# How much stupid can we fit in one thread?



## bentcountershaft (Apr 5, 2013)

My friend, an illegal alien, is wanting to know buy either a Canon or Nikon point and shoot for the purpose of taking photos of a gay, interracial wedding that is taking place in a Mosque that doesn't allow flash.  He'd also like tips on which gun to use in the "shot gun wedding pose" as well as whether it's worth the extra money for a MacBook Air to do his editing on.  I know what you're thinking, but this isn't his first wedding, it's his second.  The first one he did with etch a sketches but couldn't afford to buy that many at one time again, being that he had been contributing most of the drug money he makes to abortion clinics and dog fighting organizations.


Or we can forget all that and talk about something we can all agree on and have fun.

Something like pie.

Pie is good.

Peach pie is best.

Yes, it is, don't you ****ing argue with me.  Apple pie sucks donkey balls.


Maybe humans shouldn't communicate after all.


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## AaronLLockhart (Apr 5, 2013)

bentcountershaft said:


> My friend, an illegal alien, is wanting to know buy either a Canon or Nikon point and shoot for the purpose of taking photos of a gay, interracial wedding that is taking place in a Mosque that doesn't allow flash.  He'd also like tips on which gun to use in the "shot gun wedding pose" as well as whether it's worth the extra money for a MacBook Air to do his editing on.  I know what you're thinking, but this isn't his first wedding, it's his second.  The first one he did with etch a sketches but couldn't afford to buy that many at one time again, being that he had been contributing most of the drug money he makes to abortion clinics and dog fighting organizations.
> 
> 
> Or we can forget all that and talk about something we can all agree on and have fun.
> ...



My IQ just dropped.


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## dbvirago (Apr 5, 2013)

Is your friend shooting RAW or JPG? Because bitmaps are best.

And I don't do Apple anything, iPie included.


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## leeroix (Apr 5, 2013)

hahaha


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## Big Mike (Apr 5, 2013)

> Or we can forget all that and talk about something we can all agree on and have fun.
> 
> Something like pie.
> 
> Pie is good.


Bacon is better.


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## bentcountershaft (Apr 5, 2013)

AaronLLockhart said:


> My IQ just dropped.



As it should.  There's really nothing in the title to indicate to you that you should have expected anything less.


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## bentcountershaft (Apr 5, 2013)

I almost went with bacon at the end, but who can argue with bacon?


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## Majeed Badizadegan (Apr 5, 2013)

Was he drawing in RAW on his etch-a-sketch?


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## runnah (Apr 5, 2013)

bentcountershaft said:


> I almost went with bacon at the end, but who can argue with bacon?



Pigs?


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## bentcountershaft (Apr 5, 2013)

runnah said:


> bentcountershaft said:
> 
> 
> > I almost went with bacon at the end, but who can argue with bacon?
> ...



Pigs do not count.  They can get their own forum.


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## HughGuessWho (Apr 5, 2013)

RAW bacon. Oopsy, sorry sparky... raw


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## dbvirago (Apr 5, 2013)

bentcountershaft said:


> runnah said:
> 
> 
> > bentcountershaft said:
> ...



http://www.thepigsite.com/forums/


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## bentcountershaft (Apr 5, 2013)

See?  They're fine.


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## Derrel (Apr 5, 2013)

UNCOMPRESSED .TIF format, for the win!!!! Woo-hoo! Crack open a fifth of tequila and slice up some lemons and limes,baby!!! We goonna get drunk to-nite!!!


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## TATTRAT (Apr 5, 2013)

Big Mike said:


> > Or we can forget all that and talk about something we can all agree on and have fun.
> >
> > Something like pie.
> >
> ...


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## ratssass (Apr 5, 2013)

......i like turtles


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## Derrel (Apr 5, 2013)

*Needs more cowbell!!!!!!!!!!!*


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## jwbryson1 (Apr 5, 2013)

Derrel said:


> *Needs more cowbell!!!!!!!!!!!*



Easy, guys.. I put my pants on just like the rest of you -- one leg at a  time.  Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records.

