# Sister-in-law goes to another photographer ..... and talks about it constantly



## photogir2002 (Aug 2, 2011)

My sister-in-law, who I have known for more than 10 years, since her brother and I were dating and been married, uses another photographer for all her photos.

I started a professional photography business about three years ago and shoot weddings, family photography, events and children. I have 14 years of experience and am part time right now as I build up my equipment, etc. One of your questions is going to be -- how good am I? Not the best ever but good enough that I seem to get a lot of bookings and requests to shoot weddings, etc. 

The fact the sister in law uses another photographer might not bother me so much if she wouldn't tell me about the other photographer every other time I see her. The photographer is shooting her wedding next year, which is fine because I'd rather just be at the wedding anyhow, but I'm not sure why my sister-in-law feels she has to tell me her photographer is doing her engagement photos and said to just bring the whole family for their annual family shoot and how it's going to be at this place and blah, blah, blah.

Then she turns to me and says "It doesn't bother you they are doing all my photos, right?"

Um....yeah, it does, but luckily we were interrupted and I couldn't really say anything else. This is the second time she's asked me this and I told her before it bothered me, but she keeps bringing it up.

And each Christmas we get framed photos of our nieces from these studio photographers that we have to put on our wall and I have to look at every day and be reminded my own sister-in-law doesn't think I'm good enough to take her family photos. She's given me this line that she's known the photographer a long time, but that's crap. She's known me longer.

And if she likes this other photographer's work better, that's fine, but wouldn't it bother you if your family member just kept talking about it and talking about it to you? I wanted to ask her how she'd feel if I went to another party planner, something she's just started up, and when we get together tell her everything my party planner has been doing for me and how great they are. 

OK. Go. tell me to suck it up and stop being such a whiner. I know. I need to hear it.


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## joealcantar (Aug 2, 2011)

Ah, probably better for you if she did not ask you to shoot her images, take care of the rest of the family and do your thing and do it very well.  I'm sure in time she will see the light.   
-
Shoot well, Joe


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## eric-holmes (Aug 2, 2011)

Post some of your work/website so we can know that your sister-in-law is making the right/wrong decision. I know several photographers that have shot weddings and specialize in everything but still use gimp to edit. I am not saying you are one of them but I would still like to see your work before I give advice on this matter.


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## jake337 (Aug 2, 2011)

Maybe the other photog is very good at what they do.  Maybe she wants you two to hang out or something.  Could be a futture mentor to you.  Maybe she would rather pay for higher quality work.  Maybe she prefers the other photog's style.  Use this as fuel to become better at what you do. 

I had to.......


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## ghache (Aug 2, 2011)

Sister in law can be a pain sometimes, I love mine but sometimes she is something to deal with. Just let it go. Its only 1 less client.


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## Robin Usagani (Aug 2, 2011)

the photographer may be charging a lot less?  Happens a lot.  I see this happening a lot to my good friends.  I dont care.  I already give them discount and they still think it is too expensive lol.  I see them post family pics a few weeks later with heavy vignette, processing, selective colors and I could do is laugh.  BUT they did love the photos which is important.


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## Virtuosos (Aug 2, 2011)

I believe in keeping business and family seperate. Lot less issues involved


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## photogirl2002 (Aug 2, 2011)

jake337 said:


> Maybe the other photog is very good at what they do.  Maybe she wants you two to hang out or something.  Could be a futture mentor to you.  Maybe she would rather pay for higher quality work.  Maybe she prefers the other photog's style.  Use this as fuel to become better at what you do.
> 
> I had to.......



Love it and thank you! Made me laugh so hard and yes, you are right.....Whine, whine whine from me. :lmao:


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## photogirl2002 (Aug 2, 2011)

They charge more....and they are good...boring, but good. I'll post a link to some of my work later. Feel a little brittle at the moment so not sure I want to be ripped too much.


