get a nice effect of parts of the lamp - although not for too long coz the genie might catch a cold.


The cold can help though. Ice-cubes are a handy source of moister when needed. Much easier to handle that water as well. You can hold the icecube and move it over places of the lamp (gently) where drops of water on the fingers just isn't enough.


*gently places cream moistened rag against the Vicky lamp and wrosk his fingers in small circles*

I wish for.... A new mountain bike, some pizza and someone to hold.


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## Meysha (Jun 5, 2005)

:shock: Wow! :shock: Your wishes are granted!!!

Ice cubes! They work really really well!


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## Meysha (Jun 5, 2005)

Hmm of course you're not gonna lather toothpaste all over it. That would just be silly. But anything minty flavoured works well coz then when you breathe on it to get that really nice shine it goes all cold.


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## ferny (Jun 5, 2005)

> Your wishes are granted!!!


Cool. I didn't think I would have anything to wish for. But then I started rubbing and it came to me. I don't think you have to worry. Your genie showed up pretty quickly. He was very eager, and quick.


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## mentos_007 (Jun 5, 2005)

> then when you breathe on it to get that really nice shine it goes all cold.



but remember to use a toothpaste before... if not genie may be angry and not willing to listen to another set of wishes...


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## Xmetal (Jun 5, 2005)

*Rubs the lamp*

1. Financial Independence
2. MY05 Subaru Liberty GT Wagon - Built to my specs. 
3. Marry my g/f, have 2 kids and live a life full of prosperity.


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## errant_star (Jun 5, 2005)

hmmm .... I was thinking of posting an actual response to this thread but after reading all of the above I think I'll just slowly make my way out ...

oh screw that 

*turns and runs*


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## ferny (Jun 5, 2005)

> oh screw that


That? Sure, let me just get my driver out.


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## Meysha (Jun 5, 2005)

Oooo!!! Jen's in trouble now!

Also, isn't this thread fitting for mentos???    Men... Toss.... hehehehe. Sorry. But of course we were talking about lamps weren't we so ... anyway I'll let you get back to that.


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## Artemis (Jun 5, 2005)

Meysha said:
			
		

> Oooo!!! Jen's in trouble now!
> 
> Also, isn't this thread fitting for mentos??? Men... Toss.... hehehehe. Sorry. But of course we were talking about lamps weren't we so ... anyway I'll let you get back to that.



This thread has hit a new low...one I worry I will be drawn into, but maybe I should not come back? being young and nieve and all...


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## errant_star (Jun 5, 2005)

Meysha said:
			
		

> Oooo!!! Jen's in trouble now!
> QUOTE]
> 
> nope ... I've said my bit and I'm finished here :mrgreen:
> ...


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## ferny (Jun 5, 2005)

> Also, isn't this thread fitting for mentos??? Men... Toss.... hehehehe. Sorry. But of course we were talking about lamps weren't we so ... anyway I'll let you get back to that.


*sigh*
Some people have to take things too far don't they. You've spoilt it for everyone now.



> nope ... I've said my bit and I'm finished here
> 
> you guys go ahead and enjoy though ... well maybe not as much as ferny but enjoy your thread nonetheless


*zzzzzzziiippp*
Ahhhh, I'm finished to. And I did enjoy it. :blushing:

:mrgreen:


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## Raymond J Barlow (Jun 5, 2005)

omg, you guys are crazy!  so funny too!


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## photogoddess (Jun 6, 2005)

I'd love to make some wishes but I just can't bring myself to rub Ferny. I wonder if rubbing my own "lamp" would work?


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## Karalee (Jun 6, 2005)

So hypothetically how many wishes would someone get if someone gave your lamp a spit shine?

Hypothetically, that is.


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## ferny (Jun 6, 2005)

A spit shine? Oh, maybe I'll bump it to five or six wishes. Add in some champagne and perhaps you humming "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and I'll be yours for the day.


