# Help! My soon to be wife is uncomfortable with me shooting Nude art



## BrettN (Feb 22, 2013)

So I have been shooting nude art photography for 8 years, my soon to be wife is uncomfortable with it. I am not a cheating ass and I shoot for fine art. Any ideas to get her to not be uncomfortable?

let me preface this,

So we have been together a year, we are getting married in 3 weeks, she was fully aware of my work, and I have invited her to shoots, tried to shoot her, so I am at a loss. I have shot male and female nudes. Its a big part of my fine art photography. I was shooting nudes while we were dating as well. At that time she told she likes that I see the beauty of the body and now she is uncomfortable with it. She does have self esteem and body issues. I don't shoot pro skinny models either, most of them are new models getting a portfolio together and are average.


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## 412 Burgh (Feb 22, 2013)

shoot her.....with the camera


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## amolitor (Feb 22, 2013)

Making her your sole model is the traditional approach.

It seems a bit late in the game to be having this conversation, though.


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## dbvirago (Feb 22, 2013)

Sounds like the sort of thing you might have discussed before getting married.


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## sm4him (Feb 22, 2013)

Wait. Is it your NEW wife, as your post states, or your SOON-to-be wife, as your thread title states?

I only ask because it just seems to me like, if you've been shooting nudes for eight years, this is a topic that would have been best brought up *before* she decided to marry you.  Unless you didn't mention to her that you did it.

Anyway....I don't know that I can help you with ideas to put her at ease with it, other than maybe have her attend a few of the sessions so she knows exactly what you do?

But ultimately, if my spouse were not okay with it, and I couldn't find a way to get them to where they WERE okay with it, I'd find something else to shoot.  On the other hand, I'm divorced, so what do I know? 

EDIT: Took me too long to type my post, so others have already echoed this sentiment.


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## Mike_E (Feb 22, 2013)

Talk _With_ her,       *A LOT!

*Later is not the time to work these things out.



And just a friendly piece of advice you really want to find out if there is anything else that the two of you disagree on while you're at it.

If you (and I do mean IF) think that you can just bull your way through this or anything else like this  ...  well   rethink.


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## JeremyD (Feb 22, 2013)

Only shoot male models?


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## 2WheelPhoto (Feb 22, 2013)

There may be more going on if she's concerned about such trivial stuff.


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## Big Mike (Feb 22, 2013)

As her to come to the shoots with you, to help out.  It may even help to relax the models, to have another female there.  She should then realize that she has nothing to worry about.

Do doctor's wives get upset because their husbands will see some of their female patients in the nude?  Probably not.


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## BrettN (Feb 22, 2013)

Please see my edited first post


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## amolitor (Feb 22, 2013)

Well, the one thing you shouldn't do is continue to shoot nudes on the sly.

Sounds like you got a problem here. Is she pulling a bait and switch? Wouldn't be the first time. If this is truly the only substantial issue, no big deal. You can work it out after the wedding, and maybe you just don't shoot nudes any more. It doesn't sound like it's your life's work or anything. If it's NOT the only major issue, though, best you hit some couple's counseling before the wedding.


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## Mully (Feb 22, 2013)

This could be a real issue going forward...... I have a very good friend whose wife never approved of him doing nude photographs and became the wedge between them.  If your love of art is at a point that you would not be able to walk away from it you owe it to yourself and to her to get this ironed out before you get married.... maybe postpone your marriage for a bit longer to get this worked out....best of luck as there are no real answers just suggestions.


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## CCericola (Feb 22, 2013)

Marriage is a wonderful thing...Don't do it.


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## o hey tyler (Feb 22, 2013)

She knew you did this as a profession and fine art for the last year. I don't see why she couldn't deal with it when you're married. Seems silly to me if she had a year to think about this.


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## JacaRanda (Feb 22, 2013)

Marriage with someone you don't have to compromise/give up with on something you have done for 8 years is a wonderful thing...Don't do it.  There is a real blessing in this for you (((you are not already married)))


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## 2WheelPhoto (Feb 22, 2013)

CCericola said:


> Marriage is a wonderful thing...*Don't do it*.




^^^^^^^^that x infinity


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## JacaRanda (Feb 22, 2013)

2WheelPhoto said:


> CCericola said:
> 
> 
> > Marriage is a wonderful thing...*Don't do it*.
> ...



Was not sure if that meant don't do the nudes anymore or don't get married.


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## The_Traveler (Feb 22, 2013)

_Ok, Honey, if you are uncomfortable, just come along to all the shoots and be my assistant until you realize that there is nothing 'sexy' about it. 

If, after you realize there is nothing sexual or sexy involved, you are still uncomfortable then you have to realize it is your problem and only you can deal with it.

