# Is Your Significant Other A Foreigner?  Do You Speak His/Her Language?



## Cortian (Mar 21, 2018)

At all?

What brought this up was this comment by @BrentC:



BrentC said:


> My wife is Portuguese as well.  She grew up on Terceira in the Azores.  So I got the language covered, or at least she does.


That sounds familiar.

My wife is Dutch.  I spent a good amount of time in the Netherlands forty years ago, when we first met, and became more-or-less "conversationally fluent," but haven't used it since.  We've been married over 25 years, but we speak English in the home, so... I know some phrases, and can pick some stuff up, but that's about it.

We're going to the Netherlands the end of next month.  I'm currently taking *two* on-line courses *twice* a day to try to get back to _at least_ conversational ability by then.  I don't _need_ to.  English is spoken widely there.  I _want_ to.  TBH: I'm mildly embarrassed I don't know the love of my life's native tongue.

I hoping I can stick with it after I return and become entirely fluent.  It is said learning a language is good for the brain.  One of the things that can help ward off or slow down dementia.  I've also read knowing more than one language makes you smarter and able to more easily learn new things.

I took two semesters of Spanish in high school and a semester of French just before that trip to the Netherlands forty years ago.  Spanish would be handy.  French I think is the most beautiful language.  _If_ I stick with it, become thoroughly fluent in Dutch, perhaps I'll pick up French and/or Spanish again.

Btw: My wife was, at one time, fluent in Dutch, English, German, French and Spanish.


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## pixmedic (Mar 21, 2018)

my wife is Canadian so all i had to do was familiarize myself with beer, hockey, and curling.


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## BrentC (Mar 21, 2018)

I have tried learning languages.  Myself I'm half Italian half Scottish.  Since my father never spoke Italian my mother always spoke english at home.   I took the required French classes in school, grade 3 to grade 8 and still can't speak French.  Also took Italian classes one year and nothing stuck.   I believe I am one of those people that need to be immersed in it to learn it.   I would love to learn a second language, especially Portuguese since a lot of my wife's relatives don't speak english.


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## BrentC (Mar 21, 2018)

pixmedic said:


> my wife is Canadian so all i had to do was familiarize myself with beer, hockey, and curling.



What!!  A Canadian in Florida never heard such a thing.


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## Gary A. (Mar 21, 2018)

Do you know what you call a person who speaks three languages ... Trilingual.

Do you know what you call a person who speaks two languages ... Bilingual.

Do you what you call a person who speaks one language ... an American.


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## Cortian (Mar 21, 2018)

BrentC said:


> I believe I am one of those people that need to be immersed in it to learn it.


Might be more a case of "use it or lose it."

I never was any good with Spanish, but my _only_ exposure to it was in class.  Contrast that with...

In my _one_ semester of French, as an adult, I was just beginning to get to the point I'd sometimes "think in French."  I had non-course reading material in French.  I listened _solely_ to Radio Canada 540, which is a Canadian French language radio station I could get when I lived more to the east, and eventually found myself understanding a lot of what was said if I stopped concentrating on it.  Essentially I was doing my best to immerse myself.  Then I got sent to the Netherlands.  That was the end of that.

Enough of it "stuck," however, that, when, years later, a close friend was getting married in Quebec City, and a bunch of American friends and family, including me, were invited: I grabbed my French learning materials and got to it.  I ended-up being the resident translator, being as many French speakers in parts of Quebec, and parts of other Canadian provinces, either speak no English or refuse to admit to it.

As I said: I was once more-or-less "conversationally fluent" in Dutch.  I came back here.  Stopped using it.  Lost it.  And though I've been married to a native Dutch speaker for over 25 years, I still cannot even understand, much less speak, much less write, much Dutch--because we don't use it around the house.

We're using it more now.  My plan is to eventually speak _only_ Dutch in the home.  In addition to studying two courses two times a day, I also keep a Dutch talk radio station streaming on my tablet or in my truck, and I've some reading material I'm tackling.


