# sick of haiku?  Try a limerick



## jocose

OK, so I posted this as a joke in the Haiku thread, but I figured I'd start a limerick one as well.

I would strongly urge folks to read the following link to see how to construct limericks.  I don't pretend to have a clue about poetry, so I cast no judgment.  Mine suck, but, like my photography, I'm practicing and stretching my poesy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_poem


Anyway, here's my first contribution to the Limerick thread:


Jocose had talents untold
was rather low in the gold
an idea in the rough
of girls in the buff
Jocose was not so bold


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## 'Daniel'

Daniel set out for the night
looking for a person to fight
he found a weak fool
and took him to school 
it was such a terrible sight

:twisted:


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## jocose

My boss is a pain in the rear.
The thing she needs is clear.
A very good lay,
Will improve her day.
Would take a lot of beer!


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## terri

You really should look at this thread 
Before these limericks go quite to your head 
They are just as addicting, and I am predicting 
If started, we wont stop till were dead!


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## jocose

The girls that he meets proclaim
The sight of his body's a shame
Small in the groin
can be quite annoyin'
He'd like just one to remain.


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## terri

jocose said:
			
		

> The girls that he meets proclaim
> The sight of his body's a shame
> Small in the groin
> can be quite annoyin'
> He'd like just one to remain.


 
:shock: :shock: :shock: 


Of a personal nature, this is 
An alarming bit of quite personal biz
Id say, "Pray go on" but then you might carry on
And end up saying, Tomorrow, a quiz!


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## yummifruitbat

I cannot believe that I missed
The evening that Meysha got p*ssed :stun: 
Found her phrases so funny
For 'stroking the bunny'
I'm thinking of starting a list


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## Matty-Bass

I really don't like limericks,
In fact, they make me quite sick.
When I make this I dread,
We'll have another thread,
Of poems and pointless tricks. 

I hate rhyming the last word, had to check a rhyme dictionary to find a word


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## Alexandra

But you're rather good, Matty-bass,
It looks live you've learned it in class.
And don't you have fear,
It's just fun and queer
and will never be a pain in the ****.

...happy we've got censorship.


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## Alexandra

Oh no! why to censor my prose?
do they want me to get less verbose?
well, this is not nice
and I should not pay the price
Cause it's all of the fault of Jocose


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## Rob

We've been here before
And I tell you once more
That once you pop
It is tricky to stop
And possibly starts to bore!


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## jocose

In the chat rooms he would stay
until he learned that day.
The girl that he met
on the internet
was a man whose name was Jay.


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## jocose

This forum is friendly to kids;
Profanity we strictly forbids.
So here I invite
You all to my site.
And see me go down the skids!


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## jocose

Matty-Bass said:
			
		

> I hate rhyming the last word, had to check a rhyme dictionary to find a word


 
To err in my rhymes I&#8217;m prone
But my talent with poems has grown
Thanks to this site
I discovered one night
Now I always use Rhyme Zone

http://www.rhymezone.com/


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## Artemis

I see that time has passed,
and this thread is really a blast,
But this is sad,
and it makes me mad,
Because I really cant be ****d,


That...was...so...awefull!


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## jocose

Artemis, your poem I passed
And I'm embarrassed to asked
I wasn't knowing
Where you were going
Did you mean a**ed?


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## jocose

She talks like a bobble head
Yakking but nothing said
With her mouth a yobbin'
And her head a bobbin'
Sometimes I wish I were dead!


