# *Sigh* Taking Photos for Family



## rexbobcat (Jul 14, 2015)

This has been a topic of discussion in business threads before, but I thought I'd vent just a little bit elsewhere...

I have family coming in tomorrow...Well...sort of. They're family by marriage. I have been nominated as the designated photographer. Now, normally this wouldn't be a big deal. I would take photos regardless since they have a new baby and they don't get down often. I love family candids/snapshots.

However, they want a legit family portrait session...at nine in the morning...at my apartment...in an area I just moved to...

I was actually in the car while they were discussing what time they want their free photos taken without my input. "He's going to have to take lots of photos because no telling how the baby is going to be acting tomorrow." Awesome. I can't wait to spend 3 hours compositing baby heads.

This seems to happen a lot with weddings, but have any of y'all ever been in a situation where a family member expected you to be THE photographer at the expense of just getting to enjoy your time with them?


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## tirediron (Jul 14, 2015)

You're lucky!


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## rexbobcat (Jul 14, 2015)

tirediron said:


> You're lucky!



Haha how do you figure?


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## tirediron (Jul 14, 2015)

If this is the first/only time it's happened, count your blessings.  You're getting off lightly.


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## DanOstergren (Jul 14, 2015)

If you don't want to do it, tell them. If they want family portraits, they should have to hire you. Just because they're your in-laws doesn't give them the right to use you.


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## rexbobcat (Jul 14, 2015)

tirediron said:


> If this is the first/only time it's happened, count your blessings.  You're getting off lightly.



Heh, well it's happened once before but it was a little less egregious since the family member had already paid for photos from someone else and they turned out awful, so there was a bit of a precedent.


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## rexbobcat (Jul 14, 2015)

DanOstergren said:


> If you don't want to do it, tell them. If they want family portraits, they should have to hire you. Just because they're your in-laws doesn't give them the right to use you.



I've considered it. Maybe it's just a part of Southern convention. When a family member asks for something that isn't otherwise interfering with something you're doing, it's almost taboo to decline. If I was with a large crowd of immediate family it would be different but it's going to be 7 of them and 2 of us so I'm mostly doing it to keep the peace.  I'm either going to have to spend an hour taking photos or spend all day trying to act like I didn't just reject what is perceived to be an innocuous request from a group of people I will have recurring contact with.


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## chuasam (Jul 15, 2015)

rexbobcat said:


> DanOstergren said:
> 
> 
> > If you don't want to do it, tell them. If they want family portraits, they should have to hire you. Just because they're your in-laws doesn't give them the right to use you.
> ...


Maybe sure you get a favour from them of equivalent value.


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## jaomul (Jul 15, 2015)

I could be wrong here, but as someone who likes photography I am thinking you probably don't mind the gig, but don't like it was set up without your imput. Am I correct? if not disregard the rst of my post.

It would annoy me to bits when someone just expects something from me without a propoer discussion. I am actually very flexible and don't mind doing these type of things at all, but set it up without my knowing and you can expect a non show from me


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## Gary A. (Jul 15, 2015)

My father was a politician. I was taking pro bono campaign photos for decades.


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## Overread (Jul 15, 2015)

You think you've got problems now - you just wait till the actual shoot and they expect those "dozens of photos" to be taken within around 5 seconds. 3 hours? 3 hours and they'll rate you a failed photographer for taking that long to just get one or two photos - even if they've all been nightmares the whole time.


Just make sure your gear is setup before otherwise they'll also get all fidgety during that too.
And remember there's always one joker who just HAS to do things differently to what you say


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## zombiesniper (Jul 15, 2015)

Based on you're website, I'm guessing you're a pro, or at least expect to be paid photographer. This puts you in a different situation than a hobbyist like myself but I do have experience with this type of devaluing a skill.

I used to work welding and inevitably when a family member would "NEED" something welded they would come over with the job and expect it to be done "well, quick and free". I always gave them the first one. Then I would show up wherever they worked and expect a similar deal. Uncle is a lawyer? I "NEED" a contract done in the next hour. Aunt works at the grocery store? This weeks groceries are free.

Yes they're going to think you're nuts but once they saw that they were taking food off of my table they understood that I'll give them the same discount that they give me.

Sometimes you just can't be the nice guy.


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## Buckster (Jul 15, 2015)

A little quid pro quo goes a long way toward better understanding.

Before you even start the shoot, let them know you're looking forward to getting free services from them for whatever THEY do for their living or hobby or area of experience, and tell them the date and time you'd like them to make that happen.  Be sure to thank them.


