# Thinking of Visiting a Roman Catholic Church



## kdthomas (Sep 28, 2015)

For any serious practicing Roman Catholics here ...Was thinking about this earlier. I realized that I have never been to a formal Roman Catholic mass service.

Now to preface this: I am atheist. Hands down, no convincing me otherwise. I will go to my grave convinced that there is no deity. I'm not doing this to seek answers.

However I am simply curious about the ceremony, the history, the atmosphere, the sounds, the building. No agenda. No pictures, no note-taking, no disrupting, no snickering behind others backs. And I understand this isn't trivial to the folks who go. I respect that.

The real, honest simple truth is that I just want to see a mass in person.

Is this rude/inconsiderate? Would I be welcome? Should I ask before showing up? Who should I ask?


----------



## runnah (Sep 28, 2015)

What do they call a sleep walking nun?

A roaming catholic!


----------



## runnah (Sep 28, 2015)

Anyways, yeah they'd probably not welcome you if you went at it like they were a sideshow, but if you said you wanted to see what it was all about they should be fine.

Don't wear anything white as it might get stained when they sacrifice the goats.


----------



## waday (Sep 28, 2015)

I grew up Catholic. Went to church every Sunday. Don't anymore.

But, things haven't changed.

If you want to go to a mass, just go. Find a local church, and go. If you're honestly interested, there shouldn't be anyone or anything holding you back. All you really have to do is follow everyone else--when they stand and when they sit. You don't have to participate, but I'd personally at least stand/sit when they do so as not to be disrespectful.

As long as you're not disrespectful, you'll be welcome. But, when everyone starts to walk in the aisle to go up to the priest or Eucharistic ministers, don't follow them up. Otherwise, you'll be in a really awkward position when they try to give you a wafer and you have no idea what to do.


----------



## Dave442 (Sep 28, 2015)

Everyone is welcome so just go. Mass is always about an hour long unless there is something special going on.


----------



## astroNikon (Sep 28, 2015)

we do offer free wine (after the wafer/bread/cracker) .... just sayin'


----------



## NancyMoranG (Sep 29, 2015)

astroNikon said:


> we do offer free wine (after the wafer/bread/cracker) .... just sayin'



We gotta get 'em in the door somehow 

Everyone is welcome. You might ask some of your co-workers or such as to different parishes. Some sing the old songs, have very boring sermons and not much 'energy' to them.
Some have  children's choir at 1 mass but not at the others. Then, you have more families at that Mass. 
Maybe a 'folk 'type' music at another (guitar). 
You may find 1 Mass time doing another language for area residents. (that happened to me when visiting somewhere, it was the only Mass I could make that day)

Then, the Priest...being Irish, I love when I find an Irish priest with the brogue. But giving a Sermon, doesn't have to mean being bored or berated. So the Priest is important to helping you be reflective.

We 'celebrate ' the sacrifices made for us so we can live a good life at which we would be welcomed into Heaven.

Maybe others can do a better job at the explanation. But thanks for being curious. And if you are ever invited to  Catholic wedding, you will be prepared for what is happening.
I am Catholic-light....I only go a few times a year, but try to be a good person even when not in Church


----------



## runnah (Sep 29, 2015)

Which is the church where everyone sings gospel? Alternatively the one where people speak in tongues and shake on the floor?

Also this is hilarious.


----------



## katsrevenge (Sep 29, 2015)

runnah said:


> Which is the church where everyone sings gospel? Alternatively the one where people speak in tongues and shake on the floor?



These are a variant of Southern Baptist known as Pentecostal. My gram grew up in one.


----------



## Designer (Sep 29, 2015)

kdthomas said:


> However I am simply curious about the ceremony, the history, the atmosphere, the sounds, the building.
> 
> Is this rude/inconsiderate? Would I be welcome? Should I ask before showing up? Who should I ask?



The history would require reading quite a few books.  The architecture is somewhat varied, in that even though the liturgical requirements are the same the world over, you've got different building materials, budgets, and local traditions affecting the design of each individual building.

