# Does your  family support this??



## Ian63

Just a  thought. Anything I produce or  create as  it relates to my photographic  skills, is  met with open and  unrestrained  hostility from my wife. I don't even show  her my work anymore. In fact I have  even restricted  her  on my facebook page  because of  her demoralizing comments.
I have  learned over  the  years  that ANYTHING I buy for  my obsession, HAS  to come  from money I have  generated from sales. I would  NEVER  ask her to buy me  anything photography related for  birthday or  Christmas. And  yet the  woman is an artist and  musician herself. Oils... acrylic.. water color...and  plays the  piano.  Go figure!

Do your  significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby... oram I just an oddball??

Ian


----------



## 480sparky

I'm single.  So I don't have that problem.


----------



## Ian63

HAHA


----------



## SnappingShark

My wife doesn't necessarily like the hobby itself, but loves that I have a hobby of which I am enthusiastic and passionate about.
She will occasionally look at some shots I've taken, and will even help me with finding a nice place to shoot pictures.

So yeah, she's totally understanding - and about the money aspect - so long as I stick to the budget, I'm all good 

edited to add: She's currently in overseas, and may even bring me back a nice camera strap that I've asked for.


----------



## Derrel

480sparky said:


> I'm single.  So I don't have that problem.



My guess is the OP will be single before too long as well...

Wow..."open and unrestrained hostility", eh? Sounds quite serious to me.


----------



## 480sparky

This was mentioned on another forum.  Someone said after he got married, he sold his camera gear, motorcycle, jet-ski, quad, audio equipment, ham radio, guns and fishing boat.

Now that he's single again, he's going back and acquiring all his old 'fun' stuff.


----------



## KmH

> Do your significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby...


No. And each became ex-significant others.

They each knew before we got married that I spent *a lot* of money on my hobby, and that as time went on I would probably be spending even more money on my hobby as I moved up in the race car classes.
After all they both met me at the race track, and wanted to sit in my race car.


----------



## KmH

KmH said:


> Do your significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby...
> 
> 
> 
> No. And each (there were 2) became ex-significant others.
> 
> They each knew before we got married that I spent *a lot* of money on my hobby, and that as time went on I would probably be spending even more money on my hobby as I moved up in the race car classes.
> After all they both met me at the race track, and wanted to sit in my race car.
Click to expand...


----------



## snowbear

I'm retired and working on a voluntary basis (aka an "intern").  My lovely wife gives me a little money, every so often, so I can pursue my artistic hobbies.


----------



## Gary A.

Seriously, you may have some real problems and the photography thing is just the tip of the iceberg.


----------



## BrickHouse

My wife supports me 100% as long as I am reasonable about my budget and needs. She should support your love for something, even if she does't share the same.


----------



## pgriz

How the spouses address each other's hobbies and pastimes correlates strongly, I think, with the respect they feel towards each other.  What is underlying this hostility that your spouse feels, and why is she putting down your creative work?  There's more to the story than you have told us.


----------



## Vtec44

My wife is the CFO in my business.  She sees all the money (expenses and revenue).  Yes she supports it!


----------



## limr

pgriz said:


> How the spouses address each other's hobbies and pastimes correlates strongly, I think, with the respect they feel towards each other.  What is underlying this hostility that your spouse feels, and why is she putting down your creative work?  There's more to the story than you have told us.



I've got to agree here. Is there some sort of professional jealousy here or something going on? Does she want to be the only creative one in the relationship? I can understand some arguments over unreasonable sums of money or a general lip-pursing, but the outright hostility? What's up with that?

My boyfriend and I share photography as a hobby and we support each other in our pursuits, gear acquisitions, projects, etc. Even if the hobbies differ (and we do have interests other than photography that do not intersect), I couldn't see either one of us putting demands on the way the other spends his/her money. If we had a joint account and he emptied it, I'd have something to say regardless of what he spent it on, but he's free to spend his own money the way he sees fit, just as I have control over my own money. It helps that we are both responsible with our money, though honestly, if he were a total flake about money, I doubt we'd have made it to nearly 10 years together.


----------



## snerd

Your wife sounds like the oddball.