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## mmaria (Jul 15, 2015)

rexbobcat said:


> This seems to happen a lot with weddings, but have any of y'all ever been in a situation where a family member expected you to be THE photographer at the expense of just getting to enjoy your time with them?


well.... 
no...
it helps that I don't do this for a living 

and..

most of my family don't know about me and photography... well... they'll know now because I started fb page...

but... I don't talk about photography with my family nor I bring the camera when I'm going on some family gatherings, visits or similar.


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## Designer (Jul 15, 2015)

rexbobcat said:


> .. have any of y'all ever been in a situation where a family member expected you to be THE photographer at the expense of just getting to enjoy your time with them?


Coincidentally, it is coming this Saturday.  I have been asked to take a group photo of our family "with a backdrop".  I said; "Sure, I own a wide roll of paper."  

(Wifey not fully understanding the significance of that) "Maybe you can order a real backdrop online."  I said; "The paper is a real backdrop."  "And it is as wide as the dining room."  

Our dining room contains a large table, 8 chairs, a sofa, an easy chair, and several smaller tables and various lamps, and other furniture, most of which will have to be moved someplace.  The length of the room is just long enough to get the end of the room in the frame using a 50mm lens.

I own two lights and shoot-through umbrellas, and I know that it will take me some time to get the lights set up.  So Saturday I get to move a bunch of furniture, set up my lights, find some posing stools, get  the tripod set up, and get the camera set, all the while not knowing at this time when the family is due to arrive. 

Then I get to try to get them all (including unruly children) to cooperate.  

So yeah.


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## table1349 (Jul 15, 2015)

You know... uncontrollable sneezing or coughing with out covering your mouth combined with a nasal voice like you are congested with every bottle of asprin, cold, flu, and perhaps even diarrhea medicine you own sitting out on your kitchen counter or table works wonders on getting rid of pesky friends and family.  No family no photo shoot.


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## Buckster (Jul 15, 2015)

Yeah, lying to family and friends is always a good idea, since they never find out and it never comes back to bite you.  And of course, it always feels so good to lie, especially to those you claim to like.


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## pixmedic (Jul 15, 2015)

unless you either really hate photography, or really hate your family, I would just take one for the team and get some nice shots.  its family. you never know when you will wish you had taken some.
believe me, i know.
I have buried two sisters, two brothers, both parents, and both grandparents on my mothers side that practically raised me.

grandpa was always,  _*always *_trying to get the kids to hold still for some pictures when we were young. we never cared about pictures back then. when we had our son, their only great-grandchild, they begged for photos. I only took a few here and there, and consequently, there are only a scant few with them and their great-grandchild. and those few were only some quick snapshots.  I have no pictures of either of my parents less than 30 years old. They never saw their only grandchild, and our son will never be able to see a picture of his grandparents as I remember them.
I have no pictures of my surviving brother or sister except for the selfies they post on Facebook, and now my sister is out of the country, and my brother lives far away.

its family.
suck it up and get the job done. whatever it takes.
at some point in time, you may be glad you did. 
i know i know...family by _*marriage*_....
we never took any good pictures of my wifes parents, and her father recently died. now we will never get the chance. 

the only pics i have of my grandparents and their only great-grandchild are some cell phone shots.


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## Dave442 (Jul 15, 2015)

My wife often sets me up for family photos. I actually prefer it when family want to pose as I feel it is less of a imposition when telling them what to do.


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## table1349 (Jul 15, 2015)

Buckster said:


> Yeah, lying to family and friends is always a good idea, since they never find out and it never comes back to bite you.  And of course, it always feels so good to lie, especially to those you claim to like.


Well in this situation there are only three options to choose from.

1.   Nut up and say no.
2.  Walter Mitty and just do it.
3.  Lie.

There is the forth option, but death would be an over reaction to this situation and really spoils the weekend.


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## sm4him (Jul 15, 2015)

The first--and worst--experience I had with this was when my niece asked me to take some pictures of "her family". She lives in a neighboring state, and had a six-month old baby--so I understood why she'd want to try to do some pictures while they were here.
However, I hadn't even done any portraiture work at that point--which I told her. Well, what I told her was, "I take pictures of birds, not people." But she insisted that she just KNEW my photos would be great, and they weren't in a place at the time to be able to afford a "REAL" photographer (my thinking, not hers), since they had a new baby and although her husband had a decent job, she was still finishing grad school.
Anyway, she pressed and I caved, but I warned her that I couldn't promise the photos wouldn't all suck.  But really, I figured it would actually be a great, low-pressure way for me to get some practice on people photography.  She and her husband are delightful people, very laid back and easygoing, their baby was the cutest kid in the entire world...what could go wrong?