Not rude in the least, and you would be welcomed.  No need to ask anyone anything, nor talk if you don't feel like it.  The ushers are used to having visitors attend, and will not say anything.  You don't need to "follow their lead" when the regular church-goers start doing things you don't understand.  

I recommend that you try to find a place toward the back near a side aisle, not so you're hiding or anything, but merely so you can watch without being in the way.  If the congregation files up using the center aisle and then returns to their pew via the side aisles, you can just step out into the aisle to let them back in (unless you are the only one in that row, in which case you don't have to let anyone back in).  

Regular Catholics will genuflect, kneel, and Cross themselves at various times, but you can just sit unless you feel like standing when they do.  Nobody is going to jump down your throat.  

Make a mental list of things to ask somebody later about anything for which you would like an explanation.  Some regular parishioners might try to engage you in conversation after the service is over, and they're just trying to be friendly.  At a certain point in the service the priest may ask everybody to "share the peace" with the people sitting nearby.  Some people in our church keep their hands together and claim "cold germs" or whatever to avoid shaking hands with people.  You can shake hands or not, depending on how friendly you are.


----------



## minicoop1985 (Sep 29, 2015)

I'm a staunch atheist as well, but I grew up going to Catholic masses at my mom's request. Some people do take it incredibly seriously and will be quite offended if you don't stand when the rest of them do, or if your child isn't perfectly still, etc. Most people won't care, but I highly advise standing and kneeling.


----------



## Designer (Sep 29, 2015)

minicoop1985 said:


> I highly advise standing and kneeling.


There's really no need for visitors to kneel.  You probably were admonished by your mother and think that everyone has to kneel.


----------



## jcdeboever (Sep 29, 2015)

kdthomas said:


> For any serious practicing Roman Catholics here ...Was thinking about this earlier. I realized that I have never been to a formal Roman Catholic mass service.
> 
> Now to preface this: I am atheist. Hands down, no convincing me otherwise. I will go to my grave convinced that there is no deity. I'm not doing this to seek answers.
> 
> ...


Kd, as an expert on this matter, just go to a service. Not one will know the difference. There is not membership to go in. Get a schedule and check it out. You and everyone is welcome. 


minicoop1985 said:


> I'm a staunch atheist as well, but I grew up going to Catholic masses at my mom's request. Some people do take it incredibly seriously and will be quite offended if you don't stand when the rest of them do, or if your child isn't perfectly still, etc. Most people won't care, but I highly advise standing and kneeling.




Sent from my XT1254 using Tapatalk


----------



## minicoop1985 (Sep 30, 2015)

Designer said:


> minicoop1985 said:
> 
> 
> > I highly advise standing and kneeling.
> ...



By many more than just my mother.


----------



## matt_m (Sep 30, 2015)

Lifelong Catholic, educated 1st-12th grade at a Catholic school, drifted away for a while and now back with a daughter in attending the same schools.   I say go.   It might be courteous to follow along with the standing and kneeling and you may get shot a few looks, especially by some of the older folks if you don't, but its not like they are going to kick you out.   Or you could just stand in the back...there are a few that do in our parish that have for years and years.   I'd show up dressed respectably (i.e. I wouldn't wear a concert t-shirt and ripped up jeans) but even many of the older folks in our parish have become more casual--very common to see the older crowd in jeans or shorts in the summer and sneakers especially on Saturday evening.   The 40's crowd that's pretty standard every mass.   The three parishes in our city just had a joint outdoor mass at a city park--no kneeling at all there.   Athletes from our CYO program were encouraged to wear their jerseys.


----------



## waday (Sep 30, 2015)

I'm in the 'do not kneel' camp. Some people may say that you should out of respect, but if you don't believe, why are you kneeling and participating to this level for a god/religion you don't believe in? I've never thought any wrong from people that I've seen do this, but I've always been more lax, and have been exposed to a variety of religions in my life thus far. Improper dress, talking, scoffing, etc are all disrespectful, IMO.

I still go every now and then (i.e., Christmas) for my mother. While she knows I don't go for my own benefit, she does appreciate me going. I do not kneel. Neither does my wife. Neither does my brother, who also drifted from the religion. No one thinks poorly of us--well, at least no one has ever mentioned anything.

