# My wife says I stole her passion



## Kbarredo (Jun 1, 2011)

So my wife was into photography before I was.i really wasn't interested. She mostly shot as point and shoot had no idea what aperture and shutter speed was. But she still liked photographing. One day I decided to pick up the dslr we bought and read the full manual and took test shots. One thing lead to another and I started liking it. Then I read some stuff and watched some youtube vids and got much better. One day I asked why my wife stopped taking pics. She said because I took her dream job away and was copying her. I've kinda lost some moral here. What do you guys think about this. I honestly feel like crap but everytime i try to teach get she forgets or she refuses to read anything. I don't know I'm facing a mental wall right now. I'm feeling guilty for trying to get an apprenticeship.


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## Crystal (Jun 1, 2011)

What about all the husband & wife photography businesses out there - that could one day be possible for you? Don't feel bad about chasing what you want, just make sure that you encourage your wife.... And maybe get someone else to teach her things -instead of you. Good luck with it!


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## Joshonator (Jun 1, 2011)

Buy her a dslr?


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## MissCream (Jun 1, 2011)

Honestly, not to be mean but she's acting like a child. I would be ecstatic if my husband showed any interest in photography!


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## Kbarredo (Jun 1, 2011)

Joshonator said:


> Buy her a dslr?


 I did our only dslr was an anniversary present. Then she started to lose interest in learning and just kept point and shooting. I figured that i should at least get the most out of the d5000 and learn to use the full potential of the camera.


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## Jarmo (Jun 1, 2011)

MissCream said:


> Honestly, not to be mean but she's acting like a child. I would be ecstatic if my husband showed any interest in photography!


 I don't know the full story,  but this is indeed what it sounds like. I don't think you did anything wrong OP.


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## fokker (Jun 1, 2011)

Yeah, maybe talk to a marriage counsellor instead of a bunch of internet photographers


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## manaheim (Jun 1, 2011)

fokker said:


> Yeah, maybe talk to a marriage counsellor instead of a bunch of internet photographers



Maybe not literally, but the point is still good.  Keep in mind you're talking to a bunch of nameless faceless people on the web.

That said, sounds like a defensive reaction to me.  Sounded like it was more than she was willing to (or able to) handle before you took it on, and now you've taken it on, so she's redirecting her problems and blaming you for them.  (and yes that's a total armchair psycho-analysis, so seriously... consider the source here... I'm not a therapist)

Were I you I think I'd try talk it through with her, and if that doesn't work, I'd try to downplay what I was doing with photography a bit.  That may be hard where it's your wife, though... in which case, depending upon severity, you may need to drop it altogether in the interest of marital stability.  I'm not suggesting it's a good or healthy thing, but it sounds like you're being a bit more introspective over the whole thing than she is... and often in those cases, the more rational person tends to have to make the sacrafice.


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## ngaerlan (Jun 1, 2011)

So many couples out there strugle with something in common with eachother, as people grow old commonality seems to go aways, so let your wife know that it's good to have something in common, and say sorry to her for "stealing her dream" eventhough you did nothing wrong but took an interest to her interest. 

Nino Gaerlan Photography


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## Gaerek (Jun 1, 2011)

fokker said:
			
		

> Yeah, maybe talk to a marriage counsellor instead of a bunch of internet photographers



I'm going to have to second this. It seems to me that there's more going on than that. I would be thrilled if my wife showed interest in photography. She actually has a great eye (better than me) but has no interest in learning.

In the end, you're asking a bunch of random photographers on the Internet about relationship advice. It's not really photography related. Even if counseling isn't needed, sit down with her and have a talk about it. Part of the problem just might be you're the one with the camera now, and she wishes she could use it more. Really though, sit down and talk to her. Find out why she feels the way she feels and find out if there's anything you can do to get her excited about photography.


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## Village Idiot (Jun 1, 2011)

Tell her to get in the kitchen and make you a sandwich.


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## Village Idiot (Jun 1, 2011)

manaheim said:


> fokker said:
> 
> 
> > Yeah, maybe talk to a marriage counsellor instead of a bunch of internet photographers
> ...



What, I didn't make a valid suggestion?


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## SnapGeek (Jun 1, 2011)

Wow...


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## jake337 (Jun 1, 2011)

Village Idiot said:


> Tell her to get in the kitchen and make you a sandwich.


 
Peter Griffin "less talky, more fetchy.."

But seriously. She's most likely upset because all her friends would tell her how much they like her photos. Now they're telling her how much they like yours. Everytime you go out, just give her the camera. You can learn and become better at home. Maybe pick up macro. You take pictures of the bugs and she can take pics of the kids. Fair?

Another option may be a micro 4/3rd type system for her. You said she likes to use the equipment as a p&s, so you may as well get her a very, very nice p&s for a gift. Maybe a Nex camera with nikon mount adaptors so you can share lens when she's ready to learn more.