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## jocose

He saw a hole to plug
He looked around and shrugged
He dropped his drawers
Spreading clothes on the floor
and filled the hole with a mug. :mrgreen:


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## Corry

jocose said:
			
		

> He saw a hole to plug
> He looked around and shrugged
> He dropped his drawers
> Spreading clothes on the floor
> and filled the hole with a mug. :mrgreen:




  :lmao: (sorry, no limerick, I'll try later)


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## jocose

I went to a bar in town
My sorrows intending to drown
Became quite drunk
and who woulda thunk
that I'd wake up in a gown

My goal was to get quite pished
to my dismay I mished
The girl with the rack
Was really quite stacked
To take her home I wished

I went and chatted her up
An invitation to sup
She laughed in my face
and to my discrace
Into her lap I threw up

The bouncer then appeared
and things got really weird
The lights came on
and reality dawned
The well stacked chick had a beard

And so I returned to my home
and I'm swearing off the foam
I'll stick with the chicks
without any pricks
And I'll never have to groan


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## darin3200

Darin wants to get 1000 posts
As well as travel to both coasts
Atlantic wasn't that hard
I don't have a business card
Bread is what darin toasts


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## jocose

The boss is finally on leave
And everyone's relieved
There's a lilt in my step
And pleased to accept
Her gift of a one-month reprieve


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## jocose

core_17 said:
			
		

> :lmao: (sorry, no limerick, I'll try later)


 
Core-E, your time is here
And now it's your turn I fear
to write a limerick
that's full of schtick
and I know that we will cheer!


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## Corry

But I don't know the limerick rules
'Cause it was never taught in my schools
So if this sucks
I'll give ya a buck
I'm the loser of limerick duels.


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## terri

:shock:

Jocose had a story to tell
Of an evening that went straight to hell
He hit on a chick, who did have a prick
Which apparently ended the spell!


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## jocose

terri said:
			
		

> :shock:
> 
> Jocose had a story to tell
> Of an evening that went straight to hell
> He hit on a chick, who did have a prick
> Which apparently ended the spell!


 
It was a rough time I admits
I prefer the girlie bits
But I'm not above
Accepting love
as long as s/he has some tits


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## jocose

core_17 said:
			
		

> But I don't know the limerick rules
> 'Cause it was never taught in my schools
> So if this sucks
> I'll give ya a buck
> I'm the loser of limerick duels.


 
Corry, You're no fool
"Was never taught in school"
3 beats you need
Then you succeed
Now you've made the rule

Again it's a bit of a gruel
"I lost the limerick duel"
Fixes line 5
and now you're alive
and still in the limerick pool


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## mentos_007

glad there's nothing about me
wee wee 

P.S
I know I sucked  this was the only rhyme that came to my mind


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## jocose

Mentos from the land of Poles
has some peculiar goals
to be teased
Mentos pleads
I'll be the first on the roles


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## jocose

four hundred and ninety-two
that leaves me only a few
But this lim you read
is four ninety-three
and now my number just grew


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## jocose

The boss is back at work
What reason for this quirk
A month sans boss
is what we have lost
and now I can't even smirk


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## jocose

So now we think we know
The boss intends to go
plans to retire
we think her desire
There's none who will feel any woe!


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## jocose

The folks are annoying today
I wish they'd all go away
Then I'd enjoy
My present employ
And perhaps I'd even stay


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## jocose

There's a new theory in play
That she has come back to stay
To jockey for power's
the thought of the hour
Why won't she go away


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## jocose

Jo Cose was a boy on a mission
To get girls into submission
Never to wed
But always to bed
Into every single position


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## jocose

The winters here full swing
So heres the perfect thing:
Stay in your bed
With a redded head
And stay warm until the spring


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## JTHphoto

jocose said:
			
		

> It was a rough time I admits
> I prefer the girlie bits
> But I'm not above
> Accepting love
> as long as s/he has some tits


 
:lmao: 

I think jocose could be the limerick king, 
even though he wants a one night fling, 
with someone freaky, 
the mysterious he/she,
that may or may not have a ding-a-ling!


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## mrsid99

When I was a teenager, (pause for various "ancient" type comments) the crowd of motorcycle yobs I associated with had a favorite hobby of getting really loaded and singing off-colour songs.
The words to these songs were limericks mostly concerning ladies and a few gents from various parts of the world and some special attribute or exercise that they excelled at.
 My personal favourite concerned a young lady from Crewe but it's sad that one doesn't hear this talent nowadays.