----------



## minicoop1985

My wife egged me on to give it a try, and is the reason I am where I am today.


----------



## gsgary

Kick her into touch ASAP


----------



## Overread

There are always two sides to every story. 

That said a relationship between any number of people has to rely upon respect and trust. If you lack that then the relationship is going to sour. Now sometimes you go through a rough patch, a period of time when things are not ideal and you get stressed out with each other. But it's temporary. 
If it lasts into the long term then you've got issues. If your wife cannot respect your hobby and is indeed even slating you and being hostile then I would say there is a problem. 

As others have said, even if their significant other doesn't share their enthusiasm or interest, they can at least be accepting and supportive. 

Sometimes its the case that you have to sit down and talk about things honestly; to explain how comments that the other party might not feel are as insulting/harmful are. Sometimes you have to get a counsellor to help mediate between you.


----------



## Fred Berg

You say your wife is an artist. Could it be that she doesn't consider photography to be art?


----------



## petrochemist

Fred Berg said:


> You say your wife is an artist. Could it be that she doesn't consider photography to be art?


 
 That would hardly be rare in artists! I have to admit there's a fair bit of award winning 'art' that I don't consider to be art at all, even the most random snapshots get closer IMO.

My local camera club has displayed at the local show for over ten years, and due to rearrangements the education tent, we used to be based in, has shrunk moving us elsewhere. Last year the organisers put us into the art marque much to the concern of the artists exhibiting there. Fortunately having seen our work they've now accepted us, and we've been invited back!

I'm fortunate in that my wife is quite supporting of my hobby, Though she does get impaticent when she has to wait around for me to take shots on family day's out. I've very rarely heard comments about the money I've spent on it - but I get the impression she considers herself free to match my spend on her hobbies.


----------



## runnah

I can relate, I showed my wife a photo of a duck and she stabbed me with a fork.


----------



## Braineack

I take pictures all day, then edit all night, post them all in the morning.

I have no other interaction with my wife.

I have no idea why she hates my hobby.


----------



## gsgary

My ex wife wanted me to get rid of my motorbikes that was never going to happen,  she had to go


----------



## gsgary

Overread said:


> There are always two sides to every story.
> 
> That said a relationship between any number of people has to rely upon respect and trust. If you lack that then the relationship is going to sour. Now sometimes you go through a rough patch, a period of time when things are not ideal and you get stressed out with each other. But it's temporary.
> If it lasts into the long term then you've got issues. If your wife cannot respect your hobby and is indeed even slating you and being hostile then I would say there is a problem.
> 
> As others have said, even if their significant other doesn't share their enthusiasm or interest, they can at least be accepting and supportive.
> 
> Sometimes its the case that you have to sit down and talk about things honestly; to explain how comments that the other party might not feel are as insulting/harmful are. Sometimes you have to get a counsellor to help mediate between you.


My wife to be has a horse and hunts so my motorbikes and cameras are very cheap compared to a horse on full livery a horse box and 4x4 to go with it


----------



## Dagwood56

My thought is that your wife maybe insecure in her own artistic ability and perhaps feels threatened by yours. She may feel the need to be the only one in the family who is artistic as a way to feel popular and accepted. In my household, my husband earns and handles all the money, but when its affordable he's more than happy to get me something for my photography. Two years ago he surprised me with a better computer than I had for editing and he recently got me a new [used] lens since all I had left that worked, was a 50mm. Now he's saving to get me some photo software from Topaz that I want. He's always trying to scout out interesting locations we can go on his day off so I can take photos. Excuse my saying this, but your wife sounds like she has some serious control and insecurity issues and as someone else said, it sounds likely that there are other underlying issues in the marriage, otherwise she wouldn't openly bash your work on your facebook page etc. I mean, that's downright cruel for a spouse to do. Good luck.