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## photogirl2002 (Aug 2, 2011)

Thank you!



ghache said:


> Sister in law can be a pain sometimes, I love mine but sometimes she is something to deal with. Just let it go. Its only 1 less client.


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## photogirl2002 (Aug 2, 2011)

Let me look at your work first and see if you'll laugh at me. LOL. No, really tonight when I have access to  a better computer I will.


eric-holmes said:


> Post some of your work/website so we can know that your sister-in-law is making the right/wrong decision. I know several photographers that have shot weddings and specialize in everything but still use gimp to edit. I am not saying you are one of them but I would still like to see your work before I give advice on this matter.


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## bogeyguy (Aug 2, 2011)

Why don't you just tell your SIL that you don't want to hear about the other photographer any longer and that you will just ignore any further comments about the photographer????


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## photogir2002 (Aug 2, 2011)

bogeyguy said:


> Why don't you just tell your SIL that you don't want to hear about the other photographer any longer and that you will just ignore any further comments about the photographer????




Excellent advice. Did just do so actually -- can tell she was a bit annoyed at me, but told me she'd refrain from doing so in the future. Yes, well, I feel a bit like a ***** now.


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## RauschPhotography (Aug 2, 2011)

Consider yourself lucky. Family can be one of the worst categories of clientele anyways!


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## jake337 (Aug 2, 2011)

photogirl2002 said:


> jake337 said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe the other photog is very good at what they do. Maybe she wants you two to hang out or something. Could be a futture mentor to you. Maybe she would rather pay for higher quality work. Maybe she prefers the other photog's style. Use this as fuel to become better at what you do.
> ...



It's ok, sometimes you have to vent.  I bet your SIL just likes the other photographers style.  Art is subjective.


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## tirediron (Aug 2, 2011)

Virtuosos said:


> I believe in keeping business and family seperate. Lot less issues involved


She may well be doing you a favour.  What would happen to you relationship if, for instance she said, "Okay <Your name>, could you please do my family portraits this  year?" and she doesn't like them?  It may be no reflection on the quality of your work, but perhaps she likes 'boring'.  If you do them and she has a problem, it's going to put a strain on your relationship.  Next time she mentions it, simply say, "They look nice" and leave it at that.


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## mishele (Aug 2, 2011)

AAhhhhh WOMEN!!! This is what we do to each other...lol 
There are many reason why I wouldn't hire a family member to do my wedding and lot of those reasons have nothing to do w/ how good they are. I would try to step back a minute and realize her wedding isn't about you. It's about her planning out her perfect day. If she saw something she loved from another photographer then that is the way it is and she shouldn't have to feel bad about it. The whole you shouldn't talk about your wedding photographer in front of me stuff is crap too. She's excited and you need to move on. Stop making it about you. Try not to let this bother you so much. It's not worth causing waves that could last well past the wedding day. Take your camera a long and get some great shots that the hired Pro might not get !! Oh and have fun.....DRINK ON HER!!! 
BTW........did you ever offer your services to her? Or were you waiting for her to ask?


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## Tomasko (Aug 2, 2011)

Suck it up and stop being such a whiner


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## gsgary (Aug 2, 2011)

She is doing you a big favour i wouldn't want to shoot her wedding she sounds like a right *****, so get over it and post a link to your work and throw all those photos she has given you in the bin


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## c.cloudwalker (Aug 2, 2011)

Not sure why you would want to work for family. I did once, going against my own rule, and I don't talk to that person anymore as a result.

Frankly she is doing you a favor. Get over it.

If she was to hire you, your next thread would be a whine about what a ***** it is to work for family :lmao:


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## NikonME (Aug 2, 2011)

If it bothers you that your SIL (or anyone) uses another Photographer, the problem is yours. Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve.

Perhaps your SIL only brings it up as a way to hold a conversation about a subject you are interested in. If she is indeed bringing it up to be a *****, call her on it and move on.

