# Let's revive the five word story



## blackdoglab

I felt like havin' story time today.  Imagine yer back in preschool and yer sittin' on the carpet just before nap time.   Just five words is all ya need....

Once there was a foot...


----------



## Antarctican

loose and fancy free bachelor


----------



## blackdoglab

pad with a funky couch


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## WNK

in downtown New York City.


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## blackdoglab

Their neighbor was a trans....


----------



## abraxas

-portation engineer with a gun.


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## Icon72

One night they heard a


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## Chris of Arabia

car backfire in a nearby

>;o))


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## BoblyBill

alley that trigged Spiderman's spider


----------



## abraxas

alarm clock. He whipped out


----------



## Chris of Arabia

his clock, then headed for

>;o))


----------



## shorty6049

mexico to buy a large


----------



## Chris of Arabia

pinocolada with ice and slice.

>;o))


----------



## Aquarium Dreams

He spent all his money


----------



## abraxas

and in a drunken stupor


----------



## Chris of Arabia

rolled under the table where

>;o))


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## abraxas

he found some magic beans.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

I'm not going there he

>;o))


----------



## darich

slurred, while staggering to his


----------



## Chris of Arabia

battered old Volvo. Tired and

>;o))


----------



## WNK

crabby, he called up his


----------



## darich

mum and claimed his drinks


----------



## Chris of Arabia

had been spiked with Domestos.

>;o))


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## abraxas

"I'm screwed now", he thought.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

The story so far...

Once there was a foot loose and fancy free bachelor pad with a funky couch in downtown New York City. Their neighbor was a transportation engineer with a gun. One night they heard a car backfire in a nearby alley that trigged Spiderman's spider alarm clock. He whipped out his clock, then headed for mexico to buy a large pinocolada with ice and slice. He spent all his money and in a drunken stupor rolled under the table where he found some magic beans. I'm not going there he slurred, while staggering to his battered old Volvo. Tired and crabby, he called up his mum and claimed his drinks had been spiked with Domestos. "I'm screwed now", he thought. 

"The toilet needs cleaning and..."

>;o))


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## zendianah

my arsh needs a wipen.


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## Antarctican

Jose, the cabana boy, immediately


----------



## Tangerini

snapped to attention. "Spidey!" he


----------



## darich

exclaimed. "Can i have your.........


----------



## Icon72

web shooter thingy? Please, please....


----------



## Chris of Arabia

give it to me big...

>;o))


----------



## abraxas

time", he pled while sobbing.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Spidey piled on the agony

>;o))


----------



## blackdoglab

and ecstacy of heavy constapation


----------



## Chris of Arabia

(though his spelling hadn't improved)

>;o))


----------



## blackdoglab

He relied upon three cats


----------



## Tangerini

to get him outta this


----------



## abraxas

fix. He tied together two


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## blackdoglab

coconuts with a long, narrow


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## abraxas

thing.  "Kitty, kitty, kitty", he


----------



## Tangerini

whispered, "come here you furball."


----------



## zendianah

So I can make Spidey....


----------



## blackdoglab

a large, purple mink coat


----------



## abraxas

All of a sudden, the


----------



## blackdoglab

nasty, nefarious, naked nun nailed


----------



## Icon72

it by shouting out "HEY......


----------



## abraxas

JOE WHERE YOU GONNA GO-


----------



## Antarctican

when your Prozac wears off?


----------



## M-O-S

Then his girlfriend came to


----------



## Chris of Arabia

give him an intense blow

>;o))


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## abraxas

torch escape kit with matches.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

The torch blazed brightly in

>;o))


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## abraxas

his hopes, dreams and fantasies.


----------



## Tangerini

but unfortunately not in reality


----------



## Chris of Arabia

where life proceeded to rain

>;o))


----------



## blackdoglab

as the sands of time


----------



## Chris of Arabia

petered out. Grabbing his cloak

>;o))


----------



## abraxas

he felt a renewed sense


----------



## blackdoglab

of meloncholy and food poisoning


----------



## Chris of Arabia

- he shouldn't have eaten that...

>;o))


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## blackdoglab

large platter of head cheese


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## Chris of Arabia

tasty as it looked at

>;o))


----------



## abraxas

Chris of Arabia said:


> tasty as it looked at
> 
> >;o))



the moment. He felt wobbly.


----------



## blackdoglab

At that point he noticed


----------



## abraxas

he had lost his soul.


----------



## blackdoglab

His shoes were lacking that


----------



## Icon72

smell. The smell that makes


----------



## abraxas

women in frilly dresses swoon.


----------



## M-O-S

He took meth and crack


----------



## blackdoglab

shot on the firing range.