----------



## bribrius

Ian63 said:


> Just a  thought. Anything I produce or  create as  it relates to my photographic  skills, is  met with open and  unrestrained  hostility from my wife. I don't even show  her my work anymore. In fact I have  even restricted  her  on my facebook page  because of  her demoralizing comments.
> I have  learned over  the  years  that ANYTHING I buy for  my obsession, HAS  to come  from money I have  generated from sales. I would  NEVER  ask her to buy me  anything photography related for  birthday or  Christmas. And  yet the  woman is an artist and  musician herself. Oils... acrylic.. water color...and  plays the  piano.  Go figure!
> 
> Do your  significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby... oram I just an oddball??
> 
> Ian


did a re-edit here as i wasn't directly replying to the quote. Does my significant other.....answer is "sort of " but she feels i spend way to much time on it and i don't make enough dollars back in return. In her defense, i do spend a obscene amount of time on photography. She is less concerned with painting it seems because we both paint. I think it is a matter of inclusion. She wants to feel included and the individual pursuit which involves a lot of time is actually a separation. Perhaps you could put down the camera a little more and do some painting with her. (i should probably be taking my own advice)


----------



## bribrius

Fred Berg said:


> You say your wife is an artist. Could it be that she doesn't consider photography to be art?


this is a very distinct possibility as well.


----------



## Designer

Ian63 said:


> Do your  significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby... oram I just an oddball??





gsgary said:


> Kick her into touch ASAP


Unfortunately, you don't need a photography forum, you need a marriage counselor.  It's your marriage, not photography equipment.


----------



## gsgary

Designer said:


> Ian63 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Do your  significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby... oram I just an oddball??
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> gsgary said:
> 
> 
> 
> Kick her into touch ASAP
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Unfortunately, you don't need a photography forum, you need a marriage counselor.  It's your marriage, not photography equipment.
Click to expand...

I'm not married for another 5 weeks


----------



## bribrius

Designer said:


> Ian63 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Do your  significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby... oram I just an oddball??
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> gsgary said:
> 
> 
> 
> Kick her into touch ASAP
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Unfortunately, you don't need a photography forum, you need a marriage counselor.  It's your marriage, not photography equipment.
Click to expand...

most relationships in marriage counseling still end in divorce i believe. Nothing against marriage counselors. But inviting a third party into the debate usually seems to compound the problem providing more ammo "well the counselor said" and cop outs "well i went to counseling i tried".   And then there is the question of how much a marriage counselor can benefit anyway as most they themselves have been divorced.. How about a nice weekend get away? Might do more good.


----------



## hotpeppergyrl

My hubby supports me and my obsession as I do his. His cost more though. .lol

dont retreat.... reload.. sarah palin


----------



## pgriz

The two fundamentals in a relationship are respect and trust.  Once those are broken, marriage counselling may point out the issues, but it's up to the couple to rebuild the foundation.  If there's no interest in doing the heavy lifting required to do so, then the relationship will terminate.   While love (and attraction) are important, love without respect and trust will not last.


----------



## SnappingShark

A partner who does not support you is not a partner. To me it seems pretty cut and dry


----------



## astroNikon

runnah said:


> I can relate, I showed my wife a photo of a duck and she stabbed me with a fork.


I think she was trying to tell you that she was hungry.
Very hungry


----------



## astroNikon

Braineack said:


> I take pictures all day, then edit all night, post them all in the morning.
> 
> I have no other interaction with my wife.
> 
> I have no idea why she hates my hobby.


Buy more cats
They'll be your friend ... maybe ...


----------



## ronlane

Someone call Dr. Phil, he can fix anything.


----------



## snerd

ronlane said:


> Someone call Dr. Phil, he can fix anything.


Oh I can't stand that guy! Ex wife thought he was a god! Doh!!


Sent from my iPhone 6+ using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## ronlane

snerd said:


> ronlane said:
> 
> 
> 
> Someone call Dr. Phil, he can fix anything.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh I can't stand that guy! Ex wife thought he was a god! Doh!!
> 
> Sent from my iPhone 6+ using Tapatalk Pro
Click to expand...


See, he fixed that (the EX). You are in a much better place now, more money to spend on photography. lol


----------



## bhop

My girlfriend supports my hobbies as long as I don't overdo it.


----------



## ceejtank

I'm lucky.. my GF loves my work and uses it as artwork around our apartment, and future house.  Though when I bought the Mark III she definitely was upset with how much it cost....  But such is life.


