Cant think of a thread title

[Luminosity]

...but I made ya look didnt I...:mrgreen:

[gonzo]

sheeesh lady, pull my leg whydontcha? You don't want me to sanction tpf disciplinary measures against ya...

[Luminosity]

sheeesh lady, pull my leg whydontcha? You don't want me to sanction tpf disciplinary measures against ya...

Oh NOOOO, please don't do that ! :sexywink:

[gonzo]

i'll be kind this time and let you choose your method of discipline:

1. Leg humping by MDowdy
2. A evening in the dungeon with Photogoddess
3. The Excruciating Mygrain treatment
4. Alt treatment by Terri
5. Skirt Chasing by Chase
and finally
6. A night out in the back of Hertz's van

:mrgreen:

[Luminosity]

I'm a glutton...can I take all six and make a party of it in the back of Hertz's van ? :sexywink:

[gonzo]

this deserves ye olde limerick:

A bloke name Hertz had a van
and quite a devilish plan
to get lumi there naked
whilst the tpf waited
to see the pics he took with his cam!

[photogoddess]

this deserves ye olde limerick:

A bloke name Hertz had a van
and quite a devilish plan
to get lumi there naked
whilst the tpf waited
to see the pics he took with his cam!

:biglaugh:

[Corry]

:biglaugh:


DOUBLE :biglaugh: :biglaugh:

[Hertz van Rental]

:shock:




That's not shock, just Lumi's ladybumps reflected in my glasses.

[photogoddess]

Ladybumps??? :biglaugh: x infinity!

[Luminosity]

:shock:




That's not shock, just Lumi's ladybumps reflected in my glasses.

They're not ladybumps, they're mozzie bites tyvm :sexywink:

:hail: Mark the limerick-meister !

[Hertz van Rental]

As happens with all the best plans
To get a cute girl to go sans
Brassiere and thong
It went horribly wrong
When I found out that 'she' was called Hans.

[gonzo]

As happens with all the best plans
To get a cute girl to go sans
Brassiere and thong
It went horribly wrong
When I found out that 'she' was called Hans.

:lol: :hail: :hail:

lumi was a lass on this forum
who was punished on behalf of its quorum
she took off her top
and let the rest of her clothes drop
and it certainly spiced up the decorum!

[Hertz van Rental]

In taking some 'artistic' snaps
Of Lumi's quite legendary baps
I whipped out my meter
And decided to treat her
To f8 at a sixtieth perhaps...

[gonzo]

Hertz was a photographer short on cash
but was never short on being brash
he got lumi to model and pose
and soon her blouse dropped to her toes
and it wasn't his camera that did the flash...

[Hertz van Rental]

Vonnagy has made quite a blunder
By trying to get Hertz to go plunder
Lumi's hot little bod
But it's not all that odd
'Cause he lives in New Zealand ('down under')!

[doenoe]

:biglaugh: these are great

[Hertz van Rental]

All the people who are reading this Forum
Know that for Hertz and young Vonn not to bore 'em
Their posts must be lewd
Not obscene but quite rude
And that Lumi should show less decorum.

[Hertz van Rental]

Though young Vonn is an Admin on here
He is acting most frightfully queer
His posts about Rental
Make it plain he's gone mental.
Take the blue pill right now, d'you hear?

[Marctwo]

This thread must be here to test
Who's riddles and rhymes are the best
Vonnagy's kick a$$
But then Hertz's are class
I just need to hear more from the rest

[Hertz van Rental]

I am pleased someone else has joined in
For the material was wearing quite thin.
But now with Marctwo
We have somebody who
Can rhyme dollars with class. Where's the bin?

[Marctwo]

Although I'm enjoying this thread
I'd be stupid to go head to head
With one so pedantic
About things semantic
I'm happy you're happy, 'nuff said!

[Hertz van Rental]

I am glad that you are the one
To have joined with me and young Vonn
Your rhymes are quite snappy
And that makes me happy...
Or maybe it's the pills that I'm on.

[Marctwo]

I've been rhyming for most of the day
And it's always A A B B A
Seems this limerick thread
Has invaded my head
So I'm grasping at straws
For a moment of pause
As the evening draws nigh
So I thought I should try
A A B B C C D D A.

[photogoddess]

There once was a chap named Van Rental
In his old age, he has simply gone mental
Now he takes pills
To cure all his ills
So now his delirium is so subtle

[Marctwo]

Well, it doesn't appear to have worked!
I'm in fact, to the contrary, perked.
Try as I can
I've got "Once was a man..."
Where my reason and sanity lerked.

[Hertz van Rental]

I am trying


poetry concrete





































































now!

