# Meeting the parents



## Battou (Aug 19, 2008)

Ok, well not quite. 

I got together with a girl a couple days ago... no big deal right. Wrong, this could potentially be disastrous. I'm by all regards an "older man" with just short of a ten year gap. Less than forty eight hours into the relationship her parents, grand mother and brother have noticed a distinct change in her behavior and are acting...like...well protective parents I guess. 

Call me a hypocrite if you want, I personally believe you should be open with your parents about this stuff, but despite that I really wanted to put off informing her mother about it as long as possible. I've known her mother for years, I've partied and gotten drunk with her and her boyfriend on numerous occasions, I make a point to stop and sit and chat with her and/or her boyfriend when the opportunity strikes. 

I'm actually a little concerned that what was actually neighborly chatter may all of a sudden be viewed as some sort of perverted means of getting to their daughter which is not the case. Furthermore She seriously disapproves of her daughter seeing older guys, she had a conniption fit over the previous boyfriend who was only a year older.   


I am really not looking forward to tomorrow.


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## Senor Hound (Aug 19, 2008)

Battou said:


> Ok, well not quite.
> 
> I got together with a girl a couple days ago... no big deal right. Wrong, this could potentially be disastrous. I'm by all regards an "older man" with just short of a ten year gap. Less than forty eight hours into the relationship her parents, grand mother and brother have noticed a distinct change in her behavior and are acting...like...well protective parents I guess.
> 
> ...



Have sex with her mom.  Then she'll understand... 

Short of that I've got nothing other than ride it out...


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## Battou (Aug 19, 2008)

Umm....no I am not going to sleep with her mother. Next thing I know you'll be asking me to record and put it on Youtube won'tchya 

On a more serious note

Yeah I know. I am not going to avoid it, She wants to make it clear to her family what is going on, so I am going to do so. The relationship with them is going to make for a very uncomfortable setting. Uncomfortable in the fact I can't anticipate the reaction at all because I known them as long as I have. It's easier to make a first impression on parents than it is to tell a friend you are looking at their daughter as more than just a friends kid.

Once this little meeting is done and over with I'll be fine, but until then....


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## Senor Hound (Aug 19, 2008)

Battou said:


> Umm....no I am not going to sleep with her mother. Next thing I know you'll be asking me to record and put it on Youtube won'tchya
> 
> On a more serious note
> 
> ...



OH CRAP.  I just realized you're planning on dating her!  I thought you meant hook up as in casual sex.  Well, at least you can say you think she's an awesome chick and all of this stuff.  Dating someone involves a level of genuineness and sincerity.  One night stands are just hot and nasty, and not easy to explain.

Don't be too mushy and tell them you love her or some crap like that, but just be honest and say that despite the age difference you find her to be intriguing, funny and most of all pleasant to be around.  But in the end if the girl you are dating is okay with the age difference, and okay with her parents not being okay, then don't worry about it.  All that matters is what she thinks, not her parents.


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## Battou (Aug 19, 2008)

Senor Hound said:


> I thought you meant hook up as in casual sex.




...Did I really give that impression...:stun:



Senor Hound said:


> OH CRAP.  I just realized you're planning on dating her!  I thought you meant hook up as in casual sex. Well, at least you can say you think she's an awesome chick and all of this stuff.  Dating someone involves a level of genuineness and sincerity.  One night stands are just hot and nasty, and not easy to explain.
> 
> Don't be too mushy and tell them you love her or some crap like that, but just be honest and say that despite the age difference you find her to be intriguing, funny and most of all pleasant to be around.  But in the end if the girl you are dating is okay with the age difference, and okay with her parents not being okay, then don't worry about it.



I'm not the kind of guy to sit there and try telling someone what I think they want to hear, I hold honesty in high regard.  I have plenty of true facts that would be of more value anyways. Personally I'm fine with the age gap, within ten years is usually not a big deal around here. lol, Now that I think about it my dad had ten years on my mother too.



Senor Hound said:


> All that matters is what she thinks, not her parents.



As far as my relationship with her is conserned yes, but that friendship with her parents makes what they think matter to me though.


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## Lisa B (Aug 19, 2008)

I've never had a problem with whomever i've dated and parents. I've always been of the belief that if the parents don't like you there is nothing you can do about it - they must get along with you alright already seeing as you are able to hold a conversation with them already and so they must know you a little by now anyway - im SOME respects their daughter dating an older guy they already know a little may be less frightening than an older guy they know absolutely nothing about. 