----------



## Joves

Well this is why I never got married, and only did the trial marriage deal when I was younger. No divorce, no muss, no fuss. 
I am sorry to say but I do not see this ending well. Nothing against you Ian, but I have seen this type of situation far too many times. And it never works.


----------



## NancyMoranG

Were you doing photography when you met ? Did she know this was part of your life? 
Of course budget comes into play, but within reason this is who you are....so she has a problem with you for some reason...?


----------



## Ian63

ermmmm  I didn't expect my comment to explode  into this  ... ermmmm debate. Lot of  interesting points  made  here.
first of  all... yes  I believe my wife  does  not consider  photography to be  art. Secondly she  is a  control freak with insecurity issues... but that is  just MY opinion... as  I see  it. SO that in itself  could  be  debated  at length. I have  learned to live with this  and  other  issues and  difficulties. I was  just curious if  this was  a concept that is  common. It seems... not so. Thank you everyone  for  your interesting input.


----------



## Ian63

oh and  yes... I was  into photography when we  met... so she  knew  the  deal.


----------



## limr

Ian63 said:


> ermmmm  I didn't expect my comment to explode  into this  ... ermmmm debate. Lot of  interesting points  made  here.



Welcome to TPF!


----------



## snowbear

OK, so let's make this real interesting:
1.  Get her to sign up.
2.  Challenge her to a duel -- TPF camera shootout.
3.  Both of y'all post the results here and let the horde decide.


----------



## Designer

Ian63 said:


> I was  just curious if  this was  a concept that is  common.


I doubt if she will go for it, but if you can sit down and talk calmly about money, have each of you agree to a strict budget.  That way, as long as you both are adhering to your budget, there should be no friction about spending money.


----------



## rexbobcat

Well I get a call from my mom every week asking "So...what about law school?" But there isn't any outright hostility. More like she just kind of avoids the question when people ask what I do. lol

Aside from that, my partner supports me. I just have lots of self-doubt, so they do get a bit annoyed. But other than that, they just want to make sure that I'm happy and bringing in enough money for us to live.


----------



## jovince3000

I'm single. I'm pretty confident in the fact that photography has nothing to do with it.

But if I can be blunt, being single sound better than the relationship you're in. Sorry bro.


----------



## bribrius

jovince3000 said:


> I'm single. I'm pretty confident in the fact that photography has nothing to do with it.
> 
> But if I can be blunt, being single sound better than the relationship you're in. Sorry bro.


It is all about boundaries. I learned this in marriage counseling. Like if she degrades him on facebook again he should go piss on her laptop. Sends a strong simple message, and most importantly from a relationship standpoint establishes a firm set boundary. He just hasn't set the proper boundaries.


----------



## jovince3000

bribrius said:


> It is all about boundaries. I learned this in marriage counseling. Like if she degrades him on facebook again he should go piss on her laptop. Sends a strong simple message, and most importantly from a relationship standpoint establishes a firm set boundary. He just hasn't set the proper boundaries.



I'm personally a strong believer in the "hatred will only lead to more hatred". Strong responses will only lead to stronger responses until everything break. If you've reached that point, You're better off going your separate way before both of you lose everything you cherish.

Now that's just my personal opinion, but I've seen that kind of thing happen.

The "make your point" strategy will work once or twice, IF you take the time to sit down and clearly explain WHY you did this and both of you come to an agreement and understanding. But realistically speaking, if someone pissed on my laptop, you can be sure your hotdog would finish in literal "*your* hot-dog" no matter if the previous act was justified or not.

Also, remind me to never piss you off


----------



## bribrius

jovince3000 said:


> bribrius said:
> 
> 
> 
> It is all about boundaries. I learned this in marriage counseling. Like if she degrades him on facebook again he should go piss on her laptop. Sends a strong simple message, and most importantly from a relationship standpoint establishes a firm set boundary. He just hasn't set the proper boundaries.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm personally a strong believer in the "hatred will only lead to more hatred". Strong responses will only lead to stronger responses until everything break. If you've reached that point, You're better off going your separate way before both of you lose everything you cherish.
> 
> Now that's just my personal opinion, but I've seen that kind of thing happen.
> 
> The "make your point" strategy will work once or twice, IF you take the time to sit down and clearly explain WHY you did this and both of you come to an agreement and understanding. But realistically speaking, if someone pissed on my laptop, you can be sure your hotdog would finish in literal "*your* hot-dog" no matter if the previous act was justified or not.
> 
> Also, remind me to never piss you off
Click to expand...