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## jocose

JTHphoto said:
			
		

> :lmao:
> 
> I think jocose could be the limerick king,
> even though he wants a one night fling,
> with someone freaky,
> the mysterious he/she,
> that may or may not have a ding-a-ling!


 

These lims can be a trick
'Specially when taking the mick
I'll poke fun of myself
or anyone else
As long as there's funny schtick


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## jocose

There once was a lady from Crewe
And amazing things she'd do
She'd turn a fart
into an art
and blamed it on the brew


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## JTHphoto

jocose said:
			
		

> These lims can be a trick
> 'Specially when taking the mick
> I'll poke fun of myself
> or anyone else
> As long as there's funny schtick


 

I most enjoyed reading all your rhyme,
it has helped me to pass the time,
as work is such a bore
that's what TPF is for,
blocking my internet would be a crime.


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## JTHphoto

there once was a lady from Crewe
who very much liked to eat the Stew
but began to pout
when she found out
that he was her one and only nephew.


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## jocose

There once was a lady from Crewe
Who's bra was really two shoes
They hung so low
On all fours she'd go
And made the nightly news


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## woodsac

jocose said:
			
		

> There once was a lady from Crewe
> Who's bra was really two shoes
> They hung so low
> On all fours she'd go
> And made the nightly news


 uke:


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## jocose

Woodsac was an inked young man
Who had a wonderful plan
To stay up all night
Inundating this site
With pictures he took on his cam

I know this story is old
and sooner should've been told
But it occurred to me
Only recently
That this thread was off its hold


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## jocose

At first this was a fling
But now I'm limerick king
So here's to my court
For being such sports
And your praises I shall sing!


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## woodsac

the carolers came out to sing
a few songs with a christmas ring
alas they had to go
time to find the mistle-toe
it was hanging above my...ding-a-ling


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## mrsid99

Several nice tries there but the way I remember it is:
 There was a young lady from Crewe
 Who said that the Curate won't do
 I want the Vicar, he's quicker and slicker
 and two inches longer than you!    boom!  boom!


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## jocose

The chick from Crewe was a perv
And just once she lost her nerve
When faced with his pride
She took it in stride
Pressed the brakes on the curve


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## Matty-Bass

Jocose you are truly great
You just may find a true soul mate
To pick up a chick
Recite a limerick
Who knows? You might even procreate!

Lol, I really do suck at poems. 

And I forgot about Rhyme Zone, found it one nite! Good resource. For some reason, it highlighted procreate and conjugate when i typed in great... Musta known about my limerick theme!


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## jocose

Matty-Bass said:
			
		

> Jocose you are truly great
> You just may find a true soul mate
> To pick up a chick
> Recite a limerick
> Who knows? You might even procreate!
> 
> Lol, I really do suck at poems.
> 
> And I forgot about Rhyme Zone, found it one nite! Good resource. For some reason, it highlighted procreate and conjugate when i typed in great... Musta known about my limerick theme!



Matt is a funny canuck
I wish him the best of luck
Such a young whelp
He still needs some help
On me he seems to be stuck :lmao:


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## Matty-Bass

Why, don't you like the attention?
Do my limericks create too much tension?
For you to be king,
Must be quite a thing
Always making new limerick inventions.

I'll now write about anything
From the pong all the way to the ping   <== :er:
Give me a thought
I'll see what I've got
On my proverbial word string.


That last limerick was quite bad
Perhaps it's back to the ol' writing pad
I'll get more ideas
Then come back to please ya's
Next time, they might be rad? 


went on a binge limericking. hope i dont get liver failure =P


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## jocose

Matt, the attention I love
It fits me like a glove
Your rhymes make me laugh
You'll remain on my staff
You I'll never get sick of!


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## Matty-Bass

Jo, I'm truly inspired
I thought it was time to retire
Apprently not
It seems that I've got
A second wind, it seems I've acquired.