Time to be real about this situation, dear._


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## ghache (Feb 22, 2013)

You are getting married and now have choices to make. 

Why are you shooting nudes? especially with starting models who are building portfolios? professionally what this is bringing you exactly? are you getting paid to do it? is it your job or you're having a simple pleasure of shooting young naked girls? it also depends what type of work you are doing...ive seen so many bad work being done from photographer shooting nudes on modelmayhem its unavailable and i sometimes wonder why they do it..

obviously, you asked her to marry you, be ready to give some away, its only the tip of the iceberg because, if shes starting to change her mind like this, you are in for a good trip.

I shoot some pretty hot and sexy model lightly dressed and i shoot boudoir, but never ever my clients get naked and if they ask, i told them that they shouldht shoot something they wouldn't who their mothers lol... this is a line i draw because professionally and personally, shooting nudes just to shoot nudes, for me isn't a priority or something i plan on making a career in.

Here a photographer i follow on 500px that shoot nudes 
http://500px.com/artofdan

do you have an online portfolio?


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## ratssass (Feb 22, 2013)

_Dear Abby,
I'm confused...
_


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## dbvirago (Feb 22, 2013)

Sorry, but welcome to married life. She doesn't like your recliner either. You can either 
A) Shut up and do what she says, or 
2) Argue with her, have a big fight, don't speak to each other for a few days, apologize, then shut up and do what she says


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## jake337 (Feb 22, 2013)

dbvirago said:


> Sorry, but welcome to married life. She doesn't like your recliner either. You can either
> A) Shut up and do what she says, or
> 2) Argue with her, have a big fight, don't speak to each other for a few days, apologize, then shut up and do what she says



Or find someone who is comfortable with who you are, and what you do, as a person instead.


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## The_Traveler (Feb 22, 2013)

Marriage should be between adults who recognize their own mistakes and weaknesses and try to protect the spouse from the ramifications of those failings.

If there are no sexual undertones in what you are doing and your spouse she recognizes it is her problem but is helpless for now to do anything, it would be a loving thing to give it up until she is OK, 
She should not be badgering you into quitting something you love and she shouldn't even be asking, 

In a good relationship, both of you should recognize the situation and choose the course of action that will be the best for the couple - for now.


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## Mully (Feb 22, 2013)

LOL ^^^^^^^^ Maybe in Asia


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## JacaRanda (Feb 22, 2013)

jake337 said:


> dbvirago said:
> 
> 
> > Sorry, but welcome to married life. She doesn't like your recliner either. You can either
> ...



Quadruple Like!


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## PagesPhotography (Feb 22, 2013)

ghache said:


> You are getting married and now have choices to make.
> 
> *Why are you shooting nudes? especially with starting models who are building portfolios? professionally what this is bringing you exactly? are you getting paid to do it?* is it your job or you're having a simple pleasure of shooting young naked girls? it also depends what type of work you are doing...ive seen so many bad work being done from photographer shooting nudes on modelmayhem its unavailable and i sometimes wonder why they do it..
> 
> obviously, you asked her to marry you, be ready to give some away, its only the tip of the iceberg because, if shes starting to change her mind like this, you are in for a good trip...



i think this is important. But you certainly have a tough choice to make.


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## Bitter Jeweler (Feb 22, 2013)

Yeah. 

If you don't mind giving it up...get married . She is more important to you.
if you don't want to give it up...don't get married. It is more important than her, and she will never let you forget it.

If she knew about it beforehand, and didn't have a problem, and NOW it's a problem. RED FLAG! 

There are more fish in the ocean. Find one that loves you, and is supportive of what you do, and live happily ever after.

Oh, and, people suck.


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## gsgary (Feb 22, 2013)

Dump her if she is not happy withit


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## TimGreyPhotography (Feb 22, 2013)

Let me ask you a question. If she is so in love with you, then why does she already want to change who your are? This would be a big red flag to me. If you stop taking nudes and marry her, this will only be the beginning. Anything you try to do from there on out will be subject to her "approval". Like many posted above, there are many options to help her become more comfortable with the idea of you taking nudes. Hopefully this is just a little insecurity and you can work with her through it by taking her with you. Maybe let her push the shutter on some nude males that you are taking? One this is for sure, you need to sort this out by talking about it before you tie that knot.


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## weepete (Feb 22, 2013)

Well it's a difficult one, and I sympathise. And your not likley to get a satisfactory answer on an internet forum I think.

Either way I recon you need to have a (or more probably several) conversations on the matter. I don't think its mereley as simple as choosing either one or the other though that is the simple option.