Not at all. I grew up with sisters. I caught on to a few things long ago. But for those just catching up let me recommend the following.

No More Mr Nice Guy Robert A. Glover 9780762415335 Amazon.com Books

barnes and noble  No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover 9780762415335 Hardcover Barnes Noble






Edit: i also married one of the difficult ones, should have been a red head.  (God love her. lol) Over the years caught on to about every button i had she tried to push. LMAO.  If it was there she would throw it on the table to see my reaction and just get more upset when she didn't get one. Like really, if there was something for leverage she would be reaching for it.  Even the big "D" word. In which i just started the paperwork. Then she flipped out in utter horror that i just go ahead and started it. so i just answered "oh, okay, i guess you don't want one then?"  still married. She wouldn't dare say negative things about me on facebook, she learned i would just probably walk over and piss on her laptop.  It works, really. Especially necessary if you get one of the strong willed controlling ones. If they don't see a repercussion they just keep going, and going, and getting worse, and worse, looking for that boundary.


----------



## bribrius

Ian63 said:


> Just a  thought. Anything I produce or  create as  it relates to my photographic  skills, is  met with open and  unrestrained  hostility from my wife. I don't even show  her my work anymore. In fact I have  even restricted  her  on my facebook page  because of  her demoralizing comments.
> I have  learned over  the  years  that ANYTHING I buy for  my obsession, HAS  to come  from money I have  generated from sales. I would  NEVER  ask her to buy me  anything photography related for  birthday or  Christmas. And  yet the  woman is an artist and  musician herself. Oils... acrylic.. water color...and  plays the  piano.  Go figure!
> 
> Do your  significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby... oram I just an oddball??
> 
> Ian


Read above^^^^^^^^^^^

no boundaries. she has no respect for you. Go get it.. She would be happier herself, do it for her too. You may get some push back, kicking and screaming (least on the inside). Ignore it. Be better off in the end i assure you. Both of you.  Read the book too. If anyone sounds like they need it, might be you. She does to you ONLY  what you allow. And makes you feel a certain way ONLY because you allow it. Follow????????????? Don't allow it. Set firm boundaries. She will learn them 

You really want to upset her just go buy some camera stuff with her money. And just sit back and see what happens, always keep calm. Very calm. . If she asks you why just say "because i decided too". Might as well start it off with a little shock impact.


----------



## snerd

I would not be taking any relationship advice on an internet forum. Just sayin'. 

And I prefer this version of No More Mr. Nice Guy...............







  

........................


----------



## waday

You'll do anything for love, except giving up photography?


----------



## jake337

I'm such a cheap ass that without my wife I wouldn't have bought any photography gear at all. 

She always gives me the "just do it" nudge every time.  Followed by "you work hard to support this family,  you deserve it".


----------



## vintagesnaps

This is getting OT but since you brought it up Brian, this isn't the first time you've talked about reacting in a physical way that seemed to be directed to something that belonged to one of your family members. Knowing you have kids I hope you'll think about how you're handling conflicts, this doesn't sound like the best way to work out a problem.


----------



## minicoop1985

snowbear said:


> OK, so let's make this real interesting:
> 1.  Get her to sign up.
> 2.  Challenge her to a duel -- TPF camera shootout.
> 3.  Both of y'all post the results here and let the horde decide.



Ugh, my wife always tries to make it a contest. I'm WAY better than her at product photography. She's WAY better than me at macro photography.


----------



## pgriz

minicoop1985 said:


> snowbear said:
> 
> 
> 
> OK, so let's make this real interesting:
> 1.  Get her to sign up.
> 2.  Challenge her to a duel -- TPF camera shootout.
> 3.  Both of y'all post the results here and let the horde decide.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ugh, my wife always tries to make it a contest. I'm WAY better than her at product photography. She's WAY better than me at macro photography.
Click to expand...