----------



## abraxas

In fact, this was how


----------



## blackdoglab

he found a ball of


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## Chris of Arabia

catarrh clinging to the lining

>;o))


----------



## Icon72

of his speedos. He ran


----------



## blackdoglab

astride a beligerant, brown ostrich


----------



## Icon72

and yelled, "Hey, I got


----------



## blackdoglab

syphillis from a girl in


----------



## Icon72

a phone booth WOO HOO!!!


----------



## Chris of Arabia

He called medicare where a

>;o))


----------



## Icon72

phone operator who could barely


----------



## abraxas

keep herself from laughing her


----------



## Chris of Arabia

wig off, said "Dude, that's...

>;o))


----------



## darich

great luck, you're our millionth..........


----------



## Chris of Arabia

GUM* customer and you win our...

>;o))

* Genito Urinary Medicine for those who didn't know...


----------



## abraxas

opportunity to save real money


----------



## Chris of Arabia

, for only $9.99 we chop

>;o))


----------



## Icon72

off your infected parts. You ...


----------



## abraxas

got your credit card handy?


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Flexing the plastic was the

>;o))


----------



## blackdoglab

greatest anticipatory moment in Nebraska


----------



## abraxas

the cornhusker state would finally


----------



## blackdoglab

elect Susan sarandon as dog


----------



## Icon72

day queen. The whole day


----------



## abraxas

she would be getting herself


----------



## blackdoglab

into a mudwrestling match with


----------



## abraxas

blind-folded amputees and Jerry


----------



## Icon72

Garcia look alikes. She stood


----------



## abraxas

then into the mud she


----------



## Chris of Arabia

would sink, allowing only three

>;o))


----------



## Icon72

of the Garcias to touch


----------



## abraxas

their amputee tag team partners


----------



## Icon72

However unlikely it seemed that ...


----------



## Chris of Arabia

syphillis aside, Spidey would not

>;o))


----------



## Icon72

be sticking around to watch.


----------



## abraxas

Susan, was wild-eyed and


----------



## Chris of Arabia

frenzied with excitement at the

>;o))


----------



## abraxas

moment Kenny Rogers entered the


----------



## zendianah

insane asylum. Could this be


----------



## abraxas

the sign they had all


----------



## Chris of Arabia

been praying would never come?

>;o))


----------



## blackdoglab

"If only Dolly Parton would


----------



## abraxas

get off her pogo stick


----------



## blackdoglab

and give someone else a


----------



## abraxas

good shove down the stairs.


----------



## Icon72

The Dog Day Queen was


----------



## blackdoglab

on fire hydrant patrol until


----------



## shorty6049

something big and brown fell


----------



## Icon72

from above and landed on


----------



## M-O-S

his sh!t then cried, and


----------



## abraxas

meanwhile, back at the ranch...


----------



## Chris of Arabia

a rancher decided it was

>;o))


----------



## blackdoglab

time to become a pirate


----------



## Chris of Arabia

of the Carribean. Jack Sparrow


----------



## Icon72

was a good role model


----------



## Chris of Arabia

for how not to do


----------



## abraxas

certain, unspeakable things. However, he


----------



## Chris of Arabia

was weak of will, needing

>;o))


----------



## M-O-S

sex which led him to


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## Antarctican

buy big bunches of bananas


----------



## Icon72

for unmentionable activities involving certain


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## Antarctican

death if caught without his


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## abraxas

red badge of courage and


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## blackdoglab

a large fluffy, pink towel.


----------



## abraxas

He was a sad pirate


----------



## darich

of the carribean until he


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## Antarctican

took ballroom dancing and waltzed


----------



## abraxas

the night away with his


----------



## Icon72

mop handle girlfriend who was


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## abraxas

a very dirty, dirty girl.


----------



## blackdoglab

"Yeah, they're real." she said


----------



## Antarctican

, quoting Corry's profile. "Can I


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## blackdoglab

find a good french resturaunt


----------



## abraxas

? There is something I would


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## Chris of Arabia

like to try, an idea


----------



## abraxas

that didn't work last time.


----------



## blackdoglab

Please cover my body with


----------



## Antarctican

escargot and garlic butter, then


----------



## blackdoglab

add chocolate eclairs and see


----------



## Icon72

how much whipped cream will


----------



## blackdoglab

be consumed by three, large


----------



## abraxas

... Oh my God, butter- Really?


----------



## Icon72

She couldn't believe it. Could .....


----------



## abraxas

it be massaged on slowly?


----------



## M-O-S

Then she wondered if that


----------



## abraxas

might help her run faster?


----------



## Chris of Arabia

As she gently dribbled between


----------



## abraxas

her very carefully chosen words.


----------



## blackdoglab

A large wedge of cheddar


----------



## abraxas

would do nicely for perfume


----------



## blackdoglab

but feta would be betta'.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Intense cheesy aromas eminated from


----------



## abraxas

intensely aromatic cheese.  So Susan


----------



## Chris of Arabia

with small pieces of gorgonzola


----------



## blackdoglab

and bleu clinging to her


----------



## abraxas

fingers fashioned a crude yet


----------



## Chris of Arabia

functional battlestar gallactica in her


----------



## abraxas

left hand, and then carefully


----------



## Chris of Arabia

launched the ship towards certain


----------



## abraxas

doom, for there was a


----------



## Chris of Arabia

mouse on the Battleships' flightpath.


