# ...Asking a client on a date?



## Destin (Nov 6, 2016)

Hey guys, here's the scenario: I put up a craigslist ad looking for models for TFP shoots. I've had several successful shoots with one model in particular.. a beautiful young woman 2-3 years younger than me. Things have been 100% professional up to this point, but we tend to get along really well during the shoots. We've done 3 shoots together now, and grabbed some takeout after the last one but things remained professional and didn't cross much into our personal lives. 

Would I be out of line to ask her on an actual date? I normally wouldn't consider it at all, as I tend to err on the side of caution and keep things 100% professional while taking photos with clients. But the urge to do so has come up several times now. I don't want to ruin the potential to work with her in the future, but I'd also like to get to know her better. 

Thoughts?


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## pixmedic (Nov 6, 2016)

go get you some!


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## astroNikon (Nov 6, 2016)

we had another TPFer ask the same question several months ago ...


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## Destin (Nov 6, 2016)

astroNikon said:


> we had another TPFer ask the same question several months ago ...



Tried searching, couldn't find anything. Link?


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## Piccell (Nov 6, 2016)

No. no. no. no.  never. no. It's just too tacky.
Look for people to date in social environments, not work.
No.
Did I mention, no.


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## Destin (Nov 6, 2016)

Piccell said:


> No. no. no. no.  never. no. It's just too tacky.
> Look for people to date in social environments, not work.
> No.
> Did I mention, no.



Except this isn't work. It's a hobby I do on the side that just so happens to pay for itself sometimes.


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## snowbear (Nov 6, 2016)

Piccell said:


> No. no. no. no.  never. no. It's just too tacky.
> Look for people to date in social environments, not work.
> No.
> Did I mention, no.


I met my lovely wife at work.  We've been married for 32 years.


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## Gary A. (Nov 6, 2016)

What the hell ... Yes!


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## DarkShadow (Nov 6, 2016)

Go for it.


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 6, 2016)

Remain professional. There are a lot of better places to meet people for social interaction.


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## Vtec44 (Nov 7, 2016)

One of my friends met his wife through a photo shoot.  He was her photographer, she was his client.  As long as you're honest, genuine, and not creepy then go for it.  Everything happens for a reason.  If it's not meant to be, then it's not.


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## ClickAddict (Nov 7, 2016)

It's perfectly OK.  Just don't do it during a shoot.  You obviously have her contact info so simply message her / call her (whichever way you typically communicate with her) and ask her out casually.  Like many said, others often have met their wives through work.  I've known photographers to date / eventually marry models, makeup artists and other photographers.  Now, if you were trying to date every second model or so you shot... that's where it gets really unprofessional.


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## astroNikon (Nov 7, 2016)

Destin said:


> astroNikon said:
> 
> 
> > we had another TPFer ask the same question several months ago ...
> ...


ok, it was a bit longer ago than I thought.  I knew the poster so it was easy for me to find.
==> Business vs Pleasure Dilemma


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## robbins.photo (Nov 7, 2016)

pixmedic said:


> go get you some!


Classy...  Lol

For the op, in the immortal words of Rocky Balboa, go for it.

It may lead to nothing or it may lead to something life changing.  But at least when you get to be my age you won't look back and regret having not tried.



Sent from my N9518 using Tapatalk


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## cauzimme (Nov 7, 2016)

Go for it, but don't push to much or she might fear working with you otherwise, accept it if it's a negative outcome, and mention to her that you love working with her and that you don't want things to get weird at all.


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 7, 2016)

cauzimme said:


> Go for it, but don't push to much or she might fear working with you otherwise, accept it if it's a negative outcome, and mention to her that you love working with her and that you don't want things to get weird at all.


Hmmm. Telling a client you don't want things to get weird is a sure fire way to make them feel weird and uncomfortable.


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## pixmedic (Nov 7, 2016)

Advanced Photo said:


> cauzimme said:
> 
> 
> > Go for it, but don't push to much or she might fear working with you otherwise, accept it if it's a negative outcome, and mention to her that you love working with her and that you don't want things to get weird at all.
> ...




no, its called honesty. 
if hes honest with her, it wont affect their working relations if they are both adults about it. 

besides...the OP didnt say he was going to propose to her, or profess his undying love. 
he just said he wanted to ask her out. 
jeez people. since when did a simple date to get to know someone better become a huge deal?


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## robbins.photo (Nov 7, 2016)

pixmedic said:


> no, its called honesty.
> if hes honest with her, it wont affect their working relations if they are both adults about it.
> 
> besides...the OP didnt say he was going to propose to her, or profess his undying love.
> ...