(- Bruce Dickinson)


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## IByte (Apr 5, 2013)

AaronLLockhart said:


> bentcountershaft said:
> 
> 
> > My friend, an illegal alien, is wanting to know buy either a Canon or Nikon point and shoot for the purpose of taking photos of a gay, interracial wedding that is taking place in a Mosque that doesn't allow flash.  He'd also like tips on which gun to use in the "shot gun wedding pose" as well as whether it's worth the extra money for a MacBook Air to do his editing on.  I know what you're thinking, but this isn't his first wedding, it's his second.  The first one he did with etch a sketches but couldn't afford to buy that many at one time again, being that he had been contributing most of the drug money he makes to abortion clinics and dog fighting organizations.
> ...



Image Quality? Oo


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## 480sparky (Apr 5, 2013)

bentcountershaft said:


> My friend, an illegal alien, is wanting to know buy either a Canon or Nikon point and shoot for the purpose of taking photos of a gay, interracial wedding that is taking place in a Mosque that doesn't allow flash.  He'd also like tips on which gun to use in the "shot gun wedding pose" as well as whether it's worth the extra money for a MacBook Air to do his editing on.  I know what you're thinking, but this isn't his first wedding, it's his second.  The first one he did with etch a sketches but couldn't afford to buy that many at one time again, being that he had been contributing most of the drug money he makes to abortion clinics and dog fighting organizations............




It depends on whether he wants to use a UV filter or not.  Another factor is shooting raw or JPEG. Is he using a ball head or 3-way.... or does he want to use ISO 12,800 and hand-hold everything?


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## baturn (Apr 5, 2013)

i thought the "how much stupid " question was well covered in the "memory cards for storage " thread!!


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## baturn (Apr 5, 2013)

ooh---bacon pie!


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## 480sparky (Apr 5, 2013)

baturn said:


> i thought the "how much stupid " question was well covered in the "memory cards for storage " thread!!




2gig or 4 gig cards?


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## kathyt (Apr 5, 2013)

bentcountershaft said:


> My friend, an illegal alien, is wanting to know buy either a Canon or Nikon point and shoot for the purpose of taking photos of a gay, interracial wedding that is taking place in a Mosque that doesn't allow flash. He'd also like tips on which gun to use in the "shot gun wedding pose" as well as whether it's worth the extra money for a MacBook Air to do his editing on. I know what you're thinking, but this isn't his first wedding, it's his second. The first one he did with etch a sketches but couldn't afford to buy that many at one time again, being that he had been contributing most of the drug money he makes to abortion clinics and dog fighting organizations.
> 
> 
> Or we can forget all that and talk about something we can all agree on and have fun.
> ...



Did you have another long, arduous day on the job again bentcountershaftpropanefilleruppercomicmaker?


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## IByte (Apr 5, 2013)

I do weddings with a kit lens


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## EIngerson (Apr 5, 2013)

Oh look, train tracks.


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## dbvirago (Apr 5, 2013)

I was thinking about starting a wedding photography business. What kind of camera should I get?


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## mishele (Apr 5, 2013)

I love porn.


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## Steve5D (Apr 5, 2013)

I like ice cream...


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## kathyt (Apr 5, 2013)

This is my first wedding. I currently use a Canon Rebel with a kit lens, but will be renting a Mark III, 2 speedlights, the 70-200L, an 85L, and the 24-70L the day before. Is that enough time to get the hang of the gear? p.s. I hope I get my rented gear in time, because I only charged the bride and groom $125 for 12 hours, plus all the images on a CD, so I couldn't afford the faster shipping.


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## IByte (Apr 5, 2013)

Beans are healthly


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## 480sparky (Apr 5, 2013)

There's a picture I wanna take but I don't know if I should use my 10mm and shoot it at ISO 100, 1/100 sec and f/11.... Or my 1,000mm, ISO 25,600, 1/8000, f/22.

Whaty'all think?


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## mishele (Apr 5, 2013)

^^^^ ISO seems a little high but what do I know.


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## weepete (Apr 5, 2013)

Well, your friend is wrong and an idiot. 

He needs to buy a Binford 5000 series with the off camera flamethrower. Set the WB to roaring fire setting and bounce it off the floor at a 13.412angle on to the nearest black wall (so the charring of the beams is not noticed after they leave. Of course you could allways try and remove it in post with Pyroshop 6.7 but it's best to get it right in camera) remember that shutter speed needs to be set to § and freeze motion by using an apeture of 8/5. 