Everybody just wants the best for their children and so im sure her parents would have a fit no matter who she was dating generally anyway - most people don't like the idea of their child not being their little girl/boy anymore and it just scared the hell out of them. 

If you just behave as usual and let them come to terms with it in their own time as you proove yourself to them then things should ride out and anything is possible. 

So don't worry about it too much - which yeh, i know is easier said than done but you can only be yourself and what happens happens. You can't control or shape anyone elses actions. 

I've been in situations before where I was convinced that the parents of the person i was dating would detest me because of what i'd heard of the parents. Even with some of the most cracker-jack parents i've met or the ones i've thought were going to be really conniving and nasty STILL behaved with some creedance towards me - maybe to get to know if i'm corrupting their son OR maybe just because i'm being myself. I don't know. 

I'll continue to just say what i think to the in-laws and i've even told my husbands mum i'd pick out her retirement home for her if she so wished...i'm not going to beat around any bushes. If they can take a joke and act civil to me, i'll be myself with them and they can either like me or hate me. 

Just be yourself and be there for the girl. Thats all you can do. 

xxxxxxx


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## Battou (Aug 19, 2008)

Lisa B said:


> I've never had a problem with whomever i've dated and parents. I've always been of the belief that if the parents don't like you there is nothing you can do about it - they must get along with you alright already seeing as you are able to hold a conversation with them already and so they must know you a little by now anyway - im SOME respects their daughter dating an older guy they already know a little may be less frightening than an older guy they know absolutely nothing about.
> 
> Everybody just wants the best for their children and so im sure her parents would have a fit no matter who she was dating generally anyway - most people don't like the idea of their child not being their little girl/boy anymore and it just scared the hell out of them.



I'm kinda hoping that that will be the major plus side that they see, that same though went through my head as well.


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## Phazan (Aug 19, 2008)

How hot is she on a scale of one to ten


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## monkeykoder (Aug 19, 2008)

Meeting the parents is usually a pain in the butt so already knowing them might be a good thing...


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## JohnMF (Aug 19, 2008)

do you think you have breached their trust?


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## snowalker (Aug 19, 2008)

After visiting the last 6 new topics I have a big question:
This is a photographic forum or what? I didn't see any picture in all of those new topics!
Quite weird...


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## photo28 (Aug 19, 2008)

snowalker said:


> After visiting the last 6 new topics I have a big question:
> This is a photographic forum or what? I didn't see any picture in all of those new topics!
> Quite weird...


  Well, it lives up to its name: Off Topic Chat! lol


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## Jedo_03 (Aug 20, 2008)

10 years age difference...
Well - if you are 70 and she is 60 then most ppl won't see a problem...
However... if you are 25 then some ppl may see it as a problem...
Oh well, you could put off dating the girl until she reaches 60...
Seriously though... if you have known the girl's parents all these years then you must also have known the girl all these years - from being a child maybe... You know, Don't rate a book by its cover... but many people do... and you should take care here, Battou...
Jedo


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## spiffybeth (Aug 20, 2008)

how old are you?


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## mentos_007 (Aug 20, 2008)

don't worry... there is a 9year difference between me and a guy whom I am seeing... and my mum is his boss... I am in a worst position...


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 20, 2008)

Phazan said:


> How hot is she on a scale of one to ten



 Hey ... your not toofpaste?


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## Phazan (Aug 20, 2008)

C677T said:


> Hey ... your not toofpaste?


 
Haha nope. I decided to give my good advice, I must know how hot she is..Then I can guide the OP to the right decision.


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 20, 2008)

Oh, I am sure she is hot, either universally attractive, or selectively attractive to random number of people


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## monkeykoder (Aug 21, 2008)

Sometimes attractiveness doesn't come from the outside.  What is outside is just a distraction from reality everything real goes on inside.


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## Phazan (Aug 21, 2008)

Yeah I know, monkeykoder.
I wasn't being serious.


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## Senor Hound (Aug 21, 2008)

mentos_007 said:


> don't worry... there is a 9year difference between me and a guy whom I am seeing... and my mum is his boss... I am in a worst position...



I dated a girl who was 23 years older than me, and her daughter was in my class in high school. 

I think the older guy thing may be more common in Europe.  My grandma was 13 years younger than my grandpa, and although he was American, she was Finnish.  I've never been over to Europe to see for myself, though, so I could be wrong...

But the suspense is killing me, Mr Battou!  Make sure and tell us how it goes!

And remember, for a lot of younger women, part of the allure is that you aren't what her parents would approve of.  It takes a person well into their younger to mid-twenties to develop full autonomy (even then a lot don't), and so until then there may be some underlying rebellion in her desire to date you.  Especially with how much of a rebel you are.