In my view either she's never been ok with it (but wanted you to think she was) and thought she'd get over it or thought she'd be able to change you. She was ok with it, but something has changed during your relationship and that's no longer the case (Sometimes peopled view can change over time) or it was something she could accept with a boyfriend but not with a husband. You are the one who knows your partner best and ultimatley only you can make the call as to what is going to be right for you. 

If you are going to talk about it be reasonable, try to understand her concerns and reassure her, this may involve you letting some things go, but with a calm and level head there is no reason why it should degenerate into a shouting match or a big barney. If this is not something you think you can resolve by yourself then perhaps a few sessions with a good couples counsellor might be the way to go.

I used to do a few nudes in paint, pastel and charcoal (a long time ago!), luckily my missus was understanding (did have her concerns mind you) and after a few convos realised that it was all about the form of the model, and there was virtually no difference between me painting a nude or a landscape. However there will allways be people who have a problem with nudes, for whatever reason.

Either way, good luck mate


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## tirediron (Feb 22, 2013)

gsgary said:


> Dump her if she is not happy withit


Hey Gary...  How did you make out in the 2012 Humanitarian of the Year Awards anyway?


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## nola.ron (Feb 22, 2013)

IF your side of the story is true and she really has known you do this for the whole time then you have a real problem here, period.  This is a huge red flag and as others have said, it is most likely just the tip of the iceberg.  

Let me give you my experience - my GF and I will have our 2 year anniversary this June.  We were together about 10 or 11 months and we were going to get married.  I went and bought a ring but did not propose yet.  I was waiting to speak with her father, trying to get a photographer and other things needed for the grand proposal I was planning.  THEN it all started.  She knew I played video games (I'm a 10 year IT pro) and knew that I love cars and have expensive taste and a very expensive modding habbit on them.

Once she knew I was going to propose, it all hit the fan.  Every single day of my life I heard "You love your car more than me, you spend more time with the car than me, you spend more money on the car, you play too many video games, you are on the computer too much".  ALL of these things were never a problem before she knew I was about to pop the question.  It ended up exploding very quickly and getting even deeper.  That was in January of 2012.  We are still not married and I returned the ring.  I bought a new car, one that I compromised on to save some money and please her... bought a 4 door instead of a 2 door, per her saying "buying a 2 door is childish" when 1) she has a 4 door and 2) I have NO problems getting a baby seat out of the back of a 2 door car if I would ever need to do so.  That fight almost ended our relationship.  Then I get the car and she obsesses over MY money that I spend on it, when yet I have thousands in the bank and continued putting hundreds every month into my savings, even after paying for our adventures/dates/dinners/etc AND paid for my hobbies... that was still unacceptable.

Fast forward past 2012 and she has learned that I am not going to just do as she says out of fear of a fight withh er.  She has learned that I am not going to back down just because she says there is a problem when there's really not.  She has also learned that I can have my hobbies, provide for us, and do my thing without effecting our future or our relationship.  However, we are still not married and I have told her as much as recently that i have no plans on marrying her right now.  That was too much of a red flag, and a marriage is not something to gamble on going into it.  My best friend did that and he has lost everything he has ever loved because his wife (my cousin), has stripped it all from him just like my GF tried to do with me.  

TLDR:  There's a better match there and this is a huge red flag.  Marriage doesn't mean giving up everything you ever loved... it only means that if you marry the wrong one.  Postpone the wedding and get this worked out, because the odds are good that more "problems" like this are right around the corner.


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## mishele (Feb 22, 2013)

_Even if you think you could be ok right now w/ giving nudes up, really think about it. Because, when it's a year from now or maybe 5 and you start to _resent your wife for the changes you made...it's too late. It's going to fester for about 10 more years till one morning you wake up and  you can't stand the person you're laying next to. :lmao:
But, I'm sure that won't happen to you. You'll have the fairytale and live happily ever after. lol


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## TimGreyPhotography (Feb 22, 2013)

Sometimes certian women like a man they think they can "fix". You need to make sure that she is not one of those women before you get married.


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## mishele (Feb 22, 2013)

All men can be fixed....lol


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## runnah (Feb 22, 2013)

mishele said:


> All men can be fixed....lol



Trained, never fixed.


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## mishele (Feb 22, 2013)

runnah said:


> mishele said:
> 
> 
> > All men can be fixed....lol
> ...


You are correct, Sir. Trained is a much better word.


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## runnah (Feb 22, 2013)

mishele said:


> You are correct, Sir. Trained is a much better word.



But that doesn't mean occasionally the ladies don't need to be taught a lesson...


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## manaheim (Feb 22, 2013)

You don't need advice from a photography forum, you need advice from a marriage counselor.