Well then work it to build the relationship - when she "wins" at whatever she's good at, shower her with praise and compliments.  That costs you nothing, and yet it will probably mean a lot to her to have her skill acknowledged and validated.  Who knows, maybe she'll feel inspired to reciprocate.


----------



## minicoop1985

pgriz said:


> minicoop1985 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> snowbear said:
> 
> 
> 
> OK, so let's make this real interesting:
> 1.  Get her to sign up.
> 2.  Challenge her to a duel -- TPF camera shootout.
> 3.  Both of y'all post the results here and let the horde decide.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ugh, my wife always tries to make it a contest. I'm WAY better than her at product photography. She's WAY better than me at macro photography.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Well then work it to build the relationship - when she "wins" at whatever she's good at, shower her with praise and compliments.  That costs you nothing, and yet it will probably mean a lot to her to have her skill acknowledged and validated.  Who knows, maybe she'll feel inspired to reciprocate.
Click to expand...


This is exactly what I do. But still, it's GOTTA be a contest with her... grrr women.


----------



## pgriz

minicoop1985 said:


> pgriz said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> minicoop1985 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> snowbear said:
> 
> 
> 
> OK, so let's make this real interesting:
> 1.  Get her to sign up.
> 2.  Challenge her to a duel -- TPF camera shootout.
> 3.  Both of y'all post the results here and let the horde decide.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ugh, my wife always tries to make it a contest. I'm WAY better than her at product photography. She's WAY better than me at macro photography.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Well then work it to build the relationship - when she "wins" at whatever she's good at, shower her with praise and compliments.  That costs you nothing, and yet it will probably mean a lot to her to have her skill acknowledged and validated.  Who knows, maybe she'll feel inspired to reciprocate.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> This is exactly what I do. But still, it's GOTTA be a contest with her... grrr women.
Click to expand...


Well, maybe "woman".  I wouldn't generalize her reaction.  Most women (and most people) respond to interest in their activities and appreciation of what they do or try to do.  A competitiveness with someone who's presumably close is a sign of something else.


----------



## minicoop1985

She's just competitive to begin with. She's a bit jealous that I've made a career out of photography, and is constantly wanting to one up me for that. I get it, I really do, but I don't want her to feel like I'm stealing her dreams-in fact, I think it gives us more in common that way. One of these days I think she'll realize that we're good in different areas and that it isn't a competition.


----------



## webestang64

480sparky said:


> I'm single.  So I don't have that problem.



I'm single too.......and my girlfriend (well, friend with benefits) spends a lot more on her hobby, antiques.


----------



## pgriz

I have some extended family members who are extremely competitive.  In each case, there are underlying issues which make the competitiveness a symptom of something else.  In one case, it is the life-long learned behaviour of a person who was routinely put down by a parent and compensated by outperforming/out competing everyone in sight.  He can't help himself, and this contributed to a divorce.  He's trying to change his behaviour (which he acknowedges to be harmful to his relationships), but it doesn't take much to bring it out of him.  In another case, the person is a very high achiever, A-type personality, but again, had some serious issues with the family.   As a result, they hyper-compensate, and the competitiveness is one aspect of this.  I'm not giving relationship advice over the internet, but in these and several other cases that I'm familiar with, there's always something in the person's history that creates a reason for such behaviour.


----------



## bribrius

pgriz said:


> minicoop1985 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> snowbear said:
> 
> 
> 
> OK, so let's make this real interesting:
> 1.  Get her to sign up.
> 2.  Challenge her to a duel -- TPF camera shootout.
> 3.  Both of y'all post the results here and let the horde decide.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ugh, my wife always tries to make it a contest. I'm WAY better than her at product photography. She's WAY better than me at macro photography.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Well then work it to build the relationship - when she "wins" at whatever she's good at, shower her with praise and compliments.  That costs you nothing, and yet it will probably mean a lot to her to have her skill acknowledged and validated.  Who knows, maybe she'll feel inspired to reciprocate.
Click to expand...

 the "cookie " approach. works great.  Had a older friend that explained this philosophy to me years ago. "Give em a cookie ".  Good job, here is your cookie... etc...