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## limr (Mar 21, 2018)

Language is a funny thing and it definitely atrophies. For those of you who took it at school, I would guess you're right in your estimation that you couldn't really speak it now, but how much can you still read and figure out if you had to?

I took 5 years of French in high school, and then another semester of composition in college. The first time I went to France, I knew I was very rusty and didn't expect to be able to speak or understand well. My strengths were always more in written language, but even so, the language classes you generally find in high schools don't focus as much on the oral/aural skills. They were starting to change when I went through, but if you were taking classes in the 70s or earlier, the main focus was on grammar, repetition drills, memorization, and writing. This is not a recipe that fosters good conversational skills 

Still, a lot came back to me and I was able to have simple interactions with people in French. And the longer you stay, the more will come back.

This is in direct contrast to my experience with Turkish, which I learned through the necessity to speak it in my everyday life. I was never very good at reading it, and certainly not writing it. Again, because I haven't used it for years, I've forgotten a lot of it.

My biggest regret is not trying to learn Portuguese earlier in life. My parents spoke it at home when my oldest sisters were young, but once my sisters went to school, my mother decided to switch the home language to English. This was a time when people discouraged bilingualism in children and my mother wanted to avoid the initial confusion she saw my sisters go through as they sorted out which language was which. So by the time I came along (the 5th child), we were all speaking English at home, though my parents still spoke Portuguese with each other sometimes. I always wanted to learn, but didn't insist on it, and now I wish I had. I learned it as a second language as an adult by taking classes and moving to Portugal, but I would not consider myself fluent. I try to keep in practice, but it's hard.

@Cortian I applaud your effort! I would love to learn Dutch. Maybe one day. I've always thought that I'd be an expat again one day, so perhaps the Netherlands will be my next stop


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## jcdeboever (Mar 21, 2018)

My wife speaks some sort of language, not sure what it is but it does include a little spit. I usually don't understand it, just say yes dear a lot. Seems to work.


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## Designer (Mar 21, 2018)




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## limr (Mar 21, 2018)

Could we manage to get through this without any more tired tropes about Americans or women, please?


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## limr (Mar 21, 2018)

And why is that funny, exactly?


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## otherprof (Mar 21, 2018)

Cortian said:


> At all?
> 
> What brought this up was this comment by @BrentC:
> 
> ...


I’m terrible at learning languages, but have been making some surprising progress in Spanish using Duolingo online. It is free, offers stories and podcasts in addition to lessons, and covers many languages. I chose Spanish because we spend about half the year in Los Angeles and because Spanish seems to me the most regular language I’ve encountered, both in spelling and grammar.  If I hadn’t grown up speaking English I’m sure I could never learn it.


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## Cortian (Mar 21, 2018)

otherprof said:


> I’m terrible at learning languages, but have been making some surprising progress in Spanish using Duolingo online.


I'm using Duolingo and Bart de Pau's learndutch.org, which my wife found.


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## jcdeboever (Mar 21, 2018)

limr said:


> And why is that funny, exactly?



It's not funny, you are limr! I just love to get your eyes rolling back into your head. You are so awesome. You pay attention to such detail. If I was fishing for limrs, I would be a pro. I really was trying to brighten up your day in a weird way. It's all just fun for me really.


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## limr (Mar 21, 2018)

jcdeboever said:


> limr said:
> 
> 
> > And why is that funny, exactly?
> ...



I am so glad my frustration is so amusing to you. No, no really, I like being patronized.


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## Designer (Mar 21, 2018)

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## Designer (Mar 21, 2018)

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## jcdeboever (Mar 21, 2018)

limr said:


> jcdeboever said:
> 
> 
> > limr said:
> ...