Something you've done for 8 years and she's just calling out that it's an issue three weeks before you get married?

Yeah.

Strap yourself in, buddy.  It's going to be one hell of a ride.


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## Mully (Feb 22, 2013)

The Dr fixed me!


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## mishele (Feb 22, 2013)

Mully said:


> The Dr fixed me!


It was a woman Dr., wasn't it?!


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## manaheim (Feb 22, 2013)

I know it's horrible, but I'd seriously be running for the hills if I was the OP.


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## IByte (Feb 22, 2013)

BrettN said:


> So I have been shooting nude art photography for 8 years, my soon to be wife is uncomfortable with it. I am not a cheating ass and I shoot for fine art. Any ideas to get her to not be uncomfortable?
> 
> let me preface this,
> 
> So we have been together a year, we are getting married in 3 weeks, she was fully aware of my work, and I have invited her to shoots, tried to shoot her, so I am at a loss. I have shot male and female nudes. Its a big part of my fine art photography. I was shooting nudes while we were dating as well. At that time she told she likes that I see the beauty of the body and now she is uncomfortable with it. She does have self esteem and body issues. I don't shoot pro skinny models either, most of them are new models getting a portfolio together and are average.



I'm sorry you've been shooting for 8 years and she's having an s$&& fit?  Maybe sit and have a little talk, I'm sure she's reasonable.

I had to comprise with my wife.  I gave up my hunting rights, but I can photograph regardless of the genre.  Good luck and Congrads .

PS.  I hate to sound like D, but stand your ground.  Let her know that you are going to wgat you like to do period.  If you back down, then shes going for total control.

She needs to realize it's not a swingers club, but a legitimate hobby/ business. 

 Maybe have her talk with a few clients with their spouse/love.  If their SPOUSE is ok with it, then hopefully she will calm a bit.


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## mishele (Feb 22, 2013)

Let's be honest...he's never going to call off this wedding w/ it only 3 weeks away. He's in for the long haul.


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## manaheim (Feb 22, 2013)

She better be a lovely _lovely_ woman...


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## weepete (Feb 22, 2013)

Well for me, yes but my mrs might argue that she's no fixed me yet!


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## IByte (Feb 22, 2013)

o hey tyler said:


> She knew you did this as a profession and fine art for the last year. I don't see why she couldn't deal with it when you're married. Seems silly to me if she had a year to think about this.



It's all about the control son.


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## Mully (Feb 22, 2013)

mishele said:


> Mully said:
> 
> 
> > The Dr fixed me!
> ...



No it was man but a women would have made it more interesting!


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## runnah (Feb 22, 2013)

Maybe she is really funny?


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## IByte (Feb 22, 2013)

mishele said:


> All men can be fixed....lol



My wife still trying to ...fix me.


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## weepete (Feb 22, 2013)

mishele said:


> Let's be honest...he's never going to call off this wedding w/ it only 3 weeks away. He's in for the long haul.



A lad tried that with one of my partners mates. She called it off. We were all in GB, she was in oz where her wedding was to take place. Respect to the gal. We had a nice holiday anyway


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## ratssass (Feb 22, 2013)

....maybe she should be out in the kitchen makin' sammich's instead of bothering you while your working!!


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## nola.ron (Feb 22, 2013)

mishele said:


> Let's be honest...he's never going to call off this wedding w/ it only 3 weeks away. He's in for the long haul.



Probably true.  6-12 months from now the poor OP will be selling all of his gear to fund a walk-in closet or something.


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## mishele (Feb 22, 2013)

nola.ron said:


> mishele said:
> 
> 
> > Let's be honest...he's never going to call off this wedding w/ it only 3 weeks away. He's in for the long haul.
> ...


What's he shoot w/? Maybe we should encouraging him to get married.


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## manaheim (Feb 22, 2013)

ratssass said:


> ....maybe she should be out in the kitchen makin' sammich's instead of bothering you while your working!!



 wow.

"Hey honey, cut yer bitchass whinin.  I gotta shoot me some hotties nekkid.  Now get me a sammich." >whacks ass<

_*DISCLAIMER*: The preceding sentence was typed for humor value only.  The Rabbit does not propose nor endorse the use of this kind of language or behavior with a spouse or potential spouse at any time or for any reason.  Please sass responsibly._


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## IByte (Feb 22, 2013)

mishele said:


> What's he shoot w/? Maybe we should encouraging him to get married.



Nothing with marriage lil one, it's the bait & switch, control freak attitude which is the issue from both male and female.


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## mishele (Feb 22, 2013)

IByte said:


> mishele said:
> 
> 
> > What's he shoot w/? Maybe we should encouraging him to get married.
> ...


