# If Jesus was a photographer what brand camera would he use?



## newrmdmike (Oct 22, 2009)

so lets here it, what brand camera would he use? Nikon? Canon? Hassy? Leica?  Mamiya?

I for one think he would use a rollie trip 35 for its ease of travel and unassuming qualities.  He would then somehow pull out 8x10 quality prints from his fishing boat darkroom. . .


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## Big (Oct 22, 2009)

Most random thread ever! :thumbup: 
I would love to picture him with a disposable and pointing it at people and yelling "say cheese!"


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## newrmdmike (Oct 22, 2009)

haha, i know, i thought disposable at first . . . but im not so sure.


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## Derrel (Oct 22, 2009)

I think he would use a camera that not many others would have ever seen, the Tessina 35. It would shoot smaller than normal film images of 14mm x 21mm in size, using 35mm film loaded into special cassettes, and even though his capture area was smaller than 35 full frame, and just a little tiny bit smaller than Canon's APS-C sensors, he would tell everybody, "But my images look just as good as the ones from the full-frame camera my Dad uses."

Tessina - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

He would use this camera because nobody here has ever seen one (except Compur, who was born in the Holy Land of Cameras, and now lives in the
sacred land of Los Angeles, where old cameras never mildew, but instead get face lifts and hang out down in Santa Monica when the weather is nice).

That's my guess as to what Jesus would shoot....a Tessina 35.


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## DReali (Oct 22, 2009)

good thread! he certainly wouldn't use digital...i say a polaroid sx-70.


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## newrmdmike (Oct 22, 2009)

ohhhh, DReali, is that a comment on the PURENESS of film ?!?! i think it is and i think i'm in agreement.   derrell it seems your on to something . . . jesus may in fact have owned a tessina.  no one has seen it, its an humble format, its pretty and isn't trying to trump the fathers gear.


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## RyanLilly (Oct 22, 2009)

Jesus is a Photographer, he shoots Nikon, and he even has a website; KenRockwell.com


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## musicaleCA (Oct 22, 2009)

If Jesus were a photographer, and assuming the mythos around him is true (which it ain't but hey, whatever), he wouldn't use a camera. He wouldn't even use film. He'd perform a minor miracle every time and simply create an image on a piece of parchment of exactly what he wanted.


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## Dismine (Oct 22, 2009)

jesus cant be a photographer, because jesus is a shaman


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## PhotoXopher (Oct 22, 2009)

RyanLilly said:


> Jesus is a Photographer, he shoots Nikon, and he even has a website; KenRockwell.com



That's not Jesus, that's God...


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## craig (Oct 22, 2009)

Jesus would build a pinhole camera and expose glass plates that he coated with a very special emulsion.

Love & Bass


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## den9 (Oct 22, 2009)

D50 with a kit lens


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## Mike_E (Oct 22, 2009)

Probably an old TLR of some sort.  Something he could shoot with his head down.  A 'cord or a mat maybe.


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## icassell (Oct 22, 2009)

his dad really got into the magnesium/potassium chlorate/antimony sulfide flash-powder thing ...


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## Josh66 (Oct 22, 2009)

Well, it would obviously be a _Canon_...


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## Buckster (Oct 22, 2009)

O|||||||O said:


> Well, it would obviously be a _Canon_...




He'd just chisel the image into a chunk of wood using a hammer and nails over a period of 3 days, then it would come to life and walk away while picking splinters out of it's butt crack, much like Pinocchio.

Or he'd have a talented woodpecker in a box peck out the image, like on the Flintstones.

Something like that...


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## Hobbes (Oct 22, 2009)

I don't know any of you know this but religion especially the one created by this guy has held back scientific and technological development and progress so who knows maybe if he never existed we would have camera equipment that are faaar more advanced than those we are using today


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## DSLR noob (Oct 22, 2009)

Jesus would use a cool new point and shoot, because it comes in exciting colors and fits in his pocket. He's hip like that.


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## LuckySo-n-So (Oct 22, 2009)

As with the loaves and the fishes, Jesus would use a *Holga* and produce images as if it were a Hasselblad or Mamiya with a 100mp digital back and a lens with an aperture approaching f/0.


/FTW.


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## Mitica100 (Oct 23, 2009)

Jesus uses a simple, throw away film camera from Walmart. I saw him when he worked in my garden the other day!


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## Mitica100 (Oct 23, 2009)

Oh, wait...  Which Jesus are we talking about here???


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## RyanLilly (Oct 23, 2009)

I think a better question is: "If I were Jesus, what camera would I use?"


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## UUilliam (Oct 23, 2009)

Human?


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## NiKOnSLR (Oct 23, 2009)

NONE! It will be an invisible camera.


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## haring (Oct 23, 2009)

come on guys!  The camera is NOT important!!!  HE would shoot with a ring flash!!!!! Something similar to this one: DIY RingFlash Mark II on Canon 5D + Canon 85mm 1.2 L and Canon 35mm 1.4 L (Beauty Ring) | HÃ¤ring &#8211; Miami Wedding Photography


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## usayit (Oct 23, 2009)

He'd use the same equipment that I use <see sig below> and be much better at it.