If it was me and my SIL used another photog, then came and told me how great they were.. I would say "Wonderful! I am glad you had a good experiance with them." and I would walk away happy.


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## g-fi (Aug 2, 2011)

I can beat the "SIL goes to another photographer", my stepdaughter went to JCPenney's and spent over $100 on crappy studio pics of her and her kids that I could have (and would have, if asked) done for free. I've done free work for her in the past, but she just decided she wanted some expensive crappy cookie cutter stuff instead. Does it bother me? NO. It doesn't matter. Don't let it bother you, life is too short to get butthurt that someone chose another photographer over you, regardless of whether they are close family or friends or just potential clients. I don't do free work for family any more (unless I really want to!) and they know that, and if they choose another photographer because of that, it's perfectly fine with me. Being upset about the situation just makes you look like the petty one.


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## johnh2005 (Aug 2, 2011)

Never, ever, ever work for family.  Let them go to whoever they want to.  However, as you already have, just tell them to STFU about it.  And seriously?  Take the photos off your wall if you do not like them.  It IS your house.


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## o hey tyler (Aug 2, 2011)

Run naked into the vow exchange. Photographing that would be a fiasco. 

It's pretty clear who would have the last laugh.


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## Trisha W (Aug 3, 2011)

I had a very close family member take her kids to someone else. She than bought the disc from that photographer, and asked me to "play with them on my computer so they'll look better" and even went so far to ask if I'd order prints from my lab "and give her family discount."  I told her no, and that really I was offended by the whole request. If she wants her pictures taken by someone else, that's fine, but don't ask me to "fix" them for her!  I do work for some family members who are a joy, others, not so much, and with those, for some reason, our schedules seldom ever work out to take theirs...


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## Derrel (Aug 3, 2011)

photogir2002 said:


> My sister-in-law, who I have known for more than 10 years, since her brother and I were dating and been married, uses another photographer for all her photos.>>SNIP>>
> OK. Go. tell me to suck it up and stop being such a whiner. I know. I need to hear it.



Here, let me call a whaaaambulance for you, mmmkay? Must be tough. Maybe someday she'll switch? I would try to keep this from bothering me if I were you; judging by the way she talks about it, she sounds like a real passive-aggressive bi-atch type of sister-in-law. She's probably doing this deliberately, just to needle you. By worrying about it, you're playing right into her hands. If I were you, I would play this a little bit more cagey, and would start suggesting other photographers to her, with comments like, "You should have Stuart Superior do your next family photos--he's sooooooo talented.Oh, but you probably can't afford him though. Hmmm, maybe you should call and see if you could get a booking with Sally Spencer Photos...no, wait, she's probably too expensive for you too....hmmm. I KNOW!!! You might be able to get a booking with Randy Fai-san, he's that hot new Vietnamese photog in town....oh....but you probably don't like Vietnamese people, do you...hmmmm...well, anyway, I was just thinking maybe you ought to try some shots with one of the high-end people in town.Not that your guy is not good or anything, but, you know..."

Seriously---I would start making some subtle psychological warfare remarks like those above. You sister-in-law sounds like a first class bi-atch to me. If she's going to constantly keep bringing this chit up, then you SISTER, need to start fighting fire with fire, and put her in her place with some subtle innuendo about not being able to AFFORD a BETTER shooter!!! 

"Fire, I'd like you to meet fire!"


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## imagemaker46 (Aug 4, 2011)

I would be a little annoyed if someone in my family had decided to go to another photographer, however if the other photographer was shooting in a field I wasn't comfortable in, I would understand why. On the other side relatives do expect deals from family, so you would have to decide how much to charge, perhaps not charging anything, at the risk of upsetting them, "after all you are family, so why would you charge me"  This isn't how it should be, but is what is sometimes expected.  As for hanging the photos on the wall, why?  I get pictures of all my relatives and they get tossed in the drawer with all the other pictures, I prefer to have my own family photos on the wall.  If you ever have the opportunity of shooting some nice candids of your relatives, do so, and hang those up.