I wanted to buy his gear when she makes him sell it...


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## MuddyRiver (Feb 22, 2013)

As I woman, I would also have a problem with my hubby shooting nude females (and I also wouldn't care to marry a doctor, for that matter ). My husband and I dated seven years before getting married and he knew about my 'jealous tendencies' from the start and it's something that we both have worked on. They have never been a problem, because we know how to work together. But there will always be things I am not ok with- him working with naked girls is one if them... Art, profession, any reason.

 No one is perfect. You will never find the perfect person, but you can find someone perfect for you. She may not be it. If you not willing to change your art form up a bit for her, and she's not willing to try to be a bit more understanding of your work, maybe it's time to move on.

I didn't read all of the replies, so you may have remedied the problem already but this is just my two cents. Good luck!


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## IByte (Feb 22, 2013)

mishele said:


> I wanted to buy his gear when she makes him sell it...



LMAO!!  Almost fell out my chair babe. He's going to have to pay for his honeymoon somehow. But in all seriousness it's really like telling a bodybuilder "no more being a gym rat".


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## mishele (Feb 22, 2013)

Did I miss something? Why wouldn't you marry a Dr.?


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## IByte (Feb 22, 2013)

mishele said:


> Did I miss something? Why wouldn't you marry a Dr.?



Not me, bringing that fungus home...


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## manaheim (Feb 22, 2013)

MuddyRiver said:


> As I woman, I would also have a problem with my hubby shooting nude females (and I also wouldn't care to marry a doctor, for that matter ). My husband and I dated seven years before getting married and he knew about my 'jealous tendencies' from the start and it's something that we both have worked on. They have never been a problem, because we know how to work together. But there will always be things I am not ok with- him working with naked girls is one if them... Art, profession, any reason.
> 
> No one is perfect. You will never find the perfect person, but you can find someone perfect for you. She may not be it. If you not willing to change your art form up a bit for her, and she's not willing to try to be a bit more understanding of your work, maybe it's time to move on.
> 
> I didn't read all of the replies, so you may have remedied the problem already but this is just my two cents. Good luck!



That was... very maturely put.

Where's the "kinda surprised, was expecting a train wreck, now need to applaud" emoticon?

:albino: oh my god there's a ****ing bunny icon.  That's it.  I'm done.


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## CaptainNapalm (Feb 23, 2013)

I don't want to sound harsh but I think it's her that should make the adjustment and learn to deal with her feelings and you continue doing what you've been doing for years. It would be different if she opposed to this when she met you giving you a chance to decide what to do then but to support you up until now and three weeks befor the wedding being not okay with it is just NOT cool. I'd let her get over it but that's just me.


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## gsgary (Feb 23, 2013)

tirediron said:


> gsgary said:
> 
> 
> > Dump her if she is not happy withit
> ...




Came last


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## gsgary (Feb 23, 2013)

mishele said:


> Let's be honest...he's never going to call off this wedding w/ it only 3 weeks away. He's in for the long haul.



I would say he is in for hell she is telling him what he can and cant do


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## runnah (Feb 23, 2013)

I can think of anything to say that wont make me sound like a chauvinist.


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## imagemaker46 (Feb 23, 2013)

If it is your profession, and she knows what you do for a living and she has a problem with it now, she will always have a problem with it.  Some wives or girlfriends understand the business and will always support you, through thick and thin, it is in their nature to trust you.  Some will never understand, and it is their nature to not trust, unless you give them reason not to.  A relationship based on suspicion is doomed from day one.  It seems your future wife falls into the world of suspicion.  

You have to make a choice, you want to be a photographer without restriction on what you can shoot, or, you shoot what she wants you to shoot. 

My gut feeling, you'll hand her your balls.


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## runnah (Feb 23, 2013)

imagemaker46 said:


> My gut feeling, you'll hand her your balls.



If it has gotten this far, he already has.

But you're right. My wife will support me no matter what. More so if it is my profession or passion. Even if I came home tomorrow and said I wanted to quit my job and be a trapeze artist, she be with me. Of course she might point out that is dislike heights, being inverted and tights, but she'd still support me.

The OP has a dented can.


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## IByte (Feb 23, 2013)

runnah said:


> I can think of anything to say that wont make me sound like a chauvinist.



No worries I did that for ya lol.


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## imagemaker46 (Feb 23, 2013)

My wife has supported me for 32 years, and it hasn't been easy for her, but she also knew from day one what I did.  Over the years the job has changed from rags to ritches and back again, on and off.  I've been a dickhead more times than I can remember, but she has always supported the path I chose.  I shot a strippers portfolio a few years back and she wanted to see the pictures, she likes to see everything I shoot, and be part of my profession, not oppose it.  I know that I am lucky in many ways, and tell her that. 