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 21, 2008)

monkeykoder said:


> Sometimes attractiveness doesn't come from the outside.  What is outside is just a distraction from reality everything real goes on inside.



Yeah that is true,  physical attractiveness is great, but that is only a small portion of who a person is.




Senor Hound said:


> I dated a girl who was 23 years older than me, and her daughter was in my class in high school.
> .


  well thats messed up, she was old enough to be your mom.


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## Christina (Aug 21, 2008)

I cant imagine how uncomfortable you must feel...
I'm sure i wouldnt want to be there.

try to act like normal, not the scared boyfriend maybe??


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## mrodgers (Aug 21, 2008)

I certainly hope you are not 19 years old..... :mrgreen:

You did state 10 years younger, right?


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## Corry (Aug 21, 2008)

I'm the same age as the OP, and I just have to say . . . there is no way in HELL that I would ever think it's ok to date someone 10 years YOUNGER than me, at the age I am now.  

Sorry, but my prom-going days are long over . . . especially considering the fact that if I were dating someone 10 years younger than me, that would mean they were in either 1st or 2nd grade when I went to prom the first time.


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 21, 2008)

I'm guessing Corry is between 26 and 28 years old.


The youngest girl I would  ever consider dating , won't be more than 7 years younger than me, thats cut off year. because I am 27, so 20 is the youngest I will date. But preferably between the ages 21-23. 5'10", wavy long hair that smell like rasberrys from 10 feet away, and a, Astronaut/barista / dog owner/ pulter prize winner would be great. I like bicycling, drawing, painting, long walks on a tropical beach. I like photo photography ( hopefully I can find a girl interested in that, as it is such a nerd sport)


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## Corry (Aug 21, 2008)

C677T said:


> I'm guessing Corry is between 26 and 28 years old.
> 
> 
> The youngest girl I would  ever consider dating , won't be more than 7 years younger than me, thats cut off year. because I am 27, so 20 is the youngest I will date. But preferably between the ages 21-23. 5'10", wavy long hair that smell like rasberrys from 10 feet away, and a, pulter prize winner would be great. I like bicycling, drawing, painting, long walks on a tropical beach. I like photo photography ( hopefully I can find a girl interested in that, as it is such a nerd sport)



If it's filled out when you register, you can view ages in a person's profile.  

I'm 26.


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## monkeykoder (Aug 22, 2008)

I'm not one to judge but I have a record to keep... I've never dated anyone younger than me.  (I was keeping the record of only older but I don't think 3 weeks difference really counts enough to call my most recent ex.)


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 22, 2008)

Oh I see it now:blushing:, Do I win anything for guessing your age? haha just joking.




So if Battou is 26 that means the girl is .......:shock:,    err umm


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## zandman (Aug 22, 2008)

16???


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 22, 2008)

Thanks I, was  too shocked by the numbers and couldn't post them.


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## Battou (Aug 22, 2008)

Phazan said:


> How hot is she on a scale of one to ten



...sadly, when I get a question like this I base my reply on what I know about the surrounding forum members preferences. This forum has a far more broad perspective on what is hot than any other forum I use, resulting in the fact I can't read it like that here. People here see beauty differently than the other places I frequent.

On my personal scale somewhere around five or six. 

Actually right in the ball park of what I figured I'd find my self with.



Phazan said:


> Haha nope. I decided to give my good advice, I must know how hot she is..Then I can guide the OP to the right decision.



The decision has alredy been made, it was so before I even made the thread.



JohnMF said:


> do you think you have breached their trust?



That was my biggest fear yes.



snowalker said:


> After visiting the last 6 new topics I have a big question:
> This is a photographic forum or what? I didn't see any picture in all of those new topics!
> Quite weird...



...I don't understand the question here. 
Are you refering to the last six topics in off topic chat? in wich case well...it's called off topic for a reason.

Or Are you talking about My last six topics? ...if so I should have four or five image topics of my last six. 

Or are you saying I have not posted a picture of her?...I haven't gotten it back from processing yet 



Jedo_03 said:


> 10 years age difference...
> Well - if you are 70 and she is 60 then most ppl won't see a problem...
> However... if you are 25 then some ppl may see it as a problem...
> Oh well, you could put off dating the girl until she reaches 60...
> ...



Yes, I have known her almost as long, she lived with her father most of the time but I knew her well enough to say I knew her.

It's really weird, Caution is on my mind but.....putting it off is out of the question.



spiffybeth said:


> how old are you?