----------



## abraxas

"Have some cheese Rat!", she


----------



## Chris of Arabia

stuttered. "Cheese rat?" Ughhh! Sliced...


----------



## abraxas

and diced into rat shapes.


----------



## wesd

got fried and ate em


----------



## Antarctican

with a nice chianti and


----------



## abraxas

lots of ketchup and something


----------



## Chris of Arabia

that wriggled on the plate.


----------



## blackdoglab

"This new French cuisine is


----------



## abraxas

eaten with cat's whiskers and


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## BoblyBill

Cranberry jam, but was not


----------



## blackdoglab

compatible with carrots or windows


----------



## Chris of Arabia

98. French cuisine is UNIX only,


----------



## blackdoglab

However, you can try the


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## abraxas

wieners. They are made from


----------



## blackdoglab

the finest feline and chicken


----------



## Chris of Arabia

mechanically recovered bone and gristle.


----------



## abraxas

Dipped in wiener au jus


----------



## blackdoglab

and a sprig of parsley


----------



## abraxas

went well with cheese rat.


----------



## blackdoglab

The incredible international polka party


----------



## abraxas

was ready to begin. All


----------



## BoblyBill

of the Kirtnesatia house hold


----------



## Fangman

were in grandma's bed when . .


----------



## blackdoglab

bristled with anticipation at the


----------



## abraxas

prospects of winning the annual


----------



## blackdoglab

Lawrence Welk memorial championship cup.


----------



## abraxas

Three hundred accordions would be


----------



## BoblyBill

fun to play at the


----------



## blackdoglab

foot of Susan's bed during


----------



## Garbz

a long hard session where


----------



## abraxas

the Kirtnesatia family would dance.


----------



## blackdoglab

"These aren't my crayons!" Susan


----------



## Chris of Arabia

murmured under her breath, "Grey


----------



## blackdoglab

's anatomy isn't on until


----------



## abraxas

tomorrow.  All of a sudden,


----------



## Fangman

she started to tremble with . . . .


----------



## abraxas

memories of the dog day


----------



## Antarctican

care fiasco. "Lookit these puppies"...


----------



## abraxas

She barked, as she threw


----------



## Chris of Arabia

up in the dog's basket


----------



## Garbz

,which was full of old


----------



## abraxas

poorly photographed porno magazines. However,


----------



## blackdoglab

her trusty argus blocked the


----------



## abraxas

damage.  But she had read


----------



## Chris of Arabia

readers wives before the wind


----------



## BoblyBill

carried them away. Afterawards, She


----------



## Fangman

took the magazines to bed


----------



## Antarctican

, astounded to discover pictures of


----------



## BoblyBill

the newest models of cars


----------



## Chris of Arabia

and battery powered health aids


----------



## blackdoglab

"Curses!" she exclaimed at the


----------



## BoblyBill

door man as he slammed


----------



## Chris of Arabia

a t-bone onto the hotplate


----------



## BoblyBill

"Yaalyalaly!!!!", She screamed about the


----------



## Icon72

misleading photos. "I want some...


----------



## lostprophet

photos of Otters I do"


----------



## Antarctican

"Better yet, penguins!" said Anty


----------



## BoblyBill

Little did Anty know but...

I think this is going in the same direction last time.


----------



## Antarctican

(yeah, we lost a LOT with the outage.  Some will be regenerated, some will veer off in a different direction)


standing directly behind her was...


----------



## Chris of Arabia

a mean looking polar bear


----------



## Antarctican

with fish breath and a


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## Chris of Arabia

cute looking penguin in its


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## Antarctican

Sunday best holding the bear's..


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## Chris of Arabia

attention most persuasively. Its rapt


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## abraxas

--


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## BoblyBill

was very hairy and full

(I have no idea what a rapt is)...


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## Chris of Arabia

> Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source
> rapt
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> /ræpt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[rapt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation &#8211;adjective 1.deeply engrossed or absorbed: a rapt listener. 2.transported with emotion; enraptured: rapt with joy. 3.showing or proceeding from rapture: a rapt smile. 4.carried off spiritually to another place, sphere of existence, etc.
> [Origin: 1350&#8211;1400; ME (ptp. of _rapen_ to carry off, abduct, rape) < L _raptus_ seized, carried off (ptp. of _rapere_), equiv. to _rap-_ (see rape1) + _-tus_ ptp. suffix
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> &#8212;Related forms raptly, adverb
> raptness, noun
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> &#8212;Synonyms *2.* ecstatic, spellbound, bewitched.


