# Ode to negatives



## JamesD

O negatives, how pulchritudinous thou art!
A place for you exists always in my heart
I was with you, from exposure's start
and through development, post-spooling in dark

Now you hang, from drying line high
Drip-drop, drip-drop, drip-drop! 'til dry
Your time for contacting now draws nigh
As I arrange you 'low enlarger light

Your print is beautiful, if I get it proper
Perfect neg, yielding perfect print, a real show-stopper
Each viewer views, and becomes a jaw dropper
I'll steal their dropped jaws, 'til stopped by copper.


Okay, I was entirely too bored at 3:30 am, while my negatives were drying.  What better time, I thought, to write some awful poetry to inflict upon my fellow forum-members?
:twisted: :greendev:  

I'll stop now, before someone :hertz: gets after me layball: :blackeye:.  Or worse, .

Anyone want to ? 



:mrgreen:


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## stingray

I really like it. Simplistic but... ¨jaunty¨!


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## terri

No. You don't get to delete any poem about negatives with the word "pulchritudinous" in it.  

In fact, I may make it a sticky. :twisted: 





Thanks for the laugh; I loved it, okay?  :hug:: Weirdo.


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## Torus34

I think that I shall never see a negative as lovely as a tree.
But then a tree, reversed, is somewhat Zen:
And what is 'lovely?' That's beyond my ken!


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## JamesD

terri said:
			
		

> No. You don't get to delete any poem about negatives with the word "pulchritudinous" in it.
> 
> In fact, I may make it a sticky. :twisted:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks for the laugh; I loved it, okay?  :hug:: Weirdo.




Oooh... that'd be my first sticky!

Glad to be of some entertainment value :mrgreen:


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## mysteryscribe

I knew there was something odd about you kiddo... (poet spit)...

Definition of poet... (One who takes a hundred words to say the sun is shining....) rofl

All kidding aside nice to see your writing.


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## JamesD

Don't worry, Charlie, I only write bad poetry.  It's much easier than writing good poetry, and _so_ much more entertaining!


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## mysteryscribe

If I hadn't read the rules today (the one that says we can't say bad things about digital photography...)  I would say that poetry to me is like digital photography to me....ect ect ect


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## terri

JamesD said:
			
		

> Don't worry, Charlie, I only write bad poetry. It's much easier than writing good poetry, and _so_ much more entertaining!


I think you should write some more, James.  I like it!


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## mysteryscribe

Absolutely James write more, you can be the poet laureate here...im serious dont stop cause I tease you.


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## terri

Write about how Charlie follows the rules, even the ones he doesn't agree with! :thumbup:


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## JamesD

terri said:
			
		

> I think you should write some more, James.  I like it!



Nooo.... must.... resist.... _temptationnn.....!_ :taped sh:


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## JamesD

My dearest T-max
In one hundred and four hundred you come
and also in thirty-five hundred ninety-nine plus one.

I wield you like an axe
Or is it a scythe?
To harvest what photons you might.

Tri- and Plus- X also
I cannot disregard them
But T-Max, you're a special state of zen.

You're also chemistry
A mighty fine developer
Which as a photographer, makes me a happy feller.

:shaking:


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## darin3200

oh wow....

This needs to be a sticky. A sticky of film and dakroom poetry.
_
Oh tri-x, tones so fine
I used t-max, but then I made you mine

You push 3 stops with the greatest of ease
Can I just buy more rolls, pretty please?

You swim in D-76, one to one
You make my darkroom oh so much fun
_


Let's see these digital photoshop people write poetry about Adobe, doubt it.


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## mysteryscribe

see what you started terri now everybody is going to want one lol.

I must be getting old if I'm finally following the rules.



A camera is like a bottle of wine...

It ages better than most of the women I've known.

Yes I hold them together with twine.

A woman in the trash she can be thrown

but not a camera they do not grow on a vine.


Now that is bad poetry  roflmao


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## JamesD

And now into the darkroom I go
I shall handle my film quite slow
I don't want it to kink.

Then I'll come out into the light
because my tank seals up light-tight
Or so I think.

Pretty soon, I'll add the chems
Dev and stop and smelly fix
Actually, it's the stop with the stink.

Then I'll hang the films up to dry
120 and 135, by and by
And drain the sink.

Then back into the darkroom I'll go
Still handling film--now negs--quite slow
So I can make prints.