I'll be turning 27 in October, She turned 17 on the seventh of this month. thus the other half of my reluctency.



Senor Hound said:


> And remember, for a lot of younger women, part of the allure is that you aren't what her parents would approve of.  It takes a person well into their younger to mid-twenties to develop full autonomy (even then a lot don't), and so until then there may be some underlying rebellion in her desire to date you.



She was equally worried about this as I was, so I was confident this was not a rebelious thing.  



Senor Hound said:


> Especially with how much of a rebel you are.


...You have no idea just how much of a rebel I actually am, I'm not saying that to be mean, there are elements about me that are strongly rooted in my personal rebelion toward my parents even to this day, things you could not know or understand with out knowing me face to face all my life.



Christina said:


> I cant imagine how uncomfortable you must feel...
> I'm sure i wouldnt want to be there.
> 
> try to act like normal, not the scared boyfriend maybe??



It actually got easier by the time I got home from work.

She walked right into her mothers trap . They have known for some time that she was interested in either me or my brother but where not sure who exactly. When that distinct change in her behavior occured they began acting overly protective. As it turns out they where acting the way they where to get her to come right out and admit it. I know full well parents have the insight to know these things so it should not have come as such a surprise. Had my mind been clear I'd have seen that but....I digress.

Like I said before, she was equally worried about this as I was. Well...you can see how worked up I was, going to the internet for advice on my love life is not something I would do.....She ended up getting so distressed about it and woke her mother up to tell her and get it done....Apparently I'm the good guy.

I got home from work and she informed me of how that conversation went and that her mom wanted me over that night to talk about it. In all honesty, I really wish I was there so I could have heard it for my self.

All she had to say was the standard issue question of "So you want to date my daughter?" (Wich was kind of retorical) followed a handful of ground rules, that I will be expected to attend dinner every now and again and the fact she feels that I am the best match for her.

Her apporval is...well frightening to say the least. She is alredy asking about baby names and threw what few ground rules she set out the window. She is so excited about the whole thing.

Scott (Her brother) wants to kill me, but that's ok, I'll live.


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## Battou (Aug 22, 2008)

C677T said:


> Oh I see it now:blushing:, Do I win anything for guessing your age? haha just joking.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




See above, there are more numbers to the equation....not that they make a lot of difference but......yall went to town on the numbers wile I was posting, Corrys first post was the last one I actually saw.....now I am playing catch up.


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 22, 2008)

But why don't you date someone close to your age?  Not only do I think its wrong to date  girl that much younger than you at your age, but what does a 17 year old and 27 year old have in common? Your in totally different times in your life.  And what mother would approve this? Where is the girl's father in all this?


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## Lisa B (Aug 22, 2008)

My dad was 15 years older than my mum. She was 21 when she had my sister, then had 2 more kids with him and their relationship lasted a good while. Age doesn't always signify that it won't work. I know some extremely mature 17 year olds and some extremely childish 27 year olds, so it can work.


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## monkeykoder (Aug 22, 2008)

Lisa B said:


> My dad was 15 years older than my mum. She was 21 when she had my sister, then had 2 more kids with him and their relationship lasted a good while. Age doesn't always signify that it won't work. I know some extremely mature 17 year olds and some extremely childish 27 year olds, so it can work.



I mean come on Battou still draws manga he can't be the most mature 27 year old out there...  And he is obviously a good guy he collects cameras and shoots FILM...  (any insult garnered from this post truly is a figment of your imagination just poking some fun).


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## Battou (Aug 22, 2008)

C677T said:


> But why don't you date someone close to your age?


 Simply because The only thing that connects me to my generation is my camera, my education and my life experience. 

I've been dealing with teenagers for so long, I have so little connection to people my own age. I mean look at me, I'm an administrator on a website overrun EMO preteen naruto fanchildren, I keep toy pokemon on my desk, I enjoy drawing cartoons, I babysit for a living for crying out loud. 




C677T said:


> Not only do I think its wrong to date  girl that much younger than you at your age, but what does a 17 year old and 27 year old have in common? Your in totally different times in your life.



I will not argue the validity of your arguement, I understand what you are saying. To answer your question, More than one would imagine. We have not only in our intersets but also our goals and even some of our life experiences in common. My stage in life as briefly outlined above is not that of a 27 year old man, is it?




C677T said:


> And what mother would approve this?


 One with happily married previous children, she obviously knows something I don't.




C677T said:


> Where is the girl's father in all this?



