# CRITIQUE MY AD. DO IT NOW. DO IT. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. DOOOOO IIIIIIIIIT.



## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

HOW DIS LOOK?!




(And yes. I'm aware that URL goes nowhere at the moment. That's on purpose. Deal with it.  )


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## tecboy (Jul 11, 2014)

Will I get a discount?


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## rexbobcat (Jul 11, 2014)

Looks good to me. Just a few nitpicks. Maybe consider saying "out of" auto instead of "off." It just rolls off the tongue easier.  

And hyphenate the first hands-on like you did the second one since you're using it as a descriptor.

 Other than that, I like it.


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## mmaria (Jul 11, 2014)

I agree with the above "out of" suggestion. (hate that battery grip, but it's just me)

and I like it


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## tecboy (Jul 11, 2014)

You may want to post a phone number and an email address just incase the website fail.


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

rexbobcat said:


> Looks good to me. Just a few nitpicks. Maybe consider saying "out of" auto instead of "off." It just rolls off the tongue easier.
> 
> And hyphenate the first hands-on like you did the second one since you're using it as a descriptor.
> 
> Other than that, I like it.



Good calls. Thank you. I'll fix those


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

mmaria said:


> I agree with the above "out of" suggestion. (hate that battery grip, but it's just me)
> 
> and I like it



Yeaaaah. Welp.

That was my T2i... which has been with a friend for a whole year on loan. And I JUST got it back and put my hands on it and went "DAAAAAAYYYUUUM! This sh*t be TINY." 

I'm so used to my 5DMKII, the T2i just felt so compact and tiny and scrunched... but I needed the 5DMKII to take the photograph so... I opted to leave the grip on to make it look more... impressive in size? I guess?


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

tecboy said:


> You may want to post a phone number and an email address just incase the website fail.



I'm not too worried about that.

Right now that link leads nowhere because I'm still working on that page.

I'll be posting this all over Facebook and stuff, and in the comments section I'll leave the link again as well as an e-mail. And half the time people FB message me anyway (which drives me NUTS, but what can you do?  )

I'm not popular enough yet to have to worry about my site crashing.


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## mmaria (Jul 11, 2014)

e.rose said:


> I'm so used to my 5DMKII, the T2i just felt so compact and tiny and scrunched... but I needed the 5DMKII to take the photograph so... I opted to leave the grip on to make it look more... impressive in size? I guess?


  lol I assumed it's about that


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## Derrel (Jul 11, 2014)

Looks great. Only two suggestions. Bullet points instead of dashes. And "hands-on" instead of hands on. And perhaps "Get your camera out of Auto mode". Really other than those nits, this looks like a totally butt-kicking advertisement for a workshop. Really a good photo for it, and very good integration of the art with the copy.


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## jaomul (Jul 11, 2014)

The girl could be hot, but I cant see her face


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## robbins.photo (Jul 11, 2014)

Wait, my camera has something other than auto mode?

Huh.


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## Raj_55555 (Jul 11, 2014)

Derrel said:


> this looks like a totally butt-kicking advertisement for a workshop.


^THIS.. It looks awesome even if you don't change anything. If I had to add something, I would say:

1. The battery grip makes me think _"she's using a battery grip, she must know what she's doing."_, from an amateurs point of view, which I guess is your intended audience here.
2. Agree with the bullet points intead of hiphens.
3. I feel the text "Westlight Studios | Franklin Tn" *MAY* look better if it was right justified and alligned with the date above. But it's something you may already have tried and not liked the result.


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## JimMcClain (Jul 11, 2014)

e.rose said:


> I'm so used to my 5DMKII, the T2i just felt so compact and tiny and scrunched... but I needed the 5DMKII to take the photograph so... I opted to leave the grip on to make it look more... impressive in size? I guess?


But that would be intimidating to your target audience. They prob'ly don't have a camera like that and may even suspect the workshop isn't meant for them, but for pros/serious amateurs. Get another shot just like that one, only sans battery grip so your viewers think you are talking to them, not to someone else with a better camera than they have.

The first couple posts already pointed out the other issues.

Just my opinion (based on my marketing experience).

Jim
PS: Looks like Raj beat me to the punch - he posted as I was still pecking away with 2 fingers.


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

Derrel said:


> Looks great. Only two suggestions. Bullet points instead of dashes. And "hands-on" instead of hands on. And perhaps "Get your camera out of Auto mode". Really other than those nits, this looks like a totally butt-kicking advertisement for a workshop. Really a good photo for it, and very good integration of the art with the copy.