Ok, so sounds like it's time we sat down and had that little talk I've been putting off for so long.  See, dating leads to.. umm...  well, babies.  

Lol


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## The_Traveler (Nov 7, 2016)

I would wait until you are done with the photographer-model interaction.
Then it's easy and natural to confess that you will miss seeing her and would like to continue on a different basis.

If you ask her out while there is still some quasi-professional relationship, then she is really not totally free to say yes or no.


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## vintagesnaps (Nov 7, 2016)

I think Lew hit the nail on the head...

You're probably going to do this whether or not people on a message board say to or not! lol but If she isn't interested that will probably be the end of the photo shooting. It can make for an awkward situation if you're on the receiving end and not interested so if she's not, she'll probably be looking for another photographer. So you decide if it's worth it and think about the timing.


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## cauzimme (Nov 7, 2016)

Advanced Photo said:


> cauzimme said:
> 
> 
> > Go for it, but don't push to much or she might fear working with you otherwise, accept it if it's a negative outcome, and mention to her that you love working with her and that you don't want things to get weird at all.
> ...


I don't think so, if I was the model in this situation, I would like to know that it has no impact on our possible work together and that i'm not coerce into anything because I do not want to loose this ''biz'' relationship. In my personnal experience, some guys can turn pretty crazy after being rejected.

Recently one of my very best friend loose her storage place because she refuses to go for a drink with her contact. It was never implied that he was attracted to her, when she mentionned she couldn't have a drink at the bar because she was home with her boyfriend, he completely flip, next day, her contract for the warehouse was non valid.


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## Destin (Nov 7, 2016)

cauzimme said:


> Advanced Photo said:
> 
> 
> > cauzimme said:
> ...



Haha I'm definitely not that kind of crazy.. though I've seen some of my friends do it. I never really understood going nuts because someone isn't interested.. there's like 319 million people in America. I'm not really worried about limited options haha


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 7, 2016)

cauzimme said:


> Advanced Photo said:
> 
> 
> > cauzimme said:
> ...


I know, as can women... ever see Basic Instinct?


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## robbins.photo (Nov 7, 2016)

Advanced Photo said:


> I know, as can women... ever see Basic Instinct?



Once.  I thought it was kind of stupid actually.  I just kept thinking, wow.. if only my ex-wife were anywhere near that stable and well adjusted.  Just couldn't figure out why the guy was freaking out so much...


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## waday (Nov 7, 2016)

Advanced Photo said:


> cauzimme said:
> 
> 
> > Advanced Photo said:
> ...


Are you using a _movie_ for this comparison? 

There are countless real-life situations where women are verbally or physically harassed, sometimes even raped, when they refuse a man's advances. While it may happen to some men (at a disproportionate rate), there is definitely no comparison to what women have to go through. This is not something that men should trivialize.


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## robbins.photo (Nov 7, 2016)

waday said:


> There are countless real-life situations where women are verbally or physically harassed, sometimes even raped, when they refuse a man's advances. While it may happen to some men (at a disproportionate rate), there is definitely no comparison to what women have to go through. This is not something that men should trivialize.



Not sure but I think the OP had more of a standard dinner and a movie kind of thing in mind.


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## pixmedic (Nov 7, 2016)

why is it that people always assume the worst?
I mean, it looks to me like Destin is just talking about asking the girl out for coffee or lunch or something,
not a trip to a secluded cabin 50 miles from the nearest road. 
plus, hes already stated that this isn't much of a "professional" working relationship as most of his work is free...
so realistically, he has some people he has been doing some photographic TFP's for, not running a business. 

hes not looking to date an employee, or even a coworker. 
I mean...damn. 
I remember a time where a boy asking a girl out to dinner was considered a compliment, and if the girl declined, both 
people went about their regularly scheduled business like nothing was out of sorts....
you know...BECAUSE ASKING SOMEONE OUT ON A DATE DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY PUT THINGS OUT OF SORTS!

Destin...
man, if you like this girl...ask her out. 
your not involved in any significant business ventures or partnerships, you've just taken her picture a few times. 
ask her out, and manage the results like a responsible adult. 
until proven otherwise, I think you should just assume that she is a reasonable adult, and hopefully she feels the same. 

go get 'em tiger!