 
of admiration for the penguin's


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## BoblyBill

*thanks Chris! I'm all the wiser now*

certain death, but Anty was


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## Antarctican

not gonna take that lying


----------



## Chris of Arabia

low down piece of dirt


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## Antarctican

ridden, flea-bitten polar bear


----------



## Chris of Arabia

for the hearth rug he


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## Antarctican

would soon become. Her shotgun


----------



## BoblyBill

was out of bullets so

(sorry Anty, but it's too fun to mess with you...  )


----------



## Mike_E

She whipped out a towel,


----------



## BoblyBill

and tackled the beast with


----------



## blackdoglab

with a solid iron penguin


----------



## Chris of Arabia

nose ornament. With no sense


----------



## BoblyBill

fear, Anty heroically subdued the


----------



## Antarctican

male model who had tried


----------



## Chris of Arabia

to feign heterosexuality by tattoeing


----------



## BoblyBill

Fortunately, Anty was not into


----------



## Chris of Arabia

ladyboys and immediately sought assistance


----------



## BoblyBill

to be rid of the


----------



## Chris of Arabia

uncomfortable feeling that she was


----------



## Antarctican

being followed by falsely named


----------



## Chris of Arabia

pseudonomics. Paranoia was Anti's normal


----------



## Antarctican

spellcheck test when typing a


----------



## Chris of Arabia

letter to people in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,


----------



## BoblyBill

who where funny looking socks.


----------



## Antarctican

Meanwhile, over in Arabia, men


----------



## BoblyBill

rode donkeys to the water


----------



## blackdoglab

and there found mashed potatoes


----------



## BoblyBill

in the water hole. The


----------



## blackdoglab

lumpy gravy was nowhere to


----------



## BoblyBill

found, so the men used


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Oxo cubes in mysterious ways


----------



## blackdoglab

Certainly beef never tasted like


----------



## Icon72

old fish before. But this


----------



## Chris of Arabia

was nothing in comparison to


----------



## Hertz van Rental

the smell of the flatulence


----------



## Chris of Arabia

of a penguin on an


----------



## Hertz van Rental

old cheese and banana diet


----------



## blackdoglab

But he otter know better


----------



## Antarctican

than to eat Stilton with


----------



## Hertz van Rental

some Brit in the USA


----------



## Antarctican

who evaded sniffer dogs by


----------



## blackdoglab

eating a penguin every day


----------



## BoblyBill

Anty was tired of eating


----------



## Antarctican

her words whenever innocently posting


----------



## PNA

corrected versions of the latest


----------



## BoblyBill

magazine publications that have been


----------



## Antarctican

at the supermarket checkout. She


----------



## Chris of Arabia

demurred slightly, then wistfully flounced


----------



## BoblyBill

the back of a trash

LOL... I hate following you, Chris,  cause I don't have the vocabulary to understand your posts.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

You think I understand them?



> Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source
> de·mur
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> /d&#618;&#712;m&#604;r/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[di-*mur*] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation verb, -murred, -mur·ring, noun &#8211;verb (used without object) 1.to make objection, esp. on the grounds of scruples; take exception; object: They wanted to make him the treasurer, but he demurred. 2.Law. to interpose a demurrer. 3.Archaic. to linger; hesitate. &#8211;noun 4.the act of making objection. 5.an objection raised. 6.hesitation. 7.Law. Obsolete. a demurrer.
> [Origin: 1175&#8211;1225; ME _demuren_ < AF _demurer,_ OF _demorer_ < L _démor&#257;r&#299;_ to linger, equiv. to _dé-_ de- + _mor&#257;r&#299;_ to delay, deriv. of _mora_ delay
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> &#8212;Antonyms *1.* agree, accede.
> 
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> Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
> Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.





> Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - _Cite This Source_
> *wist·ful*
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> f&#601;l/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[*wist*-f_uh_
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> l] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation _&#8211;adjective _1.characterized by melancholy; longing; yearning. 2.pensive, esp. in a melancholy way.
> [Origin: 1605&#8211;15; obs. _wist_ quiet, silent, attentive (var. of whist2) + -ful
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> Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
> Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.





> Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - _Cite This Source_
> *flounce*1
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> /fla&#650;ns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[flouns] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation _verb, _*flounced, flounc·ing, *_noun __&#8211;verb (used without object) _1.to go with impatient or impetuous, exaggerated movements: _The star flounced out of the studio in a rage. _2.to throw the body about spasmodically; flounder. _&#8211;noun _3.an act or instance of flouncing; a flouncing movement.
> [Origin: 1535&#8211;45; of obscure orig.; perh. akin to Norw _flunsa_ to hurry
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> Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
> Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.


 
compacter usually used on Stargate


----------



## BoblyBill

This action cause imense pain


----------



## Chris of Arabia

and inflammation of the small


----------



## Antarctican

goat she was sending to


----------



## Chris of Arabia

the mine. Canary like, it


----------



## BoblyBill

was black as soot after


----------



## Chris of Arabia

mistaking a chimney for a


----------



## BoblyBill

lake of glowing surfuric acid.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Black was so last season


----------



## blackdoglab

since pink became the national


----------



## BoblyBill

colors for Canada. People there


----------



## Chris of Arabia

often boil-washed their flags, turning


----------



## Fangman

maple leaves into compost for


----------



## Chris of Arabia

potting on  Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs


----------



## Antarctican

( :raisedbrow:  I turn my back for a few hours and _this_ is where you take the thread??!!)