Thank you, and I agree with all those points. :sillysmi:

I thought about bulletpoints, and I think I got distracted and forgot to try them. :lmao:

LOOK, A SQUIRREL!


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

Raj_55555 said:


> Derrel said:
> 
> 
> > this looks like a totally butt-kicking advertisement for a workshop.
> ...



Exactly. 


> 3. I feel the text "Westlight Studios | Franklin Tn" *MAY* look better if it was right justified and alligned with the date above. But it's something you may already have tried and not liked the result.



Yeah I tried it. To keep the same spacing between the lines and have it right justified clashed some of the tails of the letters together, and it felt cluttered. I dunno. I'll have to look at it again.


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## korreman (Jul 11, 2014)

I'd say you need something about an entry level dslr being the baseline requirement, to sort out those with P&S (you might get some of these), while also making up for the intimidating camera by letting your customers know that they don't need an equivalent, just one that does manual and the priorities. Aside from that, great advertisement!


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## snowbear (Jul 11, 2014)

It might look a little better as "Five-hour."  Hyphenation for the same reason as "Hands-on" and numbers one through ten are generally spelled out.



korreman said:


> I'd say you need something about an entry level dslr being the baseline requirement, to sort out those with P&S (you might get some of these), while also making up for the intimidating camera by letting your customers know that they don't need an equivalent, just one that does manual and the priorities. Aside from that, great advertisement!



Bridge cameras should be fine - as long as they can control exposure settings.


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## pgriz (Jul 11, 2014)

Looks good.  All the smart people already said the smart things.  What are you going to do with the nikonians?  

Probably too early for this yet, but the pro in our club who gives these types of sessions always tells the beginners to bring their camera manuals.  For some, it will be the first time they actually opened them.


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## runnah (Jul 11, 2014)

Make sure to say there will be free refreshments.


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## pixmedic (Jul 11, 2014)

just a few wording suggestions...(strictly my own preferences)

a workshop for beginner photographers (instead of beginning)

-Get your camera out of "Auto" mode.
(_*or*_...Learn Priority and Manual modes)
-Learn the Exposure Triangle. 
-Learn basic photographic concepts with hands on experience. 
-Free punch and pie.

just out of curiosity, how much is the workshop?


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## astroNikon (Jul 11, 2014)

runnah said:


> Make sure to say there will be free refreshments.


Sign me up.  Do I have to bring a camera or can I just sit at the refreshment & food and liquor bar ?

Ad looks great with all those suggested tweaks

Are you charging anything for the workshop ??


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## SnappingShark (Jul 11, 2014)

I'm with Pixmedic - beginner photographers, not beginning photographers.
But yeah, you 'mericans butcher English all the time! definitely often times!


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## tirediron (Jul 11, 2014)

-WHY do I want to get my camera off of 'Auto'?  In other words, what benefit will there be to me as a budding photographer?
-Something about "Learn how to properly expose your images" doesn't sound quite as good as it could, but after 30 minutes I still can't come up with anything better, so...
-"Hands-on (it's hyphenated) practice"
-Do you sometimes use dead models? ("Professional"?)


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## Theo2 (Jul 11, 2014)

Can I bring my cellphone camera?


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## SnappingShark (Jul 11, 2014)

tirediron said:


> -WHY do I want to get my camera off of 'Auto'?  In other words, what benefit will there be to me as a budding photographer?
> -Something about "Learn how to properly expose your images" doesn't sound quite as good as it could, but after 30 minutes I still can't come up with anything better, so...
> -"Hands-on (it's hyphenated) practice"
> -Do you sometimes use dead models? ("Professional"?)



Hopefully not hands on the model (dead OR alive!)


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## SCraig (Jul 11, 2014)

I'm gonna go just so I can cause trouble


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## Designer (Jul 11, 2014)

I think your ad looks great! 

Please take my suggestions as if from a complete nincompoop who really, REALLY tries to help.

I think showing your pretty smiling face would do wonders.  You can hold the camera in the shot, but really, when people see the person who is running the show, it makes a connection and you will get more takers.

Also, I hope you don't bite my head off, but go get some really fancy fingernails before your next attempt.  Just like you would expect your model to do.  Make sure the nail polish compliments your natural color, including your hair, and avoid a clashing color.


