# weird sayings/analogies...



## JTHphoto

Does anybody else have any funny or just plain weird sayings that you find yourself saying and wondering why... colloquialisms, analogies, etc...

maybe it's just me, but i got a bunch from my dad and i really wonder where they came from because i've never heard anybody else say them...

like... 

He couldn't "hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle"...
That fish is "slippery as snot"...
It's raining like "pouring pi$$ out of a boot"...

there are some more that i can't repeat in a public forum with young'uns around, but you get the drift... I mean seriously, who says this stuff... 

And people look at me funny because i call the fridge an "icebox"... am i the only one? inquirying minds want to know...

BTW... i am soooo bored and i have 2 hours of work left...


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## anicole

I'm from the south ... we speak proper english all the time ...

:er: 

 



two of my favorites:

slick as a mole's a**

two ax handles and a bar of soap wide

(read:  two ax hannls anna baruh soap wide -- all said really fast!)


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## hobbes28

I often refer to metal in the shop as being "harder than a brick bat" which was on of my old boss' sayings.

I'm sure I have plenty more but Alison would have to point them out since they all sound normal to me.


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## JTHphoto

haven't heard any of those... glad i'm not the only one...  i know what you mean hobbes, i know i have tons more but i can't think of them now because they seem normal to me but sometimes my wife is like "_What??_"


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## photogoddess

Some of these are pretty darned funny coming from me considering that I've lived in So Cal my entire life. I think I'm a closet bumpkin sometimes. 

It/that's colder than a well diggers a$$. OR
It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra. OR
It's colder than penguin poop.

I've been busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest. OR
busier than a one armed paper hanger.

He's about as sharp as a pound of wet leather. OR
He's not the brightest bulb in the box. OR
He's as smart as a box of rocks.

That's as slippery (or slick) as snot.

Happy as a pig in slop. 

He's such a bad shot. He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if he was standin in it.

He/she is so ugly, they have to sneak up on a glass of water for a drink.

I'm sure Traci will come along soon to remind me of other things I say.


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## LilCujo

Although mine are not as HIlarious as those ones, these are the ones I use most...

*Not the brightest crayon in the box
*He's a couple cans short of a six pack

Ones I use like once in a blue moon for when the moment calls for them..

*He is so stupid he wouldn't know his @$$ from his elbow
*He is so confused he wouldn't know whether to wind his butt or scratch his watch.

not sure if there are anymore..most of what comes out my gab are Cujoisums.


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## JTHphoto

photogoddess said:
			
		

> Some of these are pretty darned funny coming from me considering that I've lived in So Cal my entire life. I think I'm a closet bumpkin sometimes.
> 
> *It/that's colder than a well diggers a$$*. OR
> It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra. OR
> It's colder than penguin poop.
> 
> ...
> 
> I'm sure Traci will come along soon to remind me of other things I say.


 
that's one of mine too... only it's "colder than a well-digger's @$$ in the Klondike"   and you reminded me of some others...

dumb as a stump...
he's about as sharp as a bowling ball...
he couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat...


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## JTHphoto

LilCujo said:
			
		

> Although mine are not as HIlarious as those ones, these are the ones I use most...
> 
> *Not the brightest crayon in the box
> *He's a couple cans short of a six pack
> 
> Ones I use like once in a blue moon for when the moment calls for them..
> 
> **He is so stupid he wouldn't know his @$$ from his elbow*
> *He is so confused he wouldn't know whether to wind his butt or scratch his watch.
> 
> not sure if there are anymore..most of what comes out my gab are Cujoisums.


 
in my world this is "he's so stupid he wouldn't know his @$$ from a hole in the ground"


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## LilCujo

dang I forgot about that one...there are a bunch I have heard and I'm sure I have said, but when I try to think of them my mind goes blank...I know reading these it will all come back to me...


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## Antarctican

My ex mother-in-law used to say someone was "running around like a fart in a mitt"


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## bace

Useless as tits on a bull.


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## DestinDave

1) So dumb he'd fall into a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb...
2) Slicker'n snot on a marble  -or-  slicker'n cow slobber on a butter dish
3) He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer

I'm sure I could come up with more but the Vicodins are kicking in.....


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## photogoddess

I forgot one... 

Hotter than a $2 whore on dollar day.


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## lostprophet

He is one shot short of a multiple exposure


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## Rahb

i'm gonna _______ you

(feel in ______ with whatever the person said or complained about)

i.e. (and my mother said this to me once)  Mom, I thought you made cookies...

response I'm gonna cookie you if you don't get the lawned mowed.....??????confussion from there


My favorite from wedding crashers "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"


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## Xmetal

A car that handles well... "sticks to the road like sh!t to a blanket!"

"Like a 1-legged cat tryin' ta burry a turd on a frozen lake"


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## JonathanM

This threads as much use as a chocolate teapot.


Another one of my familes ancient sayings "if brains were dynamite he wouldn't blow his own hat off"

or a really peculiar one "Do you know what thought did? Followed a muck cart & thought it was a wedding" usually used in the context of someone doing something wrong and starting their defence with the opening statement "I thought.....". No, I don't have a clue what it means either.....................


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## photogoddess

Looks like he fell out of an ugly tree and hit every ugly branch on the way down.

I feel/you look like sumthin the cat drug in after the dog buried it.


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## Hertz van Rental

'He can't do anything without falling out of a tree first' is one of my favourites.


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## tempra

'someone's hit him with the ugly stick'

'he's got a face like a bag of spanners'

'looks like he's chewing a wasp'


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## Xmetal

tempra said:
			
		

> 'someone's hit him with the ugly stick'
> 
> 'he's got a face like a bag of spanners'
> 
> 'looks like he's chewing a wasp'




"Nice body, face like a dropped pie."


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## Rob

Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch...


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## photogoddess

Butterface girl.... She looks pretty good _but her_ face. 

Butdanga butt.... But DANG that's a big butt!


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## LilCujo

photogoddess said:
			
		

> Butterface girl.... She looks pretty good _but her_ face.
> 
> Butdanga butt.... But DANG that's a big butt!


 
:lmao: 

That's kinda like the witchadidga..."you didn't bring your ___ witcha didga?"


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## photogoddess

LilCujo said:
			
		

> :lmao:
> 
> That's kinda like the witchadidga..."you didn't bring your ___ witcha didga?"



Exactly!


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## LilCujo

Thought so, I learnded that in redneck 101.


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## photogoddess

Why am I not surprised?


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