Sometimes you can get a bad colour cast off the skin when Satan appears, so make sure you switch your style menu to dark. Needless to say that whatever brand Lens you use needs to have a coating of unicorn horn and the apeture made of the cervix of a virgin, and will generally cost your soul.


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## snowbear (Apr 5, 2013)

I like to selectively color the backgrounds on my pseudo-sepia-toned, landscape-orientation, up-the-nose portraits.  Oh, and place a big watermark on them so nobody steals the pix.


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## terri (Apr 5, 2013)

I'm going to get drunk.


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## Josh66 (Apr 5, 2013)

terri said:


> I'm going to get drunk.



I'm like a 6-pack ahead of you.


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## dbvirago (Apr 5, 2013)

Kathy, maybe you can help me with a bride I shot for. I was supposed to shoot the ceremony for a $100 and give her a CD at the end of the night. She calls me up the next day all hacked off about the CD I gave her.  My opinion is if she already had Led Zeppelin's greatest hits, she should have said so up front. I told her if she wants a CD with her wedding pictures on it, that was  $2500, but she was just being unreasonable. What do you think?


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## snowbear (Apr 5, 2013)

It's OK if the focus is soft, the horizon is tilted, the highlights are blown out, the shadows are black, and the sun flares obscure the subject -- it's art.


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## snowbear (Apr 5, 2013)

dbvirago said:


> I was thinking about starting a wedding photography business. What kind of camera should I get?



I started mine a cuppa months ago - what lense do I need?


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## mishele (Apr 5, 2013)

terri said:


> I'm going to get drunk.


It's party time!!


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## dbvirago (Apr 5, 2013)

I heard mirrorless was the way to go, but after I pulled the mirror out, the viewfinder is black. Do I need to clean it?


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## pgriz (Apr 5, 2013)

If off-camera flash is good, then off-camera lens is better, no?


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## 480sparky (Apr 5, 2013)

I wanna start taking pictures.  Do I need a camera?


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## Josh66 (Apr 5, 2013)

pgriz said:


> If off-camera flash is good, then off-camera lens is better, no?



That actually is 'a thing'...  
How-to: Freelensing | BH Insights


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## Derrel (Apr 5, 2013)

Let's label EVERY,single post NSFW because somebody *might get his panties in a twist!!!!!!!*


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## Josh66 (Apr 5, 2013)

Derrel said:


> Let's label EVERY,single post NSFW because somebody *might get his panties in a twist!!!!!!!*



I wish I could like that twice.  LOL


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## 480sparky (Apr 5, 2013)

pgriz said:


> If off-camera flash is good, then off-camera lens is better, no?



Only if you use an off-lens UV filter.


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## mishele (Apr 5, 2013)

Let's get back to what we drink at what ISO. 
I drink tequila at ISO 1600. You?


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## 480sparky (Apr 5, 2013)

mishele said:


> Let's get back to what we drink at what ISO.
> I drink tequila at ISO 1600. You?



I don't imbibe.  I guess that makes my ISO zero.


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## pgriz (Apr 5, 2013)

480sparky said:


> I wanna start taking pictures. Do I need a camera?



Don't see why.  Scanners actually work real well.  Although landscapes are a challenge.


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## 480sparky (Apr 5, 2013)

pgriz said:


> 480sparky said:
> 
> 
> > I wanna start taking pictures. Do I need a camera?
> ...




Gotcha.  OK, another question:  If I 'chimp', do I need to be wearing a monkey suit?


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## Josh66 (Apr 5, 2013)

480sparky said:


> pgriz said:
> 
> 
> > 480sparky said:
> ...


You don't have to, but you'll get fewer weird looks when you start throwing crap (literally) at people.


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## pgriz (Apr 5, 2013)

480sparky said:


> pgriz said:
> 
> 
> > 480sparky said:
> ...



If you are a literalist. However, you could go minimalist and wear nothing. Then proper chimping would be to throw rocks and sticks at the clods trying to photograph you.

Edit:  that Jeep guy types faster.  or maybe his 4WD just grips better.


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## 480sparky (Apr 5, 2013)

pgriz said:


> ..........Edit:  that Jeep guy types faster.  or maybe his 4WD just grips better.