Oh limr.... [emoji25]


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## Designer (Mar 21, 2018)

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## smoke665 (Mar 21, 2018)

In my life's bucket list, way down toward the bottom is become fluent in another language. No particular need or reason, just because. Many years ago I had a Manufacturer's Rep who handled a lot of overseas sales for us. He not only spoke 7 different languages, but could switch in mid sentence, which I understood to be extremely difficult.


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## limr (Mar 21, 2018)

smoke665 said:


> In my life's bucket list, way down toward the bottom is become fluent in another language. No particular need or reason, just because. Many years ago I had a Manufacturer's Rep who handled a lot of overseas sales for us. He not only spoke 7 different languages, but could switch in mid sentence, *which I understood to be extremely difficult.*



Not necessarily. It can be more difficult if you don't know one of the languages as well as the other, and sometimes the transitions can be bumpy with a few stumbles over words depending on where or why the transition happens, but it's not uncommon for people to switch. You'll often see it in people who are fairly balanced bilinguals talking to other people in their community who speak both languages. It's called code-switching: start speaking in one language and then switch to another. People don't even always realize they're doing it.


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## Cortian (Mar 21, 2018)

smoke665 said:


> He not only spoke 7 different languages, but could switch in mid sentence, which I understood to be extremely difficult.


Not really.  Not IME, anyway.  What can be _more_ difficult is *not* switching languages in midstream, because certain languages express certain things in ways no other language can.



limr said:


> It's called code-switching: start speaking in one language and then switch to another. People don't even always realize they're doing it.


Yup.  My wife does it.

What's particularly funny is when she's been on the phone to a Dutch person, gets off the phone, I ask her something (in English) or she wants to relate something to me and she just takes off at a mile-a-minute in Dutch.  I wait for her to come up for air and just give her a steady look.  She'll look at me in confusion for a second then go "I just said that to you in Dutch, didn't I?" 

Usually I get it all.  Sometimes not.


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## limr (Mar 21, 2018)

My father did it all the time. I remember once asking him the time and he said, "Il est huit o'clock."  His first language was Portuguese, but he was fluent in Spanish, French, Italian, and English as well. He made lots of grammar mistakes and had a thick accent because English was the last language he learned, and he didn't start until he was in his 40s and had moved to New York, but he was definitely fluent. We grew up just knowing how to understand him when he started throwing any one of his other languages into his speech.

I once ordered lunch in France by asking for "une omelette com queijo" (half French, half Portuguese). Some words or phrases or ideas just come more easily in one language than in another.


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## smoke665 (Mar 21, 2018)

limr said:


> Not necessarily. It can be more difficult if you don't know one of the languages as well as the other, and sometimes the transitions can be bumpy with a few stumbles over words depending on where or why the transition happens



It's been many, many years, but I think as he explained it, the order/phrasing was different, and caused him pause sometimes. This was man who could stand in a circle of men all speaking a different language and carry on simultaneous conversations. Seems I remember two or three of the languages were Chinese. He was Brazilian, so Portuguese, and Spanish. Dutch may have been another one, can't remember the rest. I usually just stood there nodding my head every so often and grunting.


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## otherprof (Mar 21, 2018)

Cortian said:


> otherprof said:
> 
> 
> > I’m terrible at learning languages, but have been making some surprising progress in Spanish using Duolingo online.
> ...


One of my strangest examples from Duolingo
Recently I learned how to say “I am in the witness protection program.”


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## Gary A. (Mar 21, 2018)

otherprof said:


> View attachment 155346
> 
> 
> Cortian said:
> ...


Oh man ... that is the first thing I learned:

1) Je suis dans le programme federal de protection des temoins;
2) Estoy en el programa federal de proteccion de testigos;
3) Io sono la testimonianza federale programma di protezione;
4) Ich bin in der Bundesrepublik Zeugenschutzprogramm.


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## Vtec44 (Mar 21, 2018)

My wife is American and she speaks two languages.  I'm American and I speak three languages, four if you include Sarcasm.


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## pixmedic (Mar 21, 2018)

yo no soy marinero, soy capitan.