His position in all this is irrelevant, She no longer lives with him for valid reasons. We *Will* leave it at that. I understand what you are asking, but there are some things in this world that can negate anything he has to say. She sees her mothers current boyfriend (she has been with him since I met them) as her dad and father figure, and he approves, so as far as I am concerned her biological father is out of the picture.


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## Battou (Aug 22, 2008)

Lisa B said:


> My dad was 15 years older than my mum. She was 21 when she had my sister, then had 2 more kids with him and their relationship lasted a good while.



Her grandparents, where sixteen and twenty seven (or twenty eight she told me, I can't remember) when they got to gether.

My mother was sixteen when she gave birth to my oldest sister, my mom and dad had six more before I was concieved not including one still born sibling I have.



Lisa B said:


> Age doesn't always signify that it won't work. I know some extremely mature 17 year olds and some extremely childish 27 year olds, so it can work.



....Yeah, I fall into the latter half of that one as MK pointed out


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## mentos_007 (Aug 22, 2008)

oh come one...10 years is not a scary difference right now! AMybe the girl has "a great order" (as we call it in PL ) in her head, she may be smart and mature for her age, and Battou maybe a bit childish for his age... so... if... she is 4 years more mature than her friends, and battou is 4 years younger mentally than his friends (ey I am not offensive, don't think I ever was!) so the age difference is only.... 2


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## LeroyLion (Aug 22, 2008)

mentos_007 said:


> if... she is 4 years more mature than her friends, and battou is 4 years younger mentally than his friends (ey I am not offensive, don't think I ever was!) so the age difference is only.... 2


 


...you just blew my mind. 


Its a good way of thinking about it.  At least I think so.


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## Corry (Aug 22, 2008)

mentos_007 said:


> oh come one...10 years is not a scary difference right now! AMybe the girl has "a great order" (as we call it in PL ) in her head, she may be smart and mature for her age, and Battou maybe a bit childish for his age... so... if... she is 4 years more mature than her friends, and battou is 4 years younger mentally than his friends (ey I am not offensive, don't think I ever was!) so the age difference is only.... 2



Mentos, I don't think 10 years is a big difference . . . MOST of the time.  

When one of those people is still in high school, still a teenager, and not legally an adult, then I have a problem with it.  

She can't vote, she can't buy a pack of cigarettes, she can't drink, and her brain isn't even fully developed.  (and it won't be for a few more years)

Now if he were 36 and she were 26, you wouldn't hear a word from me about anything.  

For the record, my parents were 11 years apart, with my mother being 17 at the time.


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## Mitica100 (Aug 22, 2008)

Let me start with the obvious: Age is just a number.

I am a married man (for 7 years now) and the difference in age is 17 years. She is my junior, that is.  We're doing great, thank you very much and her parents (mom) protested a little bit at the beginning. It's normal, she was protective of her. But... At that point, my wife-to-be told her mom that she is old enough to discern what works and what does not.

If there is a relationship that works, it will work despite the age difference. I have seen many a relationship with people of close or same age that didn't work and many that did. The same with the ones which are apart in years.

Don't worry about what 'mom' says or the ways it will affect your relationship with her (the mom). If your GF is happy, that's all that matters.


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 23, 2008)

well age is more than just a number, it represents a person developmental stages too, there.

Girls who look for older men are probably just looking for a father figure to take care of them, considering her father had problems and left.


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## Battou (Aug 23, 2008)

Onward and upward, I bought her her first camera yesterday morning, it should arrive Wendsday or Thursday. I've still yet to pick up some additional lenses for her to use but I plan on having them right directly so. She wants to learn, I'll teach her what I can and yall may get to meet her.


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## Alex_B (Aug 23, 2008)

mentos_007 said:


> oh come one...10 years is not a scary difference right now! AMybe the girl has "a great order" (as we call it in PL ) in her head, she may be smart and mature for her age, and Battou maybe a bit childish for his age... so... if... she is 4 years more mature than her friends, and battou is 4 years younger mentally than his friends (ey I am not offensive, don't think I ever was!) so the age difference is only.... 2



+1 :thumbup:


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## mentos_007 (Aug 23, 2008)

yeah Iknow Alex that you start to love me already


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## Alex_B (Aug 23, 2008)

mentos_007 said:


> yeah I know Alex that you start to love me already



:taped sh:

Should we really tell them already?? :heart:


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## Mitica100 (Aug 23, 2008)

C677T said:


> well age is more than just a number, it represents a person developmental stages too, there.
> 
> Girls who look for older men are probably just looking for a father figure to take care of them, considering her father had problems and left.