----------



## Overread

bribrius said:


> meh. Tossed one of the kids ipods in the kitchen sink a while back when they wouldn't take out the ear buds long enough to hear me. Haven't had that problem again.  Not much for discussions, huge fan of perimeters and boundaries.  "you can't do that!    "  , "uh yeah, i just did". I was raised really strict, i think it is passing down.  works great. Only on the older though, who should know better. The youngest of course more lenient. so now i have that "you better listen to dad" thing.



Eh I'm not sure if casual destruction of property is the best approach to parenting. I mean ask yourself what you're teaching, you're teaching your child that if they don't get their way with something then the correct course of action is to steal something that belongs to another person and then destroy it. If done between kids at school one would classify it as bully rather than carrying ones voice nor argument.

In all the years I've known him my father only ever did such once - that was to cut the TV plug off. It carried a point, but also was a very easily repairable aspect. Nothing was long term destroyed; it carried the effect and the "threat" was more use than the actual act. Furthermore it was never something strictly used as a threat; only a last resort. Thus there was no reinforcement on a continual basis that destruction was the way to "win". 


Flip the argument over, because it will happen, what happens when you do something your kids or wife doesn't like and they toss your camera out the 2nd floor window (complete with lens). They've only done what you've shown them is the correct and matured course of action to get their own way in a heated situation (esp the kids).


----------



## minicoop1985

pgriz said:


> I have some extended family members who are extremely competitive.  In each case, there are underlying issues which make the competitiveness a symptom of something else.  In one case, it is the life-long learned behaviour of a person who was routinely put down by a parent and compensated by outperforming/out competing everyone in sight.  He can't help himself, and this contributed to a divorce.  He's trying to change his behaviour (which he acknowedges to be harmful to his relationships), but it doesn't take much to bring it out of him.  In another case, the person is a very high achiever, A-type personality, but again, had some serious issues with the family.   As a result, they hyper-compensate, and the competitiveness is one aspect of this.  I'm not giving relationship advice over the internet, but in these and several other cases that I'm familiar with, there's always something in the person's history that creates a reason for such behaviour.



The second example hits it on the head. She's ultra type A. I've talked with a few of her ex boyfriends about this, and they confirm it's not just me, that she's been like this for basically ever.

As for relationship advice, I'd say we have a pretty good relationship to begin with. This is just one of those little things that hasn't bothered me enough to make a big deal of it in the past decade.


----------



## bribrius

minicoop1985 said:


> pgriz said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have some extended family members who are extremely competitive.  In each case, there are underlying issues which make the competitiveness a symptom of something else.  In one case, it is the life-long learned behaviour of a person who was routinely put down by a parent and compensated by outperforming/out competing everyone in sight.  He can't help himself, and this contributed to a divorce.  He's trying to change his behaviour (which he acknowedges to be harmful to his relationships), but it doesn't take much to bring it out of him.  In another case, the person is a very high achiever, A-type personality, but again, had some serious issues with the family.   As a result, they hyper-compensate, and the competitiveness is one aspect of this.  I'm not giving relationship advice over the internet, but in these and several other cases that I'm familiar with, there's always something in the person's history that creates a reason for such behaviour.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The second example hits it on the head. She's ultra type A. I've talked with a few of her ex boyfriends about this, and they confirm it's not just me, that she's been like this for basically ever.
> 
> As for relationship advice, I'd say we have a pretty good relationship to begin with. This is just one of those little things that hasn't bothered me enough to make a big deal of it in the past decade.
Click to expand...

ultra type A? yep, your screwed. She have red hair?


----------



## otherprof

Ian63 said:


> Just a  thought. Anything I produce or  create as  it relates to my photographic  skills, is  met with open and  unrestrained  hostility from my wife. I don't even show  her my work anymore. In fact I have  even restricted  her  on my facebook page  because of  her demoralizing comments.
> I have  learned over  the  years  that ANYTHING I buy for  my obsession, HAS  to come  from money I have  generated from sales. I would  NEVER  ask her to buy me  anything photography related for  birthday or  Christmas. And  yet the  woman is an artist and  musician herself. Oils... acrylic.. water color...and  plays the  piano.  Go figure!
> 
> Do your  significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby... oram I just an oddball??
> 
> Ian


Could it be she is jealous of your work? How do others react to you your work and hers? Or is there an issue underlying the animosity to your work that hasn't been mentioned or even discovered?