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## otherprof (Mar 21, 2018)

limr said:


> Language is a funny thing and it definitely atrophies. For those of you who took it at school, I would guess you're right in your estimation that you couldn't really speak it now, but how much can you still read and figure out if you had to?
> 
> I took 5 years of French in high school, and then another semester of composition in college. The first time I went to France, I knew I was very rusty and didn't expect to be able to speak or understand well. My strengths were always more in written language, but even so, the language classes you generally find in high schools don't focus as much on the oral/aural skills. They were starting to change when I went through, but if you were taking classes in the 70s or earlier, the main focus was on grammar, repetition drills, memorization, and writing. This is not a recipe that fosters good conversational skills
> 
> ...





limr said:


> smoke665 said:
> 
> 
> > In my life's bucket list, way down toward the bottom is become fluent in another language. No particular need or reason, just because. Many years ago I had a Manufacturer's Rep who handled a lot of overseas sales for us. He not only spoke 7 different languages, but could switch in mid sentence, *which I understood to be extremely difficult.*
> ...


In a philosophy class I was teaching we were considering Wittgenstein's idea that to know a language is to know a way of life. A Japanese student agreed enthusiastically, and shared the following story.  Her sister, who lived in Japan, had come to the US to apply for a job with the Japanese legation at the United Nations. Part of the interview process was for her to discuss current events with a male interviewer. She had to demonstrate fluency in both English and Japanese, so they had a conversation during which he switched back and forth from Japanese to English. Each time he switched, she had to switch to the appropriate language. Her sister asked how it went. She replied that she had no problem speaking or understanding English, but by the time it was over she had a stiff neck. This was because every time she switched to English, her head came up and she could look him in the eye and even disagree with him. Every time they switched to Japanese, her head went down, her eyes averted his, and she could not possibly disagree with him!


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## Dean_Gretsch (Mar 21, 2018)

My other half ( technically we aren't married at this time ) is English and I understand her_ most_ of the time


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## Peeb (Mar 21, 2018)

I am from Mars.
My bride is from Venus.

So, YES- there are indeed language barriers.

Here is an example:

If asked, "*How's it going*?", there are very different protocols if the response is "*Fine*"...

If I say 'fine' it means that everything is fine.

If Mrs. Peeb says 'fine' it MIGHT mean everythings fine IF:


The tone of her voice
The expression on her face
The sequence of event of her day, to that point
My conduct, to that point
Other intangible factors (as yet, undiscernible to my dull senses)
Suggest that everything really is fine.  After 32 years of marriage, I have learned that I'm (maybe) about halfway there in achieving the nuance necessary to really effectively communicate.  

Adding linguistic barriers to that equation?  Now THAT would be exciting.  



Blessings and best wishes to all who work thru that.


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## smoke665 (Mar 21, 2018)

Peeb said:


> that I'm (maybe) about halfway there in achieving the nuance necessary to really effectively communicate



Sorry Peeb, it's only an illusion, like a mirage in the desert. 40 years down and that oasis of understanding just keeps moving away.


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## limr (Mar 21, 2018)

Y'know, enough already. The thread is about learning other languages, not about gender or differences between how men and women speak.

For the record, those factors are in consideration no matter who is speaking. Context and body language is important no matter who is speaking to whom.

*Give.It.A.Rest.*


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## Derrel (Mar 21, 2018)

I speak Spanish relatively well, and speak it every single day at work. I can read Spanish fluently and easily. My accent is decent. I cannot understand spoken Spanish (vocabulary limitations) as well as I can speak it, or read it. I studied it for about eight and a half years, from ninth grade, then in high school,and then into university for three years. In the past, I have had two girlfriends who spoke Spanish as their native language; one was from Ecuador, the other was from Mexico.