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

korreman said:


> I'd say you need something about an entry level dslr being the baseline requirement, to sort out those with P&S (you might get some of these), while also making up for the intimidating camera by letting your customers know that they don't need an equivalent, just one that does manual and the priorities. Aside from that, great advertisement!



That's on the informational page of the site. :sillysmi:



snowbear said:


> Bridge cameras should be fine - as long as they can control exposure settings.



Nope, I ain't dealin' wit dat sh*t. 

On the actual page, I'm spelling out DSLRs only.



pgriz said:


> Probably too early for this yet, but the pro in our club who gives these types of sessions always tells the beginners to bring their camera manuals.  For some, it will be the first time they actually opened them.



Yup! I actually have that on the page already too. :sillysmi:



runnah said:


> Make sure to say there will be free refreshments.



I did? I said refreshments and food were included. Was it not clear enough? Is that what you're saying?



pixmedic said:


> just out of curiosity, how much is the workshop?



$150/person



astroNikon said:


> runnah said:
> 
> 
> > Make sure to say there will be free refreshments.
> ...



I mean... if you wanna pay me to sit and eat and drink... that's fine with me. 



tirediron said:


> -WHY do I want to get my camera off of 'Auto'?  In other words, what benefit will there be to me as a budding photographer?


I didn't want to get into all that. It's an ad to peak interest, all the details are on the webpage itself.



> -Do you sometimes use dead models? ("Professional"?)


No, haha. I meant models as opposed to teddy bears and flowers. I didn't want to call them "professional" models, because I'm most likely not using *professional* models.



Theo2 said:


> Can I bring my cellphone camera?











Designer said:


> Also, I hope you don't bite my head off, but go get some really fancy fingernails before your next attempt.  Just like you would expect your model to do.  Make sure the nail polish compliments your natural color, including your hair, and avoid a clashing color.



I only bite the heads off of people who are d*cks to me on a consistent basis, for no g**d*mn. Suggestions and actual critique are not grounds for head-biting. 

That being said... you're right. I probably could have cleaned up my cuticles a bit, but I'm not usually a nail polish kind of gal... and my models? 90% of them have clean fingernails (e.g. clear coat, no coat).

Dudes in the same position wouldn't be wearing nail polish, so I didn't view it as a necessity. BUT... dudes in the same position probably would have cleaned up their nails a bit.

I'm just lazy.

So your call-out is still valid. 

I thought about fixing them in post, but...see above point about being lazy. And I figured this is only going to be web-res, aimed at people who aren't going to be looking at my nails.


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## astroNikon (Jul 11, 2014)

Maybe put the cost on the Ad ...


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

astroNikon said:


> Maybe put the cost on the Ad ...



I played with it. I didn't like how it looked. It was just so random.

I'm gonna research a little and see if and how I can fit it on there, but otherwise, it's very clearly stated on the website page. I just really want to make the ad an awareness portal into the page.

I'm not setting this design into stone (clearly since I have some changes to make on it, with some of the suggestions made), but I really did sit with "$150" on the page for a good 30 minutes, moving it around, and trying different things, trying to make it work. 

PLUS... I kind of want people to see the FULL information before they are shown the price (or at least at the same time they're given the price), so they really understand what they're getting with it.

We'll see. I'll keep playing with it.


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## hopdaddy (Jul 11, 2014)

"E" ,I don't see anything about your credentials . I would (As a perspective customer ) want to know why I should come to you ? Also ,I totally agree with Designer ,on the Facial recognition . People feel comfortable doing business with someone who has a lot in common with themselves  , so , Much will be read from your face . As it is now ,most will only recognize you as a Cannon user , and not stuff like "Young ", "Energetic " , "Friendly " ....Yada-yada -yada .
   On the Credentials , I would at least put how many years experience you have ,It's been a while sense we've crossed paths ,so I don't know if you have been in printed Magazines or won  any photography competitions but if so add that too . Basically ,Sell your self ,Tell them the "Features and Benefits "  Of your Knowledge and Experience . 
   Just some of my thoughts , Hope it helps some .


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## Vince.1551 (Jul 11, 2014)

Would you consider adding 

"...... exploit the full potential of your DSLR"

"..... learn about the amazing things you can do with your DSLR"


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## gsgary (Jul 11, 2014)

Touch Me Photography sounds good sign me up


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## Overread (Jul 11, 2014)

The term "Award winning" is so widely used that its almost meaningless; furthermore unless you're in something very big (nat geo) most won't have heard of most of the photography central awards so you could write anything and sound impressive. Mostly I would say that a good clear well taken advert photo coupled with a website that shows your skill would suffice. All the "Award winning" and "17 pages of prizes" is nice, but eh its not a deal breaker. 