I would just tell her nicely that you're not interested in hearing about the work of another photographer. Let the comments slide by, even though they do bother you, it's not worth the stress.  Do your own thing and be happy.


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## RauschPhotography (Aug 4, 2011)

imagemaker46 said:


> On the other side relatives do expect deals from family, so you would have to decide how much to charge, perhaps not charging anything, at the risk of upsetting them, "after all you are family, so why would you charge me"  This isn't how it should be, but is what is sometimes expected.



Exactly the reason why you *shouldn't *&#8203;be upset.


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## johnh2005 (Aug 4, 2011)

Derrel said:


> photogir2002 said:
> 
> 
> > My sister-in-law, who I have known for more than 10 years, since her brother and I were dating and been married, uses another photographer for all her photos.>>SNIP>>
> ...



Derrel you so mean!  I like it!  haha.  Also, to the OP.  Next time she wants to show you the photos, sit there and pick them apart.  Point out every mistake made, how this or that is bad.  Now, if they are perfect...  Well, just say the subject is ugly...  roflmao.


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## NikonME (Aug 4, 2011)

johnh2005 said:


> Next time she wants to show you the photos, sit there and pick them apart.  Point out every mistake made, how this or that is bad.  Now, if they are perfect...  Well, just say the subject is ugly...  roflmao.



I might point out obvious errors in the photos, but if they were good, I would just say so. No need to be rude.


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## johnh2005 (Aug 4, 2011)

NikonME said:


> johnh2005 said:
> 
> 
> > Next time she wants to show you the photos, sit there and pick them apart.  Point out every mistake made, how this or that is bad.  Now, if they are perfect...  Well, just say the subject is ugly...  roflmao.
> ...



I would normally agree with you.  I am normally a very pleasant fellow.  However, this woman is being a very obvious D-Bag.  People like this get what they get because they seem to like to give it.  But, knowing me, I would probably just shut up and take it.  Up until a point...


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## photogir2002 (Aug 5, 2011)

johnh2005 said:


> Derrel said:
> 
> 
> > photogir2002 said:
> ...



You guys are cracking me up. But I do want to make one thing clear to some other posters...I'm not upset she chooses another photographer, just that she talks about it all the time. So maybe I will fight fire with fire soon.  And the photos are technically nice. there just isn't anything special about them to me. But again, if she likes boring, more power to her. Just shut up about them. Besides, since I posted this, I told her nicely how I felt. Instead of understanding she got snotty with me and has now stopped talking to me. So, eh, guess that solves my problem. LOL.


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## photogir2002 (Aug 5, 2011)

o hey tyler said:


> Run naked into the vow exchange. Photographing that would be a fiasco.
> 
> It's pretty clear who would have the last laugh.



My running naked into anything would be quite a horrible shock..not funny at all! LOL! Maybe I can pay someone else to do it.


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## mishele (Aug 5, 2011)

^^^^^^^ Where in Pa?


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## photogir2002 (Aug 5, 2011)

mishele said:


> ^^^^^^^ Where in Pa?
> 
> Near, NYS border.


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## Derrel (Aug 5, 2011)

photogir2002 said:
			
		

> SNIP>>> since I posted this, I told her nicely how I felt. Instead of understanding she got snotty with me and has now stopped talking to me. So, eh, guess that solves my problem. LOL.



For me at least, that statement you made confirms my belief that she is indeed a passive-aggressive bi-atch, and that she actually WAS getting off on needling you!!!!


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## c.cloudwalker (Aug 5, 2011)

This thread is CLOSED.


Well, since I have no authority to actually close a thread I, like Mishele, want to know where you are going to run naked...

so we can take photos.


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## Derrel (Aug 5, 2011)

c.cloudwalker said:


> This thread is CLOSED.
> 
> 
> Well, since I have no authority to actually close a thread I, like Mishele, want to know where you are going to run naked...
> ...