[Marctwo]

Who'd have thought us happy snappers
Would be spouting off rhymes like the clappers.
MC Hertz, Vonnagy,
Photogoddess and me.
You can call us the Limerick Rappers.

[Hertz van Rental]

You can call us the Limerick Rappers.
When I first read that I thought it said 'rim lappers'! :lmao:

[Marctwo]

The time is approaching for bed
So goodnight to you all in this thread.
I'll join other nappers
And dream of 'rim lappers' ... :scratch:
... I think I'll stay up late instead.

[Hertz van Rental]

The time is approaching for bed
So goodnight to you all in this thread.
I'll join other nappers
And dream of 'rim lappers' ... :scratch:
... I think I'll stay up late instead.
That would be your 'Ring' piece then.

[Luminosity]

:lol:

[Marctwo]

Lumi was back on the block
And boy, was she in for a shock.
With her draws under wraps
But exposing her 'baps'
I decided to sli...
............................... http://www.mak.org.uk/pics/smiles/banned.gif

[Marctwo]

I've started again with this junk. :x
If I carry on rhyming I'm sunk.
To go by last night
I'll be churning out $hite
So I think I should go and get drunk.

[Marctwo]

Well, I'm back from the pub and I'm pi$$ed
And I've been to the toilet and missed.
Now I've drank lots of water
And washed where I ought'a
It's time to have one off th...
.............................................http://www.mak.org.uk/pics/smiles/banned.gif

[Hertz van Rental]

Marctwo a young TPF junkie
Was doing quite well, though in some key
Points such as rhyme
He just spent too time
Writing verse and then spanking the monkey.

[Marctwo]

Our terms for subjective abusing,
For some nations, could be confusing.
But when talking with blokes
Of a subject for jokes,
Ma$turbation is the most amusing.

[Hertz van Rental]

And so poetry once more becomes the forgotten Art...

[Rob]

How do they come out with this stuff?
Surely by now that's enough?
But Hertz and Marctwo
both have been able to construe
rhymes which are surely not tough!

[Marctwo]

I'm waiting in antisipation
To see if you give inspiration
To others that see
But as yet, wouldn't be
In this lyrical collaberation.

[Rob]

For those who wish to collaborate
with us lyrical artists firstrate
It should be borne in mind
it's all pulled from our behinds
better watch out for marc's prostate

[Marctwo]

It's a shame you discredit the art.
Still, I guess this is your way to start.
Pulling rhymes from your ar$e
Is implying a farce
But for me every line's from the heart.

[Rob]

From the heart you say
pas la cul tu sais
but it was you who suggested onanism
or was it perhaps a threesome?
perhaps we should stop this foreplay

[Marctwo]

You're seemingly good as a poet
And I'm glad that you're happy to show it.
But your syllable use
Has come under abuse -
It's scanning... but not as we know it.

[Rob]

Well my rhythms might be messy
and my meter may be crazy
but style over substance
and a witty mental brilliance
are sure keeping the poems whirry

[Marctwo]

I quite like your style, as it goes.
Yes, it's raw but it's cool, I suppose.
But although it is cracking,
I think that it's lacking
A tambourine and some bongos.

[Rob]

Can't stop, can't stop
soon my head will pop
poems and rhyming
are doing my head in
oh please, make it stop

[Marctwo]

I'm afraid it appears you are hooked
And I bet you wish you hadn't looked
At this innocent thread
That gets inside your head
But you looked and got hooked - now you're f...ed

[Rob]

I am leaving work for the pub
then on home for some grub
I will stop thinking like this
by drinking a Guinness
oh how I do like the pub (then a club)

[Marctwo]

That sounds like a solid idea,
Get this thread from your head using beer.
But this raises an issue,
You leave and I'll miss you
So *have some madeira, m'dear.

* Obscure reference to the 'Flanders and Swann' song (http://www.iankitching.me.uk/humour/hippo/madeira.html).

[Hertz van Rental]

Enough with the limerick's.
As from now poems will only be accepted in iambic pentameter.

[Marctwo]

Pentameter is fine for song;
In spoken verse the gap's too long.
I think the best thing, for a while,
Is maybe try it freestyle.

[Hertz van Rental]

Or perhaps haiku

[Marctwo]

Haiku is OK
But I prefer a good rhyme.
That's just how I am.

[Artemis]

Did we all forget arty?
Although these poems are very arty
ill join in
and end with a big grin
and know that I am smarty :D

[Marctwo]

It's not an arty farty thread,
Just put in verse what's in your head.
It's not important how it's said
As long as it's poetic.
The guide, it seems that Hertz would say,
Is limericks have had their day.
But I'm not bothered either way,
The meter's just cosmetic.