That's speculating and generalizing, my friend. I know of many relationships and marriages of happy nature where age didn't play a role in their decision to be together. The old myth about the 'father figure' is just that. a myth. Sure, there are cases where a younger female will marry an older male just because the 'father figure' syndrome but to generalize that matter? No way I agree.

Regarding the relationship between one's age and his/her developmental stage, that is again a generalization. I have seen younger people being and acting very mature and vice-versa. For example, I had a part time worker in my coffee shop, he is 19 and he came from a dysfunctional family. Mom is about 37 (had him very young), pop is about 40. His mom is alcoholic, his father a druggie. He has brothers which are almost 'normal', exhibiting desires to try drugs and alcohol. He is basically raising the family, he is the most mature person in that family. Hard worker at 19, he was the manager of another coffee shop before working for me. He works in the mornings and at night he attends a community college. Well behaved (no alcohol or drugs of any kind, except caffeine) and helpful, I would not hesitate making him the manager of my shop when needed. I have seen others in their 50s being less mature than this guy.

Sorry to shoot holes in your statements.


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## Alex_B (Aug 23, 2008)

Mitica100 said:


> That's speculating and generalizing, my friend. I know of many relationships and marriages of happy nature where age didn't play a role in their decision to be together. The old myth about the 'father figure' is just that. a myth. Sure, there are cases where a younger female will marry an older male just because the 'father figure' syndrome but to generalize that matter? No way I agree.
> 
> Regarding the relationship between one's age and his/her developmental stage, that is again a generalization. I have seen younger people being and acting very mature and vice-versa. For example, I had a part time worker in my coffee shop, he is 19 and he came from a dysfunctional family. Mom is about 37 (had him very young), pop is about 40. His mom is alcoholic, his father a druggie. He has brothers which are almost 'normal', exhibiting desires to try drugs and alcohol. He is basically raising the family, he is the most mature person in that family. Hard worker at 19, he was the manager of another coffee shop before working for me. He works in the mornings and at night he attends a community college. Well behaved (no alcohol or drugs of any kind, except caffeine) and helpful, I would not hesitate making him the manager of my shop when needed. I have seen others in their 50s being less mature than this guy.
> 
> Sorry to shoot holes in your statements.



I agree 100 %!

We all are individuals, everyone is different. 

But people always like to generalise and have simple recipes ... just life is not simple


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## mentos_007 (Aug 23, 2008)

just belive in the impossible...  and make it happen


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 23, 2008)

oh I don't why I waste my time posting my opinion internet topics, there  its always so pointless to do so. lol


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## mentos_007 (Aug 23, 2008)

C677T said:


> oh I don't why I waste my time posting my opinion internet topics, there  its always so pointless to do so. lol



hey it is not pointless... everyone is different and has his/her own priorities and things that are good/bad. it is good to confront own views with the public, to give you the real view of yourself. sometimes you can teach others something really important in life, sometimes others can point out that you might get some advantage from changing your opinions on certain topic. it is always good to talk and confront.


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## Mitica100 (Aug 23, 2008)

^^^Rock-n-Roll Mentos!!! Couldn't have put it better in words!


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## Alex_B (Aug 23, 2008)

mentos_007 said:


> just belive in the impossible...  and make it happen



OK, so see you on Monday night then, right? :mrgreen:


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## Hawaii Five-O (Aug 23, 2008)

mentos_007 said:


> hey it is not pointless... everyone is different and has his/her own priorities and things that are good/bad. it is good to confront own views with the public, to give you the real view of yourself. sometimes you can teach others something really important in life, sometimes others can point out that you might get some advantage from changing your opinions on certain topic. it is always good to talk and confront.



Well on an interent forum,posting an opinion other than about someones photo or what I like about the olympics, or what computer I think is really good, is kind of pointless.  Like posting an opinion about a persnal matter or politics. 

Off of the internet those opinions are important, but they just don't have the same value on the net.


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## LeroyLion (Aug 23, 2008)

C677T said:


> Well on an interent forum,posting an opinion other than about someones photo or what I like about the olympics, or what computer I think is really good, is kind of pointless. Like posting an opinion about a persnal matter or politics.
> 
> Off of the internet those opinions are important, but they just don't have the same value on the net.


 

I wholeheartedly agree, even if it is pointless to do so.


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## Corry (Aug 24, 2008)

C677T said:


> Well on an interent forum,posting an opinion other than about someones photo or what I like about the olympics, or what computer I think is really good, is kind of pointless.  Like posting an opinion about a persnal matter or politics.
> 
> Off of the internet those opinions are important, but they just don't have the same value on the net.



I think you're probably totally right, and I probably shouldn't have said anything in the first place.  