Reacting with shock and outrage,


----------



## Chris of Arabia

(I'll have you know I never once mentioned anywhere north of Buffalo)

was a standard decoy tactic


----------



## Antarctican

for media types with no


----------



## Chris of Arabia

window into the real world.


----------



## Antarctican

With their hidden agendas and


----------



## BoblyBill

propaganda, many people never realized


----------



## Chris of Arabia

that seals enjoy a night


----------



## abraxas

of debauchery at Club Caligula


----------



## BoblyBill

"Party till the cows come


----------



## abraxas

and ruin it for everyone"


----------



## BoblyBill

, said the head seal before


----------



## abraxas

he began playing the banjo.


----------



## Antarctican

Lured by the sound, a


----------



## Chris of Arabia

seal club re-mix from the


----------



## abraxas

Clubbed Seals', "Frozen Chew" album


----------



## Chris of Arabia

span as the DJ rapped


----------



## abraxas

Suddenly, without warning, someone yelled


----------



## Chris of Arabia

"Is Paris Hilton in the..."


----------



## BoblyBill

house? Cause if she is


----------



## BoblyBill

Chris of Arabia said:


> "Is Paris Hilton in the..."


 
:lmao: lol:lmao:


----------



## Chris of Arabia

tell her the chain gang


----------



## Antarctican

is refusing to be seen with


----------



## BoblyBill

her." This was not what


----------



## abraxas

good taste and proper manners


----------



## Chris of Arabia

dictates in the world of


----------



## abraxas

the Lambada, the "Forbidden Dance."


----------



## Antarctican

Similarly, the hokey-pokey is


----------



## Chris of Arabia

only enacted as a ritual


----------



## BoblyBill

scare away all the evil


----------



## abraxas

voices in Paris' little head.


----------



## BoblyBill

Paris, however, was not going


----------



## Chris of Arabia

down as often as often


----------



## BoblyBill

as John wanted. John had


----------



## Chris of Arabia

a very small appetite for


----------



## BoblyBill

penguines ....errr I mean cow


----------



## Chris of Arabia

pats. One lump or two


----------



## blackdoglab

susan asked in heated whisper


----------



## lostprophet

"otters, I need more Otters"


----------



## Chris of Arabia

...for the otter stew with


----------



## abraxas

black stuff, guts and innards.


----------



## Antarctican

Oooo, English 'cuisine' is so


----------



## abraxas

knarly, course and something like...


----------



## Icon72

old oatmeal pies with those


----------



## Chris of Arabia

gristly bits sprinkled over it.


----------



## Antarctican

High fibre never tasted so


----------



## Chris of Arabia

unlike haute cuisine in the


----------



## abraxas

frozen food section of the


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Lesotho branch of Southern Fried


----------



## abraxas

Chicken- maybe.  The dancing continued.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Low-key mood music throbbed throughout


----------



## abraxas

smelling thick of Teen Spirit.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Dancing on the floor there


----------



## BoblyBill

were little puppies, nobody knew


----------



## abraxas

were magic puppies. They could


----------



## Chris of Arabia

disappear up their own back


----------



## BoblyBill

Anty tried to catch one


----------



## abraxas

but they were magic and


----------



## BoblyBill

turned Colin the Bear into...


----------



## BoblyBill

what was I saying? Who would want to change Colin the Bear to anything...


----------



## BoblyBill

turned Boblybill's awesome skills into


That's better


----------



## blackdoglab

an orgy of original oddities


----------



## abraxas

and there they were, right


----------



## blackdoglab

in the middle of Lucrecia


----------



## slickhare

the land of gumdrops and


----------



## abraxas

lollipops, fire ants and vicious


----------



## BoblyBill

rabid rabits, but this did


----------



## Antarctican

not deter Boblybill, who bravely



(Bobly...love your new av)


----------



## BoblyBill

danced the night away. Anty

(I like your new av as well.)