Why not pose this question on a Catholic forum to see how they react?



matt_m said:


> Lifelong Catholic, educated 1st-12th grade at a Catholic school, drifted away for a while


I've gone to a Catholic middle school and high school. So did my brother. My sisters did NOT go to Catholic school. Interestingly, my brother and I are no longer Catholic, but my sisters are Catholic. My brother and I both agreed that learning more about the religion did us in--the more we learned about the ideals, the closer we were to seeing how it operated, the less we liked it. Being forced into the religion every single day of school may have also made me/us resent it.


----------



## vintagesnaps (Sep 30, 2015)

Being protestant whenever I've been to a Catholic service or wedding I didn't know what was going on half the time anyway - but in my experience you don't take communion, you don't use the kneeler, if you're not Catholic. It's been long enough that I can't remember if I stood when everyone stands but I'm thinking probably yes.

See if you notice anyone else there who seems to be sitting but not involved in some aspects of the service and see what they do (if they kneel or sit etc.). I agree, sitting near the back might be a good idea, you could probably see better what's going on and be less noticeable/distracting if you do/don't kneel etc.

I think any church is probably open to visitors and I'd just try to be respectful even if you're there to observe more than participate in the service.


----------



## matt_m (Sep 30, 2015)

You may be on to something.   I'm one of 5...only I still go, and after a long absence.  The other 4 went K-12 and a couple of them went to Catholic colleges.  Three go to other denominations, two of those probably largely at their spouses insistence.

Around 1/2 of my 8th grade class currently has kids enrolled in our school.   Quite a few of the other 1/2 no longer live in the area.


----------



## PropilotBW (Sep 30, 2015)

You know you can watch Catholic Mass on TV, right?  
7:30am mass sometimes lasts 40 minutes....you might want to consider that one (versus the 11am mass, which would have multiple readings and many more hymns lasting *over an hour*!!!). Oh my gosh, over an hour is borderline the end of the world, lol.  Catholics start watching their clocks when it hits 60 minutes...it's time to wrap it up!  
Nobody will know you're not Catholic...unless you show up in a suit...then they'll know you're not from around here.  Don't overdress or underdress.  Khakis and a polo shirt works.


----------



## rexbobcat (Sep 30, 2015)

You just have to remember that the Catholic Church has A LOT of rituals during their mass: standing, kneeling, interacting with neighbors, interacting with the priest, etc...

It depends on the church,

Also; since you are not Catholic and I assume have not gone through the Catechism of the Catholic Church (the Seven Sacraments, of which communion is the third, I believe), it is customary for you to cross your arms across your chest and be blessed by the priest rather than take communion. You also do not have to make the sign of the cross when entering and leaving the pews, and you do not have to dip your finger tips in the holy water at the entrance. I'm not sure about the kneeling. **

**Um...I just realized you said _Roman _Catholic lol. I do not know if Roman Catholics have the same traditions as Western Catholics, so you might get a better explanation from someone within that specific church. And churches also vary, so all this may not apply across the board. This info is just something to think about.**

I'm not Catholic but my dad's family is, and it's a big family so I went to sunday school and service quite frequently.

It's an old and interesting religion.


----------



## matt_m (Sep 30, 2015)

One of our 3 city parishes just got a new priest.   Rumor has it his masses go 1:15.   People are talking.


----------



## Designer (Sep 30, 2015)

kd; you will not get the full effect of the experience by watching it on TV.  You have to be there.

BTW: there are certain dates when the services are more ritualized than on ordinary Sundays, so I you really want the full Monte, go on a High Holy Day.  Consult your local church's schedule.


----------



## limr (Sep 30, 2015)

Yes to about everything that has already been said.

Regarding the kneeling and standing - yes, some people will be stricter about such things, but chances are they are going to be in the front of the church, not so much in the back (where, I agree, you should be standing if you want to get a good overview of things.) It also depends on the parish. I grew up in a tame, more conservative type church, but when I went to college, I attended a church that was much more "modern" if you will, and more flexible with all motions we had to go through. For example, the priest would have us all hold hands for the Nicene prayer. Where I grew up, you did NOT touch people in church. I didn't feel comfortable holding the hands of strangers and the whole thing felt forced to me, so I never held anyone's hand and no one made an issue of it.