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## Alexandra (Nov 26, 2005)

Hmm, I can't come up with 3 wishes, guess i'm a happy person, but here's one i'd give anything for:
-Being able to read people's thoughts!!! ( to know _what_ lamps exacly you're rubbin...)


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## LaFoto (Nov 27, 2005)

Alexandra! You really dig up the longest-gone-and-oldest threads here  ---
One from May/June - now resurrected. Well. WOW. You are doing a lot of reading the very old things, right?

I have always wanted to meet a fairy (saves me from all that rubbing, wherever...) and I would have wished for 

- the ability to understand and speak EVERY language of this world perfectly and
- the ability to play every instrument

That's all. 
I never understood why in the fairy tales people would use up their three wishes by having only three wishes and not make the third a 

- grant me 100 more wishes :scratch: ?

but I think that would be considered immodest and therefore not even the first two will be granted (well, I still don't speak any more than three languages, and I still don't know how to play ANY instrument, but then I haven't met the fairy as yet, either).


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## Meysha (Nov 27, 2005)

> - grant me 100 more wishes  ?


Clause 6 section 5a of the Fairy Tale Wish Granters Association guidlines state:
"no wish, whether otherwise received or performed on/by a mortal may be substituted, sold, bartered, exchanged, or refunded under any circumstances, this includes changing 1 wish or more for a greater number of wishes. All wishes are a legally binding contract and the Grand High Council of Fairy Misconduct may use fairy dust evidence in any court proceedings"


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## SlySniper (Nov 27, 2005)

mentos_007 said:
			
		

> 4. I'd like to meet you all someday and drink a beer with you guys


 
Even me!!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen:


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## Rob (Nov 27, 2005)

*sings* 

"I'm a genie in a bottle baby, I'm a genie in a bottle"

:cheers:


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## mentos_007 (Nov 27, 2005)

buahahaha this thread is hilarious!!!  I read it once again and had a lot of fun!!! where are all those funny/dirty threads now??!? Vicky! We should start something new! Ferny come on here!!!! But tehre's no MD here :'( 

And I'm afraid that there are a few people who first rubbed Fernys lamp... then read the  thread  buahahahaha


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## Meysha (Nov 27, 2005)

Hahaha I was thinking the same thing mentos! In fact, ferny and I were just talking the other day about this thread... and we were laughing at how wrong it was!

but I think chase threatened to ban me if I started anymore dirty threads. :-( Spoilt sport.


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## mentos_007 (Nov 27, 2005)

Chase? oh come on... Chase is toooooo sweet to ban us, isn't he?  
we are after all... innocent... angels...  hehehe so... any ideas for the next dirty thread? or should I talk to Ferny...


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## Meysha (Nov 27, 2005)

I saw we bring back ferny's old avatar of the fluffy handcuffs! I think that's where all the mayhem started.


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## Artemis (Nov 27, 2005)

Anyone wanna help me with rubbing? im not very good at it myself...


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## mentos_007 (Nov 27, 2005)

Meysha said:
			
		

> I saw we bring back ferny's old avatar of the fluffy handcuffs! I think that's where all the mayhem started.



yes hahaha a that's right....


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## ferny (Nov 27, 2005)

> where are all those funny/dirty threads now??!? Vicky! We should start something new! Ferny come on here!!!!


Why leave it to us? Surely you can start a dirty one. :greenpbl:



> In fact, ferny and I were just talking the other day about this thread... and we were laughing at how wrong it was!


I'd like to state for the record, Vicky brought it up. That dirty dirty mind of hers. :shock: 

You should see that private entry she left in my guestbook! :shock:


:mrgreen:



> I saw we bring back ferny's old avatar of the fluffy handcuffs! I think that's where all the mayhem started.


They came after this thread. Because of it or another, I forget. I relaly like that avatar actually. But.. for now I'm using something festive. 
Like my *****? 



> Anyone wanna help me with rubbing? im not very good at it myself...


Sure.
*starts rubbing Dan with some wet and dry*


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## Artemis (Nov 27, 2005)

:meh: Umm....


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