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## birdbonkers84 (Mar 22, 2018)

I would love to learn a new language, especially Norwegian mainly because a good chunk of my family are from Norway.  A few years ago we attended my cousins wedding over in Sweden and the whole thing was in Norwegian/Swedish and me and my brother and sister didn't understand a word >.< 

There is also Italian as well, being 1/4 Italian myself.  My mum regrets not learning it more in depth from my grandad, she was 1 of 10 children.

I guess I should probably learn Doric being from the North East of Scotland, but I just don't like the dialect.


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## smoke665 (Mar 22, 2018)

Many years ago  (before cell phones) I had a driver call me from a pay phone at a dock in Chicago. He was raging mad because he couldn't make the Vietnamese people on the dock understand him. I tried to calm him down but before that could happen he dropped the receiver and started raging at the dock hands. I just knew the police where going to be called, because I could hear him shouting cuss words that would make a sailor blush. Suddenly it got quiet, the driver picks up the phone, tells me to "never mind i taught them to speak english".


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## waday (Mar 22, 2018)

While my wife is a citizen, born and raised, and both of her parents are now citizens, her mother is Ecuadorian and her father is Palestinian. My wife speaks English, Spanish, and Arabic. She knows some Italian and French.

I know enough Spanish to get by, and if I found myself trapped in the middle of a Spanish-speaking country, I could manage my way home (probably, hopefully). I managed to order myself vegetarian meals when we traveled through Ecuador. (But, my wife did all of the work there.) My wife's uncle and I had a funny conversation, because I could understand his Spanish, and he could understand my English, but neither of us spoke the other language to each other. My wife got a kick out of that.

Arabic is completely different, and I have an extremely difficult time understanding, saying, and retaining it. It takes practice just getting the words right, then if you ask me five minutes later, I can't remember where to put the emphasis in the words (if I can even remember the words).

Also, I just met someone from my wife's father's side of the family at a wedding who came to US for the first time from Palestine. My wife sees the guy walking toward me and says, "Just so you know, he doesn't speak any English outside of a few words." He walks straight up to me, shakes my hand, and emphatically says, "Hi Wade! How are you? YOU ARE A PALESTINIAN, WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!"


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## Cortian (Mar 22, 2018)

otherprof said:


> One of my strangest examples from Duolingo
> Recently I learned how to say “I am in the witness protection program.”


Hmmm... "All my family died..."  Mijn hele familie is gestorven.

Here's one of those interesting "language" things.  The above translates to "My whole family _has died_," while "Mijn hele familie is dood" translates to "My whole family _is dead_," which is a different sense, changed by the adjective, rather than the verb.

The most astonishing thing Duolingo has given me has been "Jouw schildpadden dragen kleren," which means "Your turtles wear [are wearing] clothes."  I think it also came up with "Je koe draagt schoenen": "Your cow wears shoes" 

My wife is sitting across from me as I take one set of lessons in the evening.  Sometimes, when either I or the tablet speaks a Dutch phrase she looks up and says "What?!?!" 



otherprof said:


> In a philosophy class I was teaching we were considering Wittgenstein's idea that to know a language is to know a way of life.


That is most definitely true.  E.g.: Dutch humour went entirely past me until I learned something of the language.  Then, suddenly, one day I found myself amused at it.  Subsequent to that I read that two ways to tell if you're beginning to "get" a language: 1. You begin to understand the culture's humour and 2. You begin to dream in it.



birdbonkers84 said:


> I would love to learn a new language, especially Norwegian mainly because a good chunk of my family are from Norway.


Duolingo


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## petrochemist (Mar 22, 2018)

Cortian said:


> At all?
> 
> What brought this up was this comment by @BrentC:
> 
> ...



My wife is more English than I am, my father is Dutch. But he's never been resident in NL and can't speak the language beyond the barest basics.
The language problems we have at home are the typical male/female differences, where any noise from me is taken to mean approval of her position, even if I didn't hear her, and of course with the kids where any question to my eldest is likely to be answered 'Yeh'.
'What did you do today?' 'Yeh'
'Can you tidy your room?' 'Yeh'...