Remember this is entry level, most of the people going know their camera has an on button and a shutter button and how to turn it to green box mode.


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

hopdaddy said:


> "E" ,I don't see anything about your credentials . I would (As a perspective customer ) want to know why I should come to you ? Also ,I totally agree with Designer ,on the Facial recognition . People feel comfortable doing business with someone who has a lot in common with themselves  , so , Much will be read from your face . As it is now ,most will only recognize you as a Cannon user , and not stuff like "Young ", "Energetic " , "Friendly " ....Yada-yada -yada .
> On the Credentials , I would at least put how many years experience you have ,It's been a while sense we've crossed paths ,so I don't know if you have been in printed Magazines or won  any photography competitions but if so add that too . Basically ,Sell your self ,Tell them the "Features and Benefits "  Of your Knowledge and Experience .
> Just some of my thoughts , Hope it helps some .



This:



Overread said:


> The term "Award winning" is so widely used that its almost meaningless; furthermore unless you're in something very big (nat geo) most won't have heard of most of the photography central awards so you could write anything and sound impressive. Mostly I would say that a good clear well taken advert photo coupled with a website that shows your skill would suffice. All the "Award winning" and "17 pages of prizes" is nice, but eh its not a deal breaker.
> 
> Remember this is entry level, most of the people going know their camera has an on button and a shutter button and how to turn it to green box mode.



I has no credentials.

I'm a woman (kid, ha. a 28 year old kid), with a camera, who has happy clients, who also happened to have mentioned to me that they have cameras that they don't know how to use.

My credentials can be found here: Emily McGonigle Photography under the "Galleries" tab. 

No one is going to know who I am, unless they already know who I am.

I've not been published.

I never enter contests, because it's mostly pointless to me to do so.

So I have no "traditional" credentials. I have my portfolio, the word of my satisfied clients -- Who this is targeted at anyway -- and the dude who's studio I'm renting to do this, who is going to be promoting me in his channels as well. That's it. That's gonna have to be good enough. 



Vince.1551 said:


> Would you consider adding
> 
> "...... exploit the full potential of your DSLR"
> 
> "..... learn about the amazing things you can do with your DSLR"



Possibly. I'll play with it.


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## robbins.photo (Jul 11, 2014)

hopdaddy said:


> "E" ,I don't see anything about your credentials . I would (As a perspective customer ) want to know why I should come to you ? Also ,I totally agree with Designer ,on the Facial recognition . People feel comfortable doing business with someone who has a lot in common with themselves , so , Much will be read from your face . As it is now ,most will only recognize you as a Cannon user , and not stuff like "Young ", "Energetic " , "Friendly " ....Yada-yada -yada .
> On the Credentials , I would at least put how many years experience you have ,It's been a while sense we've crossed paths ,so I don't know if you have been in printed Magazines or won any photography competitions but if so add that too . Basically ,Sell your self ,Tell them the "Features and Benefits " Of your Knowledge and Experience .
> Just some of my thoughts , Hope it helps some .



Have to disagree here - I doubt most people would really care about the face in the ad because frankly they'll probably just assume it's a model rather than the person giving the actual seminar. Wow.. probably just gave Emily an inflated ego there.. lol - but it's true. 

As for credentials, eh - well, that can be a real double edged sword. The folks that are going to really want to see all those credentials I would think probably won't be the kinds of people who will sign up for a beginner course. Honestly for me if I see somebody with 600 credentials behind there name my first thought is that this is a person who's wasted a ton of time and money getting all manner of degrees and certifications and as a result probably lacks a lot of real world experience.

Just my two cents worth of course, YMMV


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

robbins.photo said:


> Have to disagree here - I doubt most people would really care about the face in the ad because frankly they'll probably just assume it's a model rather than the person giving the actual seminar.  Wow.. probably just gave Emily an inflated ego there.. lol - but it's true.



No, it's okay. 

Yesterday's selfie session was painful.

I'm FULLY AWARE, I am not a model.


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## gsgary (Jul 11, 2014)

Just add some letters after your name nobody will know


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## robbins.photo (Jul 11, 2014)

e.rose said:


> robbins.photo said:
> 
> 
> > Have to disagree here - I doubt most people would really care about the face in the ad because frankly they'll probably just assume it's a model rather than the person giving the actual seminar. Wow.. probably just gave Emily an inflated ego there.. lol - but it's true.
> ...