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## JTHphoto

there once was a man from the north pole
who liked to drink egg nog by the punch bowl
driving his sleigh drunk
he heard a loud clunk
as he crashed into the NASA tower of control

i'm stretching here... seriously though don't drink and drive or sleigh or whatever, here's wishing you a happy, safe holidays! :cheers:


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## jocose

Saint Nick was a man in red
and kids would dream in bed
of carols they'd sing
as the sleigh bells ring
And good tidings to all were said


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## jocose

Blah-blah blah-blah blah-blah
Blah-blah blah-blah blah-blah
Blah-blee Blah-blee
Blah-blee Blah-blee
Blah-blah blah-blah blah-blah


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## mentos_007

oh yes! the last one is very nice  and it rhymes!!!


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## jocose

Was all that was gained from our meet.
My boss who is not discreet
Did finally admit
Her job, she's quit
And now to the bar we'll retreat!


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## Eric.

I don't know about you guys, But I think someone should make this Darins Title 


> Bread is what darin toasts


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## jocose

You gave us quite a start
When we heard about your heart
So we say-mah
Rafoo-ah shalay-mah*
With love we do impart



*A speedy recovery.  My cousin's brother-in-law is in the hospital with some heart problem.  My sister sent flowers and wanted a cute card, so I wrote this.


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## Alexandra

Eric. said:
			
		

> I don't know about you guys, But I think someone should make this Darins Title




What our man Darin toasts,
Bakes, boils, fries or roasts
Is important to us
And make a whole fuss
Of this we should, to increase our posts.


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## Alexandra

jocose said:
			
		

> You gave us quite a start
> When we heard about your heart
> So we say-mah
> Rafoo-ah shalay-mah*
> With love we do impart
> 
> 
> 
> *A speedy recovery. My cousin's brother-in-law is in the hospital with some heart problem. My sister sent flowers and wanted a cute card, so I wrote this.


 
:thumbup:  I bet he appreciates. That was an awesome thing to do.


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## jocose

"A duel," she said with a grin
For me to lose is a sin
2K's the goal
Will be a mere stroll
What do I get if I win


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## jocose

Today is not so great
Mayhaps its something I ate
Last night and the beer
And now I fear
Still drunk at half past eight


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## jocose

There once was a gent from Manhattan
Who's skills in bed were lackin'
By "going all night,"
He meant sleeping tight
Which sent his wife a-packin'


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## terri

I've fallen behind on this thread
When once limericks invaded my head
But ha! Never fear - 
For again, I am here :mrgreen: 
Even though I am feeling half dead


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## jocose

Terri, I'm glad your back
I, too, have felt the slack
This thread, we'll restore
with Limericks galore
Now that our muse has attacked


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## JTHphoto

there once was dog with a massive tongue, 
out of his little mouth it sometimes sprung,
on the floor it would drag, 
behind him it would lag,
I guess we could say he was really well hung!


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## JTHphoto

there was a little monkey from washington DC,
he could write limericks better than you and me, 
but for one purpose he was meant,
so into a rocket he went,
and they shipped him to the sea of tranquility!


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## terri

JTHphoto said:
			
		

> there once was dog with a massive tongue,
> out of his little mouth it sometimes sprung,
> on the floor it would drag,
> behind him it would lag,
> I guess we could say he was really well hung!


I see Odin has inspired a rhyme
As a dog, hes ahead of his time
His tongues always out, so there should be no doubt
Im always cleaning that pug of mine!


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## jocose

terri said:
			
		

> I see Odin has inspired a rhyme
> As a dog, hes ahead of his time
> His tongues always out, so there should be no doubt
> Im always cleaning that pug of mine!


 
Is there really a need for that?
A tongue that long sounds phat
Why do you clean?
'Cause the things that I've seen...
Odin can lick his own crack


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## terri

jocose said:
			
		

> Is there really a need for that?
> A tongue that long sounds phat
> Why do you clean?
> 'Cause the things that I've seen...
> Odin can lick his own crack


The problem lies with this dogs sense of smell
Its a sense thats developed too well
Others' crap he will sniff, taking whiff after whiff
And the tongue gets..ale: Im sure you can tell!