Flash forward to the day before the photo shoot. I call to finalize arrangements. We've decided to do the shoot at a Trial Garden here in town, lots of beautiful backdrops everywhere, in the early morning while G-man (the baby, my grand-nephew) is at his best.
Oh, but wait. She says they're going to have to delay the shoot. Until about 11 a.m.  Oh good. So now, we'll have nice, glaring harsh light and a hungry, tired baby.  The reason WHY they had to delay the shoot was the kicker. Because the REST of the family couldn't get there any earlier. 

REST of the family?!?! I thought I was doing a no-pressure, fun little practice shoot with my niece, her husband and their baby. Turns out, it ALSO included her mom, her grandmother, HIS mom and dad, and his brother--who arrived irritated about the whole thing and REFUSED to even attempt to smile.

They loved the photos, of course. I hated the stress and swore off ever doing that again. That worked...until the next time someone asked me to do some. 
But at least the next time I did a shoot for THIS niece, she made sure I knew who would be there, they did NOT invite the sullen brother-in-law...but we still did it in the middle of the freakin' day.
I should also say that both times, she has offered to pay me something, and *I* am the one who has refused payment.

I pretty much agree with Pix. Where family is concerned, I will always try to just buck up and do it. 

I took photos for a friend a couple of years ago at Thanksgiving. She had both kids and all the grandkids coming in and wanted some family pictures, but she HATES--I mean really, really HATES--having people take pictures of her, so if I'd insisted she use someone else, the photo session simply wouldn't have happened. I was surprised she was not only willing to let me do it, but actually asked me to. (Again, full disclaimer, she offered to pay, so not quite the same scenario--but I'd have done it whether she'd offered or not).
I felt in over my head with such a large group--13 people in all, 7 of them children, and most of the children under 5 years old.  But I did it.
The following Memorial Day, my friend's husband died in a tragic boating accident. Those photos instantly became incredibly precious to that family.  And the lesson will stay with me, I hope forever. Take the pictures, because you never know when the last opportunity to do so may be.


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## astroNikon (Jul 15, 2015)

Solution ... show up with only your cell phone camera.  And work hard to make bad photos.

They won't ask again.


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## Dave442 (Jul 15, 2015)

I took all the last set of family pictures in B&W as that is what I wanted to do. Do what you want to do in these cases.


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## Bryston3bsst (Jul 16, 2015)

I have a little different view on this.

I came from a big family that had all of the holiday gatherings and as a kid, of course, I used to just hate it cause I couldn't go out and play with my friends. As a teen I hated it for different reasons, it just wasn't cool to spend time with the family.

Well, now they are all gone. And I gotta tell you there are surely times when I'd give most anything to be at one of the big family gatherings again.

Go, shoot pictures, crab about it. But deep down, take it in and hang on to it. Because in the blink of an eye it won't be there any more.


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## Buckster (Jul 16, 2015)

gryphonslair99 said:


> Well in this situation there are only three options to choose from.
> 
> 1.   Nut up and say no.
> 2.  Walter Mitty and just do it.
> ...


For someone with integrity, there's actually one fewer than you've listed.


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## SquarePeg (Jul 16, 2015)

If the problem is the time/place/circumstances being presented to you instead of your having input, let them know that what they are suggesting is not ideal and make a "counter offer" that works for you.  You're the expert and you need to control the shoot.


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## bribrius (Jul 16, 2015)

rexbobcat said:


> This has been a topic of discussion in business threads before, but I thought I'd vent just a little bit elsewhere...
> 
> I have family coming in tomorrow...Well...sort of. They're family by marriage. I have been nominated as the designated photographer. Now, normally this wouldn't be a big deal. I would take photos regardless since they have a new baby and they don't get down often. I love family candids/snapshots.
> 
> ...


by marriage don't count for me. If anyone on my wifes side wants photos they can take their own or my wife can take them.  On my side they seem content with taking their own photos and my sister was a better photographer than i am (she gave it up) but if they really want photos i would just point to her. I hardly ever take family photos except for my own children. The times i have run in to it, i generally have turned it down.


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## rexbobcat (Jul 16, 2015)

pixmedic said:


> unless you either really hate photography, or really hate your family, I would just take one for the team and get some nice shots.  its family. you never know when you will wish you had taken some.
> believe me, i know.
> I have buried two sisters, two brothers, both parents, and both grandparents on my mothers side that practically raised me.
> 
> ...



I understand that feeling. I only have a few photos of me and my grandparents together. I think part of my frustration is with the fact that this family is...very well documented. The husband works in a printing company, so they have photos everywhere.