For instance, it doesn't matter what anyone here says, I won't be changing my opinion that someone who isn't far from 30 shoudn't be dating someone who is still technically and legally a child.


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## Battou (Aug 24, 2008)

C677T said:


> oh I don't why I waste my time posting my opinion internet topics, there  its always so pointless to do so. lol





C677T said:


> Well on an interent forum,posting an opinion other than about someones photo or what I like about the olympics, or what computer I think is really good, is kind of pointless.  Like posting an opinion about a persnal matter or politics.
> 
> Off of the internet those opinions are important, but they just don't have the same value on the net.



Wether a point is made or broken is in the eye of it's intended target. Be it IRL or on the internet. However a point based on oppinion will ultamately fail if the intended target is not of the same oppinion. That witch is important as it pertains to train of thought is equally important on the net and IRL, no one holds priority over the other. That said, Even if me you and Corry where sitting face to face IRL discussing this, the results would have been the same. 

Making an oppinion known is not pointless in any way. I've read and taken from every oppinion posted here giving them purpose.  As I said before, I will not argue the validity of your arguement, Human beings are too diverse in almost every way so the fact the fact that our oppinions differ is truly meaningless. 

Someone once said "War does not deturmine those who are right, only those who are left", I've always taken the meaning of this as arguing as to what beliefs are "Correct" is pointless, as it's a lose/lose situation. You have the right to an oppinion as have I and attempting to change someone elses oppinion is an attempt at violating their rights. It is in this that the illusion that making ones oppinion known is pointless is created. Created because so many feel the need to defend their beliefs, this arguement begins with out fail, It is sad but true. As far as I am concerned oppinions are not pointless untill they become defended, you do not have to defend your oppinion.



That said, I did not post this seeking the approval of forum members here, merely a moment of stress related emotional weekness, more commonly known as an Emo thread. Stress brought on by the fear I was violating the trust of a friend. So many factors went into my decision to go ahead and presue this, more so than I could ever explain. Even then, I thought I had confronted that issue, but now that I look back I merely rationalized it with what was actually a pretty childish thought.

Now that the originally posted situation has played it self out I see that it is that very trust that is allowing this to happen. It's actually pushing this relationship along at alarming speeds, so much so that I have to make a consious effort to slow it down, so as to not get my self in a world of ****. 

Now all I have to worry about is my own ability to maintain my composure. Under normal circumstances I can maintain my self well. However I've been under a lot of stress over the past few years, getting worse over the last year resulting in two total losses of composure and countless minor ones in the last six months. Over this past five days so much stress has been lifted from my shoulders it ain't funny and it continues to become easier to bare. I'm seeing things more clearly now and I am confident I can maintain my composure now, completely negating my secondary consern. 

Worst case scenario, in the event this does not work out, we will both take something from it. Best case scenario, we have children, get old and die. I don't regret the decision.


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## JohnMF (Aug 25, 2008)

Battou said:


> ...Best case scenario, we have children, get old and die.



well you have a ten year head start on her there! hehe


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## sarallyn (Aug 25, 2008)

JohnMF said:


> well you have a ten year head start on her there! hehe



sorry, that made me laugh. 


But seriously -- approval of parents is overrated in my opinion. Hop on a motorcycle, get the girl on the back, and drive into the sunset. And by sunset I mean Canada, because everyone knows Canada is pretty cool.


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## Battou (Aug 25, 2008)

JohnMF said:


> well you have a ten year head start on her there! hehe



Actually more than that if you take into account this nasty smoking habit of mine. 




sarallyn said:


> sorry, that made me laugh.
> 
> 
> But seriously -- approval of parents is overrated in my opinion. Hop on a motorcycle, get the girl on the back, and drive into the sunset. And by sunset I mean Canada, because everyone knows Canada is pretty cool.



I've got approval, it's all good, but Canada is not that far away. In fact Her mother was telling me they got lost and ended up at Lake Erie the other day.


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## Rachelsne (Aug 25, 2008)

I think if your intentions are good and so are hers, and your not about to run off to vegas and elope, then it is ok, 
there are so many 15-20 year olds who look and act much older than they are, it sometimes suprises me when i find out the age of people.
I am 26 and when I think back at my self being 17 there was no way I was mature enough to realise what i wanted from a realationship-I actually had my first serios relationship that lasted 5 years i was 17 he was 21, but I think I alwasy knew he wasnt going to be the one I married. 
I think you are more likely to get hurt than her, as you may be at the age where you want a steady relationship and you want to settle down maybe? but she in a couple of years will wonder what she is missing....