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## sanderso (Jun 1, 2011)

As was said earlier:  get her her own camera.


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## Carny (Jun 1, 2011)

By "stealing her passion" does she simply mean you took the fun out of it?  I have a tendency to do the same with my wife.  I've been encouraging her to be interested in photography and play around with my camera a bit but I am careful not to bore her with a bunch of tech stuff.  If she feels like it is a high tech complicated thing to take pictures, she won't do it.  Instead, I just offer help if she asks or tell her adjustments she can make to get the results she wants, again being careful not to be critical and grade every shot.  If I started talking about exposure, f stops, iso, etc, her eyes glaze over in two seconds.  I'm a bit of a techno geek so I want to understand the mechanics behind everything.  I don't know if this applies to you, but it may be something to think about.  

Of course, maybe you are getting better than her and she is a bit jealous.  The family photographer was her role and maybe she feels like you are taking that from her.  Or, there could be some other underlying cause and this is just an outlet for her to express her feelings.  One thing you can be sure of though, is that being a woman there is a very good chance that even SHE doesn't know what's wrong, lol.

Joking aside, marriage counseling is not a sign of failure.  It shows that you care enough about your marriage to put some effort into it and make it work.

I'm not suggesting you need counseling for this, but it's not a bad idea for any couple.


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## subscuck (Jun 1, 2011)

This drama-drivel really belongs in Off Topic, not Beginner's.


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## Village Idiot (Jun 1, 2011)

subscuck said:


> This drama-drivel really belongs in Off Topic, not The Dumping Ground.



FTFY.


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## manaheim (Jun 1, 2011)

Village Idiot said:


> Tell her to get in the kitchen and make you a sandwich.


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## Derrel (Jun 1, 2011)

MissCream said:


> Honestly, not to be mean but she's acting like a child. I would be ecstatic if my husband showed any interest in photography!



Indeed, a very child-like point of view is being displayed by your wife. That is the way siblings are forced to "divide up" and slide into prescribed roles within a family. Sally plays the violin; Mary plays the flute; Michael plays drums;Anthony sings. Her attitude that **you** stole her passion because she was involved with photography **first** is a child-like way of looking at life. Seriously.


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## ghache (Jun 1, 2011)

Are you ****in kidding me. The other day you start up a thread about you being jealous of you friend for starting up a photography business. Now your wife says you stole her passion...WTF? You guys surely fits well together, you guys have issues.....why dont you stop posting your childish drama here. we dont give a damn about it, 

This is a photography forum, post some pictures or valuable information or skip the create a thread button. In real life, i try to stay away from people like you.


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## gsgary (Jun 1, 2011)

I think she is being very petty, tell her to get a life or another camera so you can go out together


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## Aye-non Oh-non Imus (Jun 1, 2011)

It's the Onion theory.  You'll have to peel back several layers to get to the truth.  It has nothing to do with a camera,


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## Kbarredo (Jun 1, 2011)

ghache said:


> Are you ****in kidding me. The other day you start up a thread about you being jealous of you friend for starting up a photography business. Now your wife says you stole her passion...WTF? You guys surely fits well together, you guys have issues.....why dont you stop posting your childish drama here. we dont give a damn about it,
> 
> This is a photography forum, post some pictures or valuable information or skip the create a thread button. In real life, i try to stay away from people like you.


 
Difference is my friend isn't better than me. but on the internet you go out of your way to engage with people like me.funny how that works.


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## ghache (Jun 1, 2011)

Kbarredo said:


> ghache said:
> 
> 
> > Are you ****in kidding me. The other day you start up a thread about you being jealous of you friend for starting up a photography business. Now your wife says you stole her passion...WTF? You guys surely fits well together, you guys have issues.....why dont you stop posting your childish drama here. we dont give a damn about it,
> ...


 







AGAIN.


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## FireRunner (Jun 1, 2011)

Not trying to judge your relationship, but that response from her does not sound very mature.  Sounds like something two kids in high school would say.  You enjoying photography has nothing to do with her not being able to.  As the above states, get her a SLR and see if she starts picking it up as a serious interest.

Also, you may want to find a more suitable message board to post this type of content.


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## SrBiscuit (Jun 1, 2011)

*yawn*

post some photos.


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## burdock87 (Jun 1, 2011)

MissCream said:


> Honestly, not to be mean but she's acting like a child. I would be ecstatic if my husband showed any interest in photography!


 
I don't know your wife, but I have to agree. But, being a woman, I have been there too. My boyfriend tries to tell me how to train my horse (after saying he has no interest in horses); it makes me not want to do it anymore. In her defense, some men can come off as sounding "know it all." They mean well (like my boyfriend) and they want to share things they have read/seen (youtube, or Clinton Anderson...lol) and instead of it being taken as some great advice, it is taken as "I know more than you, and here's why."