Thankfully I did do it and it wasn't too big a deal since apparently - the husband's company also does compositing and PP for large companies - they're going to Photoshop the background out and print it as a holographic...or...something. It sounds cool, but I just gave them all the raw files. No mixing and matching faces for me.

I guess I'm just used to people saying "Oh, I'm not looking for professional photos" and then in retrospect acting like "Why...aren't these professional quality like the ones on Pinterest."

Maybe I've just had bad luck, but that's one of the reasons I've stopped doing impromptu/short-notice pro bono shoots. There's almost always miscommunication of expectations and what is actually possible (No, I can't do that cute sun flare thing at 2 in the afternoon in this high-traffic area)


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## jake337 (Jul 16, 2015)

My usual reply is that I do not do planned photoshoots but if you come over and hang out there's a good chance you might get some nice candids if the light is right.


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## Designer (Jul 19, 2015)

Update on my latest escapade:

Yesterday went as well as could be expected, and we got some keepers.

My son and I spent two hours clearing the room and setting up my gear.  

Some people were "impressed" by the setup.  

Grandma kept everyone moving by suggesting (?) different permutations of family groups.

The 19-year-old nerd actually figured the maximum number of possible combinations, in case anyone was curious about that.

Today we have the 8-year-old's First Communion, and I am elected (?) to take photos after Mass.  

Unfortunately, both grandmas will be there in the same sanctuary at the same time.

So we'll see how that goes.


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## limr (Jul 19, 2015)

Designer said:


> The 19-year-old nerd actually figured the maximum number of possible combinations, in case anyone was curious about that.



I just love this ^^^ 

Glad it went well for both of you! I once was asked to take pictures at my sister's wedding, though I think there was a pro there as well taking "real" pictures (this was a long time ago and memory is fickle!) I don't think they expected professional pictures - just some candids to supplement the official photos. I wonder if I still have those negatives somewhere. Here's one surviving print that, even though it's blown out, is one of my favorites (two sisters and my father, who was used to our shenanigans):


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## Designer (Jul 20, 2015)

Monday morning update:

Our granddaughter's First Communion was yesterday, so we were all there.  One "photographer" (me) and three or four directors.  The sanctuary has a white ceiling, but it slants the wrong way for where we were posing.  Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to be done and out of there. 

Trying to get a good composition and frame while not including one of the "directors" kept me busy.  I would photograph a group of three vertically, then someone would shoo in a couple more people, so I would then swivel the flash head and turn to frame horizontally.  It was back and forth like that for a while.  In thinking about it, I'm glad I didn't have to do the directing as well as the photography. 

Yesterday afternoon was crisis after problem, after blowup, so I am just now going to upload the images to my computer.

Hoping there are some keepers.


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## tirediron (Jul 20, 2015)

Designer said:


> Monday morning update:
> 
> Our granddaughter's First Communion was yesterday, so we were all there.  One "photographer" (me) and three or four directors.  The sanctuary has a white ceiling, but it slants the wrong way for where we were posing.  Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to be done and out of there.
> 
> ...


 Sounds to me like significant quantities of highly alchoholic beverage are required.


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## Designer (Jul 20, 2015)

tirediron said:


> Sounds to me like significant quantities of highly alcoholic beverage are required.


Absolutely!

My son's car developed a transmission problem Sunday afternoon at the oil change place.  They had it for twice as long as they originally said.  They may have caused the problem, but at the time, they simply didn't know what was the matter.

Drink #1

Since we were very late getting home, the supper burned.  (not inedible, but not good, either).

Drink #2

After supper, GM and DIL got into a shouting match, and DIL stormed out. 

Drink #3


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## table1349 (Jul 20, 2015)

Designer said:


> tirediron said:
> 
> 
> > Sounds to me like significant quantities of highly alcoholic beverage are required.
> ...


Just curious, did the son's car not have a tranmission allready, hence the need to develope one?  I'm pretty sure that all of my vehicles came with tramsissions when I got them.  


Sorry to hear it was not the best of days.  Here have one on us..........


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## Designer (Jul 20, 2015)

gryphonslair99 said:


> Just curious, did the son's car not have a tranmission allready, hence the need to develope one?  I'm pretty sure that all of my vehicles came with tramsissions when I got them.
> 
> 
> Sorry to hear it was not the bet of days.  Here have one on us..........


 Thanks for the proofread. (now corrected)

Thanks for the drink.  I hope today goes much better.


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## Mr. Innuendo (Aug 14, 2015)

I have "friends & family" pricing. Basically, I make it up on the fly when friends or family ask me to shoot for them.

I'll let them know if they want just a couple of informal photos, I can certainly do that and I won't charge them for those. But a full on portrait session? No, that's not something I would offer up gratis.


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