We share my balls...


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## mishele (Feb 23, 2013)

imagemaker46 said:


> We share my balls...


That is soo sweet.


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## table1349 (Feb 23, 2013)

Have your bride to be watch this.  If she laughs you have a chance.  If not you have a long road ahead of you.  FYI.  *Not Safe For Work!*


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## Parker219 (Feb 23, 2013)

I think you should post a link to your pics, so we can judge if they are classy enough for her to be cool with it.


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## TCampbell (Feb 23, 2013)

Here's the solution:  Tell her you're gay and that all those naked women mean *NOTHING* to you!

I'm sure that'll put her fears to rest about you shooting nude women.   :mrgreen:



On a more serious note... 

Is this seriously *just* coming up for the first time 3 weeks before the wedding?  You've never had any indication that she's been uncomfortable with this before now?  My concerns about this is that it's an indication of trust levels which are certainly not healthy for someone who plans on getting married.  Have you either made comments or behaved in a way that should cause her to doubt that shooting nudes is anything more than a line of work?

Basically what I'm reading is someone wants to get married to someone that they don't entirely trust...  and that, for some reason, they seem to be under the impression that if you change your line of work, you'd be more trustworthy.  But here's the reality... there are plenty of cheating men who do NOT shoot nudes for a living.  Not shooting nudes is NOT going to make a cheating man honest.  If she doesn't trust you, then she shouldn't marry you -- whether you shoot nudes has nothing to do with it.


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## Josh66 (Feb 23, 2013)

o hey tyler said:


> She knew you did this as a profession and fine art for the last year. I don't see why she couldn't deal with it when you're married. Seems silly to me if she had a year to think about this.



Some girls get kind of crazy when they get a ring on their finger.  Not really sure why, but something happens to them, lol.

I don't understand it, but I have seen it happen a lot.  Something just changes when they get that ring...


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## mishele (Feb 24, 2013)

Probably has less to do w/ her believing he's going to cheat and more to do w/ her insecurities w/ her own body.


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## nola.ron (Feb 24, 2013)

mishele said:


> Probably has less to do w/ her believing he's going to cheat and more to do w/ her insecurities w/ her own body.



And/or control.  Could also be realizing how great that scrotum purse would look with her outfits!


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## imagemaker46 (Feb 24, 2013)

Bottom line here is that he came to a photo forum for martial advice. This should sound some alarm bells in his life.  Is he going to print everything out and let her read all the comments, I doubt it. The last thing she would want to read is comments from a bunch of strangers giving him advice on how to deal with his future wife.  I'd get rid of all the sharp objects in the house and sleep with one eye open face down if she knew he was asking for this kind of help.


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## mishele (Feb 24, 2013)

You don't have to worry about all that. He'll hang himself after he reads this.


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## ratssass (Feb 24, 2013)

I like turtles.........


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## nola.ron (Feb 24, 2013)

mishele said:


> You don't have to worry about all that. He'll hang himself after he reads this.



My guess is that he has read most of this, dismissed all these valid/logical opinions and pieces of advice/experience and dismissed us all as a bunch of internet crazies... because he is getting married to the love of his life and a fairytell story is about to start.  I bet he has also started to believe that nude photography is not allowed in marriage and that all professional photographers that do this are single.


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## gsgary (Feb 24, 2013)

runnah said:


> I can think of anything to say that wont make me sound like a chauvinist.




Go for it


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## vintagesnaps (Feb 24, 2013)

I think perspective changes; what someone might find acceptable as a boyfriend/girlfriend may not be so acceptable for a husband/wife. Is this something that's really important to you (it seems like it is) or is it something that you're able to compromise on? if she's not comfortable with it now, will she be once you're married?

I think at this point you'd need to consider not just the upcoming wedding, but the marriage - you're talking about the rest of your lives together. No matter the difficulty and even if it would mean cancellations, etc., it might be better if you make the decision now whether or not to stay together and go forward with the wedding or not. 

It's up to you to make the decision, and if it doesn't work out it might be one of those situations that down the road you might realize why it was just as well... You might be looking for someone who will love and accept you for who you are, and who you'd love & accept for who she is. 

And if you have to ask on a message board that ought to be telling you something (maybe that you wanted some objective opinions besides those of friends/family??) It sounds like you have doubts and I wish you well however it works out.


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## bunny99123 (Feb 24, 2013)

mishele said:


> Let's be honest...he's never going to call off this wedding w/ it only 3 weeks away. He's in for the long haul.



