# How to avoid a flame war



## wildmaven (Nov 6, 2007)

(c)wildmaven

1. First, remember that most people think their opinion is justified and valid. You are not going to change their opinion, so don't even try. Contact a moderator. 

2. Ignore the post. I know, it's hard, but if you engage the person in a battle of wits and words, no one will ever "get the last word." Cyberspace is endless and flame wars can go on forever. There are people on the Internet, called trolls, who live for flame wars. They visit message boards and newsgroups, lurking, until they spot trouble. A "good" flame war can bring the parasites out of the woodwork, so to speak. 

3. In your everyday posts, remember that everyone has their own sensitivity levels. What you may have thought was an appropriately worded reply could have easily been misinterpreted. Read, re-read, and read again all your messages before submitting them. This is even more important when you are tired, cranky, or have a kid clinging to your arm crying for something. 

4. We all want to "make it better" but don't rush in thinking you can "fix this." In your efforts, you fan the flames, making them worse. If you act like their friend, they'll think what they're doing is okay. If you berate them, they will react like a kid who's mother just scolded them in front of all their friends. Don't get involved. With the "floating" messages, this is even more important. Don't bring the topic back to the top of the list. 

5. Redirect the board. Everyone looks at a car accident. You need to turn their attentions back to the focus of the board. Now is the time to pull all your tricks out of your sleeves. Make the board so much fun that the flamer's posts quickly fade from the thoughts of the members. Eventually, the hot post will disappear into the "next page" section and will be even more out of sight.

6. What if the person disappears, and then comes back? They may have realized what a great board this is, and want to participate after all. It's hard to welcome someone who has given the board a black eye, but if they conduct themselves properly, let them play. Do not bring up the past. They may have had some time to think about it and may be feeling pretty stupid. 

7. Do not assume that the next new member is them in disguise. It may BE them, tail tucked between their legs, but it might also be the next long term member. The best thing to do with a flame war is to ignore it, go about your business (and really work hard to make it a great place), and remain calm. 

Marian


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## Alpha (Nov 6, 2007)




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## JIP (Nov 6, 2007)

Personaly I think a good heated discussion can be alot of fun.  I enjoy an occasional flame war and I am not even a troll (as I hope you can see from my post count).


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## wildmaven (Nov 6, 2007)

JIP said:


> Personaly I think a good heated discussion can be alot of fun. I enjoy an occasional flame war and I am not even a troll (as I hope you can see from my post count).


 
Oh, I agree, don't get me wrong. I participate in a very heated debate board and it's loads of fun. But there is a line between a debate and a personal attack, which does no one any good. 

Marian


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## Alpha (Nov 6, 2007)

wildmaven said:


> Oh, I agree, don't get me wrong. I participate in a very heated debate board and it's loads of fun. But there is a line between a debate and a personal attack, which does no one any good.
> 
> Marian



I was really tempted to respond to this with a personal attack. But that would have been too obvious.


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## wildmaven (Nov 6, 2007)

MaxBloom said:


> I was really tempted to respond to this with a personal attack. But that would have been too obvious.


 
Hahahahha...and you're much too subtle for that... :mrgreen:


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## Chas (Nov 6, 2007)

I like your philosophy Max and I always enjoy reading your opinions, agree or not agree. And you have the decency to warn everyone about it in your sig line - which is more than I do. 

One person's flame is another person's mild riposte. 

I've never really understood the need for heavy censoring of threads or suppression of "flame" wars. If you don't like the way a thread is going, just IGNORE the blasted thing but leave it open for others who are enjoying the argument.  Look, I find about 98% of what's on TV highly offensive to my taste and insulting to my intelligence, but I don't force myself to watch it.  

And besides, there's nothing like the smell of a good flame battle, first thing in the morning.


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## Icon72 (Nov 6, 2007)

Debates are great. It's when things shrivel into name calling and empty personal attacks that it gets pretty foolish.


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## Sweetsomedays (Nov 6, 2007)

Flame long and prosper.


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## kundalini (Nov 6, 2007)

MaxBloom said:


>


:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

Reminds me of a time I got fired from a job as a manager for not removing Gumby flogging Pokey.  We had a lot of laughs with those two.  We'd put the little bendy figures in all sorts of places and positions with little word bubbles and hand-made accessories.  Only when I left on a two week vacation with Pokey laying on his back, legs sprawled out and Gumby with a rolled up piece of paper standing over him, the management couldn't see the humor.  I was given a two week notice.  It could've been for something else, I guess.


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## Alpha (Nov 6, 2007)

All I have to say is that I will forever remember Cindy's, "If you ever booked a $6000 wedding, I'll eat your wannabe shorts." I was rolling.


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## Heck (Nov 6, 2007)

A good flame keeps me warm


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## Chas (Nov 6, 2007)

Icon72 said:


> Debates are great. It's when things shrivel into name calling and empty personal attacks that it gets pretty foolish.


This is true. But when it descends to that it usually makes me laugh, because almost always the person doing the haranguing doesn't really know the first thing about the person being harangued and it's just silly bluster. I mean, you have to actually know someone fairly well to make it stick ....

That's why _foolish_ is indeed the right word to use here - personal shots usually say much more about the shooter than the target.

Peace ..... :hug::


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## Mike Jordan (Nov 6, 2007)

MaxBloom said:


> All I have to say is that I will forever remember Cindy's, "If you ever booked a $6000 wedding, I'll eat your wannabe shorts." I was rolling.



 I was almost tempted to send them to her and tell her what I have made on a single image... but I figured she was already fighting indigestion.  


Mike


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## raider (Nov 8, 2007)

i guess you can get the last word if you tell the mod to lock the thread...

and after working as a paramedic - i don't look at car accidents


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