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## jocose

terri said:
			
		

> The problem lies with this dogs sense of smell
> Its a sense thats developed too well
> Others' crap he will sniff, taking whiff after whiff
> And the tongue gets..ale: Im sure you can tell!


 
A smart, little dog is he
His mom would surely agree
Licking sh*t
is just brilliant
Odin's a pedigree!


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## terri

jocose said:
			
		

> A smart, little dog is he
> His mom would surely agree
> Licking sh*t
> is just brilliant
> Odin's a pedigree!


To the sink he immediately goes
And I wash from his tongue to his nose
Till the brown spots are gone, and its pink from then on 
He must stay on his leash, Ive proposed!


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## jocose

Louise was a Yorkshire lass
and by her shop I'd pass
No undies she'd wear
when we hugged I swear
I wanted ... no I'm not that crass


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## jocose

I'll start at the top of the list
and forgive me if there's any I missed
the girls in life
who've caused such strife
such pain from a little kiss


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## JTHphoto

i just wrote a limerick, but found it quite dumb,
just plain stupid, it would have seemed to some,
it wasn't even close, 
to the wit of jocose, 
and this one took me so long, my brain is numb.    :crazy:


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## jocose

JTHphoto said:
			
		

> i just wrote a limerick, but found it quite dumb,
> just plain stupid, it would have seemed to some,
> it wasn't even close,
> to the wit of jocose,
> and this one took me so long, my brain is numb. :crazy:


 

My name is apropos
I'm so humble you know
I'll go head-to-head
With any old Ted
And my lack of wit I'll show


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## jocose

This job it doth persist.
My ship, I have surely missed.
Ennui has brought
a morbid thought;
I think I'll slit my wrist...


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## Ice

There once was a fellow quite round
Who drove his car up and down town
Gave a girl a shout
Wanted to get out
But was sadly held back by his mound
(composed through much dispute by  my girlfriend and I)


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## mrsid99

jocose said:
			
		

> This job it doth persist.
> My ship, I have surely missed.
> Ennui has brought
> a morbid thought;
> I think I'll slit my wrist...



 Wonderful!
 My thoughts completely.....well done sir!


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## Ice

I wish to let you know this day
Im the luckiest guy in every way
this girl of mine 
her body divine
perhaps no more i should say!


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## MommyOf4Boys

I was told to buy some toys
I thought the kind for girls and boys
They really meant a dildo
This I did not know
So now I have four boys


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## jocose

MommyOf4Boys said:
			
		

> I was told to buy some toys
> I thought the kind for girls and boys
> They really meant a dildo
> This I did not know
> So now I have four boys



:stun: 

Of dildos there is no doubt
I simply know nothing about
But as to my tool
I am no fool
I can make my lady shout


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## MommyOf4Boys

jocose said:
			
		

> :stun:
> 
> Of dildos there is no doubt
> I simply know nothing about
> But as to my tool
> I am no fool
> I can make my lady shout


 
I too did not waste my money
But I now keep away from my honey
I keep my legs crossed 
and show him who's boss
To make sure there are no more bumps in my tummy


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## Ice

mommy and jocose those are hilarious!







Of these I have twenty three.
No more can be given to me.
The doctor said I have them all.
Without worry i'll have a ball!
No baby, I have no STD.   :badangel:


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## jocose

Ice said:
			
		

> Of these I have twenty three.
> No more can be given to me.
> The doctor said I have them all.
> Without worry i'll have a ball!
> No baby, I have no STD. :badangel:


 
You have twenty three?
This so confuses me. :scratch:
Of what do you speak?
I must entreat.
And I'm glad your clap-free


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## jocose

Jill from the land of Scots
I met on a boat that rocks
I loved that brogue
she surely knowed
Cuz off she knocked my socks


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## Ice

A test in calculus I have got!
Prehaps I should smoke some pot!
Then agian i have not more!
Although it would improve my score!
Now a hope of being a doctor i have not!







ps. dont really smoke pot


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## Ice

What's all this fuss about learning?
All textbooks we should start burning!
Let's sit on the shore,
and food, let's fish for!
Anyone else share in this yearning?