Now one thing I will add - if you really want to see more of the ritual, mystical core of Catholicism, go to a Latin rites mass. It's fascinating and very different from the post-Vatican II type of mass. I just did a Google search of "Latin rite mass near Denton, TX" and there seem to be a few parishes that still do them. For example: Mater Dei Latin Mass Parish - A parish of the Catholic Diocese of Dallas, served by the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter

Huh...and several hours after I wrote this, I realized that I never hit "Post Reply"


----------



## limr (Sep 30, 2015)

rexbobcat said:


> **Um...I just realized you said _Roman _Catholic lol. I do not know if Roman Catholics have the same traditions as Western Catholics, so you might get a better explanation from someone within that specific church. And churches also vary, so all this may not apply across the board. This info is just something to think about.**



Roman Catholic _is_ Western Catholicism. The "Roman" distinguishes the western rites from those of Eastern, Greek, and Russian Orthodox Catholicism.

I grew up Catholic. Never went to Catholic school but did sing in the church choir my first year of college. And I'm from Portuguese Catholic stock. They're not quite as hard-core as the Irish or the Filipinos (what with their ACTUAL CRUCIFIXIONS to "celebrate" Easter), but they get pretty crazy. I've been to Fatima and have seen pilgrims walking on their knees down the street towards the cathedral. 

Like others, learning more about the actual doctrine pretty much killed it for me. I now consider myself a Recovering Catholic. I don't go to mass anymore unless it's unavoidable. I suppose I'm technically an agnostic. I still like being in a church building, mostly because it almost immediately triggers a very introspective, meditative state of mind that I find calming. I guess it was all the years and years of Sundays spent at mass - you go through the motions very mindlessly and your mind is free to do whatever it wants. During the period of time when I was involved in the religion, I'd be focused on the rites. When I was bored, my mind would still focus very intently on something rather than wandering all over the place (it was easier to sit still that way; daydreaming made me restless, and that made me fidgety, and THAT got me smacked.) As a child, we went to a church that was built in the style of Native American tribes from the area. Log cabin, Stations of the Cross on drums, Jesus looked kinda like a skinny Sitting Bull...I would study every inch of that church when I was bored, or follow the light of the candles on the ceiling, or challenge myself to only look at the priest's feet for the entire homily. Stuff like that. So I guess I learned how to meditate pretty early in life 

I would, however, go see another Latin rites mass. From an intellectual point of view, watching a ritual that is centuries old and putting it into a sociological, historical context is pretty fascinating to me. But I'm also a geek, so...


----------



## Designer (Sep 30, 2015)

Yes, a very good friend of mine attends an old-fashioned church like that in which Mass is said in Latin.  It's been years since I've heard a Mass in Latin.


----------



## matt_m (Sep 30, 2015)

Actually no one would think twice about someone not contributing in our parish.   A lot of people contribute monthly, some even automatically.


----------



## rexbobcat (Sep 30, 2015)

Designer said:


> Yes, a very good friend of mine attends an old-fashioned church like that in which Mass is said in Latin.  It's been years since I've heard a Mass in Latin.



My dad was an altar boy in school and he would have to get up at around 5 every morning to attend Latin mass. It's kind of weird to imagine, because given the region, many of the religious folk would listen to a language they can't understand every morning in the name of God but _loathe_ Spanish being spoken in the grocery store.


----------



## runnah (Sep 30, 2015)

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?


Virgin mobile.


----------



## waday (Oct 1, 2015)

limr said:


> For example, the priest would have us all hold hands for the Nicene prayer. Where I grew up, you did NOT touch people in church. I didn't feel comfortable holding the hands of strangers and the whole thing felt forced to me, so I never held anyone's hand and no one made an issue of it.


Nope. Nope. Nope. Wouldn't do that.

I always hated when everyone said peace and we all shook each other's hands. Especially when the one person that was coughing and sneezing the whole time made it a point to shake their hands with every single person in a 15 foot radius. No, just stay there, wave at people. Don't move. Stay there.