It's not his 4WD....... it's that he drives upside down.  It's a Jeep thing.


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## bentcountershaft (Apr 5, 2013)

I think Lew had a good idea with the Welcome to TPF thread thingie, but I think they should be referred to this one as well.  You can see right off the bat what you're getting into before you even have the chance to get offended.  We're insane, but mostly harmless.


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## pgriz (Apr 5, 2013)

I thought that was Sharon's line.  

Uh-oh.  Copyright Infringement!!!


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## 480sparky (Apr 5, 2013)

How does 'the scam' work?  I don't get it.  I assume they're bots,  because I see no reason a real person would bother creating an account  just to copy/paste other users' content...

The only thing I can think of is that they're trying to get their post  count up before they do whatever it is they were meant to do.


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## manaheim (Apr 5, 2013)

I strongly suggest a box full of memory cards with sharpie marks on them.


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## texkam (Apr 5, 2013)

Are you asking me for my "advise"?
Common Mistakes - Advise vs. Advice


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## kathyt (Apr 5, 2013)

480sparky said:


> mishele said:
> 
> 
> > Let's get back to what we drink at what ISO.
> ...



What is ISO zero? "I'm starting out with zero money?"


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## 480sparky (Apr 6, 2013)

kathythorson said:


> 480sparky said:
> 
> 
> > mishele said:
> ...



f/0 then?  Or 1/0 shutter?  Or perhaps a 0mm lens?


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## manaheim (Apr 6, 2013)

I found the biggest stupid I could find to see if it would fit.


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## bentcountershaft (Apr 6, 2013)

It barely does.  We're gonna need a bigger thread.


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## 480sparky (Apr 6, 2013)




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## bentcountershaft (Apr 6, 2013)

See?  Bigger thread.  Make it happen.


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## mishele (Apr 6, 2013)

480sparky said:


>


Can someone please tell me what the image looks like?!!


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## 480sparky (Apr 6, 2013)

mishele said:


> 480sparky said:
> 
> 
> >
> ...


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## Overread (Apr 6, 2013)

*makes mental note to keep adding whatever it is that we are adding to the water to the water around here - its working -after years of experimentation its working!!*


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## 480sparky (Apr 6, 2013)

Overread said:


> *makes mental note to keep adding whatever it is that we are adding to the water to the water around here - its working -after years of experimentation its working!!*



Flouride.


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## pgriz (Apr 6, 2013)

480sparky said:


> Overread said:
> 
> 
> > *makes mental note to keep adding whatever it is that we are adding to the water to the water around here - its working -after years of experimentation its working!!*
> ...



No.  And it's not the water.  It's NO (as in nitrous oxide).  And it works.  Proof is in the pud... er, air.


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## 480sparky (Apr 6, 2013)

How can I get my pictures to look like this? Is it a filter? Lens? A zoom lens? PhotoShop? Can it be done with a different shutter speed? Do I need used motor oil?


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## cgipson1 (Apr 6, 2013)

I think some of the stupid leaked out of this thread, and infected some people today.... just saying!


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## dbvirago (Apr 6, 2013)

texkam said:


> Are you asking me for my "advise"?
> Common Mistakes - Advise vs. Advice



You need to loose the attitude


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## IByte (Apr 6, 2013)

Sometime I guess people like their cucumbers pickled.


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## bentcountershaft (Apr 6, 2013)

cgipson1 said:


> I think some of the stupid leaked out of this thread, and infected some people today.... just saying!



That's what I've been trying to prevent all along, but this thread couldn't contain all the stupid.  Like I said, we need a bigger thread.


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## duhast (Apr 6, 2013)

Eagle antelope horn. Don't neglect my dodge wambesi two stripe.


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## kathyt (Apr 6, 2013)

I love how QVC is describing their Philosophy products right now. It is hilarious. They are products for my face and skin QVC! I don't want to eat them! Stop using words like succulent and delicious. Arrggg QVC!


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## pgriz (Apr 6, 2013)

Ah, yes... QVC.  Their 800 number is two digits off our 800 number.  We get more QVC return merchandise calls than we get our own calls.  And the customers refuse to believe they misdialed.  So now, when we get one of these, we switch to French.  We tried Spanish earlier, but they then get excited and tell us all about their lives.   With French, we get quicker hang-ups.


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