With our motor advances set to Continuous-High Speed, our fastest CF card in the camera, and our external flash power packs...you know, just to make SURE we get lots of good shots...


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## mishele (Aug 5, 2011)

I love naked people!!


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## NikonME (Aug 5, 2011)

photogir2002 said:


> My running naked into anything would be quite a horrible shock..not funny at all! LOL! Maybe I can pay someone else to do it.





mishele said:


> ^^^^^^^ Where in Pa?





c.cloudwalker said:


> I, like Mishele, want to know where you are going to run naked... so we can take photos.



I guess I misunderstood, I though mishele was volunteering for the job!


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## mishele (Aug 5, 2011)

lol Sure why not.......when and where......


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## bogeyguy (Aug 5, 2011)

Hold on just one damn second. Before anyone runs thru a wedding ceremony nekkid, I think we have the right to see a photo of that person in clothing before my/our eyes are exposed to something that may do serious harm to our retinas. My eyes are old but I can still see and I am able to discern between nudity and raw nakedness. Pictures please before we head to Northern Pa. for the wedding. LOL!


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## photogir2002 (Aug 8, 2011)

bogeyguy said:


> Hold on just one damn second. Before anyone runs thru a wedding ceremony nekkid, I think we have the right to see a photo of that person in clothing before my/our eyes are exposed to something that may do serious harm to our retinas. My eyes are old but I can still see and I am able to discern between nudity and raw nakedness. Pictures please before we head to Northern Pa. for the wedding. LOL!



Good sir, I will NOT be _running_ naked in front of anyone! Not even my husband. LOL!

Misch is welcome to do what she wants, though. Now, I can close this thread, once I figure out how to.

It continues only in my SIL is no longer speaking to me (more power to her, because I swear I expressed my discomfort in the nicest way possible and then she took a follow up comment completely out of context, blew it into something it was not and said she had more important things to think about. More important than hurting family members feelings I suppose). Other than that, issue gone, I'm growing a thicker skin and am learning that it could be style people like rather than disliking me (though I am pretty sure she dislikes me now.)


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## chakalakasp (Aug 8, 2011)

Why are you upset about this?  Working for family is kinda perilous.  If you're a good photographer, who cares if your family wants your services?


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## RauschPhotography (Aug 8, 2011)

Time to put on the big girl pants and get over it. Want to know what working for family is like? Both sides of my family feel self-entitled to any pictures that I've taken, full-resolution, prints at cost for _whatever_ they please. So who cares that they're getting work done by someone else? It's a blessing in disguise.


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## IgsEMT (Aug 8, 2011)

photogir2002 said:


> My sister-in-law, who I have known for more than 10 years, since her brother and I were dating and been married, uses another photographer for all her photos.
> 
> I started a professional photography business about three years ago and shoot weddings, family photography, events and children. I have 14 years of experience and am part time right now as I build up my equipment, etc. One of your questions is going to be -- how good am I? Not the best ever but good enough that I seem to get a lot of bookings and requests to shoot weddings, etc.
> 
> ...



You look like you need a hug. Do you need a hug? 
Family and Friends rarely look at OWN as knowledgeable professionals. I have friends and family who went somewhere else and when I asked "hey, you know I have a studio, why didn't you come to me, at least give me a chance....?" the reply was "but you have a studio for only 2 yrs"... "but I've been in this business since '95, started out as an assistant and for 3-4 yrs shot pure medium formal film before even thinking of going digital..." At which point someone see where this conversation goes and interrupts us. 
Its the BS that many of us have to deal w/ and accept. I guess paying someone else FULL PRICE (and maybe more) is better then well, getting better quality and only paying expenses - an acquaintance (to some degree) hired some1 else for her wedding, luckily I ended up getting booking of my own that day. Point is through friends of friends of friends, I found out that she hated every one of her pics, got nothing that was promised and continue paying some 'hidden fees'.


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