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## jocose

With so many new names
Lets restart the game
A lim jocose
Or anything close
And your poems will bring you fame


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## jocose

There once was a woman from Skye
And some things she wanted to try
Franks and beans
And all kinds of creams
and for desert had pie


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## jocose

I seem to be back in the game
and need to live up to my name.
I'll try, and I'll try
and try to revive
this thread that brought me fame!


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## jocose

Firemen ignite her flame.
Firemen to extinguish her pain.
Their helmets and hoses,
could curl her toeses.
Firemen prayed for rain.


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## jocose

There once was a bloke named Ryan
Who got all the boys a-sighing
For Ladies said "wowzers"
When they looked in his trousers
He was hung like a mountain lion


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## jocose

She came from the island of Rasm
When touched on the neck would spasm
When she danced on the pole
She lost control
And let out a screaming orgasm


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## Corry

You're so dirty! :greenpbl:


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## Torus34

'There was a young lad from Perdue
whose limericks stopped at line 2.'


'There once was a gal from Verdun'


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## jocose

The man's talents allowed
for him to be so proud
A cunning linguist
and an able pianist
He could play to any crowd


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## BoblyBill

This thread is quite the place
It has put a smile on my face
Hail to the king
Jocose, you have the thing
We are all inferior in this case

*wipes sweat from my brow*


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## clarinetJWD

OK...so there's this deal a day site called Stootsi that runs contests; this one is for the best "Box of Fun".  I decided the best course of action was to write a Haiku, a Limerick, and a Sonnet.  2 of the three have no place here, but the limerick is for the site admin, Corbo.

I'm writing this limerick for you
To make sure my box makes me "woo!"
This isn't a threat
But, Corbo, expect
My vengeance if you send me poo.


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## Corry

clarinetJWD said:
			
		

> OK...so there's this deal a day site called Stootsi that runs contests; this one is for the best "Box of Fun".  I decided the best course of action was to write a Haiku, a Limerick, and a Sonnet.  2 of the three have no place here, but the limerick is for the site admin, Corbo.
> 
> I'm writing this limerick for you
> To make sure my box makes me "woo!"
> This isn't a threat
> But, Corbo, expect
> My vengeance if you send me poo.



You should find the haiku thread and post your haiku in it.  

And I bet you'll win that contest.


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## jocose

I never believed on my palm
hair would grow like a halm.
But each morning I brush
for it's full and lush;
shampoo with my special balm.


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## Corry

jocose said:
			
		

> I never believed on my palm
> hair would grow like a halm.
> But each morning I brush
> for it's full and lush;
> shampoo with my special balm.



:shock: :stun:  


<-----needs to learn to write limericks.


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## dgs

Now Core has these urgings to learn
The art of the limeric, in turn.
On this I'd urge caution
Not always, but often
This skill has potential to burn!


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## dgs

The Limeric King, as you know,
Is far and wide known here as Jo.
  Though Newbie I be
  A battle I see,
I just might give it a go!

<grin>


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## jocose

The girl, she wanted to know
what the boy was packing below
pulled down his jeans
which made him scream
for his package began to grow


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## jocose

dgs said:
			
		

> The Limeric King, as you know,
> Is far and wide known here as Jo.
> Though Newbie I be
> A battle I see,
> I just might give it a go!
> 
> <grin>


 

It seems that I must defend
my title in this world of pretend
we'll need a judge
who'll handle the drudge
who do you recommend?


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## dgs

> It seems that I must defend
> my title in this world of pretend
> we'll need a judge
> who'll handle the drudge
> who do you recommend?


 
A battle of wits, I suspect,
Requires no judge be select'
  Let's not be pretentious,
  But rely on consensus,
I'll settle for mutual respect.