----------



## minicoop1985

bribrius said:


> ultra type A? yep, your screwed. She have red hair?



She doesn't, thankfully. That could be a bad combo.


----------



## bribrius

minicoop1985 said:


> bribrius said:
> 
> 
> 
> ultra type A? yep, your screwed. She have red hair?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> She doesn't, thankfully. That could be a bad combo.
Click to expand...

Just have to sneak something into her food to sedate her a little.   (oh did i really just say that?)  i really need to just stay out of these types of threads. LMAO.


----------



## DarkShadow

Leave Her  or trade her in for a new model.


----------



## minicoop1985

Nah, she's actually a very loyal woman. This is just one of those little quibbles. It's not a divorce worthy offense by any means.


----------



## DarkShadow

Thats for the OP.


----------



## bribrius

minicoop1985 said:


> Nah, she's actually a very loyal woman. This is just one of those little quibbles. It's not a divorce worthy offense by any means.


irreconcilable differences works for most people.  She likes vanilla ice cream and i like chocolate. So we don't get along.


----------



## pepperberry farm

Ian63 said:


> Just a  thought. Anything I produce or  create as  it relates to my photographic  skills, is  met with open and  unrestrained  hostility from my wife. I don't even show  her my work anymore. In fact I have  even restricted  her  on my facebook page  because of  her demoralizing comments.
> I have  learned over  the  years  that ANYTHING I buy for  my obsession, HAS  to come  from money I have  generated from sales. I would  NEVER  ask her to buy me  anything photography related for  birthday or  Christmas. And  yet the  woman is an artist and  musician herself. Oils... acrylic.. water color...and  plays the  piano.  Go figure!
> 
> Do your  significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby... oram I just an oddball??
> 
> Ian



wow

open and unrestrained hostility, demoralizing comments...

why are you staying?


----------



## Ocho_1

Wow, my wife is completely the opposite. She loves my photos. Even the mediocre one she says are super nice. 


She's also the one who's given me all my camera & equipment (lenses, a camera bag, a tripod & a laptop to process photos)








now if you ask about my poker playing that's a different story, lol


----------



## bribrius

i think my wife "sort of " supports mine because out of my past hobbies, and what i REALLY WOULD LIKE TO DO , this is the least expensive so far. .    I have expensiveRight now tastes beyond the budget. Being thrifty, i can do photography sort of on the cheap.   Photography also keeps me out of trouble and gives me something to do.  And i started it a long time ago, so it probably holds a little more merit for her compared to when i went through my gun collecting phase. She does get annoyed over the time i put into it. Right now i really want a nicer car and a new boat. Budget speaking, she should be thanking her lucky stars i am just buying sd cards and film. We also both paint, so she relates to this type of stuff better than why i need to buy another ak-47. The amount of time i put into photography has created sort of a tension..


----------



## chuasam

Mine said "cool" and proceeded to use all my gear. Now she's one of the top equestrian photographers in the country. Every time I buy new gear she absconds with my abandoned equipment.


----------



## AlanKlein

Take her to dinner.  Buy her gold ear rings.


----------



## Southbound33

Sounds like a horrible partnership... My wife and I try our best to support each others hobbies and interest, even if we don't like them. She hates going to car shows but she does it because I love it, and I go watch sappy chick flicks at the movies cause she loves it. As far as photography, lately she has started coming along with me and even helping me out as she is gaining interest. I don't mind at all because she never tries to rush me and sometimes its nice to have that feminine point of view.

I would not drag that relationship out if i were you. If you can't even have a hobby then who knows where that will end...


----------



## AlanKlein

Shooting pictures is a lonely game.


----------



## unpopular

My wife nags and nags me to go out and take more pictures.


----------



## chuasam

unpopular said:


> My wife nags and nags me to go out and take more pictures.


Mine gently encourages me to never rest on my past successes and keep on improving.


----------