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## waday (Nov 7, 2016)

robbins.photo said:


> waday said:
> 
> 
> > There are countless real-life situations where women are verbally or physically harassed, sometimes even raped, when they refuse a man's advances. While it may happen to some men (at a disproportionate rate), there is definitely no comparison to what women have to go through. This is not something that men should trivialize.
> ...


I don't know the OP personally, so I won't speculate to what he's thinking, or how he'll react.


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## DarkShadow (Nov 7, 2016)

Or this.41 Reasons why you Shouldn’t Date a Photographer # 23 is the best.


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 7, 2016)

I think if it is something you want to do, you will find a set of reasons to do it and then do it. If you think it's something you should not do, you will find the reasons you should not do it and then not do it and either way you will feel satisfied that your decision was correct because whatever you decide will be the correct choice for you.
I am not sure why you asked the question in a cyberforum.


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## NancyMoranG (Nov 7, 2016)

I like a lot of what folks have said as far to just ask her. Pixmedic said it, it's just coffee or such not a weekend away..
If she is a model, I think she will know how to handle your offer. She has had many I am sure....


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## jcdeboever (Nov 7, 2016)

Show her your snoot and go from there....


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## The_Traveler (Nov 7, 2016)

How is it that two woman have said what they think about being in the situation and a bunch of guys are pretty certain that they know better how a woman thinks and reacts?

Certainly a great example of mansplaining.


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## jcdeboever (Nov 7, 2016)

The_Traveler said:


> How is it that two woman have said what they think about being in the situation and a bunch of guys are pretty certain that they know better how a woman thinks and reacts?
> 
> Certainly a great example of mansplaining.


Lighten up Lew, your pics are too dark


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## vintagesnaps (Nov 7, 2016)

For me, it can be awkward or uncomfortable being asked out or knowing a man is interested and not feeling the same and then to continue to see the person, it just depends on the situation. Probably if she doesn't want to go out with you, the reaction will be cordial, I just wouldn't expect that friendship or the photo shoots would necessarily continue. It's a chance I suppose it's up to you to take, and if nothing comes of it, life moves on. Or maybe she likes you too, I guess you'll find out one way or the other.


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## The_Traveler (Nov 7, 2016)

Yeah, I can see where implying that women might have a better understanding of how a woman might react  is really insulting to a bunch of real men especially when there have been examples of their understanding of the situation like



pixmedic said:


> go get you some!



or



jcdeboever said:


> Show her your snoot and go from there....


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## vintagesnaps (Nov 7, 2016)

Wait a minute, that isn't funny! Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, I'm giving the benefit of the doubt and taking comments to have been meant in a joking way. Not seriously. I hope.


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## Destin (Nov 8, 2016)

pixmedic said:


> why is it that people always assume the worst?
> I mean, it looks to me like Destin is just talking about asking the girl out for coffee or lunch or something,
> not a trip to a secluded cabin 50 miles from the nearest road.
> plus, hes already stated that this isn't much of a "professional" working relationship as most of his work is free...
> ...



Well, this thread took some unexpected turns while I was away. Who the hell said I wanted to take her to a cabin in the woods? Lmao 

Update: I politely asked her out. She politely turned me down. No hard feelings. 

Plot twist: The world did not, in fact, implode. We have scheduled another shoot, working relationship unharmed.


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## robbins.photo (Nov 8, 2016)

Destin said:


> Well, this thread took some unexpected turns while I was away. Who the hell said I wanted to take her to a cabin in the woods? Lmao
> 
> Update: I politely asked her out. She politely turned me down. No hard feelings.
> 
> Plot twist: The world did not, in fact, implode. We have scheduled another shoot, working relationship unharmed.



Ok, so what we've learned thus far then....

When asking a girl out on a first date, do not bring an engagement ring.  Or duct tape.

Women apparently are a better judge of how women think than men.  That's not a startling revelation mind you, whats startling is that apparently some folks think it's a point open for debate.

And finally of course, no date means no babies.  So when asking for dating advice, TPF is probably not the best place to start.  We are obviously detrimental to the survival of the species.


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## The_Traveler (Nov 8, 2016)

We really haven't learned anything except that Destin's offer to this model got turned down and there's another modelling session scheduled.
What we don't know is much greater, including:
How the model felt about it; 
If she was uncomfortable or not.
If she'd rather it hadn't happened.
If she would have accepted if the photographer/model situation were finished and, in general,
How models and women feel in general about being asked for a date in this situation.​
There are good reasons why most professions actively discourage dating one's client.
And the only relative experts here who can speak for women are against it 2:1.