Oh dear, I think I've lost my rhyme
It must be near getting-to-work time
Nudge-wink.


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## terri

To sticky this thread.....?
Why yes, I will
For it gives me a laugh
And a laugh is a thrill

Bad poetry, sure - 
we all can write
About negatives, film....
....and the lure of red light

We must be crazy
to ignore the digital boom
please don't bore me with pixels
I'm in my darkroom


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## mysteryscribe

"We must be crazy
to ignore the digital boom
please don't bore me with pixels
I'm in my darkroom"

ah oh off with her head...


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## JamesD

terri said:
			
		

> To sticky this thread.....?
> Why yes, I will
> For it gives me a laugh
> And a laugh is a thrill
> 
> Bad poetry, sure -
> we all can write
> About negatives, film....
> ....and the lure of red light
> 
> We must be crazy
> to ignore the digital boom
> please don't bore me with pixels
> I'm in my darkroom



Bravo! Terri, Bravo!
I, too, love the safelight,
Way to go, Terri, Way to Go!


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## mysteryscribe

are you sure the red light is for darkroom they have other uses you know.


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## JamesD




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## terri

They didn't call me "the Queen of Innuendo" around here for nothing, gentlemen.


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## mysteryscribe

it's times like this that I miss pattycakes....


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## JamesD

Dektol, my lovely Dektol
I'll use you 'til I'm six feet under
And no longer hear rolling thunder

My safelight went out, what is this?
My enlarger turned off, what is that?
Wow, it's raining outside.

So it was thunder, after all...
Where have you gone, O Dektol?
I cannot see you in the dark!

Splish splash, drip drop
I've knocked over a tray, I think
Fumbling in this confounded dark!

Ut oh, ut oh, ut oh; my, my
It shall take forever for my floor to dry
There it is! You've come on, beloved safe light!

I shall post a note, here on darkroom door
"Do not develop when thunder roars
For it is bound to get dark with no power"

Now I must clean up this mess
Good grief, everything got wet
This is going to take me hours.


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## terri

:lmao: 

:hail:


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## markc

my beautiful negative
handled with a white glove
I must show you to the world
so that all will give you love

you are a perfect specimen
fully exposed and conceived
when you are finally printed
I will be so relieved

I pull you from your resting place
ultra-clear 3 mil Melinex
but as I as I bring you to the enlarger
you catch a corner, and flex

time stands still a moment...



then you shutter from my grasp
flutter like a wounded butterfly
as I grope and grasp

I cry as you land on the floor
just as I take a step ahead
my foot slides slowly along
as I hear your emulsion shred

"What have I done?" I cry
and nearly have a seizure
this is no longer a moment
of relaxing calm and leisure

I lift your battered body
and view the damage done
no longer the image of glory
or adoration won

but then in a moment of clarity
realize that I have been blessed
I have a new name for you
I shall call you... 
Distressed


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## JamesD

Wow, as I read the prior post
Hand covered mouth, face white as a ghost
Scary tale, it seems to be
Doom--DOOM! it seems to me.

Then I see that it all turned out right








ROFL Seriously, though, I was like -gasp- OMG!


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## terri

Mark was clumsy in the darkroom, I think.   That was hilarious!


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## markc

Hehe. Yeah, I was a doof. And lazy. And distracted. And impatient. I'm surprized that I have any self-made silver prints at all. The funny thing is, the ones that turned out the best are still the ones I did in class in high school.
Where are my notes again? Oh, right... I didn't take any.


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## terri

markc said:
			
		

> Hehe. Yeah, I was a doof. And lazy. And distracted. And impatient. I'm surprized that I have any self-made silver prints at all. The funny thing is, the ones that turned out the best are still the ones I did in class in high school.
> Where are my notes again? Oh, right... I didn't take any.


   Nutter.


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## markc

Hey, the darkroom is no place for ADHD'ers. If we have to wait for anything more than 20 seconds or so we start drinking the chemicals.
We like mixing them though, and flicking the switches. It just might not be how and when we are supposed to.
Is it done yet?
Is it done yet?
What's this do?

But seriously, I do love negatives. Just don't judge that love by the resulting prints.