----------



## Hertz van Rental

on the other hand, played


----------



## Hertz van Rental

hide the sausage with the


----------



## Hertz van Rental

chef who had a limp


----------



## Antarctican

from being kicked in the


----------



## BoblyBill

knee (seriously you guys ). In his anger the


----------



## BoblyBill

chef lashed out, but Boblybill


----------



## Antarctican

"ducked". Chef "saucily" "rued" that


----------



## Hertz van Rental

someone thought this was serious


----------



## Antarctican

Life is too short to


----------



## Fangman

see over the very tall


----------



## Hertz van Rental

pastry chef with a limp


----------



## Antarctican

spotted dick dessert in his


----------



## Fangman

hand, which he shewed to


----------



## Antarctican

the Brits, who admired such


----------



## Hertz van Rental

strange behaviour. But Canadians would


----------



## Antarctican

titter and blush at such


----------



## BoblyBill

things. The chef made one


----------



## Hertz van Rental

last ditch attempt to regain


----------



## Antarctican

the upper hand, but sadly


----------



## Hertz van Rental

his hand was occupied elsewhere


----------



## Antarctican

flipping the bird (ie sauteeing chicken).


----------



## Chris of Arabia

to his sous chef Raymond


----------



## Hertz van Rental

who was suing a chef


----------



## Antarctican

for having served bad fugu


----------



## BoblyBill

Raymond could not handle the


----------



## Hertz van Rental

thing that he was handling


----------



## Fangman

large dessert one handed


----------



## BoblyBill

So he used both hands


----------



## Antarctican

"Dessert's on me" he whispered


----------



## Hertz van Rental

and silently let one go


----------



## Antarctican

from its chokehold on the


----------



## Mitica100

only one thing he could


----------



## BoblyBill

find. Finaly, the chef and


----------



## Hertz van Rental

the gnu who had arrived


----------



## abraxas

ridden by an old guru.


----------



## Antarctican

"Good gnus" he exclaimed, excited


----------



## BoblyBill

about the price of gas.


----------



## Antarctican

Methane gas, he said fuelishly.


----------



## BoblyBill

This was his main ingrediant


----------



## Mitica100

in a mix of other


----------



## Hertz van Rental

attractive but totally unecessary, yet


----------



## BoblyBill

delicious cookies. Nobody knew that


----------



## Antarctican

eating those sugary confections would


----------



## Chris of Arabia

result in a farcical situation


----------



## Antarctican

worthy of a Gilbert & Sullivan


----------



## Chris of Arabia

operetta entitled "eating those sugary...


----------



## abraxas

time bombs will destroy your


----------



## Chris of Arabia

sugar stocks". The operetta oozed


----------



## BoblyBill

blue slimy glucose that smelled


----------



## Antarctican

of old cheese (stilton, actually)


----------



## BoblyBill

"Hmmmm cheese" said Boblybill as


----------



## abraxas

--


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Penelope Pitstop walked over to


----------



## Hertz van Rental

the brothel where she worked


----------



## BoblyBill

and gave Boblybill a kiss


----------



## Hertz van Rental

on the end of his


----------



## Chris of Arabia

wildly twitching but incredibly sensitive


----------



## BoblyBill

nose. CoA was very jealous


----------



## Chris of Arabia

(not) of being kissed by


----------



## BoblyBill

Penelope Pitstop. What he really


----------



## Hertz van Rental

wanted was a good, hard


----------



## Antarctican

sudoku to solve. Reaching for


----------



## Hertz van Rental

the lubricant and the melon


----------



## Antarctican

baller, he settled in for


----------



## BoblyBill

some intense soduko solving. Blah


----------



## Antarctican

Nimble fingers made short work


----------



## BoblyBill

of the steak that he


----------



## abraxas

got the food poisoning from.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Reaching into his bag of


----------



## abraxas

money, the cure all for


----------



## Chris of Arabia

insomnia could be obtained in


----------



## abraxas

a jiffy at the local


----------



## Chris of Arabia

paint shop, pulling a wad


----------



## Antarctican

of chewing gum off his


----------



## Chris of Arabia

tie, he peeled $50.00 off


----------



## abraxas

the total with a coupon.


----------



## BoblyBill

abraxas said:


> the total with a coupon.


 
LOL

Just when he was getting


----------



## Antarctican

ready to 'greet' Penelope Pitstop,


----------



## Hertz van Rental

he realised that his flies


----------



## blackdoglab

were the cutest maggots he


----------



## Antarctican

could imagine. He unzipped his


----------



## abraxas

cape. Underdog always wore a


----------



## blackdoglab

beanie on his day off


----------



## abraxas

and today was no exception.


----------



## BoblyBill

With great effort and stamina,


----------



## abraxas

trying his very hardest, ever,


----------



## Hertz van Rental

but not caring if he


----------



## Antarctican

remained the underdog or was


----------



## abraxas

just another jerk in a


----------



## Hertz van Rental

men's washroom, he grabbed hold


----------



## Antarctican

of the closest member of


----------



## Hertz van Rental

the faculty, who was proud


----------



## Antarctican

to be a fine, upstanding


----------



## BoblyBill

cop. This was not what


----------



## Chris of Arabia

the police force had advertised


----------



## abraxas

scrawled across the restroom wall.