I agree!  Maybe she is getting cold feet, and throwing a fit, to get him to call it off..."This is my husband saying, "better to be wrong and be happy, then be right and be unhappy...lol"  I am lucky my marriage doesn't have restraints.  He is who he is, and I am whom I am.  You need to find someone that accepts you for who you are...that doesn't mean someone can get away with bad behavior.  Try to compromise...she can be there when you take nude pics, and you cut down on shooting them...


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## manaheim (Feb 24, 2013)

ratssass said:


> I like turtles.........



I like monkeys!


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## mishele (Feb 24, 2013)

I like..........oh never mind.


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## TCampbell (Feb 24, 2013)

Actually... you can often get better advice from a complete stranger than a close friend.  A complete stranger isn't trying to protect anybody's feelings.  Often they'll just tell it like they see it.


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## Overread (Feb 24, 2013)

Guys this thread has gone well thus far, lets not degrade ourselves into slinging insults at people and the like - lets remain mature.



O|||||||O said:


> o hey tyler said:
> 
> 
> > She knew you did this as a profession and fine art for the last year. I don't see why she couldn't deal with it when you're married. Seems silly to me if she had a year to think about this.
> ...



I put it down to expectations and escape.
Firstly marriage is one of those big things in life that people build up toward, especially women (who socially and culturally) are often "told" that marriage is their goal and aim in life (as well as a few other things). Granted in this day and age in teh western world this message is not as strong as it was in the past, but it is somewhat still present in society in general. So this big event is built up and a lot of preconceptions as to what it should be like "When your married" are put in place - this can mean that people suddenly snapfire change once they enter this state as they are acting how they've been brought up (and this might be subconscious influences).


The escape factor is getting out of a relationship - when you're dating there is no social stigma, legal barriers or much trouble in dumping someone. You can do it for whatever reason you want and get out of a relationship. Marriage puts up big barriers and whilst society is generally more accepting of divorce it still carries with it some stigma and the legal aspects carry with them both a lengthening of the process, an increase in complexity and also a cost. When you dump your dating partner you don't suddenly have half your bank account up for being taken away along with other things. 


So it does change things and I can understand how this change can affect some people more drastically than others.


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## imagemaker46 (Feb 24, 2013)

I think it's time to shut this one down. There is little else that can be said, other than good luck and prenup.


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## mishele (Feb 24, 2013)

Don't shut it!!! Give the guy a chance to come back!!

(yes, I know he hasn't been back in 2 days)


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## IByte (Feb 24, 2013)

mishele said:


> Don't shut it!!! Give the guy a chance to come back!!
> 
> (yes, I know he hasn't been back in 2 days)



You just want him back for his lenses Mishy


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## imagemaker46 (Feb 24, 2013)

Perhaps he showed his future Mrs ex wife the thread.


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## ghache (Feb 25, 2013)

im still waiting for a portfolio link..


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## NancyMoranG (Feb 25, 2013)

It could be the frazzled days and details of your whole wedding coming together AND some her friends saying...'he's going to keep shooting nudes..."
could be her friends pressuring her, only he can know if she's really supportive normally.
my husband used to take a 3 week vacation fishing, and my friends thought I was nuts, and I got a lot of comments with 'what's he really doing...'
but, as others have said, she knew you did this before...
Nancy


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## runnah (Feb 25, 2013)

wimmin be all crazy


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## pgriz (Feb 25, 2013)

Wondering what kind of advice he'd be getting if he posted the same question on "talkaboutmarriage.com" or "loveadviceforum.com"?  We're getting only one side of the story, and one person's perception of what's going on may be very skewed.  I don't think "we" can meaningfully comment without knowing a lot more, and I don't think this forum is really the place to do it.  I think that the OP will need to have a thorough discussion with his partner of the concerns (on both sides), and determine whether there is enough common ground and willingness to make things work to negotiate an acceptable compromise.  Successful marriages are about teamwork, sharing, respect, support, trust, and communication.  Having a bed-rock of shared values and attitudes gives a couple a strong foundation on which to build.  Without that base, little irritations fester into resentments and worse.  We all have a voyeuristic streak (well, some will admit, others will deny, but we all do have it) about other people's relationships.  But the resolution to the OP's post is between him and his partner.


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## imagemaker46 (Feb 25, 2013)

Photographer shooting nudes for 8 years, meets woman 1 year ago, getting married in 2 weeks now. Woman is ok with nudes at first, woman has self esteem issues, woman doesn't like the idea of nudes anymore, photographer doesn't know what to do, resents being told not to do nudes anymore, contacts forum, gets married anyways.  Starts to resent the idea that new wife dictated to him what he can shoot, fine art nudes gone, fine art flowers in.  Photographer gets caught sneaking around shooting nudes again, wife with self esteem issues throws cameras off bridge, husband throws wife off bridge and jumps.  Such a tragic ending.  