[terri]

Though not up to your speed, I must say
Reading this thread has quite made my day
Offer up no excuses – pray, exhaust all your muses -

Carry on with this thread, straightaway!



:hail: :hail: :hail:

[Marctwo]

For you're poem I'd certainly rank you
And for joining this thread I would thank you.
But don't rush away,
You have so much to say.
Keep them coming and maybe I'll spank you. :sexywink:

[Artemis]

I like people to have a nice day,
It makes it so they stay,
So without further adue,
although sometimes its due,
I say Lumi should say Hey!

[Calliope]

Oh what a fun thread
I'm reading this instead
Of spending time
With this husband of mine
But I'll fix that in the bed... :blushing:

[Rob]

The secret poetry thread
of those of an artistic head
has not been found
by many who are bound
to have liked so far what has been said.

[Rob]

Haiku is good fun
but a bit odd to be frank
I am not a fan

[Marctwo]

For those that don't know
Anything about haikus,
Here is a rough guide.

Haikus have three lines.
The syllables in haikus
Follow this pattern:

The first line has five
The second line has seven
The last line has five

They don't have to rhyme
But rhyme them if you want to;
It doesn't matter.

They are very short,
Having only one stanza.
Do more if you like.

[Rob]

I've had enough
of all this poetry stuff
That's it for now
we'll have to see how
the others manage to cope
with rhyming words like "rope"
So long, ta tah, bye now!

[Meysha]

Right now I'm going to bed,
I really could do with some head
ache pills i forgot
and left in the shop
now I'll have to have a toss instead.


*Waits to be banned*

[Marctwo]

Rob, I've heard it all before -
You'll soon be coming back for more.
And Meysha may have two or three
But don't forget - have one for me.

[Rob]

It's true what they say about aussie birds
they're all naughty and lewd drunkards
bace may have some pills
but you're gonna get your thrills
from playing around with your innards

[Marctwo]

Rob, I thought you retired;
Thought your poetry life had expired.
But it seems Meysha's ode
About flicking the toad
Has inspired you just as required.

[Rob]

I know I should have resisted
a subject so wicked
but I couldn't
and I shouldn't
my bad, I am sordid

[Marctwo]

Self control is hard because
We struggle day to day.
But "Sordid is as sordid does"
(As Mrs Gump would say).

[Rob]

Life is like a box
apparantly some like to play
like marctwo with his locks
or mesha with her foray

[terri]

Rob flirts with the idea of retiring
From this thread - but I think he is lying
For back he has come, and received a "Well done!"
From Marctwo, with the hair of a lion

[Rob]

And now to join in we have terri
who's a veritable queen of poetry
she's so beautiful it makes me bad
uh-oh here comes brad

[Marctwo]

I'm the butt of mistakes in the compliment stakes
As most metaphores turn to disaster.
But a lion, indeed; This is just what I need.
Keep 'em coming - just thicker and faster.

[Rob]

salami salami baloney
goodness your sausage is fat
a compliment if ever I heard it
or possibly a load of old pony

[Marctwo]

Chaotic, brash and hostile -
Your poetry can seethe.
Adopt the lotus, sit a while,
Chill out, relax and breathe.

[Rob]

relax ok, nice and calm
chi-gung my friend, and tiger balm
thinking soft and relaxed
unwound and un-taxed
aaaaaahhh yes, the pleasures of the palm

[Marctwo]

Those positive waves are cosmic,
I can see them eminate.
There almost ectoplasmic...
No... hang on... they're salty, mate.

[Rob]

Positive waves are a natural high
but careful, look out for your eye
because of all and every thing
that's the worst kind of sting
aim down instead at your thigh

[Marctwo]

A wonderful rhyme about masculine slime
And with detail I wouldn't have dreamt.
So if ever the need, your advice I shall heed
Or at least I will make an attempt.

[terri]

Quite alarmed at this thread, I am so
Relieved I am female and can *go
Without making a mess, or causing distress
How I miss being Queen of Innuendo!






*used as opposite of come in this instance



:lol:

[Hertz van Rental]

Quite alarmed at this thread, I am so
Relieved I am female and can *go
Without making a mess, or causing distress
How I miss being Queen of Innuendo!






*used as opposite of come in this instance



:lol:

That's just like a woman, hon,
To have no way of knowing
Whether or not you have just come
Or if, in fact, you're going.

[terri]

My poor Hertz, I can see is confused
By the change of some wording I used
When trying merely to rhyme – and I see that it's time
For beginning to feel quite abused!

[Hertz van Rental]

Confusion's a state of affairs
Common 'twixt women and men.
But now is no time to split hairs
Just accept you must do it again.
For practice makes perfect we're told
As it takes much hard work to get good.
And in some things you're bound to strike gold -
Like your skill in giving gentlemen wood.