----------



## Antarctican

"Wanted: a few good men"


----------



## abraxas

"for an army of one"


----------



## Chris of Arabia

"or two, depending on how"


----------



## abraxas

... and faded to a phone


----------



## Hertz van Rental

sex advert showing a wrinkled


----------



## abraxas

finger maybe? None the less,


----------



## BoblyBill

Determined more that ever, he


----------



## Hertz van Rental

was going to find a


----------



## lostprophet

big red spanner so he


----------



## abraxas

could beat the hell out


----------



## BoblyBill

Shushi because it was not dead.


----------



## abraxas

"We all love smooshy sushi."


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Randomly used English wasn't really


----------



## WDodd

working out. So we invented


----------



## BoblyBill

new age Egyptian. Nobody knew


----------



## Hertz van Rental

what anyone else was belensdorf


----------



## abraxas

-the machine was breaking down!


----------



## BoblyBill

"Juleitsesit ahea clolme", said the


----------



## Hertz van Rental

dyslexic Jesuit priest in benediction


----------



## abraxas

Wurlitzer would donate an organ!


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Kidneys were a popular choice


----------



## Antarctican

but not as popular as


----------



## abraxas

adnoids. Adnoids for androids were


----------



## Antarctican

standard operating equipment. They also


----------



## Hertz van Rental

got bored with stories eventually


----------



## abraxas

unless they had the implant.


----------



## Mitica100

However, upon discovering the chance


----------



## BoblyBill

to recover a lost ark,


----------



## abraxas

the beautiful Susan Sarandon wrapped


----------



## BoblyBill

the beautiful bowling trophy in


----------



## Hertz van Rental

wet celery and defective contraceptives


----------



## abraxas

--


----------



## Antarctican

(both of which were rubbery)


----------



## abraxas

maple syrup and then stirred


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Stirring was Susan's favourite occupation


----------



## Hertz van Rental

she liked stirring at men's


----------



## Chris of Arabia

clothing stores where she would


----------



## abraxas

dress men with her eyes.


----------



## Hertz van Rental

But it left unsightly marks


----------



## Antarctican

on the glass where she


----------



## abraxas

pressed the men to skootch


----------



## Chris of Arabia

the dutchie on the left-hand


----------



## Hertz van Rental

whilst she copped a feel


----------



## Antarctican

flippantly. Then, fraught with worry,


----------



## Chris of Arabia

stuck two fingers down her


----------



## BoblyBill

purse and found her pepperspray


----------



## Antarctican

which made men's eyes water


----------



## BoblyBill

until they ran out of


----------



## Hertz van Rental

air and they all died.




THE END


----------



## Antarctican

WAS NEAR, but Ivana vouldn't


----------



## Hertz van Rental

Is this the epilogue or the sleeve notes?

Please don't say we've started a sequel.


----------



## BoblyBill

We haven't, we were writing the prequel.


----------



## Antarctican




----------



## BoblyBill

In a vain attempt to


----------



## BoblyBill

stop this story, HvR wrote


----------



## abraxas

Is this the epilogue or

(BlackDogLab it's your thread, save us... write the words...)


----------



## Chris of Arabia

just another day said Abraxas


----------



## abraxas

it would never stop, ever!


----------



## Chris of Arabia

The thread had now gone


----------



## BoblyBill

farther than anyone ever expected.


----------



## Antarctican

Except Hertz. He's a killjoy.


----------



## BoblyBill

In an effort to revive


----------



## abraxas

the tale, the plot thickened.


----------



## BoblyBill

Just when we thought it


----------



## abraxas

thinned. They all took pills.


----------



## Antarctican

Little blue pills, that would


----------



## abraxas

make them wobbly, giggle and


----------



## BoblyBill

be transported 1000 light years


----------



## Chris of Arabia

from the contents of their


----------



## abraxas

essence. ThEiR hANdS bECAmE sOooOo....


----------



## Chris of Arabia

slimy due to the night


----------



## abraxas

shift, well,... shifting.  Mittens would


----------



## Chris of Arabia

absorb the moist sensation of


----------



## abraxas

cow innards.  Artificial insemination was


----------



## Chris of Arabia

a spectacularly impressive tourist attraction


----------



## abraxas

"Yer, gonna need one of


----------



## Chris of Arabia

these stetsons boy" intoned a


----------



## abraxas

sideshow barker.  "No one under


----------



## Chris of Arabia

a hat ever got splashed


----------



## abraxas

with cow wet stuff!"  It


----------



## Chris of Arabia

started to rain, but there


----------



## abraxas

were plenty of snacks for


----------



## Chris of Arabia

munching during a cow trapping


----------



## BoblyBill

The floodwaters were getting dangerously


----------



## Antarctican

close to overrrunning the dikes


----------



## Chris of Arabia

The dykes were heavily tattoed


----------



## abraxas

and cattle began to float


----------



## Hertz van Rental

in the bodily fluids gushing


----------



## Antarctican

in an uncontrolled manner from


----------



## Hertz van Rental

certain unsociable orifices normally associated


----------



## Antarctican

with "European" men, and other


----------



## Hertz van Rental

Canadian women of mature years


----------



## Antarctican

playball: )

(Ahhh, but I see it was prefaced with "_other"_ Canadian women, not me. Whew.)