Like ghache has mentioned, where's the link to the fine art?


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## runnah (Feb 25, 2013)

Nothing worse than a woman with body issues. That will never go away.

Nothing better than a woman with daddy issues and a quart of Patron in her belly, but that is a different story.


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## pgriz (Feb 25, 2013)

imagemaker46 said:


> Photographer shooting nudes for 8 years, meets woman 1 year ago, getting married in 2 weeks now. Woman is ok with nudes at first, woman has self esteem issues, woman doesn't like the idea of nudes anymore, photographer doesn't know what to do, resents being told not to do nudes anymore, contacts forum, gets married anyways.  Starts to resent the idea that new wife dictated to him what he can shoot, fine art nudes gone, fine art flowers in.  Photographer gets caught sneaking around shooting nudes again, wife with self esteem issues throws cameras off bridge, husband throws wife off bridge and jumps.  Such a tragic ending.
> 
> Like ghache has mentioned, where's the link to the fine art?



That there is a movie script, just waiting to be picked up.  It works for the guys who love their toys, it works for the gals who aren't too sure of their partners, it works for the art noire crowd, it works for the moralistic crowd...  Throw in a car chase or two (wife driving to bridge, husband trying to stop her), and we got a blockbuster.  Imagemaker, got an agent yet?


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## kathyt (Feb 25, 2013)

Run....don't walk.


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## gsgary (Feb 25, 2013)

I'm glad i don't have this problem, my partner told me to do a shoot for the barmaid in the pub we drink at , partner loves sex, drink real ale, and sometimes picks me up from the pub wheni have had too many


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## bunny99123 (Feb 25, 2013)

imagemaker46 said:


> Photographer shooting nudes for 8 years, meets woman 1 year ago, getting married in 2 weeks now. Woman is ok with nudes at first, woman has self esteem issues, woman doesn't like the idea of nudes anymore, photographer doesn't know what to do, resents being told not to do nudes anymore, contacts forum, gets married anyways.  Starts to resent the idea that new wife dictated to him what he can shoot, fine art nudes gone, fine art flowers in.  Photographer gets caught sneaking around shooting nudes again, wife with self esteem issues throws cameras off bridge, husband throws wife off bridge and jumps.  Such a tragic ending.
> 
> Like ghache has mentioned, where's the link to the fine art?



I followed it until throwing woman and himself off the bridge. 

My part of the country...she pawns his camera and gear, and he cries like a baby. He says, I am never going to see you again followed by a lot of choice words. The next week you see them holding hands in WalMart. Cycle continues.....


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## ratssass (Feb 25, 2013)

....quite possibly he's a workaholic and she's growing tired of him bringing his work home


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## BrettN (Feb 26, 2013)

mishele said:


> Probably has less to do w/ her believing he's going to cheat and more to do w/ her insecurities w/ her own body.



What's interesting you really hit most of our conversations have been about. She does have insecurities, she says she knows I will never cheat on her. That is mainly, I know I won't because i have been cheated on and know how much it hurts. But she does have body issues.

Here are examples of my work.


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## runnah (Feb 26, 2013)

BrettN said:


> mishele said:
> 
> 
> > Probably has less to do w/ her believing he's going to cheat and more to do w/ her insecurities w/ her own body.
> ...




Have you offered to shoot her? Maybe Taking a few photos highlighting her best features will make her more open.


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## BrettN (Feb 26, 2013)

Yes I have offered to shoot her, but she keeps giving me excuses like, let me lose some weight


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## pixmedic (Feb 26, 2013)

I suggest some pre-marriage counseling.


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## 12sndsgood (Feb 26, 2013)

man married after 1 year. at the one year point most people havn't even let there real self out.


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## 12sndsgood (Feb 26, 2013)

BrettN said:


> Yes I have offered to shoot her, but she keeps giving me excuses like, let me lose some weight


 any girl that has said that line never ends up doing photos because they always feel they have more to lose. or they always feel that there not good enough.   I don't see how shooting her will make her feel better about things honestly. I
d say you need to slow things down and really get to know each other before you tie the knot.


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## mishele (Feb 26, 2013)

BrettN said:


> mishele said:
> 
> 
> > Probably has less to do w/ her believing he's going to cheat and more to do w/ her insecurities w/ her own body.
> ...


Hey Brett, glad you made it back! We were worried about you! 
What woman doesn't have insecurities about her body. 
Body issues are deep rooted! This will be a long lasting issue if she doesn't work on herself.


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