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## Biker2

I know a ADDer and I can actually see hiim doing all this, which made it even more funny.  Thanks for the poetry and the giggles - needed them.  Now that I'm in a better mood, let me go develop my negs


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## terri

Biker2 said:
			
		

> I know a ADDer and I can actually see hiim doing all this, which made it even more funny. Thanks for the poetry and the giggles - needed them. Now that I'm in a better mood, let me go develop my negs


Go get 'em, Biker2! :thumbup: So glad this thread has helped.  

Welcome to the forum, btw. Hope you come back and post your prints for us to see!


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## JamesD

Oh negatives, would that you were flesh
For I love you so, and with you I can work
Should any 'noying quirk you posess.
I spend time with you, in the dark
And I shake you up,
And you show me what's at heart
An image formed, a moment saved
though sometimes blurry or overexposed.

O negatives, would that you were flesh
breathing and bearing little images
made with our collaboration, exciting I confess
Then the images grow up to prints
and are married to frames
Frames made to sit
on a home up on the wall
To be admired for how they're composed.


(sorry, I got bored again, and had nothing better to do than write another example of dreadful lyricism.  Today, I'm a bit twisted, again.)


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## JamesD

Grain, grain, go away.
Everyone knows violets are purple.
But roses are red
And grainy pictures make me shake my head.

Odd little crystals formed from silver
Or however it is that they're stuck in there
Peculiar little globs that block the light
emanating from the condensers baleful stare.

Then again, grain, please stay
The old man is snoring in the april showers
Good grain, rightly employed and paid
Len's a good composition even more power.

Ha! Ha! I worked in a punish contration.  Or would it be punitive?


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## Don Simon

JamesD said:
			
		

> Ha! Ha! I worked in a punish contration.  Or would it be punitive?



Having just read the whole thread, I definitely feel punished :lmao:


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## TravisG5

This thread is amazing, I think trying to add my own poem would insult the thread as a whole.

Very funny...


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## JamesD

No, no!  By all means, add!


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## terri

Absolutely - add! I don't think there's much anyone could add that would insult this thread...  Jump on in!


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## JamesD

Big negatives, big slides
Somewhere near four inches by five
On a light table, in enlarger
On paper, or in the projector

Do they make projectors for such big slides?
Not that I know of--they're four inches by five!
So probably I'll wind up shooting just negatives
I like them better anyhow--they're more apt for forgive!

But the point is made, the film is big
and so is the required photo-taking rig
So come forth scenes! Within walking distance of car!
If your father than that, I'm afraid your too far

To put your image onto my flim
I can't lug the weight--I'm already too slim!
But if you are near, then beautiful images await
And I'll soon have negatives from the pictures I take.

(This thread has sat idle for much too long, so I thought I'd give it a kick)


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## terri

> This thread has sat idle for much too long, so I thought I'd give it a kick


  You read my mind, I swear!

:hail: :hail: :hail:


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## JamesD

Terri, did you notice the intentional typo? It's the only way I could think to get it to rhyme!  Plus, it enhances the "Good grief, that's horrible" factor... :lmao:


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## terri

JamesD said:


> Terri, did you notice the intentional typo? It's the only way I could think to get it to rhyme! Plus, it enhances the "Good grief, that's horrible" factor... :lmao:


Typo, shmypo, that's what I always say. 

We're pretty loose about that kinda thing around here.     :mrgreen: 

Do some more!


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## JamesD

It's been too long since negatives were made
And through puddles of fixer I were wont to wade
But safelight shall soon resume its dim glow
and my old friend frustration I will again come to know
Acquaintance with filtration shall soon resume
For soon I shall have my very own dark room.


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## terri

_Get...out._ :shock:

 James!!!!!!!!!!! :sun: 




Thought you'd fallen off the planet, old friend. Congrats on the pending darkroom. :cheer:      Frustration, not unlike misery, loves company!

What have you been doing with your bad self?    Any new experiments to share?


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## JamesD

Hiya! 

It's good to be back.  Hopefully, I'll be around more now.  I got out of the Army a couple of years ago, then moved back to Alaska, then a whole lot of working.  No time for pictures, and no place to put up a darkroom.  Now I'm trying to buy a house, and it has this laundry room that's absolutely perfect for conversion to a darkroom, and has a garage to put the washer and drier in.  So, hopefully, I'll be back at it soon.

So... now that I'm back.... what'd I miss?


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## terri

Oh....nothing.     

You know how it is.    Nothing _ever_ goes on around here.


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