I was all like:


----------



## NancyMoranG (Oct 2, 2015)

runnah said:


> What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
> 
> 
> Virgin mobile.



Is my bill payable in Hail Marys??

And Runnah, that will be 2 Our Fathers and 5 Hail Marys for a disrepectful joke.....on your knees boy :/


----------



## gsgary (Oct 2, 2015)

astroNikon said:


> we do offer free wine (after the wafer/bread/cracker) .... just sayin'


If I had known they had a piss up every week I would have gone years ago


----------



## astroNikon (Oct 2, 2015)

gsgary said:


> astroNikon said:
> 
> 
> > we do offer free wine (after the wafer/bread/cracker) .... just sayin'
> ...


why do you think they're all driving like a BOOH in their cars out of the parking lot after service ?
LOL


----------



## unpopular (Oct 2, 2015)

astroNikon said:


> we do offer free wine (after the wafer/bread/cracker) .... just sayin'



isn't this against the catholic rules? I thought the free wine was for Catholics only.

As for people being "incredibly offended" if you don't participate, that might be an exaggeration but it would be extremely rude. It's easy to follow along though and people won't be upset if you don't know what you're doing.

But seriously, do not participate in communion. Catholics do not have open communion the way many other Christian faiths do so that would be extremely, extremely disrespectful.


----------



## sm4him (Oct 2, 2015)

I'm Southern Baptist now, but didn't really attend church at all until I was in my 30s.
Only time I went to church as a kid was when my mom got on a kick and felt like we "should"--and then we just went wherever was closest. Methodist, Presbyterian, Unitarian, Christian Science...anything EXCEPT Baptist.

But, my paternal grandmother was a devout Catholic; dad was an altar boy until he was 12 (when his father died; I'm sure there's a relation there, but he never talked about it).
My grandmother would ONLY go to Latin mass--so when we visited her in NY or NJ, we went to mass. That at least served me well in latter years because I was comfortable attending Catholic weddings and could guide my friends in what to do.
But then the church, by and large, stopped doing services in Latin. So, my grandmother stopped going. Just quit and never looked back, except when someone would ask why she'd left the church, and then she'd say "I didn't leave the church; they left me." 

Anyway: Just go. Once you're there, do what seems comfortable to you, whether that is participating in the standing and kneeling, or not.  Yeah, personally I do it as an act of respect. BUT:
1. I'm not sure it's any better to be constantly standing, sitting or kneeling a second or two later than everyone else than it is to just stay seated.
2. If anyone were to get offended by your lack of participation, well, it's not like you're there to form a solid relationship with those people anyway. You're just a one-time casual observer. So do whatever makes you comfortable. Within reason--I mean, don't take your shirt off during the service. 
3. If you're really concerned about the whole "should I sit or should I stand/kneel?" just get a walker and a knee brace. Then NOBODY will question why you're not standing up or kneeling.


----------



## unpopular (Oct 2, 2015)

vintagesnaps said:


> Being protestant whenever I've been to a Catholic service or wedding I didn't know what was going on half the time anyway - but in my experience you don't take communion, you don't use the kneeler, if you're not Catholic. It's been long enough that I can't remember if I stood when everyone stands but I'm thinking probably yes.



As a Mormon kid going to Catholic school, no you DO NOT take communion. But the kneelers? Unfortunately yes. Many Wednesdays with sore knees while daydreaming about the church being a castle with knights and crowns and stuff and imagining little mice delivering the Eucharist directly from God through the tabernacle.


----------



## waday (Oct 2, 2015)

unpopular said:


> vintagesnaps said:
> 
> 
> > Being protestant whenever I've been to a Catholic service or wedding I didn't know what was going on half the time anyway - but in my experience you don't take communion, you don't use the kneeler, if you're not Catholic. It's been long enough that I can't remember if I stood when everyone stands but I'm thinking probably yes.
> ...


In Catholic school, you pretty much have to do everything they say. And your reports can't be written with an open mind, or else you get a low grade. Found that out pretty quickly. It was pretty darn easy to fake my way to stellar grades in religion class. Ahahaha.


----------