We thought it meant yes, till the second example came up!


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## pjaye (Mar 22, 2018)

pixmedic said:


> my wife is Canadian so all i had to do was familiarize myself with beer, hockey, and curling.


And Mississauga.


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## Dean_Gretsch (Apr 16, 2018)

pjaye said:


> pixmedic said:
> 
> 
> > my wife is Canadian so all i had to do was familiarize myself with beer, hockey, and curling.
> ...


Don't forget that French gravy stuff!


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## chuasam (Apr 16, 2018)

My partner is British so her English is pretty understandable.


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## Sabber (Sep 10, 2018)

I know a few languages, but basic expressions such as "Hello, will you not mind if we speak English, because I do not know this language well?" I can tell.


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## weepete (Sep 10, 2018)

My Mrs comes from 3 streets away from my mum and dad's house xD. I'm 1/4 Italian, but unfortunatley my granddad died before I was born so I've only ever known english. Apparently we have some other family around that have more of a connection with their roots but we lost contact long ago. I've a really heavy Glaswegian accent anyway and my fondness for slang and Scots means that I'm barely understandabe to anyone without an educated ear when I'm speaking english!


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## limr (Sep 10, 2018)

weepete said:


> My Mrs comes from 3 streets away from my mum and dad's house xD. I'm 1/4 Italian, but unfortunatley my granddad died before I was born so I've only ever known english. Apparently we have some other family around that have more of a connection with their roots but we lost contact long ago. I've a really heavy Glaswegian accent anyway and my fondness for slang and Scots means that I'm barely understandabe to anyone without an educated ear when I'm speaking english!



When I was living in Istanbul, I went to see _Acid House _which depicted several loosely-connected vignettes set in Glasgow. I did eventually get the rhythm, but it took me half the movie to do so. In the meantime, I had to read the Turkish subtitles in order to follow the English-language dialogue 

The Acid House (film) - Wikipedia

Edit: Forgive me, I misremembered. They were apparently set in Edinburgh.


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## Gary A. (Sep 10, 2018)

My wife and I both grew up in Southern California and English for both of us is our mother tongue.  But I still don’t understand her.


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## weepete (Sep 10, 2018)

limr said:


> When I was living in Istanbul, I went to see _Acid House _which depicted several loosely-connected vignettes set in Glasgow. I did eventually get the rhythm, but it took me half the movie to do so. In the meantime, I had to read the Turkish subtitles in order to follow the English-language dialogue
> 
> The Acid House (film) - Wikipedia
> 
> Edit: Forgive me, I misremembered. They were apparently set in Edinburgh.



Yeah, and don't worry, you are forgiven! Irvine Welsh has some fantastic stories. An easy enough mistake to make. I remeber when Trainspotting first came out I was at school and picked it to do my Report on Personal Reading (RPR as it was known then), much to the chargrin of my English teacher . It's a hard read, even for me as most of it is written phonetically, and it's pretty much as spoken and the differences in Scottish accents and different areas having their own words for stuff still meant I had to infer a lot from the context. Took me a good 5-10 minutes of reading to be able to get into a decent flow. Difficult subject matter and hard, graphic themes of sex, drugs and violence. At the time it was hugely groundbreaking now is iconic for my generation. But even though it's fiction there is a strong element of truth there. I've known people in my life that could have fitted in quite easily to those stories. But yeah, I really rate Welsh, and I can't think of a contemporary author who's been more at the forefront of groundbreaking Scottish literature. Kudos for having seen Acid House.

Small Faces was an earlier Scottish film dealing with teens and gang culture, worth a watch too if you are interested. It's not nearly as harsh, but features Kevin McKidd who played Tommy in Trainspotting.


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## shadowlands (Sep 11, 2018)

My wife is from Mexico. She speaks English and Spanish. Mostly speaks Spanish around her family and English with myself and our kiddos. I only know a little Spanish.


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