An anecdote is not data.


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## robbins.photo (Nov 8, 2016)

The_Traveler said:


> We really haven't learned anything except that Destin's offer to this model got turned down and there's another modelling session scheduled.
> What we don't know is much greater, including:
> How the model felt about it;
> If she was uncomfortable or not.
> ...



But can we at least agree that TPF is a really bad source for dating advice?


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 8, 2016)




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## The_Traveler (Nov 8, 2016)

robbins.photo said:


> But can we at least agree that TPF is a really bad source for dating advice?



Or at least from most of the men.


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 8, 2016)

robbins.photo said:


> The_Traveler said:
> 
> 
> > We really haven't learned anything except that Destin's offer to this model got turned down and there's another modelling session scheduled.
> ...


I warned him...but noooo!


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## robbins.photo (Nov 8, 2016)

The_Traveler said:


> Or at least from most of the men.



Can't debate that ... lol


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## NancyMoranG (Nov 9, 2016)

Now that the elephant in your room has been addressed you both can move on. 
She is probably glad as she may have thought it would happen anyway, now it's done.


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## thereyougo! (Nov 9, 2016)

Advanced Photo said:


>



Whatever you do, don't take up a career as a comedian.  You aren 't as funny as you think you are.  That showed no class, humility or taste.


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 9, 2016)

thereyougo! said:


> Advanced Photo said:
> 
> 
> >
> ...


Lol I guess  you missed the lyrics.


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## robbins.photo (Nov 9, 2016)

NancyMoranG said:


> Now that the elephant in your room has been addressed



Ok, seriously people.. who the hell slapped shipping labels all over the elephant?  You're like a bunch of children.  Honestly.  I can't leave you alone even for a minute...

Sigh...


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## NancyMoranG (Nov 9, 2016)

robbins.photo said:


> NancyMoranG said:
> 
> 
> > Now that the elephant in your room has been addressed
> ...



Heee-heee, we had him shipped to you.....collect..


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 9, 2016)

LOL what's a fat ape going to do with a fat elephant?


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## robbins.photo (Nov 9, 2016)

NancyMoranG said:


> Heee-heee, we had him shipped to you.....collect..



Wow.. that is not going to match my current decor.. at all.  That's just cold...

Lol


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## robbins.photo (Nov 9, 2016)

Advanced Photo said:


> LOL what's a fat ape going to do with a fat elephant?



Ok, step back there buddy.

I am not "fat".

I prefer the term "rubenesque".


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 9, 2016)

Steps back, trips and breaks an ankle...I'll sue!!!


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## robbins.photo (Nov 9, 2016)

Advanced Photo said:


> Steps back, trips and breaks an ankle...I'll sue!!!



Which will work perfectly.  I can drop ship you an elephant as payment for the judgement.


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 9, 2016)

Perfect, accepted...My address is...hold on a sec... NancyMoran, what's your address again?


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## Advanced Photo (Nov 9, 2016)

Since this thread is still here, I have a similar thing going on, I met this gorgeous younger lady, about 4 years my junior and want to ask her out on a date. I am not sure how to approach her. I am thinking wake her up tonight when I am finished reading and before I go to sleep, you see she sleeps next to me and has done so for years, since we were married.


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## Destin (Nov 9, 2016)

Advanced Photo said:


> LOL what's a fat ape going to do with a fat elephant?



HEY! Easy now, nobody makes fun of my main man Harambe!


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## Gary A. (Nov 9, 2016)

Too bad it didn't work out ... maybe the snoot was a bad idea.


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## OGsPhotography (Nov 10, 2016)

Dont give up! 

Well, do give up asking random people on the internet, but dont give up asking. It'll be a long lonely life if you take advice from fools about matters of the heart.

You, camera, snoot and elephant gonna be spending a lot of time together if you keep asking us for advice. 

Sometimes you have to ask three times by the way. Ever heard of third times a charm?


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## pixmedic (Nov 10, 2016)

Gary A. said:


> Too bad it didn't work out ... maybe the snoot was a bad idea.



maybe he should have used the large snoot instead of the medium.  

anyway...
good for you Destin. 
I get the feeling that everyone was a reasonable adult about it and its no harm/no foul. 
it obviously wasn't TOO terrible an experience for her since shes still going to model for you...
sorry it didnt work out, but you made the right call giving it a shot.


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## jcdeboever (Nov 12, 2016)

Gary A. said:


> Too bad it didn't work out ... maybe the snoot was a bad idea.


Always worked for me....


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