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## PhilGarber (Aug 30, 2008)

Posted by: Battou


> I'll be turning 27 in October, She turned 17 on the seventh of this month. thus the other half of my reluctency.



Oh ****. :stun::thumbdown: Shez really young!


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## BlueEyes01 (Aug 30, 2008)

I wish you luck in your relationship but I'd like to say I come from an interesting point of view.

I am 37 but at one time I was that 16 year old girl who was dating a 25 year old guy. I knew it all let me tell you! I ended up married 6 months before I gave birth to our first child when I was 18. I was crazily in love. 
The years wore on, we had a second child. I didnt know it in my early 20's but I wasnt happy. I know that sounds crazy but its true. I felt as though I had to grow up so fast and being a wife & mom I wasnt able to form my own identity. Dont get me wrong, being a mom was the best thing that ever happened to me even if it did happen sooner than it should've but thats not my point here. (and I realize you aren't driving to the wedding chapel or picking out names yet but we didnt either at first, be careful!)`

At 28 I left him. It took me years afterwards to find "me". Its not the age difference that is a possible detriment, it is the stage in life. I know you said you are "younger" than your age, but what happens in 5 years (if you are still a couple) and she is maturing? 
I think the key to you 2 being able to make it is taking it slow which it sounds like you're trying to do. Trust me, do not "smother" her and try to control her. Let her feel free to mature and be who she wants to be in the next few years. Communicate, LET her communicate with you. 

I am remarried now to a guy 9 years older than me. We met when we both knew who we were, so to speak. There is NO way a 17 year old knows herself yet, or what she wants out of life, or who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Oh let me tell you she will tell you she knows, I did too, but she doesnt have a clue to how much she will change over the next 10 years.  

Good luck to the both of you! You really sound like you know how to articulate what you feel which can be rare and that is a huge plus. 
I hope i didnt get too "deep" just trying to give you another point of view. I do wish you luck!! Just dont let your heart (or any other part of your body) lead you down a road that doesnt feel right, trust your instincts.


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## Artograph (Sep 1, 2008)

Wellllll......_I'd_ like to know everyones opinion when *their* _*DD*_ is 17 and dating a man 10 years older than she is......  *Shiver*


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## Mitica100 (Sep 1, 2008)

BlueEyes01 said:


> I wish you luck in your relationship but I'd like to say I come from an interesting point of view.
> 
> I am 37 but at one time I was that 16 year old girl who was dating a 25 year old guy. I knew it all let me tell you! I ended up married 6 months before I gave birth to our first child when I was 18. I was crazily in love.
> The years wore on, we had a second child. I didnt know it in my early 20's but I wasnt happy. I know that sounds crazy but its true. I felt as though I had to grow up so fast and being a wife & mom I wasnt able to form my own identity. Dont get me wrong, being a mom was the best thing that ever happened to me even if it did happen sooner than it should've but thats not my point here. (and I realize you aren't driving to the wedding chapel or picking out names yet but we didnt either at first, be careful!)`
> ...



Good post!!!


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## Battou (Sep 2, 2008)

BlueEyes01 said:


> I wish you luck in your relationship but I'd like to say I come from an interesting point of view.
> 
> I am 37 but at one time I was that 16 year old girl who was dating a 25 year old guy. I knew it all let me tell you! I ended up married 6 months before I gave birth to our first child when I was 18. I was crazily in love.
> The years wore on, we had a second child. I didnt know it in my early 20's but I wasnt happy. I know that sounds crazy but its true. I felt as though I had to grow up so fast and being a wife & mom I wasnt able to form my own identity. Dont get me wrong, being a mom was the best thing that ever happened to me even if it did happen sooner than it should've but thats not my point here. (and I realize you aren't driving to the wedding chapel or picking out names yet but we didnt either at first, be careful!)`
> ...



It's posts like yours and the one Rachelsne made that I apprieciate the most, it gives me insight I would not have other wise . It's in my nature to be overly analitical....That said I tend to analyse the posts and compare to the situation at hand, making them almost impossible to reply to as I tend to go off on details and findings that yall technically don't need and/or want to know. So, no, it's not too deep.


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## youbetcha1018 (Sep 5, 2008)

I just wonder, why you dated a girl who's 10 years younger than you? No offense, but ofcourse her parents wouldn't allow her to date you if you had couple of chit chats with her mom and her boyfriend when you're drunk. It just made the mom think that you are not just right for their daughter. But you know what? Try to tell the girl's parents that you don't have any bad intention for their daughter. Well, I just hope you'd tell us what happened.


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