Wonderful, witty, winsome women who


----------



## Chris of Arabia

made real men want to


----------



## Antarctican

thank their lucky stars that


----------



## Chris of Arabia

such women only appeared in


----------



## Hertz van Rental

Hollywood movies of the Fifties


----------



## Antarctican

, when men were men and


----------



## abraxas

women were voluptuous airheaded blondes.


----------



## Hertz van Rental

Now they are wrinkled old


----------



## Antarctican

(Editors: please rewrite the above....)


----------



## Hertz van Rental

with bad hairdos and wobbly


----------



## Antarctican

(thanks for nothing, editors!)


torsoed husbands who look like


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Max Wall with chronic halitosis


----------



## BoblyBill

If it weren't for our


----------



## abraxas

lawyers, guns, and drug money,


----------



## Chris of Arabia

life wouldn't seem so sweet


----------



## Hertz van Rental

or perhaps it would if


----------



## Antarctican

cheese was free on Fridays.


----------



## abraxas

Here comes the cheese cart


----------



## Antarctican

Gouda thing, too. Crackers? Or


----------



## abraxas

would the price of cheese


----------



## BoblyBill

drop if the world's oceans


----------



## Antarctican

rise when Antarctic ice melts.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

Rats! She did it to me again!

---


----------



## BoblyBill

Said Chris because Anty was


----------



## Chris of Arabia

just getting out of the


----------



## abraxas

shower, wearing nothing but a


----------



## BoblyBill

elegant dress with slippers. CoA


----------



## abraxas

BoblyBill said:


> *CoA*


???

Elegant and very, very wet.


----------



## Chris of Arabia

with soft damp curls of


----------



## abraxas

noodles, awaiting her in the


----------



## BoblyBill

kitchen. The aroma of Korean


----------



## abraxas

cabbage rotting was, 'wafting', from


----------



## BoblyBill

the back yard. HvR was


----------



## abraxas

cooking up some rat poison.


----------



## BoblyBill

Usually he waits for Saterdays,


----------



## abraxas

but the rats, they were


----------



## BoblyBill

larger than usual. Nonetheless he


----------



## abraxas

boiled them down for poison.


----------



## BoblyBill

The rats tasted different today


----------



## Antarctican

he muttered. Needs ketchup and


----------



## abraxas

some kind of grease or


----------



## blackdoglab

a slightly singed fish stick


----------



## blackdoglab

with a side of olive


----------



## blackdoglab

stuffed men with severe crabs


----------



## abraxas

--


----------



## blackdoglab

and lobsters in abundance. Susan


----------



## abraxas

carressed her lushious, beautifully-shaped


----------



## Chris of Arabia

velour covered sofa which spread


----------



## abraxas

across the lime-green shag


----------



## Antarctican

rug she had purchased at


----------



## abraxas

the Tacky-Carpet Discount Mart.


----------



## BoblyBill

She walked over to HvR's


----------



## Antarctican

Porsche, leaned in, and whispered


----------



## Chris of Arabia

do you know you've got


----------



## BoblyBill

beetles coming out of your


----------



## abraxas

tailpipe? She smiled softly and


----------



## Antarctican

smoothed her frock over her


----------



## abraxas

supple, and so very tempting


----------



## BoblyBill

but quietly slashed his tires.


----------



## abraxas

It was a setup! The


----------



## BoblyBill

woman was actually an undercover


----------



## abraxas

super-secret espionage agent  for


----------



## blackdoglab

Pottsylvania.  Boris and Natasha were


----------



## BoblyBill

old buddies of her's that


----------



## abraxas

had blown up in a


----------



## Fangman

Viagra swallowing competition that they


----------



## abraxas

had stiffened to the challenge.


----------



## blackdoglab

After a swelling of pride


----------



## abraxas

the "agency", denied knowledge of


----------



## BoblyBill

these actions, due to the


----------



## abraxas

monument erected in their honor.


----------



## BoblyBill

The UB spies where happy


----------



## blackdoglab

to see the quick brown


----------



## abraxas

fox jump over the lazy


----------



## blackdoglab

dog with his widgets and


----------



## abraxas

muffler bearings greased and packed.


----------



## blackdoglab

Boing boing boing boing boing


----------



## abraxas

The fox jumped over many


----------



## blackdoglab

yards of apple and pear


----------



## Chris of Arabia

whilst salivating at the thought


----------



## blackdoglab

of eating two large canoli


----------



## abraxas

and they were all killed.


----------