I say keep encouraging her, or take her out on a shoot to photograph things she likes. And then, maybe try to give her some hints or tricks you have learned that might make her photos even better.


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## ghache (Jun 1, 2011)

burdock87 said:


> MissCream said:
> 
> 
> > Honestly, not to be mean but she's acting like a child. I would be ecstatic if my husband showed any interest in photography!
> ...



Well,  i dont think the wife is the one to blame. The OP is probably the one to blame


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## PhotoTish (Jun 1, 2011)

Your recent worries over your friend/co-worker and now tension in your marriage and in both instances the cause is photography.  I hope this doesn't come across as mean but, as photography appears to be bringing you nothing but angst, perhaps you should find another hobby?


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## mishele (Jun 1, 2011)

The best marital advice anyone can give you is to sit down and talk it out. The more you try to tiptoe around it or avoid it, the worse it can get. If you don't have any ego problems, ask her what you can do to make it right. Talking to her is the only way.........

Plus, how do we know that's the whole story? People tend to tell stories to make themselves look better.


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## jake337 (Jun 1, 2011)

You could always buy one of these and......


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## lyonsroar (Jun 1, 2011)

Tell her to call the waaaaambulance.


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## Naphtali14 (Jun 1, 2011)

I doubt photography is the real issue.. The issue is probably something else and she's taking it out on you and your photography.


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## vtf (Jun 1, 2011)

:addpics:


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## TwoTwoLeft (Jun 1, 2011)

The only thing standing in the way of your wife's "passion" is her... Her camera sure as hell ain't gonna take very many pictures sitting in a drawer collecting dust.


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## Photo Lady (Jun 1, 2011)

Nothing like having a married couple share the same passion...thats what really makes it enjoyable... togetherness...and the real passion gets better.


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## GrantH (Jun 1, 2011)

sounds like a ***** LOL. i'd leave her?


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## fokker (Jun 2, 2011)

GrantH said:


> sounds like a ***** LOL. i'd leave her?



A little too far...?


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## Kbarredo (Jun 2, 2011)

GrantH said:


> sounds like a ***** LOL. i'd leave her?


 If any mods are reading this can you please move it to the unrelated forum. As for this comment its a little too far. Its not even a joke.


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## cuezombies (Jun 2, 2011)

Weren't you _just _whining about your coworkers potentially thinking _you _were "copying" some guy?

Man, I wanna sammich.


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## subscuck (Jun 2, 2011)

cuezombies said:


> Man, I wanna sammich.


 

Have some popcorn instead. It's free.


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## RauschPhotography (Jun 2, 2011)

All I can say...


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## mishele (Jun 2, 2011)

Give me your wife's #........I'll talk to her for you.....


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## Bitter Jeweler (Jun 2, 2011)

Kbarredo said:


> GrantH said:
> 
> 
> > sounds like a ***** LOL. i'd leave her?
> ...


No, but this thread is.


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## jake337 (Jun 2, 2011)

Bitter Jeweler said:


> Kbarredo said:
> 
> 
> > GrantH said:
> ...


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## gsgary (Jun 2, 2011)

Kbarredo said:


> GrantH said:
> 
> 
> > sounds like a ***** LOL. i'd leave her?
> ...



I think it would be for the best then there will be no problem, i hate to think what she is like if you really upset her


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## Ginu (Jun 2, 2011)

It honestly sounds like she is not passionate enough....if she had the passion for photography she would not stop upgrading, reading and shooting.


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## Joshonator (Jun 5, 2011)

I dunno what the answer is if shes not willing to do it alongside you. Just sounds like someone you can't make happy.


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## NCAFLeo88 (Jun 5, 2011)

Bitter Jeweler said:


> Kbarredo said:
> 
> 
> > GrantH said:
> ...


 





Ladies and Gentlemen its BitterJeweler with the ZING!!


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## joealcantar (Jun 5, 2011)

A better point and shoot for the wife?  How about a G12? sounds like she thought the DSLR was for YOU not both of you.
-
Shoot well, Joe


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## vtf (Jun 5, 2011)

*Please let this thread die! *


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## Ryan L (Jun 5, 2011)

I tried for days to ignore it, but it wont go away!! Good lord, Heres my analysis; She took up photography to get the hell away from you for a few hours a week, she can't tell you the truth because it may hurt your feelings, or she doesnt want to hear your whining. Could be either or. 

Thats my theory.


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## Kbarredo (Jun 6, 2011)

Not even close buddy. Im gone more because of my taking up photography.


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## Darkhunter139 (Jun 6, 2011)

I just read this whole thread :lmao:


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## subscuck (Jun 6, 2011)

Darkhunter139 said:


> I just read this whole thread :lmao:



Wow, talk about time you'll never get back.


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## Joshonator (Jun 9, 2011)

I just had another thought. Why don't you go to events and give her an 85mm prime and you use a wide angle prime. Then compare your shots afterward and you will never have similar photos.


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