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## jocose

Now Deryl had something to prove
so he tried to make a move
Tried to depose
King Jo Cose
but the King continued his groove


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## GoM

The emperor's wearing no clothes,
The pavement? Far south of his nose,
As metaphors say,
"Belittle and stay
If you want to end up like Jocose" 

But little did little Jo know,
Of what was a-raging below
This smiling facade,
The home of a god
Given nod of the head, but a bro. 

---

it's on


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## GoM

Jocose has gone away
For several teary days,
I don't mean to whine,
But where has time
Gone when it goes in a haze?

Come back Jo!


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## jocose

it indeed's been many a-day
but life's not going my way
my age does show
when i look below
I found a pube that's gray


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## clarinetJWD

jocose said:
			
		

> it indeed's been many a-day
> but life's not going my way
> my age does show
> when i look below
> I found a pube that's gray


:lmao:


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## jocose

Butchers--a special breed;
they hold to the Butchers' Creed:
"Be discreet
when handling your meat,
and the length of your cut, mislead!"


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## jocose

The lord did see it fit
to grant me very few gifts
an eye for pics
and doing limericks
but everything else I'm sh*t


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## jocose

Drink at a crazy pace.
Drink as if it's a race.
Then drink some more
just to ensure
the goggles are in place!


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## jocose

The boy was so impressed
With the woman in the skimpy dress
For fifty dollars
And a quarter of an hour
She pretended that he was the best


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## Antarctican

She claimed to be so unimpressed
By the men who kept ogling her chest
"You pigs" she would say
"It's just dé-coll-e-té
"And besides, they're not real", she confessed


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## Antarctican

Your limericks are so off the cuff
It seems that you have the right stuff
To make a bon mot
You _rule_ this thread, Jo
But you fail to post often enough


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## jocose

A wedding guest was cross
To hear the sailors dross
A tale of thirst
A gunshot burst
And the death of an albatross


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## LaFoto

I cannot believe my eyes!
It is Jocose, the wise.
He hasn't been round us
for ages, but found us.
And posts now without a disguise!


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## jocose

_The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_

Huck he made his slip
Down the Mississip
On a raft with Jim
And the Dauphin
They had an amazing trip


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## Hertz van Rental

If Limmericks you would write
You need to keep things tight.
For in five lines
These funny rhymes
Should tell their tale. Alright?


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## Garbz

There once was a man named Innes
who had a very big....

And that's about all I could come up with so far.


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## Hertz van Rental

I'm still trying to find something that rhymes with 'Nantucket'.


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## Antarctican

(bucket, stuck it, pluck it, shuck it, puck hit 






 ) 


I can probably come up with a few more, if you want to PM me....


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## Antarctican

_The Taming of the Shrew_

Petruccio married a 'Shrew'
Whose taming he promised to do
'Kate' soon changed her tune,
Claimed the sun was the moon
Methinks 'twas a union to rue.


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## LaFoto

Cool one, Anty.

I tried to put "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" into limerick form but got stranded somewhow. This is where I sure feel my knowledge of the English language is still quite limited! I need a third rhyming word on "detective" :roll: !


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## Antarctican

^^^ (Defective, protective, elective, effective, subjective, objective, invective ....)


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## LaFoto

Ah! Cool. Can I use one of them then? Let me think.


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## LaFoto

Lame, but ...

"The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes"

The well-known and world-famous detective
solved each and every riddle - infective
it was to Watson, his friend,
who somehow never could put his hand
on those crimes, though, and be as effective.

Tough!


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## jocose

_Romeo and Juliet_


Divided by a name
A story of inordinate shame
with poison and knives
that wasted lives
Their deaths were all in vain


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## blackdoglab

There once was a photo forum,
which had its own decorum,
when members were bored,
the points they scored,
came from banning the folks in their quorum


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## blackdoglab

There once was a girl from Nantucket,
who told her old lady to chuck it,
when no one was there,
the young lass prepared,
and drowned her old mum in a bucket.

that one's fer you Hertz... in my best Tom Lehrer style.