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## jack lumber (Oct 23, 2009)

musicaleCA said:


> If Jesus were a photographer, and assuming the mythos around him is true (which it ain't but hey, whatever), he wouldn't use a camera. He wouldn't even use film. He'd perform a minor miracle every time and simply create an image on a piece of parchment of exactly what he wanted.


 
 The shroud of Turin comes to mind.


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## epp_b (Oct 23, 2009)

this one ... because, y'know, it stays on top of the water


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## Big Mike (Oct 23, 2009)

> Or he'd have a talented woodpecker in a box peck out the image, like on the Flintstones.


Exactly what I was going to say.


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## SpeedTrap (Oct 23, 2009)

He would use whatever cammera Ken Rockwell told him to..............


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## Garbz (Oct 24, 2009)

Big Mike said:


> > Or he'd have a talented woodpecker in a box peck out the image, like on the Flintstones.
> 
> 
> Exactly what I was going to say.



Sounds like Otto von Chriek in the discworld series. The vampire photographer who has an imp in a tiny box draw the picture that he briefly sees while the shutter is open.


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## skieur (Oct 24, 2009)

Being a carpenter's son, he would use the Olympus shown at Photokina 2006,..why.. because it has a WOODEN exterior.

skieur


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## Joves (Oct 26, 2009)

Ah a "WhatWouldJesusShoot?" thread. I think he would use a Graphlex Speed Graphic for some edgy B&W shots. Afterall he mostly hung out with the lower end of the society and, that begs for those types of shots.


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## Antithesis (Nov 4, 2009)

SpeedTrap said:


> He would use whatever cammera Ken Rockwell told him to..............



i.e. a Nikon D40 with the infamous, rockwell 1-2 punch: the 18-55VR and 55-200VR. Large apertures and hand-holdable shutter speeds are less of a concern when your Pops has access to the big light switch in the sky. Also, if anything gets wet he'll just resurrect the thing. 'Cause that's how he do.


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## CCarsonPhoto (Nov 4, 2009)

Obviously, the D3s  Because when I saw this camera I said "Holy....!!!!"


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## taskoni (Nov 4, 2009)

A working one...


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## joeywpc (Nov 4, 2009)

He would have 12 people following him with the cameras, he would just tell them how to shoot a perfect miraculous shot that would confound all the naysayers.


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## benhasajeep (Nov 6, 2009)

You guys have it all wrong. 

Jesus would use a *SINAR* 8x10 to show the world pictures of what to do and not do!!! And he would have Ansel Adams next to him to get pointers from. 

As they say he died for our Sin .  .  .ar's.  :lmao:


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## GFruge (Nov 6, 2009)

He'd use a disposable tethered to a plug-in to display shots immediately on the face of Jupiter.

Reason I say disposable is because he came in the lowest form a human could.  He didn't need Canon's or Nikon's as they were too expensive.  He could outshoot anyone of us with a disposable camera shooting an 800 ISO w/ film.

On another note, he'd probably have to use something like an equivalent of -3200 ISO (negative) and an f-stop of like 8,192 just to knock out some of that light that's always around.  Would have super Deph-of-field.


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## abraxas (Nov 12, 2009)

refurbished.

-


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## John Sampson (Nov 12, 2009)

A pinhole camera. The container could be large enough for him to hide from the crowds.


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## DennyCrane (Nov 12, 2009)

He'd use whatever Chuck Norris uses.

/thread


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## Tiberius47 (Nov 12, 2009)

He'd just snap his fingers and the photo would appear.


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## Tighearnach (Nov 12, 2009)

No way there is a camera that could withstand the mighty grip of Chuck Norris. 

If there was Chuck would  laugh in the face of photoshop and practise his Right First Time Theory by telling the sky to be bluer and the grass to be greener. And if he wanted to shoot Black and white well everyone and everything had better hurry up and desaturate........


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## JamesMason (Nov 12, 2009)

Same camera as the Shami and Bhudda, seen as tho most camera manufacturers are based in japan


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## Tiberius47 (Nov 13, 2009)

Chuck Norris would just glare at the air in his hands and it would sponateously form a photograph of whatever he wanted out of FEAR!


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## Village Idiot (Nov 13, 2009)

Eureka!!! Jesus uses Nikon. That's because his dear ol' dad uses Canon and since everyone knows about rebelious youth, JC wants to use something different, even if it's still not the best camera system ever. DOD is infallible.


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## DennyCrane (Nov 13, 2009)

Canon REBEL... your argument is refuted.

And anyway, I should mention God loved Chryslers.

"And  in his *FURY, *God* DROVE* Adam and Eve from Eden."


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## Sw1tchFX (Nov 13, 2009)

I think jesus would be a transformer type machine. When he wants to take a picture, he bends backwards in a crab-walk type pose and his chest opens up to a giant lens that extends out and his eyeballs would then _project_ whatever lighting scheme he wants into the sky, onto the unsuspecting victim, hence the invention of "Jesus Light". Within his torso, he would shoot 11x14 glass plates that he could hand out to all the victims who experience their "epiphany", which is why we have no evidence of their existence today, the plates were just too fragile. It's a shame, the pictures of their reactions would have been hilarious.


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