Well the selfies turned out great hon. I just wish I were even half that photogenic. As it is the only way any visual media that includes my awful mug is going to get national exposure is either on an episode of cops or if Sally Struthers starts trying to raise money for middle aged rednecks.. lol.


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

robbins.photo said:


> e.rose said:
> 
> 
> > robbins.photo said:
> ...





Well, thanks. :blushing:


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## kundalini (Jul 11, 2014)

State names are abbreviated by two capital letters, so Franklin, Tn should read Franklin, *TN. *...... at least they were when I went to school.


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## pgriz (Jul 11, 2014)

e.rose said:


> robbins.photo said:
> 
> 
> > Have to disagree here - I doubt most people would really care about the face in the ad because frankly they'll probably just assume it's a model rather than the person giving the actual seminar.  Wow.. probably just gave Emily an inflated ego there.. lol - but it's true.
> ...



Sorry.  You're wrong.  You have an interesting face with lots of potential angles for a different and interesting look.

Sheesh.  What's with good looking women claiming they they are not? (insert wagging figure emoticon here...)


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

pgriz said:


> e.rose said:
> 
> 
> > robbins.photo said:
> ...



I did NOT claim I was not good looking.

What I SAID, was that I am not a model. 

I am not skilled, talented, or remotely capable of the ACT of modeling. THAT'S what I said.


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## robbins.photo (Jul 11, 2014)

pgriz said:


> Sheesh. What's with good looking women claiming they they are not? (insert wagging figure emoticon here...)



Weird isn't it?  Even weirder still the fact that for whatever reason most ugly women don't do this.. they'll show you a photo and pretend that they are indeed all of that and a bag of chips.  Never have quite figured out what that is all about.


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

robbins.photo said:


> pgriz said:
> 
> 
> > Sheesh. What's with good looking women claiming they they are not? (insert wagging figure emoticon here...)
> ...



Please see above response to pgriz.

Y'all assumed I was saying "No, I'm ugly, you guys." -- Not what I said, nor what I meant.  :greenpbl:


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

[And now I'm gonna get a bunch of flack for being conceited. You can't win.  ]


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## robbins.photo (Jul 11, 2014)

e.rose said:


> [And now I'm gonna get a bunch of flack for being conceited. You can't win.  ]



Lol.. well that's life as a hottie I guess.  Oh well, look at the bright side.. If you looked like me you wouldn't have that problem but then again.. yikes.. lol.  Trust me, you got the better end of that deal.


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

robbins.photo said:


> e.rose said:
> 
> 
> > [And now I'm gonna get a bunch of flack for being conceited. You can't win.  ]
> ...


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## vintagesnaps (Jul 11, 2014)

Did you want us to look at this?? lol

If you only show viewers your camera and hands then we're going to be looking at your nails - give us your face and you won't have to do your nails! Didn't you have a nice selfie maybe a couple of avatars ago?? maybe before the new 'do', but seems like you've had nice self portraits on here, maybe something similar but holding your camera. 

What about linking your website? That gives info. about your experience. I doubt many photographers have actual 'credentials' so show us your site/portfolio so people know they'll be learning from someone who has a clue, not some nitwit wannabee with a camera.


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## e.rose (Jul 11, 2014)

vintagesnaps said:


> Did you want us to look at this?? lol
> 
> If you only show viewers your camera and hands then we're going to be looking at your nails - give us your face and you won't have to do your nails! Didn't you have a nice selfie maybe a couple of avatars ago?? maybe before the new 'do', but seems like you've had nice self portraits on here, maybe something similar but holding your camera.



Like I said, y'all are right that I *should* have cut my cuticles and photoshopped the... skin... cut... thingies... but I'm lazy. I wouldn't have done my nails anyway. I don't even own nail polish. 

Dudes don't paint their nails. I shouldn't have to just cause I'm a chick. That's silly. 



> What about linking your website?



I did. It's on there. :sillysmi:


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## Browncoat (Jul 20, 2014)

rexbobcat said:


> Looks good to me. Just a few nitpicks. Maybe consider saying "out of" auto instead of "off." It just rolls off the tongue easier.



Ditto that. Also "hands on experience" is better than "hands on practice" in my opinion. The only other thing I would change is to retouch those little skin tags around the fingernails, they're kind of distracting. That's nitpicking, but hey...this is the interwebs.


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