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## blackdoglab

I'm having way more fun than I should with these, but here's another one.  I advise that ya hold yer nose while reading.

There once was a lass from Milwaukee,
whose mate was quite short and stocky,
he'd sit and he'd fidget,
and lust for the midget,
his neighbor the tiny disc jockey


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## Antarctican

More! More!


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## blackdoglab

There once was a bird from Toronto,
who wanted a limerick pronto,
so the guy from wisconsin,
ate a dinner from swanson,
and sent off his odious memo


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## Antarctican

A limerick's easy to write
So come try your hand, you just might
Like rhyming your words
It's not 'just for nerds'
And people who can't sleep at night.


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## LaFoto

A Limerick is easy? I'm not so sure,
for I feel my rhyming is very poor.
But one thing is true:
I'm no longer blue.
So they might be a good depression cure!

*Fairy tales:*

There once was a beautiful princess girl
who got hurt as she let the spindle whirl.
So she fell asleep for 100 years
in a castle of roses, along with her peers,
till the prince came and kissed her blonde curl.

A girl with a lovely red hood
was taking a walk in the wood
to visit the granny
who wasn't called Annie.
The wolf thought "Just eat them, I could!"


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## Antarctican

(Woooooot!  Yeah Corinna! Well done, especially the L'il Red Riding Hood one)

Three pigs built their houses real quick
One of straw, one of wood, one of brick
A wolf blew down two
What could the pigs do?
Rebuild with the walls twice as thick.


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## blackdoglab

Here's a dirty version of snow white.  you'll want to take a shower after reading.  and... it's also for Hertz, who seems to like a bit of discipline now and then



There once were some blokes in a cottage,
who liked to frolic and frottage,
when along came a lass,
the guys gave a pass,
and learned all 'bout torture and bondage...


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## Antarctican

(Bwahahahaaaa!!! You even worked one of Hertz's 'pet' words into it!)

Snow White lived with seven short men
Did their cooking and cleaning, and then...
To work they would go
While singing 'hi ho'
And rating the princess a '10'.


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## jocose

_Little Miss Muffet_


Dairy she loved to eat
The spider he took a seat
She turned with a whirl
She screamed like a girl
And beat a hasty retreat


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## jocose

Asparagus is great
You know what you just ate
Odorific
and for some terrific
Each time you micturate


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## Tiberius47

I'm an addict, I work off my ass
To get my camera some good glass
it's a choice between Tamron
or higher priced Canon
I'll go cheaper, as long as it's fast!


----------



## Antarctican

It's Jocose's birthday today! As he's a lover of limericks, here's one to commemorate his birthday....

There was a young man named jocose
Who drank himself quite comatose
He awoke and got sick
And _then_ read this lim'rick
"Get my meds now, and please up the dose".


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## Antarctican

Miss Muffet, through fear of a spider
Knocked her tuffet on end right beside her
She felt such a fool
For losing her stool
But was happy to weigh five pounds lighter


----------



## waday

There once was a photography forum
And because work started to bore ’em
He looked for a new game
To avoid being lame
But then decided to pan for aurum


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## snowbear

There was a cartographer, Tom
Who's beach maps were really the bomb.
He'd draw them by hand,
The water and sand
From France, all the way to Guam.


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## stapo49

There was a young lady named Bright,
Whose speed was far faster than light;
She started one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk


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## waday

There once was a man at work
The calls and emails start to irk
He got up and left
No interests bereft
Now he’s all skips and a smirk


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## SquarePeg

Words rattling around in our head
Boredom is something we dread
We got sick of haiku
So what did we do?
We brought back the limerick thread


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## waday

With an ok and upturned thumb
And thoughts of years to come
He worked for the state
Then followed probate
Overtaken with gloom and glum


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## NGH

I'm new here and just found this thread
It's already got into my head
I don't know quite why
Just had to give it a try
Now I'm going to shoot photos instead


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