[photogoddess]

:shock:

[Rob]

When all is said and done
it clear to me that some
have interest, nay obsession
with matters of engorge and stiffen
however whether tis parting or thrusting
or simpering or blushing
it's likely your day's been more fun!

[Verbal]

The only reason I am posting this here
is to see if my signature's working.
I've not had a sig since I joined TPF
Because most of the time I've been lurking.
But now I am posting so regularly
I thought I should make me a picture.
But if this sig falls outside of the rules
Please, don't give me a lecture!

[Verbal]

Well what do you know,
the rules were quite plain
my sig was just way too big.

So now I must go
and Photoshop me
an extremely tiny new sig.

[Hertz van Rental]

:shock:
There's no need for you to looked shocked
As the cause of your envious stares
Is the fact that your pleasure room's locked
(The dungeon is closed for repairs!)

[Meysha]

I used to read hundreds of threads,
I'd sit here for hours and hours.
So while I sit here instead
of having a shower,
I can't get one thing out of my head...
right... I'll give myself head!

[Hertz van Rental]

I used to read hundreds of threads,
I'd sit here for hours and hours.
So while I sit here instead
of having a shower,
I can't get one thing out of my head...
right... I'll give myself head!
Excuse me if I appear thick
But you'd better explain to me quick
How you give yourself head
For unless I've mis-read
You're a woman and don't have a pr*ck!

[Meysha]

You don't need a pr*ck, a schmoo will do
to delight in its pleasure
Unless it's only down under
where we say give head to chicks too!

[Hertz van Rental]

We say 'eating out' here, I think
And makes a girl's heart beat much quicker
It's a pastime for after a drink.
How are you at holding your liquor?

[Meysha]

Our way of saying it is much nicer...
you'll be more likely to entice her
with a nice word in the ear
"How 'bout some head?,
here .... hold my beer."
Like that you'll soon be in bed
and the neighbours'll cheer!

With regards to your comment on drinking,
you obviously did not read the thread
where I'd drunk my way through some red,
some white and some more,
then came home to snore,
But got distracted,
and embarrased myself on the board!

that post where I was drunk.

[Marctwo]

Big dare,
Little care.
No stock
Without shock.

[Hertz van Rental]

and embarrased myself on the board!
I wouldn't worry for nobody cares.
We're used to it being the normal state of affairs.

[terri]

I fear I have reached overload
On this thread, which has turned down a road
I no longer can travel, for my head’s too unraveled
From the phrase about "flicking the toad"!


:biglaugh:

[Rob]

Is this the test forum record
for things posted of no accord
surely things can't carry further
than the toad strumming meysha
who embarrassed herself on the board!

[Marctwo]

From beginning to end I've just read
And the standard, it has to be said,
Is so very diverse
And at times, quite perverse.
A laugh and a half is this thread.

[Hertz van Rental]

This long running test really rocks
I've laughed 'till I lost both my socks
About girls who don't know
If they've come or should go
Or play flick the toad and have c*cks.

[Rob]

It really is quite amazing
two days passed without a thing
the poems have stopped
the rhyming is cropped
and nobody's touching their "thing".

[Luminosity]

:shock: :lol:

[Hertz van Rental]

When posting in this Forum
You need to take some time
To make your post amusing
And get the thing to rhyme.
It's easy when you you try it
And you might find it fun
So stop it with the smillies
Or I'll smack you on the.... D'oh! My minds gone. What do you call that soft squidgy thing people sit on?... erm.....

















Got it! Sofa

[Luminosity]

Oh Hertz, I'm 'fraid I'm blocked
In posting amusing rhymes
I'd rather sit and make faces
Like one makes eating limes
I hope the wind doesnt change
Else, I'll look quite dumb
Oh, and I'm still waiting
For a quality smack on the bum :sexywink:

[Hertz van Rental]

Be careful what you wish for
It might just come to pass.
You'd not be such a hottie
With a mouth like a dog's ass.

[danalec99]

whats up with the dam?
let the juices overflow
and let us soak in *spam*
whilst waiting for a blow

[Rob]

Isn't it a wonder
when someone finds a thread
otherwise cast asunder
that we thought long dead
sorry for the reminder
but I got it in my head
long live this poetry thread!


sorry, had to do it!

[duncanp]

wth was this??!

[duncanp]

lols just found this again

[Hertz van Rental]

When searching in dark corners
It's wise to bear in mind
That though it's gold you search for
It's sh*t you'll probably find ;)



And I never did get to spank Lumi... and I got close enough. I do wish I wasn't such a gentleman, but when her big Aussie boyfriend is standing next to you it is the wisest course to take :lol: